《accepted》 电影台词.doc

1BARTLEBY: Everyone,have your money ready.We only have so much time.2BARTLEBY:Okay, say, Cheers!Cheers.3Say, Beer!Beer!4Say, Cheers!5 (MEOWlNG)6Glen, you got to takethat shirt off, pal.7Why?8Hands, you wannafield this one?9Uh, dude, youre getting a fake lD10and youre wearinga shirt that saysyoure in high school.11So?12Okay, whatever.Ill fix it later.13Just dowhat you were doing.14 (MEOWlNG)Give mesome nice cat things.15SCHRADER: B!BARTLEBY: Oh, hey, Schrader.16SCHRADER: What the hellis going on here?17Relax, pal.18Five percent goesto your favorite charity.19Uh, I forgot to tell you,I borrowed your keys.20You borrowed my keys?Come on.21Well, I needed them.Ow.22Were providinga vital serviceto Americas youth here.23Could we getthe next in line, please?No, were not. Stay there!24Were contributing tothe delinquency of minors, B.25Do you knowwhat will happen to meif I get caught?26Every dayafter eighth period,27Vice Principal Matthewscomes in here.28He picks upthe womens fitness magazine29and he snaps one off!30BARTLEBY: Are you serious?Yes.31That is a problem.32Uh, okay, well,we still have the restof eighth period, right?33So, well justpack everybody upand get out of here.34Okay, lets go!35 (BELL RlNGS)36Shit!37 (ALL SlNGlNG DlSCORDANTLY)# America! America! 38Gaines! Gaines! Gaines!39Okay, good, good.40Ah, wonderful!Vice Principal Matthews!41So glad you could join us!42What the hell is this?43Its Glee Clubpractice, sir.44Were just gettin readyfor Memorial Day.Its a big one for us.45We dont havea Glee Club.46Not yet,we dont, sir.47But as the graduating class,we wanted to leave behind48a legacy that inspiresfuture students49to take initiativerather than spend their time,50I dont know,privately defacingwomens fitness magazines.51I mean, I wentto read an article52about no carbsand higher repsthe other day53and the pages were.You are a rotten egg.54.as if bysome natural adhesive.Thatll be enough.55I need to cutthe pounds56and I cant open the.Stop it!57Whatever does it for.Stop it!58Thats allIm gonna say.59Thank Godyoure graduating.60(BELL RINGING)61Im the fourth-generationSchrader.Sorry.62to go toHarmon College, okay?Yeah.63I cant do anythingto screw that up.4You know, like, I dont know,getting bustedfor identity fraud.65Look at you.Would you stop, man? Relax.66Were all gointo college, okay?67This is said by the guywhos been rejected.GlRL: Hey, B.68.by seven schools.69Hey, Im creatingdramatic tension.70I got a good feelingabout number eight!Ugh.71I got in! I got in!I got into Princeton!72Yeah! Yeah!73 (WHOOPlNG)74Hey, I think that guygot into Princeton.75Oh, what makes you say that?76I dont know.77Bartleby! Hey.78Hey, how are you,Monica?Hey, how are you?79Good. Do you know Schrader?80No, I dont think so. Oh!Yes! We.81I actually.We had a class.82Oh, yeah.83My shit was all crazy.I sat way behind you.84Yeah. Sorry.SCHRADER: I dont rememberyou, either.85Sorry.Its all right.86Um, anyway, I really wantedto ask you something.87Sure, anything.88Um, you know,I know its really late,89but, um, last minuteand everything,90but prom is coming up soon,you know?Its okay. Yes.91And Im actually havinga party at my housebeforehand.92Awesome!And I was wondering93if youd like to, um.If you could, um.94Id love to.mow our lawn.95Mow your lawn?Yeah.96Oh.Im sorry.97Yeah. Im really embarrassed,but, you know,98our mowers brokenand my mom was just, like,Ask Bartleby!99Thats cool!100I. Yeah. Tell your motherI would love to mow the lawn.Really?101 (CAR HORN HONKlNG)Of course.102Thank you so much.Yeah, sure.103Thank you.Hey, babe! Hey, yo,Monica! Come on!104Sorry, I got to go.105But thank you, again.Yeah, s-sure.106Youre really helping us out.Oh, great to see you.107And, hey, it was nice to meet,um, see you. Talk to you.108Yes, yes. It was- It wasso nice catching up with you.109MONlCA: Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.B-Bye, Monica.110Hey, Im sorryto keep you waiting, baby.111Hoyt Ambrose. Hoyt!112Hoyt Ambrose.Whats that guy gotthat I dont have?113I just need to get a car.114And classic good looks.115# Were not just kidsto say the least116# We got ideasto us thats dear117# Universityof Massachusetts, please118BARTLEBY: l regret.119# Its educational 120BARTLEBY: I cant believeI didnt get into State!121I wasnt even aiming highwith that one.122That was my fallback!123It was my safety school,my fail-safe!124Maybe youre justtoo average.125Hey, time out.126Too average?127Okay. Okay.Excuse me, Lizzie.128R-R-Remember whoyoure talkin to here.129I didnt have to goto gym classfor a whole year10cause I claimedto be allergic to sweat.131Or what about the timeI got the note from my doctorsaying I was nocturnal132and I was allowedto study in my dreams?133I got the school bully,Frank Daley,kicked out for two years134because he wassexually harassing me135by pushing me upagainst the lockerand I said I felt something.136I mean, come on.That was pure genius.137Maybe if you didnt writean essay calledl Dont Have a Clue.138Well, its true. You know?139I dont have a cluewhat I want to dowith the rest of my life.140Mom and Dadare gonna kill you.141O ye of little faith.142Theyre not gonna kill me.Uh-huh.143I just have to spin it144and put it in termsthey can understand.145I dont understand.146I dont understand, either.147Okay, I figure itlike this.148The average cost of collegeis, what, $20,000 a year?149Now, accordingto these estimatesthat I got off the Web.150You can pass those around.151Someone with no educationbeyond high school152can expect to makeabout $20,000 a yearin the current job market.153Now, that being said,over the next four years,154you could eitherspend $80,000155or I could make $80,000.156 (CHUCKLES)157Are you sayingyou dont want togo to college?158No. Im saying thatit is fiscally irresponsible159for me to goto college. You know?160Are you huffing?Oh, God. No.161Are you high?Youre huffing grass?162No. Im not huffing, Mom.Im not stoned.Im completely fine.163In fact, Im more clearand level-headedthan Ive ever been.164Okay, cut the crap,Bartleby.165Society has rules.166And the first rule isyou go to college.Mmm-hmm.167You want to have a happyand successful life?You go to college.168If you want to be somebody,you go to college.169If you want to fit in,you go to college.170Well, you know what?Maybe I didntget into college.171What do you mean?172I didnt get acceptedanywhere.173Oh, Bartleby.174Damn it.175I knew he shouldve startedpreparing for collegein junior high176Iike his sister.177Now, shes got a shot.Ive got a shot.178Shes got a shot.Listen, guys.179There are plentyof successful peoplewho didnt go to college.180Albert Einstein,you know.181Pocahontas neverwent to college.182Corey Feldmanand Corey Haim.183They had a great run.184Both Lewis and Clark.185Suzanne Somers. Bono.186I need to gocheck on the cobbler.187Check the cobbler.Glug, glug, glug.188You know, I really dontcare what Sonny Bonodid or didnt do.189Youre goin to college.190I told you so.191You were adopted.192 (DONT STOP PLAYlNG)193MRS. SCHRADER: Everyone,194I would liketo propose a toastto our graduates.195To the Class of 2006,196may the next four yearsof college197be the best yearsof your life.198MAN: Hear, hear.Mom.199PEOPLE TOASTlNG200HANDS: Hey.Hey, man, whats up?201Whats up, B?How you doin?Whats up?202Dude, I swear,if one more person tells me203how excited they areto go to college,Im gonna lose it.204Oh, man,I heard aboutthe scholarship.205Thats insane.Youre one of the bestreceivers in the state.206Uh, the best. And, uh,no knee, no football, man.207That sucks.What are you gonna do now?208I have no idea.209That makes two of us, pal.210RORY: Its fine, its fine,its