孩子“乖不乖”并不那么重要.doc

孩子“乖不乖”并不那么重要我们夸奖孩子时，常常会说：“宝宝真乖，宝宝真听话。”的确，在传统的育儿观影响下，父母常把“乖不乖”作为评定是否为好孩子的标准。其实在我看来，小孩子太乖并不一定是好事。“乖不乖”更多地是指向父母首先这个“乖”和“听话”的概念并不是那么的清楚，怎样才算乖呢？其实很大程度上是我们成人自己的感觉，对同一个孩子，肯定会有的人说乖，有的人说不乖，每个人的标准不一样。感觉自己孩子乖的父母可能焦虑会少一些，而感觉孩子不怎么乖的父母也许焦虑就会多一些，所以我觉得，当我们说某个孩子乖不乖的时候，其实关心的倒并不一定是孩子本身，而更多的是孩子的父母。换一种说法是“你们带这个孩子累不累啊？”因此，与其说想要一个听话的孩子，倒不如直接说想要一个让自己更省力的孩子。“乖孩子”是在怎样的影响下形成的？在我国，很多父母都有一个共同点，那就是让孩子能实现自己未了的心愿。没机会接受教育的父母会给孩子提供最好的教育条件，没钱的父母会希望孩子能多赚点钱。最为典型的问题是很少把孩子看成一个独立自主的个体，总觉得是自己的一部分。其实，做父母的也许远远低估了孩子们与生俱来的成长的力量，父母们总是担心孩子这个做不好那个做不好，这种担心在某种程度上是对孩子的爱，可是这样的爱太多并且转化成对孩子行为的干涉，就会演化成另一种东西，那就是控制，以爱的名义控制。而且，很多父母会把孩子当成自己的全部，以至于失去了自我，“我都是为了孩子！”几乎成了很多父母的口头禅，其实这句话对很多父母来讲，会是一个自我欺骗的谎言，你活着只是为了你自己，即便你确实为了孩子付出很多，那还是为了你自己，为了你自己的“良心”和价值观。“乖不乖”并不重要作为父母，你不需要刻意为孩子做太多，当你把自己调整好，家庭和谐，孩子自然而然会成长得好！那是大自然赋予孩子的力量。把孩子看成一个独立的个体，而不是你的一部分，尊重他们的选择，给他犯错误的机会和权利，我们都是在不断的犯错中成长，不要把你的好强加到他身上，要相信孩子并对他有信心，那么他们都会是好孩子！至于乖不乖，那不取决于孩子，而是取决于你，取决于你的自信心和你的抗焦虑能力。不要试图用过多的言语去教育你的孩子，孩子很聪明，他更会从你的行为中学习。不要一直担心这个社会会怎样影响孩子，最好多考虑一下自己对这个社会的影响。为人父母，当你把自己调整好，把自己的家庭调整好，你的孩子自然而然就会成长为好孩子，乖不乖本身就不是问题！Children naughty or nice is not so importantWe praise children often say: Zhenguai baby, the baby is so obedient. Indeed, in the traditional concept of parenting under the influence, parents often naughty or nice as to assess whether the standard is good boy. In fact, in my opinion, is too well-behaved children is not necessarily a good thing.More naughty or nice is to point to the parentsFirst, the concept of good and obedient is not so clear what constitutes good happen? In fact, a large extent we adults feel, with a child, there will certainly be people who say good, some people say that well-behaved, everyones standards are not the same. Feel good parents of their children may anxiety will be less, and feeling not very well-behaved child parents perhaps anxiety will be more, so I think, when we say that a child is naughty or nice, in fact, the idea does not necessarily care about children themselves, while the childs parents. Put another way, You brought this child tired ah? Therefore, if it wanted an obedient child, would be better to direct effort child want a.Good boy is formed what impact?In our country, a lot of parents have one thing in common, that is, let the children to achieve / their unfulfilled aspirations. No opportunity to receive education parents give their children the best education conditions, money parents would want their children to earn more money. The most typical problem is very few children as an independent individual, always feel part. In fact, parents may be far underestimate the power of the natural growth of the children, the parents are always worried about the kids this do not do that do not, this fear in a way children love But this love too much and turning into a childs behavior intervention, it will evolve into something else that is control, control the name of love.Moreover, many parents send their children as their own all that lost self, I am all for the children! Has http:/www.soueou.co almost become the mantra of many parents for many parents in terms of fact, this sentence will be a self-deception lie, you live only for yourself, even if you do pay a lot more for our children, or to yourself, to your own conscience and values.Naughty or nice is not importantAs a parent, you do not need to deliberately do much for their children, when you adjust, and family / harmony, the children will naturally grow well! That is the power of nature has given children.The child as a separate entity, rather than your part, respect their choice and give him the opportunity and the right to make mistakes, we are in constant mistakes growing, do not put your good imposed on him, believe the child and he has the confidence, then they will be a good boy! As for the naughty or nice, it does not depend on the child, but rather depends on you, depends on your self-confidence and anxiolytic.Do not try to use too many words to educate your child, the child is very smart, he will learn from your behavior. Should not have been worried that th