孔雀东南飞(英语话剧剧本).doc

英语搞笑话剧孔雀东南飞 Wander severy five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort) 刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnnysmother(JMforshort) 刘母Lunchsmother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayorsson(MSforshort) 强盗Burglars(ABandC) (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:Everybody says that Im henpecked, butinfact, Im as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)Im not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,Im afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to etender than me.Bu tshe is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) My God ! Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):Ican! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch! Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):Im here! Whats up mum? JM:Ive told you again and again that you should call me“ my most be autiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. L:OK.My most be autifu lgraceful and dearest mother-in-law,whats up? JM:Since you married my on you hav be haved so badly.You have been so rude,so brus que,so lazy L:But JM:Never interrupt me! L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,tha terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grands on,dont you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.Im leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,Im back! LM:You are back?Why?What happened? L:I was kicked out by my most be autiful graceful and dearest motherin-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! I have already told you! When ouinsisted on marrying that errible Johnny,I old outhat he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen tome.Look at yourself L:But,mum LM:Never in terrupt me! L:Mum,Im not in terruping you.I ust want totell youth at you are always sright OK?And Ill marry whom ever ouwant me to. LM(大喜):Nice girl! Just now,I met the mayors son in the market. He said:“If you daughter Havent been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,Ill go and tell him.(下) L(惊愕):What?The mayors son?The most amous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)What asilly thing I have done!(下) Act3本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 (J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here the yare!(闻一下) Er! How smelly ! They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone !I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,Im so hungry! But there s no break fast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her somuch, and her excellent cookings kill! Now she has gone.I have to cook formy mother and myself. JM(上):Wheres my breakfast? Wheres Lunch?Hasnt she got up yet? J:Mum,cant your emember?Lunch has gone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totell youth etruth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:And I plante done tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:If you want to go by this street-(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Give us all your money! J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1 mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A:What bad luck!This guy is broken! B:If we can not rob any money to day,we will have no thing to eat tonight! C:I heard that them ayors son is going to marry Miss LiuLanzhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding! A&B:Good idea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?Its impossible! AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! J:But Lunch is my wife!We havent got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)Ive got an idea! You are going to rob thewedding, dont you?Ill go with you.You take the money and I take the bride. B:Have you got any experience? J:No. But Ive got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书1，000，000) (转眼已到了婚礼之期MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! A:The road is built by me! B:And I planted one tree. C:If you want to go by this street- J:Give us ally our money! (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat