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Breaking Night(风雨哈佛路小说英文版).pdf

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Breaking Night(风雨哈佛路小说英文版).pdf

BREAKINGNIGHTAMEMOIROFFORGIVENESS,SURVIVAL,ANDMYJOURNEYFROMHOMELESSTOHARVARDLIZMURRAYTHISBOOKISDEDICATEDTOTHREEPEOPLEWHOSELOVEMADEITPOSSIBLETOEDWINFERMIN,FORTHEYEARSBEHINDUS,FORTHEYEARSAHEADOFUS,SIDEBYSIDETHANKYOUFORTAKINGCAREOFMYFATHERWHENWENEEDEDYOUTHANKYOUFORSHARINGYOURDREAMSWITHMEANDFORBEINGMYFAMILYTHANKYOUFORBEINGMYNOMATTERWHATWHENILOOKATALLTHEGOODINMYLIFE,INSIDEALLOFIT,ISEEYOUTOARTHURFLICK,FORTHEFISHINGTRIPS,THEMOTORCYCLERIDES,THECAMPINGANDEACHONEOFOURADVENTURESTHATIWILLALWAYSCHERISHTHANKYOUFORBEINGMYGUARDIANANGELANDMYHEARTSCOMPASSYOUWERERIGHT,ARTHUR,YOUDOGETTOCHOOSEYOURFAMILYTOROBINDIANELYNNATRUSTING,POWERFULANDGIVINGWOMANROBIN,YOUAREABEAUTIFULSOULANDTHEEMBODIMENTOFCONTRIBUTIONTHISWORLDWASBLESSEDTOHAVEYOUINITBECAUSEOFYOU,SOMANYOFUSAREBLESSEDSTILLTHANKYOUFORSHOWINGMEWHATITLOOKSLIKETOSTANDINACOMMITMENT,COMEWHATMAYDONTLETWHATYOUCANNOTDOINTERFEREWITHWHATYOUCANDOCOACHJOHNWOODENTHOSEWHOWISHTOSINGALWAYSFINDASONGSWEDISHPROVERBBREAKINGNIGHTURBANSLANGFORSTAYINGUPTHROUGHTHENIGHT,UNTILTHESUNRISES2CONTENTSEPIGRAPHPROLOGUECHAPTER1UNIVERSITYAVENUECHAPTER2MIDDLEOFEVERYTHINGCHAPTER3TSUNAMIWEATHERCHAPTER4UNRAVELINGCHAPTER5STUCKCHAPTER6BOYSCHAPTER7BREAKINGNIGHTCHAPTER8THEMOTELSCHAPTER9PEARLSCHAPTER10THEWALLCHAPTER11THEVISITORCHAPTER12POSSIBILITYEPILOGUEACKNOWLEDGMENTSAPERSONALINVITATIONFROMLIZMURRAYABOUTTHEAUTHORPRAISEFORBREAKINGNIGHTCOPYRIGHT3PROLOGUEIHAVEJUSTONEPICTURELEFTOFMYMOTHERITS4X7,BLACKANDWHITE,ANDCREASEDINDIFFERENTPLACESINIT,SHEISSEATEDSLIGHTLYHUNCHED,ELBOWSTOUCHINGKNEES,ARMSCARRYINGTHEWEIGHTOFHERBACKIKNOWVERYLITTLEABOUTHERLIFEWHENITWASTAKEN;MYONLYCLUEISWRITTENINORANGEMARKERONTHEBACKITREADSMEINFRONTOFMIKESON6THST1971COUNTINGBACKWARD,IKNOWTHATSHEWASSEVENTEENWHENITWASTAKEN,AYEAROLDERTHANIAMNOWIKNOWTHATSIXTHSTREETISINGREENWICHVILLAGE,THOUGHIHAVENOIDEAWHOMIKEISTHEPICTURETELLSMETHATSHEWASASTERNLOOKINGTEENAGERHERLIPSAREPRESSEDTOGETHERINTHOUGHT,OFFERINGAGRIMACEFORTHECAMERAFRAMINGHERFACE,HERHAIRDANGLESINBEAUTIFULWISPSOFBLACK,SMOKELIKECURLSANDHEREYES,MYFAVORITEPART,SHINELIKETWODARKMARBLES,THEIRMOVEMENTSFROZENINTIMEFOREVERIVESTUDIEDEACHFEATURE,COMMITTINGTHEMTOMEMORYFORMYTRIPSTOTHEMIRROR,WHEREILETMYOWNWAVYHAIRTUMBLEDOWNISTANDANDTRACESIMILARITIESWITHTHETIPOFMYFINGERTHROUGHTHECURVEOFEACHLINEINMYFACE,STARTINGWITHOUREYESEACHPAIROFFERSTHESAMESMALL,ROUNDEDSHAPE,ONLYINSTEADOFMYMOTHERSBROWN,IHAVEGRANDMASRICHYELLOWGREENNEXT,IMEASURETHEOUTLINEOFOURLIPS;THIN,CURVY,ANDIDENTICALINEVERYWAYALTHOUGHWESHARESOMEFEATURES,IKNOWIMNOTASPRETTYASSHEWASATMYAGEINMYYEARSWITHNOWHERETOLIVE,BEHINDTHELOCKEDBATHROOMDOORSINDIFFERENTFRIENDSAPARTMENTS,IVESECRETLYPLAYEDTHISGAMEINTHEMIRRORTHROUGHOUTALLHOURSOFTHENIGHTTUCKEDINBYTHEIRPARENTS,MYFRIENDSSLEEPWHILEIMAGESOFMYMOTHERSGRACEFULMOVEMENTSDANCETHROUGHOUTMYMINDISPENDTHESEHOURSINFRONTOFTHEIRBATHROOMMIRRORS,MYBAREFEETCOOLEDBYGRIDDEDTILES,PALMSPRESSEDONTHESINKSEDGETOSUPPORTMYWEIGHTISTANDTHEREFANTASIZINGUNTILTHEFIRSTBLUEHINTSOFDAWNSTRAINTHROUGHTHEFROSTEDBATHROOMGLASSANDBIRDSANNOUNCETHEMSELVES,CHIRPINGTHEIRMORNINGSONGSIFIMATJAMIESHOUSE,THISISJUSTTHETIMETOSLIPONTOTHECOUCHBEFOREHERMOTHERSALARMBEEPSHERAWAKE,SENDINGHERTOTHEBATHROOMIFIMATBOBBYS,THEGRINDINGNOISEOFTHEGARBAGETRUCKTELLSMEITSTIMETOSNEAKBACKTOTHEFOLDOUTCOTITRAVELQUIETLYACROSSTHEIRWAKINGAPARTMENTSTOMYRESTINGSPOTINEVERGETTOOCOMFORTABLEWITHMYACCOMMODATIONS,BECAUSEIMNOTSUREIFIWILLSLEEPINTHESAMEPLACETOMORROWLYINGONMYBACK,IRUNMYFINGERTIPSOVERMYFACEINTHEDARK,ANDIENVISIONMYMOTHERTHESYMMETRYOFOURLIVESHASBECOMECLEARERTOMELATELYSHEWASHOMELESSATSIXTEENTOOMAALSODROPPEDOUTOFSCHOOLLIKEME,MAMADEDAILYDECISIONSBETWEENHALLWAYORPARK,SUBWAYORROOFTOPTHEBRONX,FORMA,ALSOMEANTWANDERINGTHROUGHDANGEROUSSTREETS,THROUGHNEIGHBORHOODSWITHLAMPPOSTSLITTEREDWITHFLYERSOFPOLICESKETCHESANDSIRENSBLARINGATALLHOURSOFTHENIGHTIWONDERIF,LIKEME,MASPENTMOSTDAYSAFRAIDOFWHATWOULDHAPPENTOHERIMAFRAIDALLTHETIMELATELYIWONDERWHEREIWILLSLEEPTOMORROWATANOTHERFRIENDSAPARTMENT,ONTHETRAIN,ORINSOMESTAIRWELLTRACINGMYFINGERTIPSOVERMYFOREHEAD,DOWNTOMYLIPS,ILONGTOFEELMYMOTHERSWARMBODYEMBRACINGMEAGAINTHETHOUGHTSENDSTEARSSTREAMINGFROMMYEYESITURNTOMYSIDE,WIPINGMYTEARSAWAY,COVERINGMYSELFWITHMYBORROWEDBLANKETIPUSHTHEFEELINGOFNEEDINGHERFAROUTOFMYMINDIPUSHITBEYONDTHESEWALLSLINEDWITHBOBBYSFAMILYPORTRAITS;PASTTHEDRUNKENLATINOMENJUSTOUTSIDE,SLAMMINGDOWNWINNINGHANDSOFDOMINOES,SEATEDATOPMILKCRATESONFORDHAMROAD;AWAYFROMTHEORANGEBLINKINGLIGHTSOFTHEBODEGASANDOVERTHEROOFTOPSOFTHISBRONXNEIGHBORHOODIFORCEMYTHOUGHTSTO4FADEUNTILTHEDETAILSOFHERFACEBLURINEEDTOPUSHTHEMAWAYIFIAMEVERTOGETSOMESLEEPINEEDSLEEP;ITWILLBEONLYAFEWMOREHOURSBEFOREIMOUTSIDEONTHESTREETAGAIN,WITHNOWHERETOGOMA,6THSTREET,GREENWICHVILLAGE,1971CHAPTER1UNIVERSITYAVENUETHEFIRSTTIMEDADDYFOUNDOUTABOUTME,ITWASFROMBEHINDGLASSDURINGAROUTINEVISITTOPRISON,WHENMALIFTEDHERSHIRT,TEARYEYED,EXPOSINGHERPREGNANTBELLYFOREMPHASISMYSISTER,LISA,THENJUSTOVERONEYEAROLD,SATPROPPEDAGAINSTMASHIPREFLECTINGONTHISTIMEINHERLIFE,MAWOULDLATEREXPLAIN,ITWASNTSUPPOSEDTOTURNOUTTHATWAY,PUMPKINITWASNTLIKEMEANDDADDYPLANNEDFORTHISEVENTHOUGHSHEDBEENONHEROWNANDINTROUBLEWITHDRUGSSINCEAGETHIRTEEN,MAINSISTED,DADDYANDMEWEREGONNATURNAROUNDSOMEWHEREDOWNTHELINE,WEWEREGONNABELIKEOTHERPEOPLEDADDYWASGONNAGETAREALJOBIWASGONNABEACOURTSTENOGRAPHERIHADDREAMSMAUSEDCOKE,SHOOTINGDISSOLVEDWHITEDUSTINTOHERVEINS;ITTRAVELEDTHROUGHHERBODYMUCHLIKELIGHTNING,IGNITINGHER,GIVINGTHEFEEL,HOWEVERFLEETING,OFSOMETHINGFORWARDMOVING,DAYINANDDAYOUTALIFT,SHECALLEDITSHESTARTEDUSINGASATEENAGER;HEROWNHOMEHADBEENAPLACEOFANGER,VIOLENCE,ANDABUSEGRANDMAWASJUSTNUTS,LIZZYPOPWOULDCOMEHOMEDRUNKANDBEATTHECRAPOUTOFUS,WITHANYTHINGEXTENSIONCORDS,STICKS,WHATEVERSHEWOULDJUSTGOCLEANTHEKITCHEN,HUMMING,LIKENOTHINGWASHAPPENINGTHENJUSTACTLIKEMARYFRIGGINPOPPINSFIVEMINUTESLATER,WHENWEWEREALLBUSTEDUPTHEOLDESTOFFOURCHILDREN,MAOFTENSPOKEOFTHEGUILTSHEHARBOREDFORFINALLYLEAVINGTHEABUSEANDHERSIBLINGSBEHINDSHEWENTOUTONTHESTREETSWHENSHEWASJUSTTHIRTEENICOULDNTSTAYTHERE,NOTEVENFORLORIORJOHNNYATLEASTTHEYHADMERCYONJIMMYANDTOOKHIMAWAYMAN,YOUBETYOURASSIHADTOGETOUTOFTHEREBEINGUNDERABRIDGEWASBETTER,ANDSAFER,THANBEINGTHEREIHADTOKNOWWHATITWASMADIDUNDERBRIDGESWELL,IDUNNO,PUMPKIN,MEANDMYFRIENDSALLHUNGOUTANDTALKEDABOUTLIFEABOUT5OURLOUSYPARENTSABOUTHOWWEWEREBETTEROFFWETALKEDANDIGUESSWEGOTHIGH,ANDAFTERTHAT,ITDIDNTMATTERWHEREWEWEREMASTARTEDOUTSMALL,SMOKINGGRASSANDSNIFFINGGLUEDURINGTHEYEARSOFHERADOLESCENCE,MOVINGBETWEENFRIENDSCOUCHESANDEARNINGHERLIVINGTHROUGHTEENPROSTITUTIONANDODDJOBSLIKEBIKEMESSENGERING,SHEMOVEDONTOSPEEDANDHEROINTHEVILLAGEWASAWILDPLACE,LIZZYIHADTHESETHICK,TALLLEATHERBOOTSANDIDIDNTCAREIFIWASSKINNYASHELL;IWORESHORTSHORTSANDACAPEDOWNMYBACKYEAH,THATSRIGHT,ACAPEIWASCOOL,TOOJIVIN,MANTHATSHOWWEUSEDTOTALKPUMPKIN,YOUSHOULDHAVESEENMEBYTHETIMEMAMETDADDY,COKEHADBECOMEAPOPULARSEVENTIESTREND,ALONGSIDEHIPHUGGERS,MUTTONCHOPS,ANDDISCOMUSICMADESCRIBEDDADDYATTHETIMETHEYFIRSTHOOKEDUPASDARK,HANDSOME,ANDSMARTASHELLHEJUSTGOTTHINGS,YAKNOWWHENMOSTOFTHEGUYSIHUNGAROUNDDIDNTKNOWTHEIRASSFROMTHEIRELBOW,YOURFATHERHADSOMETHINGABOUTHIMIGUESSYOUCOULDSAYHEWASSHARPDADDYCAMEFROMAMIDDLECLASS,IRISHCATHOLICFAMILYINTHESUBURBSHISFATHERWASASHIPPINGBOATCAPTAINANDAVIOLENTALCOHOLICHISMOTHERWASAHARDWORKINGANDWILLFULWOMANWHOREFUSEDTOPUTUPWITHWHATSHECALLEDFOOLISHNESSFROMMENALLYOUNEEDTOKNOWABOUTYOURGRANDFATHER,LIZZY,ISTHATHEWASANASTY,VIOLENTDRUNKWHOLIKEDTOBULLYPEOPLE,DADDYONCETOLDME,ANDYOURGRANDMOTHERDIDNTTOLERATEITSHEDIDNTCAREHOWUNPOPULARDIVORCEWASBACKTHEN,SHEGOTHERSELFONEUNFORTUNATELYFORDADDY,WHENHISPARENTSMARRIAGEENDED,HISFATHERLEFTHIM,ANDHENEVERCAMEBACKHEWASAREALPIECEOFWORK,LIZZYITSPROBABLYBETTERHEWASNTAROUND,THINGSWERENTEASYANDHEONLYWOULDHAVEMADETHEMWORSEPEOPLEWHOKNEWDADDYWHENHEWASGROWINGUPDESCRIBEHIMASALONELYCHILDANDAHURTSOULWHONEVERSEEMEDTOGETOVERHISFATHERSABANDONMENTANDHISRESULTINGSTATUSASLATCHKEYKIDHISMOTHERTOOKONADEMANDINGFULLTIMEJOBTOMAKEENDSMEETANDSHEWORKEDLONGHOURSWHILEDADDYWASMOSTLYALONE,SEARCHINGFORANOUTLET,SOMEONEORSOMETHINGTOCONNECTWITHMOSTNIGHTS,HESPENTEVENINGSBYHIMSELF,ORINTHEHOMESOFFRIENDS,WHEREHEBECAMEAFIXTUREINOTHERPEOPLESFAMILIESBACKATHISHOUSE,HEANDGRANDMAGREWDISTANT,ANDTHINGSWEREMOSTLYSERIOUSANDSILENTBETWEENTHEMYOURGRANDMOTHERWASNTTHETALKATIVETYPE,HETOLDMEONEDAY,WHICHWASVERYIRISHCATHOLICOFHERINOURFAMILY,IFYOUSAIDTHEWORDSIFEEL,THEYBETTERBEFOLLOWEDWITHHUNGRYORCOLDBECAUSEWEDIDNTGETPERSONAL,THATSJUSTHOWITWASBUTWHATGRANDMALACKEDINWARMTH,SHEMADEUPFORINHERTIRELESSDEVOTIONTOSECURINGHERSONSFUTUREDETERMINEDNOTTOLETDADDYSUFFERFROMTHEABSENCEOFHISFATHER,GRANDMASETOUTTOGIVEHIMTHEBESTEDUCATIONSHECOULDAFFORDSHEWORKEDTWOBOOKKEEPINGJOBSINORDERTOPUTHERONLYCHILDTHROUGHTHEBESTCATHOLICSCHOOLSONLONGISLANDATCHAMINADE,ASCHOOLWITHAREPUTATIONFORBEINGRIGOROUSANDELITE,DADDYSHAREDCLASSESANDASOCIALLIFEWITHAMOREWELLTODOCROWDTHANHEDEVERKNOWNEXISTEDMOSTOFHISCLASSMATESWEREGIVENNEWCARSASGIFTSONTHEIRSIXTEENTHBIRTHDAYS,WHILEDADDYTOOKTWOBUSESTOSCHOOL,HISMOTHERPRAYINGTHATTHEMONTHLYTUITIONCHECKWOULDNTCLEARTHROUGHTHEBANKBEFOREHERPAYCHECKDIDTHEIRONYWAS,ASMUCHASTHISUPPERCLASS,PRIVATESCHOOLSETTINGWASMEANTTOPOSITIONDADDYFORALIFEOFSUCCESS,INSTEAD,ITWOULDPUTMYFATHERATODDSWITHHIMSELFFOREVERINTHISENVIRONMENTHEBECAMEBOTHWELLEDUCATEDANDADRUGADDICTTHROUGHOUTHISLATETEENYEARS,DADDYREADTHEGREATAMERICANCLASSICS;VACATIONEDINHISCLASSMATESBEACHFRONTSUMMERHOMES,IGNORINGHISMOTHERSINCESSANTPHONECALLS;ANDASAPASTIME,POPPEDAMPHETAMINESBENEATHTHEBLEACHERSOFTHEHIGHSCHOOLFOOTBALLFIELD6THOUGHHEDALWAYSBEENQUICKTOLEARNANDABSORBEDMUCHOFHISRIGOROUSEDUCATION,THEDRUGSMADEITHARDTOCONCENTRATEINSCHOOL,SOHESLACKEDONHOMEWORKANDDOZEDINCLASSINHISLASTYEAR,DADDYAPPLIEDANDWASADMITTEDTOACOLLEGELOCATEDRIGHTINTHEHEARTOFNEWYORKCITYWHENGRADUATIONROLLEDAROUND,HEJUSTBARELYSQUEAKEDBYMANHATTANWASMEANTTOBEHISREALSTARTINLIFE,COLLEGEHISSPRINGBOARDBUTITWASNTLONGBEFOREHISHIGHSCHOOLSETTINGRECASTITSELFAROUNDHIM,EXCEPTNOWHEWASOLDERANDNOTINTHESUBURBSOFBALDWIN,NEWYORK,BUTINTHECENTEROFEVERYTHINGINAFEWYEARSTIME,DADDYCAMETOAPPLYHISAPTITUDEMORETOWARDPEDDLINGDRUGSTHANHISCOLLEGEWORKSLOWLY,HEROSETOTHETOPRANKSOFASMALLCLIQUEOFDRUGPUSHERSBEINGTHEMOSTEDUCATEDMEMBEROFTHEGROUP,HEWASNICKNAMEDTHEPROFESSOR,ANDWASLOOKEDTOFORGUIDANCEHEWASTHEONEWHODREWBLUEPRINTSFORTHEGROUPSSCHEMESDADDYABANDONEDSCHOOLWHENHEWASTWOYEARSINTOAGRADU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