【摩登家庭】第一季01台词.docx

摩登家庭第一季第一集字幕100:00:01,110 - 00:00:02,960Kids, breakfast!200:00:03,310 - 00:00:05,210Kids?300:00:05,211 - 00:00:06,481Phil, would you get them?400:00:06,482 - 00:00:07,920Yeah, just a sec.500:00:12,340 - 00:00:16,810That is so,Kids, get down here!600:00:17,080 - 00:00:20,960Why are you guys yelling at us,when were way upstairs, just text me.700:00:21,310 - 00:00:24,500Alright, Thats not gonna happen,and, wow, youre not wearing that outfit.800:00:24,800 - 00:00:27,410Whats Wrong with it?- Honey, do you have anything to say to youre daughter.900:00:27,411 - 00:00:28,350. about her skirt?1000:00:29,230 - 00:00:31,500Sorry?Oh yeah, that looks really cute sweetheart!1100:00:31,790 - 00:00:35,000Thanks!- No, its way to short, people know youre a girl.1200:00:35,160 - 00:00:36,580. you dont need to prove it to them.1300:00:36,581 - 00:00:38,830Luke got his head stuck in the banister again.1400:00:38,831 - 00:00:39,830I got it.1500:00:39,970 - 00:00:42,420Wheres the babyoil?- Its on our bedside tip.1600:00:43,690 - 00:00:44,690.I Dont know, find it.1700:00:47,070 - 00:00:47,870Come on!1800:00:48,020 - 00:00:52,440I. was out of control growing up,there, you know, i said it.1900:00:52,780 - 00:00:57,770I, just dont want my kids to makethe same bad mistakes i made.2000:00:58,440 - 00:01:03,460If hayley never would exhibit on a beach in florida,half naked. Ive done my job.2100:01:03,820 - 00:01:05,640OUR job.- Right.2200:01:06,550 - 00:01:08,500Ive done our job.2300:01:19,590 - 00:01:20,480That was a penalty!2400:01:20,480 - 00:01:23,130Gloria, there Owens six,lets take it down a notch.2500:01:23,980 - 00:01:25,880Were, verry different.2600:01:26,300 - 00:01:30,610Hes from the city.He has big business.2700:01:30,800 - 00:01:35,430Im come from a small village,very poor, but very very beautiful.2800:01:35,480 - 00:01:39,520Its the number one village in north-columbia,before al the.2900:01:39,520 - 00:01:40,920. whats the word?- Murders.3000:01:41,470 - 00:01:43,190Yes, the murders.3100:01:43,890 - 00:01:45,680Manny, stop him!3200:01:52,200 - 00:01:53,300Dammit, manny!3300:01:53,690 - 00:01:56,080Come on, coach!Youve gotta take that kid out!3400:01:56,500 - 00:01:57,740You wanna take him out?3500:01:57,930 - 00:01:59,260How about I take you out!?3600:01:59,690 - 00:02:00,630Honey, honey.3700:02:00,630 - 00:02:05,360Why dont you worry about youre son!Hed spend the first half with his hands in his pants!3800:02:08,810 - 00:02:10,610I wanted to tell her that for the last six weeks.3900:02:12,960 - 00:02:15,890Im Josh, Brians dad.- Hi, Im Gloria Pritchett.4000:02:15,890 - 00:02:18,470. Mannys mother.Oh, this must be youre dad.4100:02:18,590 - 00:02:20,580Her dad?Uh, no, no, thats funny.4200:02:20,940 - 00:02:23,750Actually no, Im her husband!Dont be fooled by the.4300:02:24,820 - 00:02:25,820Give me a second here.4400:02:32,950 - 00:02:35,800Shes adorable!- Oh, thank you!4500:02:36,300 - 00:02:38,640Hey precious.- Hello.4600:02:40,350 - 00:02:45,140Weve just adopted her from vietnamand were bringing her home for the first time.4700:02:45,520 - 00:02:48,030Shes an angel.You and youre wive must be thrilled!4800:02:48,150 - 00:02:51,400Sorry, sorry, sorry,daddy needed snacks.4900:02:55,370 - 00:02:58,160So, what are we talking about?5000:02:59,010 - 00:03:02,960We have been together for.five years now?5100:03:03,410 - 00:03:06,350And weve decided we reallywanted to have a baby.5200:03:06,350 - 00:03:10,150. so, we initially asked one of ourlesbian friends to be a surrogate5300:03:10,150 - 00:03:13,750Then we figured, they already mean enough,can you imagine one of them pregnant?5400:03:13,750 - 00:03:14,750No, thank you.5500:03:16,320 - 00:03:20,320You saw that right?Everybody fonding up to lillian, then you walk on.5600:03:20,000 - 00:03:21,000. and suddenly its all5700:03:24,910 - 00:03:27,800Im gonna give a speech.