Unit2写作讲评2.ppt

Unit2写作讲评 TheTrafficinBeijing I 题目 现今 生活在北京这个大都市 人们可以享受很交通方面的便利 同时也受到很多交通问题的困扰 请根据以下内容要点 写一篇短文 陈述北京交通状况 并针对其中一个问题 提出建议 II Layout I GeneralintroductiontothetrafficinBeijing II Convenience advantage convenienttaxiservices III Problems disadvantages Solution takepublictransportinsteadofprivatecars lowpriceofbusfares highlydevelopedsubway trafficjamsinrushhours toomanyprivatecars airpollution trafficaccidents 问题 结构 少主题句句子繁复 不够简洁少要点 不添加要点 不提建议 Firstly secondly finally太过生硬 不流畅自己增添的要点不合理 如 Studentscanenjoyaspecialdiscountinbusticketprice Oilpricehasbeengoinguprecently Goodpublictransportsystemhelpsalotinourdailylife 问题 结构 建议太过笼统 不具体 E g Weshoulddosomethingtoreducethetrafficjams Thegovernmentshouldthinkofwaystosolvetheproblem 建议最好放在最后一段来写 Correctthemistakes Youcangotoeverywhereyouwantbysubway ThebusfareinBeijingismuchcheaperthanmanyothercities Trafficaccidentshavegoneupathighspeed There remanythingsneedtobeimproved Correctthemistakes 生造词会 令人费解Andit sverydangerousifyougetintoadarktaxi illegaltaxiataxiwhichdoesn thaveabusinesspermit ATip 可以用被动语态 Morehighwayscanbeconstructed Moreoverpassescanbebuiltformorevehiclestotravelatthesametime Schoolbusescanbeprovided sothatthenumberofprivatecarscanbereduced especiallyinrushhours 每段主题句应涵盖全段中心内容 Useofwords convenient Thehighlydevelopedsubwaysmakepeopleconvenient makeitconvenientforpeople 翻译 明天下午4点你方便吗 Willfouro clocktomorrowbeconvenientforyou Version LivinginBeijing Peoplecanenjoyvarioustrafficconveniences Butatthesametime alotofproblemshavealsobeenbroughtabout TherearemanypositivepointsaboutBeijing straffic Firstofall thebusfareischeapandeveryonecanaffordit Besides therailconstructionisdevelopingsofastthatitismoreconvenientforpeopletogettotheirdestinations Also theoverpassesarewell designed whichhelpstocuttheriskofroadaccidents However therearemanythingswhichcouldbeimproved Themainproblemisthetrafficjamsinrushhours Itmakespeoplestressedoutbecausetheyareoftenlateforschoolorwork Worsestill thenumberofprivatecarsgoesupquickly resultinginheavierairpollution Besides thenoisesmadebycarshaveabadeffectonpeople sdailylife Toavoidmoretrafficjams we dbetterchoosepublictransportinsteadofprivatecars Itwillalsodogoodtoourenvironment 学生作品 Nowadays transportplaysamoreandmoreimportantpartinBeijingers dailylife Peoplenotonlybenefitbutalsosufferfromit Ontheonehand anumberofgoodpointscanbelisted Firstofall thepublictransportisveryconvenient Peoplecantakethesubwaytogoanywhereinashorttime Also thebusfareissolowthateveryonecanaffordit What smore takingtaxisisagoodwayforpeoplewhohaveurgentthingstodealwith Ontheotherhand there remanythingswhichneedtobeimproved Aboveall peopleespeciallystudentsmayeasilygetstuckintrafficjamsduringrushhours Besides alargenumberofprivatecarscauseseriousairpollution Lastbutnotleast there renotenoughparkinglotsforcars whichbothersmoreandmorecarowners Tosumup transportsysteminBeijingiswelldevelopedbutitisobviouslynotperfect Inmyopinion