搞笑英语话剧剧荆轲刺秦王(正文及翻译).doc

荆珂刺秦王旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲是最有名的剑客并被派去杀清王，嬴政。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么事？好吧，下面将会告诉你真相。Action I太子丹：(上，掏出乒乓球拍梳头，做自恋状)Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：Its you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? （向幕里大叫）Where is my minister?镜子，镜子，告诉我，这个世界上最漂亮的人是谁？(画外音：是你，太子丹！)谢谢你的镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一个嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相他会杀了我。我很害怕。我该怎么办呢？我大臣在哪里？阿三: （毕恭毕敬）Honey, I am coming.亲爱的，我来了。太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!（极快速的说，边说边指点数落阿三）我告诉过你一次又一次，你应该叫我“我最美丽的、优雅、英俊、迷人、可爱、聪明和最亲爱的太子丹”！阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng（作杀状）当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政 太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent! Good idea! But who is the right candidate?欧耶！二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但谁是合适的人选？阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.经过筛选后我手上有两个有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将PK为世界头号杀手。太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?好的，给我尽快得主，好吗？阿三：Yes.Action II荆轲：（滑太空步上场）Are you Li mochou?（荆轲先上场，李莫愁随后，上场后慢慢围绕场地转）李莫愁：Yes.荆轲：OK. Im Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers world.好的。我是荆轲，你知道，我会让你知道我是世界头号杀手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me?你想挑战我吗？荆轲：Off course! （耸耸肩表示同意，耍酷）李莫愁：Come on!（音乐起DJ重金属纯音乐）两人冲上前来荆轲：Look！帅哥！看！，帅哥李莫愁回头看太子丹，太子丹做自恋状荆轲挥刀砍中李莫愁李莫愁倒地（李莫愁以单膝倒地的姿势倒下，两人保持背对）荆轲大笑（曾小贤的笑声）李莫愁：What happened? Are you 使诈？（向后看）发生了什么？你使诈？荆轲: We dont need any reason to win a person. Dont we? Do we?（华丽转身加甩头发）赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？李莫愁：Momma always said: Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what youre gonna get. I got it, Momma is right.（上来两个人把李莫愁扛走）妈妈常说：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永远不知道你会得到什么。“我明白了，妈妈是对的。荆轲再次大笑（假装笑呛着了，咳嗽）太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（微笑）太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?（伸出手，准备和荆轲握手）哦，天哪！你能给我一个创新的回答“你好吗？”荆柯：Sure!（扣了下鼻孔，然后向太子丹伸出手）太子丹：How are you?（很不情愿，且很恶心，但还是握了手，收回手，并用力的甩了两下）荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（正经的说）太子丹吐血（阿三接住，荆轲从前面拉住）荆柯：Hey, man, Im kidding!太子丹：Oh, Im kidding too! May I have your name card, please?（重新站起）哦，我也是在开玩笑呢！我可以要一张你的名片吗？阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：UFO!(荆轲手指天上，阿三望指的方向看)I am busy now!（快速的说）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.（太子丹跳到荆轲面前说）荆柯：UFO!（荆轲手指另一边，太子丹望指的方向看）I am very busy now!（再次快速的说）阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?IC、ID、IQ卡？荆柯：I am very very busy now!（指向另一边的方向）太子丹响指一打，手一挥音乐起Nobody-Wonder片段阿三：（手指上场的美女，激动状） Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.（双手指向荆轲）看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你说好的，她就是你的。荆柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不说她是一个非常性感美丽的女孩，但中医是我唯一的爱！阿三：What? Whats the TCM?荆柯：Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didnt know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM嘿，兄弟！你这么聪明，但为什么你不知道中医？TCM就是中国传统美眉太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is doudou tea It can kill your doudou！（手指向荆轲的脸，荆轲捂住脸）if you help us doudou tea is yours（手敲了敲痘痘茶，然后递给荆轲）我必须告诉你的王牌。女士们，先生们，这是痘痘茶。他可以治好你的痘痘荆柯：doudou tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.（把痘痘茶装进怀里）痘痘茶！我梦想它数千次。阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Why dont you close it up Although your eyes are full of sincerity（抱住荆轲用力的指了指他的脑门）,（荆轲地道的说了一句“让我看看值不值啊”，然后拿出手掐指开始算） Im very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你想得倒好？假如你想要！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？你为什么把它收起来？虽然你很有诚意，我很高兴，你还是要说出来。你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要？音乐起猪八戒背媳妇片段荆轲与阿三开始跳舞，最后把阿三甩飞音乐起千年等一回片段荆轲与太子丹开始跳舞荆柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告诉我，我应该做什么？我会为你做任何事。太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）：Yeah！ Action III音乐起荆轲挽着妻子，太子丹，阿三在后阿三：（跑到荆轲面前）Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我们已经达到了沂水河。荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends就停在这里。再见，我的朋友太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹上前和荆轲拥抱，太子丹假装荆轲身上很臭，刚抱到立马离开，然后拍拍自己的衣服）音乐起你是风儿我是沙片段荆珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world! 我爱你。对我而言，你比这个世界上的任何东西都更有意义。荆珂：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. 我更爱你。哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你。妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.怎么样。作为一个男人，就去做！我会一直在这里等你。荆珂：Sweetheart! You must promise meyou must promise you will survive.you will never give up. no matter what happens. no matter how hopeless.never let gonever let gonever let go go go宝贝！你一定不能背叛我你一定不能背叛我你不要放弃不管发生什么事无论多么的绝望现在就答应我，永远不要忘记永远不要忘记永远不要忘记妻子：I promise.音乐起纤夫的爱荆轲拿着剑走出场，又绕了一圈，再走出场，歌曲唱完留给荆轲场一句“哥哥我岸上走”妻子：Its a good day to die. Never come back. Never Never这是一个去死的好日子。再也回不来了。不.从未.妻子：Thank you very much. As soon as I get the