How to ask for help 如何寻求帮助

How to ask for helpAsking for help can be surprisingly hard, even when its only for some minor difficulty. Doing so is an admission that you arent perfect, which can lead to feelings of weakness or inadequacy. Yet, its a vital life skill. Many of lifes obstacles cant be tackled alone - we simply dont live long enough to learn how to do everything on our own. Whether youre looking for a little assistance with a homework assignment or seeking treatment for a serious disease, asking for help is the first step towards positive progress. Get started with Step 1 below or check out the sections listed above for more specific advice.Part 1 Accepting that you need help1. Tell yourself that you need help.Often, this first step is the hardest part of the entire process. While it sounds simple, it can be truly difficult to swallow your pride and accept that you cant solve this problem on your own. Tell yourself that you need help - you might even want to try saying it out loud if youre having trouble convincing yourself. If you cant seem to stir yourself to action, try asking yourself the following questions. If you find yourself answering yes, you probably need help. Have I already tried to solve my problem, without success? Am I unsure of how to proceed? Am I worried about how things will turn out? Will bad things happen if I dont solve this problem?2. Figure out what exactly you need help with.Once youve convinced yourself you need help, you need to pinpoint the exact problem. This will both make it easier to ask another person for help and easier for you to communicate to this person what the problem is. Sometimes this process is remarkably simple - if you cant remember your lines for the school play, its easy to articulate this to the director. However, complex emotional issues can be tricky to pin down. If, for instance, youre unhappy but youre not sure why, you may feel hopeless. Narrow your problems down as best as you can. Ask yourself questions like the following: At what point in the process do I first experience difficulty? When do I seem to get most frustrated? Is there some part of this process that I fear?3. Look for someone that can help.Though you may be surprised by the willingness of strangers and casual acquaintances to help you, you should probably pick someone whos well-qualified to give the help youre looking for. Sometimes, this may be a friend, other times, a professional. Sometimes it can even be both. For instance, if youve decided that you need help getting in shape, asking one of your friends to be your workout buddy and seeking out a trainer at your local gym are both valid, sensible options. Dont ask a jerk for help unless s/he is your only option. You dont want to bother with someone who will make you feel stupid for asking. If you need help with an emotional issue, it can be handy to talk to a very close friend, significant other, or family member, even if they dont have any special qualifications. If the problem you need help with is serious or you feel like you cant ask someone close to you for help, confide in a counselor or psychologist. These professionals exist to help normal, sane people like you - youre not crazy just for talking to someone about your problems.4. Maintain a positive self-image.Asking for help is not a reason to feel weak, inadequate, or stupid. Remember, seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength,not of weakness. Its easy to deny you have a problem. Its hard to put aside your pride in an effort to fix it. As you seek help, you might feel bashful or embarrassed. Dont be, even if youre not seeking help for the first time. Think of it this way: asking for help isnt as embarrassing as failing at whatevers giving you difficulty. If the problem youre seeking help for is some aspect of a team project (whether at work, school, or elsewhere), youre letting your team down by not seeking help. Remember that youre not the only one affected if you refuse to seek help. Youre being an admirable team member by seeking help.Part 2 Reaching out for help1. Swallow your pride.Pride is the cardinal sin when seeking help. When you ask for help, you have to admit (explicitly or implicitly) that you cant do something on your own. Its an acknowledgement that you have your own personal faults and struggles. Remember that its not a big deal! No ones perfect - everyone needs help at some point or another. Going through life without ever admitting youre wrong is no way to live - people who are too proud to ask for help have to rationalize their stubbornness through increasingly complicated internal justifications. Dont be like them - suck it up and ask.2. Ask someone for help.This is it! The most likely outcome is that youll be surprised at how willing this person is to help you. If you dont know this person well, introduce yourself briefly and make it clear that you need help. If its urgent, introductions can wait until later. Explain politely, quickly, and clearly that you need help. Then, if theyre willing to give it, explain what you need help with. If this person is a friend, family member, or significant other, you have nothing to worry about! Asking for help is a normal, everyday interaction between people who care for each other. Your willingness to ask for help (and give it back, when its asked of you) is a sign of your closeness and intimacy. Asking for help can even be an affectionate gesture.3. Go somewhere else to talk.If your problem is a physical, practical one (for instance, if you cant figure out how to repair your refrigerator), rather than an emotional one, its often more useful to watch your helper fix the problem than to try to remember their verbal advice. If you can, take your helper to the problem situation and allow them toshow,rather than tell you how to fix it. Even if your problem isnt a physical or practical one, a change of scenery can be necessary. Personal emotional problems, for instance, arent best discussed in cramped train cars or in your cubicle where someone can overhear. To avoid extreme awkwardness, discuss any serious problems you need help with in a private place.4. Watch and listen to your helper.Whether your problem is a practical one or a personal one, pay attention to your helper as they guide you through how to solve it. Dont be afraid to take notes as they explain or demonstrate how to fix your problem - if, for example, theyre helping you jump start your car, you should make note of the order you should attach the alligator cables to each cars terminals. Remember, the better youre able to remember how to solve your problem, the less likely you are to need to ask for help again. If you dont understand part of your helpers instructions, dont be shy about asking them to elaborate or re-explain. Its better that you take the extra time to fully understand their instructions rather than rushing ahead and encountering more problems, which will, in turn, cost you more time.Part 3 Taking help graciously1. Thank your helper.The person who helped you deserves your thanks. Everyones time is precious - the fact that they gave you some of theirs shows that theyre compassionate and care about you. At the very least, give your helper a hearty thank you. If they helped you with something major, consider buying them drinks, dinner, or even a gift. Its usually not necessary to be too extravagant - its much more important to show that youre sincerely grateful. Theyll appreciate it immensely and theyll be more likely to help you out in the future. One of the best ways to show you appreciate someones advice is tohelp themin return. If they need help with something, offer your help immediately. If not, just be open to helping them in the future.2. Internalize your helpers advice.Now that your helper has taught you how to work through your problem, take steps to ensure you remember what they taught you. Make a mnemonicto remember their advice if it can be divided into a few steps. One great trick is to try writing you helpers advice out in your own words. By reinterpreting their instructions in a way thats logical and sensible to you, youll make it easier for you to understand while simultaneously reinforcing the information.3. Try to solve your problem yourself.Its time to put your new knowledge to the test. As soon as you get the chance, try to work through your problem yourself. If possible, try doing it with your helper present to correct any mistakes you make, but if not, dont fret - doing it by yourself is better than not doing it at all. Make note of any aspects of the process that still give you trouble - you can ask for clarification on these steps later.4. Dont be afrai