MakingupEmotionalIntelligence构成情感智能的主要因素.doc

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People with greater knowledge of their emotions are better pilots of their lives. Developing self-awareness requires tuning in to what emotions make our bodies feel like literally, gut feelings(直觉). Gut feelings can occur without a person being consciously aware of them. For example, when people who fear snakes are shown a picture of a snake, monitors attached to their skin will detect sweat, a sign of anxiety, even though the people say they do not feel fear. Through deliberate effort we can become more aware of our gut feelings. Take someone who is annoyed by an encounter for hours after it occurred. He may be unaware of his irritability and surprised when someone calls attention to it. But if he evaluates his feelings, he can change them. 2. Mood Management. Bad as well as good moods add flavor to life and build character. The key is balance. Of all the moods that people want to escape, rage seems to be the hardest to deal with. What should you do to relieve rage? One myth is that voicing your rage will make you feel better. In fact, researchers have found thats one of the worst strategies. Explosions of rage pump up the brains arousal system, leaving you more angry, not less. A more effective technique is reframing, which means consciously reinterpreting a situation in a more positive light. 3. Self-motivation. Positive motivation the gathering of feelings of enthusiasm, energy and confidence is vital for achievement. Studies of Olympic athletes, world-class musicians and chess masters show that their common trait is the ability to motivate themselves to pursue harsh training routines. To motivate yourself for any achievement requires clear goals and an optimistic, can-do attitude. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania advised the Metlife insurance company to hire a special group of job applicants who tested high on optimism, although they had failed the normal aptitude (才能) test. Compared with salesmen who passed the aptitude test but scored high in pessimism, this group made 21 percent more sales in their first year and 57 percent more in their second. 4. Impulse Control. The core of emotional self-regulation is the ability to delay an immediate reward in the service of a goal. The importance of this trait to success was shown in an experiment begun in the 1960s by Walter Mischel at a preschool on the Stanford University campus. Children were told that they could have a single treat, such as a piece of candy, right now. However, if they would wait while the experimenter ran an errand, they would have two pieces of candy. Some preschoolers grabbed the treat immediately, but others were able to wait what, for them, must have seemed an endless 20 minutes. The interesting part of this experiment came in later years. The children who as four-year-olds had been able to wait for the two pieces of candy were, as teenagers, still able to delay pleasure in pursuing their goals. They were more socially competent and self-confident, and better able to cope with lifes frustrations. In contrast, the kids who grabbed the one piece of candy were, as teenagers, more likely to be inflexible, unable to make decisions and stressed. The ability to resist temptation can be developed through practice. When youre faced with an immediate temptation, remind yourself of your long-term goals whether they be losing weight or getting a medical degree. Youll find it easier, then, to keep from settling for the single piece of candy. 5. People Skills. The capacity to know how another feels is important on the job, in romance and friendship, and in the family. The importance of good people skills was demonstrated by Robert Kelley of Carnegie-Mellon University and Janet Caplan in a study at Bell Labs. The labs are staffed by engineers and scientists who are all people of great intelligence. But some still emerged as stars, while others were never very successful. What accounted for the difference? The top performers had a network containing a wide range of people. When a non-star encountered a technical problem, Kelley observed, he called various technical experts and then waited, wasting time while his calls went unreturned. Star performers rarely faced such situations because they built reliable networks before they needed them. So when the stars called someone, they almost always got a faster answer. No matter what their I Q, once again it was emotional intelligence that separated the stars from the average performers. 构成情感智能的主要因素 心理学专家一致认为决定成功的因素中智商只占了大约20%， 而其他因素占了整整80%，包括我所说的情感智能。 下面谈谈构成情感智能的一些主要素质，以及如何来培养这些素质。 1.自我意识 能够在一种感觉产生的同时确认它，这一能力是情感智力的基础。 能较大程度地认识自己的感情，这样的人能更好地把握自己的人生。 自我意识的培养要求能注意到什么样的感情会使自己想做某事-确切地说，就是直觉。 有时人们产生了直觉却没有意识到。 例如，当怕蛇的人看到蛇的画面时，在他们体表上安放的监控器会测到排汗，这是焦虑的迹象，即使他们说自己并未感到害怕。 通过有意识的努力我们可以更好地意识到自己的直觉。 举个例子，某一遭遇使人过后几小时都一直闷闷不乐。 此人可能并未意识到自己的不快，如果有人提醒这一点，他还会感到吃惊。 但如果他能确认一下自己的感觉，他就能改变这种状况。 2.情绪控制 坏情绪和好情绪都给我们的生活增添了风味，也构成了我们的性格，关键是要平衡。 在所有人们想要避免的情绪中，怒气似乎最难处理。 该怎样来缓解怒气呢？ 一种说法是把愤怒说出来会使人好受些。 实际上，研究人员发现那样做是一个很糟糕的办法。 怒气的爆发激起了大脑的兴奋系统，使人更加愤怒，而不是相反。 较为有效的办法是重新建构，就是说有意识地以更积极的眼光来重新审度局面。 3.自我激励 积极的动机，即积聚起高涨的热情、旺盛的精力和充分的信心，这对获得成就至关重要。 对奥运选手、世界级的音乐家和国际象棋大师的研究表明，他们的共同特点就是具有促使自己坚持艰苦的日常训练的能力。 要激励自己获得成就需要有明确的目标，以及一种乐观的、我能行的态度。 宾夕法尼亚大学的马丁塞利格曼建议梅特莱夫保险公司雇用一批特别的求职者，他们经测试证实有很乐观的心态，虽然在一般能力测验上不及格。 与另一些通过了能力测试但具有悲观心态的推销员相比，这些人第一年的销售就超出了21%，而第二年更超出了57%。 4.克制冲动 自我调节情感的核心就是有能力做到为了某一目的而推迟近在眼前的利益。 有一个实验说明了这一特性对成功的重要意义。实验是20世纪60年代由沃尔特米歇尔在斯坦福大学校园内的一所幼儿园里做的。 他们告诉孩子们可以马上吃到一样东西，比如一块糖。 但是如果孩子们能等到实验人员出去办点事回来，他们就可以吃到两块糖。 一些孩子抓过糖来一口吃了，但另一些孩子却能够等待对他们来说肯定是漫长的20分钟。 多年以后，这一实验的引人之处出现了。 那些四岁时能够等到两块糖的孩子们，到了十几岁时仍能够为了他们的目标而推迟某种乐趣。 他们的社会生活能力更强，也更有自信心，能更好地应付生活中的各种挫折。 相反，那些当初迫不及待地吃了第一块糖的孩子到了十几岁时更有可能表现得缺乏灵活性，难以作决定，容易紧张。 抗拒诱惑的能力也可以通过练习来培养。 面临着唾手可得的诱惑，提醒自己别忘了自己的长远目标-不管它是什么，减肥也好，拿医学学位也好。 那样，你就不会轻易满足于只吃一块糖了。 5.与人交往的能力 知道他人如何感受的能力在工作中、在爱情与友