2019年浙江概要习作点评.doc

19年浙江卷概要写作习作点评 第二节 概要写作（满分25分）阅读下面短文，根据其内容写一篇60词左右的内容概要。Parents everywhere praise their kids. Jenn Berman, author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy and Confident Kids, says, “Weve gone to the opposite extreme of a few decades ago when parents tended to be more strict.” By giving kids a lot of praise, parents think theyre building their childrens confidence, when, in fact, it may be just the opposite. Too much praise can backfire and, when given in a way thats insincere, make kids afraid to try new things or take a risk for fear of not being able to stay on top where their parents praise has put them.Still, dont go too far in the other direction. Not giving enough praise can be just as damaging as giving too much. Kids will feel like theyre not good enough or that you dont care and, as a result, may see no point in trying hard for their accomplishments.So what is the right amount of praise? Experts say that the quality of praise is more important than the quantity. If praise is sincere and focused on the effort not the outcome, you can give it as often as your child does something that deserves a verbal reward. “We should especially recognize our childrens efforts to push themselves and work hard to achieve a goal,” says Donahue, author of Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters. “One thing to remember is that its the process not the end product that matters.”Your son may not be the best basketball player on his team. But if hes out there every day and playing hard, you should praise his effort regardless of whether his team wins or loses. Praising the effort and not the outcome can also mean recognizing your child when she has worked hard to clean the yard, cook dinner, or finish a book report. But whatever it is, praise should be given on a case-by-case basis and be proportionate （相称的）to the amount of effort your child has put into it.下水作文1Jay Chen个人简介：加拿大公立中学英语教师，华人，出生台湾，7岁时随家人移居加拿大。Although encouragements provide a sense of confidence, overpraising ones child could lead to unintended outcomes. Nevertheless, an absence（absence, meaning “the fact of sb/sth not existing or not being available; a lack of sth” 与原文的not enough 严重不一致） of compliment would result in apathy（result in apathy的意思是父母不表扬就是冷漠不关心；而原文Kids will feel like theyre not good enough or that you dont care的意思是孩子会感觉自己不够好或者父母不在意。“感觉”与“就是”是有本质区别的） from a lack of acknowledgement. Experts, then, argue that the quality such as the sincerity or focus of feedback is more important than the number of times theyre given. Therefore, one should praise the effort and not achievement.2Lauren Rotzien个人简介：加拿大公立中学英语教师，近20年英语教学经验，擅长英文写作探究。How much praise should parents give their children? Too much praise can be damaging when it prevents kids from trying new things for fear to disappoint their parents. But too little praise can also cause confidence (and motivation) issues in children.（如果缺乏自信和缺乏积极性这两个后果只选其中一个写入概要的话，选择后者写更好。因为缺乏积极性是缺乏自信的后果。我们要培养孩子自信的目的也是让孩子通过增强自信而变得积极主动。原文就是这个意思。）It is important to focus on quality or efforts rather than quantity or outcomes （严重曲解原文。原文的意思：所谓有质量的表扬，意思就是关注过程的很真诚的很有针对性的与孩子所做的努力程度相匹配的表扬。而这篇概要中quality， efforts ，quantity and outcomes这四个词的逻辑关系与原文完全不一样。）and when giving praise in order to raise confident, healthy children（作为概要，这句话多余了。概要字数有限。在有限的字数里，我们想要尽可能详细到位地表达原文，那些不用说也可以通过语境推断出来的内容就不要出现在概要里了，把有限的字数让给那些重要的细节，同时减少笼统的像main idea的方式的表达会更好。）. 3Annabel个人简介：UBC大学学生Too many compliments from parents can be counterproductive, leaving children much less adventurous since they are afraid of failing to satisfy their parents. However, not enough praise can lead children not to work hard because they may feel being ignored (or unconfident). (原文Kids will feel like theyre not good enough or that you dont care 中theyre not good enough 或者 that you dont care 不是相同的两个概念，相比之下，在这个语境中更重要的是feel like theyre not good enough。在概要中，要么把两个内容都概括进去，要么选写前者。比如像柯老师这样概括：deficient praise also impairs childrens self-trust and motivation.) Actually, parents should pay attention to the process than the result and provide quality praise corresponding to the childrens efforts on a case-by-case basis.4Madison个人简介：加拿大公立中学英语教师，长期致力于课程研究和开发，曾访学多国。While all children deserve praise, it is important for parents to provide them with the correct amount. If praised too much, they may doubt their ability to live up to their parents standards. If praised too little, children will care less about their successes or accomplishments. Instead, praise should be based on quality and efforts over quantity and outcomes（严重曲解原文。原文的意思：所谓有质量的表扬，就是关注过程的很真诚的很有针对性的与孩子所做的努力程度相匹配的表扬。而这篇概要中quality， efforts ，quantity and outcomes这四个词的逻辑关系与原文严重不一样。） being sincere, meaningful and deserving.（meaningful应该是包含sincere 和deserving的。另外，deserving 这个词写在概要里太笼统了。一篇好的概要，既要找准要点，忠于原文，还不能像main idea一样笼统干巴巴）5Liz Bell个人简介：加拿大中学任教英语20余年，曾任职教委，参与编著教材、设计课程。How much praise should parents give to their children? Studies have shown that both too much and too little praise can discourage children from trying new things. More important than the quantity is the quality of praise. Praise that is sincere and focused on effort rather than outcome is most effective for encouraging children to strive for success in life.（准确无误，语言也非常贴切，逻辑组织无懈可击）6Coco个人简介：中国留学生，初三留学加拿大，现UBC大学大一学生。Children nowadays receive more praise compared to previous generations. Experts are concerned that excessive and insincere praise can negatively impact the behaviors of children（此处写得更加specific 些会更好。理由如上。） while others argue （原文没说另一些人）that an inadequate amount of praise may harm childrens self-esteem. What really matters is the process of trying but not the outcome, therefore parents should give high-quality praise which is proportionate to the effort. 7柯继安个人简介：教书20年，语言学研究生，曾先后在杭高、杭二中等学校教授英语。Parents excessive praise, though assumed to promote confidence, tends to produce shrinking children. Likewise, deficient praise also impairs childrens self-trust and motivation. So what matters here isnt quantity but quality, which means praise must honestly concentrate on childrens effort rather than its outcome. Even if not the best, children in great effort deserve parents praise and recognition undoubtedly specific and corresponding to relevant effort. (65words) （比第五篇