浅析中美婚姻观念之差异.doc

浅析中美婚姻观念之差异an analysis of the differences of sino-us marriage conceptschapter introductionmarriage as a human institution exists in all major civilizations since the drawn of time. with the trend of globalization, the cross-cultural communication between chinese and western countries is more and more frequent and the international cross-cultural marriage become very common. but the cultural differences do have influence on international marriage. this paper is to analyze the cultural differences between chinese and american, and to find out the causes of cultural differences. also, it refers to the changes of concepts in marriage in order to make people fully aware of the situation of chinese marriage and know more about western marriage and make some improvements. at the same time, it makes it easy for people to understand international marriage, so that both chinese and foreigners could avoid cultural shock when communicating with each other. besides, through comparing to the differences, we should use the cream of different culture in other countries for reference and help understand better our own culture.chapter the difference between chinese and america marriage2.1 different concepts of marriagemarriage, simply speaking, is that peoples views and attitudes on marriage and the family. there are many similarities in marriage between china and america. who all give a dinner in honor of relatives, husbands all have heavier pressure than wives, and they all love each other very much.but americans concept of marriage and the chinese concept of marriage are also extremely different. because they believe that: marriage is purely private matter, no one can interfere at the same time. the marriage does belong to moral issues. they have the right to choose his or her favorite people to live together. once the existing marriage is found a mistake, he or she shall have a second choice. if one of the couple fell in love with a third party, any party will not be condemned. in their view: forcing two people who do not live together in love is cruel. chinas traditional concept of marriage, happiness can give their life. in american eyes, love is love, is very simple.americans toward marriage is serious, which changes our original feel of casual way they treat their marriage. they do not easily get married and the people around them do not worry for them, and guess nothing. more than thirty and even forty to get married is normal, and many people have no suitable candidates to select until they get old, so they choose to be single, we have seen in old movies before they are emotionally more casual, but when you really understand the americans, youll find that they treat marriage very seriously with high quality requirements. once the parties do not love each other, they will choose to divorce immediately women in the united states after the failure will not be too emotional dependent on men but tend to do calmly re-selection to love. besides, while they choose their partners, they pay a lot of attention to if the other side has a common interest with them and whether the other side will make them pleased and happy instead of the economic capacity, appearance and education. conversely, traditional chinese idea of marriage is bainianhaohe and good match. but in real life, because this or that problem, cracks in the family happens all the time.2.2 contrast of the differences in some contracts 2.2.1 marriage law and wedding marriage in china is rather unique to the rest of the world because of the marriage law of china and the wedding styles. people who are getting married should understand the marriage law, and obtain marriage certificates before they actually get married. the marriage law of the peoples republic of china can be abstracted as the follows:the bride and the groom must agree to marry each other willingly.1the legal marriage age: men must be 22 years of age or older and women must be 20 years of age or older.2monogamy.3people with certain health condition, such as having spreading disease will be restricted to get married.what gets the marring peoples attention besides the law is the preparation of the wedding. in the old times, the parents of the bride and groom would have negotiations several months ahead of the wedding. frequently the brides parents would request a handsome gift from the grooms family as if they were selling their daughter. such negotiations maybe still take place in some far countryside villages. another important thing needs to be done perhaps is to find a place, at least a room, for the marring couple, called “new couple”, to live in after the wedding. this place, called “new room”, will be decorated to the best as it could be.the preparation of the wedding dress comes next. in tradition, the new couple will wear red wedding dresses because the color of red represents goodness. the material for the dresses usually is silk. and the style of the dresses is very different from the style of the dresses that people wear daily. qi pao, a kind of dress fashioned in the qing dynasty is very popularly to be chosen as bridal gowns. brides would also wear phoenix crowns, bridal crowns sophisticatedly decorated with craft phoenixes and pearls. on the other hand, ma gua, a traditional dress for men with long front and back covering, standing collar, rolled up sleeves, and a funny looking water melon peal like hat, would be chosen for the groom to pair with the brides qi pao. however, in this modern age, especially young couples will mostly choose western style wedding dresses.in cities, weddings are usually hosted in hotel banquet halls; while in the countryside, weddings are sometimes hosted in village meeting areas. the hosting families will invite many relatives and friends to the weddings. in the countryside, it is not a surprise if everybody in a village is invited. one may wonder how the hosting family can afford