fine, its fine,its fine.211Hey, Rory. Whats goin on?Oh, hey. What? Fine. Nothing.212Um, l-I didnt get into Yale.213I did- I didnt,I didnt get into Yale.214I didnt.I didnt get into Yale.215What? I cantbelieve that!216Well, theres no roomfor Rory at Yale.217Too many rich kidswith mediocre grades218and well-connected parentsthis year, I guess.219No room for Rory,whos been working220since first gradeto get into Yale.221Rory, who only appliedto Yale and nowhere else.222I had it all planned!223It was perfect, B!Perfect!224And nowits nothing! Nada!225Its a goose egg!226Okay. Well.227God, Rory! Rory!228Shes handling thatreally well.229RORY: Collegeis for pussies!230All right.I got to get outof here, pal.231Hang in there.All right, man. You, too.232Bartleby! Hey!Oh, hey, Mr. Schrader.I was actually just.233Did you have any cake?234No, you know,Im not muchof a cake guy.235Oh, it is a hellof a cake.236It is the same cake we gotfor Scotty and Sethwhen they got into Harmon.23Oh, ah, everythingcomes full circle.238Jay! How are ya, bud?Oh, I really dont.239Hey, Stu.Hey.240I cant imagine your pride,knowing your youngest241is headed offto a good college.Must take a load off.242Yeah, well, not to mention243the load it takes offmy bank account.244(ALL LAUGHlNG)245Dad.246Nothin like gettina load off!247What about you,Bartleby?248Thats a good question,Mr. Harkin.249Whats with the questions,Mr. Trebek?250Where you goin?251Um, l-l, well.252I didnt really, uh.253Bartleby screwedaround and nowhes not goin to college.254Hes thrown his life away.255Yeah, thats- thats whatI was gonna say.Thanks, Dad.256SCHRADER: Wait. South Harmonlnstitute of Technology?257BARTLEBY: Yeah.B, you realizethat makes it S.H.I.T., right?258S.H.I.T.?I was wingin it. Whatever.259Just finish buildingthe website, please.260This is the actof a desperate,wildly unrealistic person.261Yo, B, you have to hook me upwith one of theseacceptance letters, bro.262Are you kidding me? No way.Why not?263Oh, come on. The only waythis is gonna workis if we keep it quiet.264And even then,its still a long shot.265Dude, I dont care.I have to do somethin.266The minuteI lost my scholarship,267my popstarted talkin about megetting my own bus route.268Help me. Please?Mmm.269You know something?270For the safetyof the public,I cant let you drive a bus.271Sweet.But listen to me.272This is just a temporarystopgap measure, okay?273Nothing more.Gotcha.274Bravo, guys. Great.Both of you guys.275Lets start this fake college.And then well gostart a meth lab somewhere.276BARTLEBY: Come on.Its a gateway crime.What?277Thats how these things start.278You know something, Schrader,279you got intoa great college.280And your futureslookin really good,281and Im psyched for you, pal,cause youre my best friendand I love you.82Im talking aboutme coming to you,asking for your help.283Just finishthe damn website.284Please.285What do you say?286There he is!Fine.287 (HANDS CLAPPlNG)Get off me,you idiot.288But we need some sort of,like, mission statementor something.289Your dadsgonna want to see that.I know him, hes a hard-ass.290Hey, kids. Honey!291Hey. Hi.How are you?Hey.292JACK: Whats this?293South Harmonlnstitute of Technology?Whats that?294Mmm? Whats that?295One of the mostrespected schools in the area,thats what that is.296Well, whats it say?297I gotta open it first.298DlANE: Come on, hurry.299Oh. Im nervous.300Dear Bartleby,301congratulations,youve been accepted!302I got in!303Aw, thank God. Thank God.