CET写作中的亮点意识

1、CET-4 写作中的“亮点”意识大学英语四级作文要拿高分， 学生就要了解评分标准。 CET-4 作文评分分 五个档，标准如下：2 分：条理不清，思路紊乱，语言支离破碎或大部分句子均有错误，且多数 为严重错误；5 分：基本切题，表达思想不够清楚，连贯性差，有较多的严重语言错误；8 分：基本切题，表达思想比较清楚，文章尚连贯，但语言错误较多，其中 有少量的严重错误；11 分：切题，表达思想清楚，文字连贯，但有少量语言错误；14 分：切题，表达思想清楚，文字通顺，连贯性较好，基本上无语言错误。 字数不够扣分（各段已给出的主题句均不得计入） 。段落不够扣分。对于四级作文的评分标准 ,还有一个更为形象的

2、说法。这五个档次依次是： 一塌糊涂；糊里糊涂；马马虎虎；清清爽爽；漂漂亮亮。实际上，要想四级作文清清爽爽乃至漂漂亮亮，使分数处于 11 分和 14 档，作文中必须有亮点。亮点可以体现在不同的层面： 选词层面上的亮点 ，如要 多用动作动词代替抽象动词，避免相同词语无意义的重复使用； 句法上的亮点 , 多变的句型 ,一定的修辞手段 ,以及一些英语特有的警句和格言； 段落层面和全文 结构上的亮点 ，主要体现在 “行文的自然流畅和段落的合理衔接 ”上 ,当然也包括 整体风格的一致。作文评分范例下面我们通过比较两篇四级作文（注：每段的首句题目已给出）来了 解评分标准以及作文中亮点的重要性。I. Wome

3、n are playi ng an in creas ingly importa nt part in societytoday.Many wome n today are play ing an importa nt part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For example, some wome n are not secretary in the office, in stead , they become man ager of a compa ny.With the changes

4、in their social role, woman' s position inthe family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more wome n have their own jobs. They get their own salary, and become more in depe ndent from their husba nd. With the econo mic situati on improved, their family positi on is impro ving

5、.In spite of these cha nges, the liberati on of woma n has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do some works or do some shopp ing. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a man ager of a compa ny.该作文为8分作文。基本切题，思想表达尚清楚，基本连贯，有个 别严重的语言错误及用词不当

6、，但可以理解。另外，文章中无论词语和句 子层面都没有亮点。文中除了 in depe ndent from外，没有亮点词汇。句式 结构单调，文中除了一个包含定语从句的复合句 Many women today are play ing an importa nt part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before之外，其他的都是简单句。II. Women are playing an increasingly important part insociety today. In many countries, mo

7、re and more women are acting as workers, farmers, scie ntists and eve n leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by wome n. Wome n are no Ion ger looked dow n upon by society.With the changes in their social role, womenn in s positiothe family has been improved as

8、 well. Husband and wife are now equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together, and share happ in ess with each other. Also, you can hardly find out that in today ' families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men are comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading n ewspa

9、pers.In spite of these cha nges, the liberati on of woma n has not been completely realized. A number of men still jealously guard their rights, and regard wome n as in capable creature. Few wome n are allowed to atte nd importa nt intern atio nal meet ing domin ated by men. That ' s really the

10、problems we should solve immediately.该作文为14分作文。切题，文章通顺，语言规范。句法有一定变 化，用词适当。有个别小错，但不影响理解。文中有如下亮点。词汇层面： act as look down upon， cope with， share with， be busy with，jealously， guard, in capable creature domin ate 等词语的使用恰如其分；eve n, perfectly， comfortably，still，immediately这些副词的使用准确而又形象地体现出了 作者的语气和态度。句式层面：句

11、式结构多样：简单句：Women are nolonger looked down upon by the society. 复合句： We can say that almost alljobs which men can do are done perfectly by women.并歹U复合句： Also, you can hardly find out that in today 'fsamilies, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men are comfortably sitting in armchairs, read

12、ing newspapers. 这些亮点都使文章增色不少。从以上两个例子，我们很容易发现这两篇文章为什么在分值上会 有如此大的差异。真题作文评析笔者拟对教学实践中收集到两篇学生写的四级真题作文进行点评并修改。2009 年 12 月作文题目 Create a Green Campus提纲： 1）建设绿色校园很重要2）绿色校园不仅指绿色的环境3）为了建设绿色校园，我们应该学生作文：Create a Green CampusThe campus in university is the place where students live, study and play. A good environ

13、ment is necessary but not all. In general, green campus includes not only a good environment, but also an atmosphere of study, to compete, to help each other.A clean, tidy campus can make people comfortable to live in. And it is a factor to attract excellent professors to come and work. In the same

14、way, an atmosphere of study and competition can motivate thestudents p'otential, they will learn more and make more friends. So it is crucial to create a green campus.As far as I am concerned, we can make a green campus if we follow the tips. First, clean up the campus, plant trees and flowers.