such a big party. well, the secret is that the hosting families count on the guests cash gift. by giving cash gift, every individual guest helps to cover part of the wedding cost; and that is why people call the red invitations “red bombs.” in china, some marring couple could have their wedding twice. strange? not at all, the brides families and the grooms families would like to host their weddings separately sometimes.the hosting families will choose the wedding dates carefully. in the past and present, many people refer to the traditional chinese farmers calendar called “huang-li” to choose their wedding dates, for the calendar indicates the specific dates that are good for weddings. however, many weddings take place around chinese new year, simply because it is a long holiday.weddings are not only the most memorable moment to the brides and grooms, but also are happy times to the relatives and friends. for one thing, everybody attending the weddings would enjoy a quality meal. often, young guests make fun with the new couple by doing crazy things like forcing the bride and groom to drink, forcing the bride and groom to play difficult games, and forcing the bride and groom to kiss in front of everyone. it is really a challenge to the new couple because they have to cooperate to each other to play the games. and they have to tolerate being made fun with, while patiently keep smiling faces to maintain proper manner. in america, legal requirements of marriage are decided by the states themselves. most states require the legal age of marriage for men was 21 years old and for women 18 years old. in the united states, marriage between relatives has long been stopped, but there are still some states without a total ban on consanguineous marriage. in recent years, the united states have a great change on marriage law, emphasizing people with a good health can get married.about 30 u.s. states ban interracial marriage. some states ban such as the southern white people and black people intermarry; eastern, northern and central states of different racial marriages are no restrictionsamerica wedding: american wedding can be held in different shapes and sizes, but a lot of weddings are traditional colored with religious and family celebrations. before marriage, there are a series of procedures: first, an engagement ceremony, when both men and women exchanged engagement rings. wear the ring ready in advance in each others left ring finger, and this exchange of rings the mutual obligations and unbreakable feelings. after the engagement ceremony, it is necessary to prepare for the formal wedding, such as the issuance of invitations, wedding gifts and show gratitude to the giver, entertain friends and relatives, church arrangements, prepare the best mans and bridesmaids clothing and so on. everything is ready, the wedding moment arrives.traditionally, on the wedding day, bride and groom can not meet before embarking on the altar of the church. before the wedding, the groom are not allowed to see the bride dress. bride need to be on a white dress, wearing a white veil to symbolize purity. meanwhile, the bride must wear clothing, including new, old, borrowed and blue, four things. old stuff can be clothing worn over the brides mother; something blue is often a blue garter. the whole wedding event begins from the wedding ceremony, usually held in the church and may also be arranged at home or hotel ballroom. in a church wedding, guests were sitting on both sides of the corridor. the bride holds her fathers arm, slowly through the corridor toward the altar. at this time, the flower girl walking in front of the bride is responsible for the withdrawal of, from the flower petals will be scattered in the hallway. father of the bride put on the altar the bride, took her to the groom wearing a dark dress. then , the groom leave bride at the right, facing the priest who is to hold a traditional ceremony. after the brides wedding ring put on her left ring finger, the priest solemnly said that” i now pronounce you both husband and wife”, the bride and groom would return to the corridor and walk out arm in arm. people have to throw them a grain of rice to bless them with the prosperity, fertility and long lasting happiness.many superstitions exist for right after the wedding to start the marriage off right. the new couple should borrow a coffeepot for the first three month and then purchase one together. a new broom and frying pan is needed to start the couple off on a road to happiness. never start off a marriage with these two items old or already used. the bride should cook herself and her new husband their first meal, it should not be eaten at a restaurant or an in-laws house. never sell the wedding dress. it can be borrowed out, or even given away, but never let money be received for the dress ,or the marriage will come to a quick end .keeping in mind these are all just customs and superstitions. marriage is a union between two people who love each other.2.3.2 the purpose of marriagein china, to get married is traditionally considered a must. a motto says well: it is natural to get married when you grow up. and the main purpose of marriage is to produce a male heir to carry on family line. young people seldom have freedom of choosing their life partner; more couples meet through matchmakers and need parental approval prior to tying the knot. casual dating and free love are not common. so before the wedding day, couples know little about each other.in america, according to the bible, if somebody lives alone, he will feel lonely, so the god creates another one to accompany him. most of the time, american people love more freely than the chinese people. sexual satisfaction is a great part in america marriage. its very common for men and women to live together and fall in love, and then get married. some of them love so crazily that they will sacrifice themselves. marriage