(LAUGHlNG) I got in!304Hey-o!Oh! God!305Honey.Im okay.306Hey, this is great!30Its so exciting!308What the hell is South Harmonlnstitute of Technology?Yeah.309Oh, its one ofHarmon Collegessister schools.310Ive never heard of it.311Well, becauseits the baby sister.312Its the mostdiscreet and unharmedof the sister schools.313You got any literatureon this place?314Yeah, theres a website,Ill show you the link.315You did it.Youre a college boy.316Wow.317So you guys want to eat?GlRL: Yeah.38 (GlRLS CHATTERlNG)319Hey! I hate my life.320Im a huge tool.321Have fun being hot.322Bartleby!323Hey, Dad, whats up?324I took a lookat that website.325Oh.326Cool.327It looks unreal.328Unreal?329Yeah, it lookspretty unbelievable, huh?330It seemslike a solid place.331Really?332Here you go.333First semesters tuition.Paid in full.334Thats great.335Wow, thank you, Dad.336Oh, sorry. Sorry.33Thanks, Dad.338Your mother and lcant wait to drop you off.339What we need to dois lease a place near Harmon340so we can fool our parents.Yeah.341Hey, Schrad, do you knowany places up near Harmonwe can rent?2Oh, yeah, I do,actually.343I carry around a listwith me at all times344of abandoned buildingsfor fake colleges.345Dude, I started you guysa bank account already.346What do you want me to be,your realtor?347Oh, hey, guys.Whats up?348Hey, whats up, Glen?349GLEN: Hey.Hey, Glen,350when did you start workingat the Kwik N Stop?351Since I got boned, hard,by every college I applied to.352Why, what happened?353Some political crap.354I got a zero on my SATs.355You knowyou get 600 points356just for signingyour name, right?357 (SNlCKERS)358All right,lets get serious, man.359Now, where we gonna finda place to pass offas a college?360Hey, guys! I know a place.361HANDS: Howd you knowabout this place?362RORY: I used to dovolunteer work here.363SCHRADER: Thisplace is awesome.364Cause now I canfinally get hepatitis.365BARTLEBY: A birdin the hand, dude.A bird in the hand.366SCHRADER: That doesntmake any sense.367BARTLEBY:Its a saying.SCHRADER: What?368A diamond in the rough.369Hope you guyshave hobo-stab insurance.370(METAL CLANKlNG)371SCHRADER: Great.The birthplace of crack.372 (TOOL CLATTERlNG)373BARTLEBY: Hello, beautiful.374Hey! Hey, guys,dont go in there.37This is breakingand entering.376Schrader, come on.Dont be scared.377Whos scared?Im not scared.Youre scared.378Schrader, you were scaredto try the new flavorof Dr Pepper.379I told you thatin confidence, Hands.380Schrader, you were afraidwhen your tooth fell out,381because you were terrifiedof the tooth fairy.382Thats actuallya legitimate fear.She was riflingthrough my shit.384Okay,Fine, whatever, dude,stay here.385Fine. I will.386Okay, guys, seriously,387I dont want to be here alonewhen the walls start to bleed.388BARTLEBY: We dont haveto renovate the whole place.389We just have to focuson essential areas.390We got the-the main lobby.Hallway.391Dorm rooms.Dorm rooms, exactly.392I thinkthis could really work. Huh?Its awesome!393Can you hold that?Yeah.394Guys, a littlecan-do attitude,some elbow grease,395maybe a smile from Schrader.396Its like cleaning upyour room, you know?397Welcome to the South Harmonlnstitute of Technology.398HANDS: Atta baby.The beginning of good things.399RORY: Yeah.400 (BARTLEBY EXCLAlMS)401 (SCREAMlNG SHRlLLY)402Schrader,what the hell was that?403Um, this is embarrassing.404Are you kidding?405It would be really cool406if you guyswouldnt tell peopleI scream like that.407# Had an atomic bore408# In 2004409# Did some atomic tricks410# In 2006411Ready, set, go.412Whoo!All right.413Uh, whoa, Glen.414Oh, hey, B.415What are you doing here,buddy?416Rory told me about it.417What are you doing?We were gonna keepthis place a big secret.418But he didnt haveany place to go.419He got firedfrom the Kwik N Stop.420Is that true?Whyd you-Whyd you get fired?421I got firedfor making a shrimp slushee.422Thats disgusting.See?423BARTLEBY: Why would youdo that, pal?424Cause I was hungryand thirsty.425Oh, God.426# Had an atomic bore427# In 2004428# Did some atomic tricks429# In 2000430# Five, seven431 YELPS)432# Nine433# Had an atomic bore434# In 2004435# Did some atomic tricks436This kitchen is bitchin!437And thisll be