15、Second, give the students more freedom. Let them do whatever they want if that is beneficial. Third, hold some classes which tell students how to deal with others, to teach them teamwork.If we can do this, the green campus is on the way.And in the near future, it will come true.点评：该作文为 8 分档作文。基本切题，思

16、想表达尚清楚，基本连贯， 有一些语言错误及用词不当， 但可以理解。 语言使用过于平淡， 在措辞 和句式方面亮点不足。 如：第一段中， not all 意思表达不够到位 ,若改 为 sufficient 则更为贴切； includes 使用不够恰当， 若改为 entails 更符合 作者的表达意图。 这些词语的恰当使用将会是文章的亮点所在。 文章中 句式单一，全文只有三个复合句，而且都非常简短。如果能将简单句、 复合句、并列句、并列复合句糅合使用，文章将增色不少。修改后作文：Create a Green CampusThe concept of a green campus is not new

17、. But what is a green campus? From my viewpoint, it entails not only a beautiful scenery, but also an atmosphere of diligence, competition, cooperation and sincerity.Undoubtedly, a clean and tidy campus is an attraction. But the atmosphere of study and competition of a“green” campus is more appealin

18、g as it is this atmosphere that helps bring out both the teachers'and students'potential. Teachers can thus teach better and students learn more.Then how to create a green campus? The following tips are practicable. First, clean up the campus, plant more flowers and trees. Second, give teach

19、ers and students more freedom. Let them do whatever they want as long as it is beneficial. Last but not least, give students lectures at intervals on how to deal with people, how to develop teamwork spirit, how to compete properly and how to achieve all-round development.If we can act on the suggest

20、ions, a green campus is well round the corner. Everyone will benefit.点评 : 修改后的作文观点表达更为清晰 , 句式和词汇使用方面增加了亮点。句式方面，包含了短句和长句，简单句、并列句和复合句，使用了特殊句式强调句，还使用了排比的修辞手法。词汇方面，措辞恰如其分， 如 entail，bring out，at intervals 等; 为避免同义词语的无意义重复，文 章分别使用了 “ an attract ion” 和 “ appeali ng”，“ tips”和 “ suggesti on£ , “follow ”

21、和 “act on”来表达相同的意思。2009年 6 月作文题目 Free Admission to Museums 提纲： 1）越来越多的博物馆免费开放的目的是什么2）也会带来一些问题3）你的看法学生作文： Free Admission to MuseumsAn increasing number of museums are free for visiting. The reason for this phenomenon lies in motivating citizens to gain more knowledge of history, culture or something

22、significant. It contributes to improving the quality of people's spare time.However, free opening also brings serious problems. Some administrations ignore the protection of things on display. Thus, quite a part are damaged. During the process of exhibition, visitors can not avoid touching or ta

23、king photos. This accounts for the quick damage of some priceless antiques. So, precious exhibits are suffering a lot from careless treatment. While people are charged, the money can be used to build relative plans for repairing the unique existences. Only in this way can more people have access to

24、them.To sum up, the disadvantages weigh more than the advantages. Priority should be given to protecting the cultural relics in the museums.点评： 该作文为 11 分档作文。切题，表达思想清楚，文字连贯，表达有一些亮点，但有少量语言错误。亮点体现如下：lie in , motivate, con tributeto, on display等词汇和倒装句的使用。略加修改，文章会有很大改进。修改后作文：Free Admission to Museums An

25、increasing number of museums are free of charge for visiting, the purpose of which is to motivate citizens to gain more knowledge of history, culture or something significant. It contributes to improving the quality of people's spare time.However, free opening also brings about serious problems.

26、 Some administrations ignore the protection of items on display. And in the process of exhibition, visitors'article touching and photo taking is unavoidable, which accounts for the damage of some priceless antiques. If people are required to pay some admission fee, the money can be spent on the

27、protection and maintenance of the unique existences.Only in this way can more people have access to them in the future.To sum up, the disadvantages weigh over the advantages. Priority should be given to protecting the cultural relics in themuseums.美文亮点赏析笔者从全新版大学英语综合教程 4第四单元 Text A America as a Colla

28、ge 中选了最后三个自然段供欣赏和模仿。What is the common aim that harmonizes competing cultures in one place?It is not only the better living standard. What attracts immigrants to America is the essential characteristic of American culture: the chance to try. There is a combination of two things that are important: culture and space. The culture allows you to try to be somebody to find yourself, your place, your status. And there is space not only in a geographica