is considered to be a covenant -the couples should support each other, even when any of them get sick or poor, the other could not abandon him or her. they need to plan and strive for their future together and reciprocal principle.2.3.3 the criteria of marriagechinas feudal society kept two or three thousand years. the feudal concept attaches great importance to kinship, interdependence, mutual assistance between each other. children rely on their parents before they get married, and their parents in old age depend on their children. （父母之命媒妁之言）extending for thousands of years is the most old chinese way to choose a life partner. the old ways also reflect our concern for the interdependence between the chinese people. since reform and opening up, with the economic development and cultural exchange, the younger generation is no longer bound by the traditional chinese thought. with the opportunity to choose the partner, they believe that free love is a important part of self-value. most people are introduced by matchmaker and then the two sides gradually exposed. however, due to traditional cultural and ethical impact, todays parents are still strictly control their childrens development, asking children to go along the way theyve designed. young chinese boys and girls growing up under the wings of parents do not have sufficient independence. but independence is a prerequisite for free love. therefore, many young men and women still need parents to make up the last choice even though their love has been mature. in a sense, on the issue of mate choice in children, parents are still in power indirectly. of course, chinese peoples most important criteria of mate choice is net worth of innocence and good match. individually and freely to choose the life partner is in a dominant position of americans concept of marriage. americans focus on cultivating childrens personal independence ability. child has more freedom and equality. they can discuss or debate issues with their parents; they are free to choose the school and work, they often leave home eighteen years old, work or work-study; if the twenties still live with their parents, they will be looked down upon. because of this independence of education, american students at the university level usually have their own independent views on the political, social economic and international situation and other issues. for the things of choosing a lover, the youth naturally have their own requirements and standards. they find someone, do not needing someone elses introduction. especially in the universities and secondary school campus, sitting in the student activity center it is easy to catch a heterosexual friend to a weekend trip. college boy, if know a good hostel girl from a friend, they can call her directly, if the girl is looking for heterosexual couple, they may be immediately together. in the u.s., men and women say that they love each other and fit the character . regardless of the others family background, education and even religion. they enjoy the romantic love, but if the character congenial and joys with each other, they will have sex at the first date.2.3.4 the relationship between husband and wife2.3.4.1 relationship between husband and wife in chinain china, t he husband is in a dominant position in marriage, while his wife is in a subordinate position. this marriage structure is caused by the division of traditional culture, that is men outside the home while women inside.” husband is the head of the family, commitment to the main economic responsibility for family life; and his wifes mission is to manage the household, take care of in-laws and educate her children. there is an old saying, no man without a wife is a home owner, a woman without her husband like a room without beam- after missing his wife, the family has nobody to take care of ,so the family life will become disorganized; while the wife lose her husband, sources of income will be cut off, like the house has no beam. this kind of house is impossible to afford to live in again. in modern chinese society, the status gap of men and women in marriage is not as special as it used hanging in the past. today, women go out of the family circle to participate in social work, keeping economic independence relatively. even so, most of the wife still need or wish to depend on their husbands in different degrees. after reform and opening up, the economic conditions have greatly been improved, many wives turn back to home to be housewives, completely supported by her husband. for these full-time wives, people always cast envious eyes, and praise them to be blessed. but as for the case of full-time husband, we always despised and thought that men around the kitchen sink is very spineless.2.3.4.2 america relationship between husband and wife americans think that men and women in marriage should be equal, just like what they say, “husband and wife should be equal partners.” after the western industrial revolution, the increasing demand for labor in industrial society integrated women into the labor market. women intended to more and more areas to work, participate in communication beyond the family. with the regaining opportunity to make a contribution to the economy, women are naturally required to higher their status. therefore, vigorous womens liberation movement in the west started. these feminist movements made a program which is gender equality and womens liberation. the program required women in society and the family to obtain equal status with men, so women can liberate from the traditional habits, ideas and values, freely to achieve true equality. then, how to embody the equal-relationship in marriage in marriage?in the west, the wife and the husband both can work aboard the family and share the financial responsibility. all things in the family are decided by both the husband and the wife, including the households. if you go to an