- You are not giving a speech .5800:03:27,800 - 00:03:31,790. you gonna stuck with this people for the next five hours!- Your right, its okay, im sorry.5900:03:31,790 - 00:03:32,790Honey, look at that baby with those creampuffs.6000:03:33,530 - 00:03:39,550Okay, excuse me. But this baby would be growin upin a crowded orphanage if it wasnt for us creampuffs .6100:03:39,560 - 00:03:42,470. and you know what, to all of you who judge,hear this,6200:03:42,470 - 00:03:48,950love knows no race, creed or gender andshame on you! You small minded, ignorant fe.6300:03:48,950 - 00:03:50,200Mitchel?- What?6400:03:50,310 - 00:03:52,430Shes got the creampuffs.6500:03:59,500 - 00:04:02,160We would like to pay for everyones headsets.6600:04:03,750 - 00:04:08,750MODERN FAMILYSEASON 1 EPISODE 16700:04:15,200 - 00:04:18,210Buddy, why do you keep getting stuk like this?6800:04:18,210 - 00:04:19,800I can get out this time.6900:04:20,220 - 00:04:23,760Im just gonna say it.he needs to be checked by a specialist.7000:04:24,900 - 00:04:27,720There! Be free,Excalibur!7100:04:28,070 - 00:04:30,240Im having a friend over today.- Who?7200:04:30,240 - 00:04:32,900You dont know him.- Him?7300:04:34,520 - 00:04:38,200Oeh, a boy! You gonna kiss him?- Shut up7400:04:40,690 - 00:04:43,780Luke, Alex, why dont you take it outside, okay?- And do what?7500:04:43,780 - 00:04:47,200Fighting a son, it would be a nice change.Im kidding!7600:04:47,200 - 00:04:49,930Whos the boy?- His name is Dylan .7700:04:50,490 - 00:04:54,020. I might as well just tell him not to come,because you guys are just going to embarrase me again.7800:04:54,020 - 00:04:58,900Hang on a second, youre fifteen,its the first time youve had a boy over7900:04:59,000 - 00:05:02,480Im bound to be a little suprised, but.Were not gonna embarasse you!8000:05:02,490 - 00:05:04,480Im better go charge the camcorder.8100:05:05,240 - 00:05:08,550Im kidding! Come on!Who are you talking to?8200:05:08,550 - 00:05:11,010Im a cool dad. Thats my thang.8300:05:12,940 - 00:05:16,100I surf the web, i text LOLLaugh Out Loud,8400:05:16,100 - 00:05:17,710OMG, Oh My God,8500:05:17,710 - 00:05:18,710WTF, Why The Face.8600:05:20,270 - 00:05:23,830You know,i know all the dances to High School Musical, so.8700:05:32,360 - 00:05:34,860MOM! DAD!- What happend?8800:05:35,100 - 00:05:38,100Luke just shot me!- I didnt mean to!8900:05:38,200 - 00:05:42,350Are you okay?- No, the little bitch shot me!9000:05:42,350 - 00:05:45,200Language!There only plastick bbs!9100:05:45,260 - 00:05:46,700It was an accident!9200:05:46,810 - 00:05:50,190What did I tell you what happened if you got him a gun?Deal with this!9300:05:50,340 - 00:05:52,750Buddy. Uncool.9400:05:54,150 - 00:05:55,080Thats it?9500:05:55,970 - 00:05:58,770No, the agreement was that,if he shoots someone .9600:05:58,770 - 00:05:59,770. you shoot him.9700:06:00,190 - 00:06:01,770We were serious about that?9800:06:01,770 - 00:06:04,200Yes, we were and now you have to follow through.9900:06:05,250 - 00:06:07,720Im so sorry!- Liar.10000:06:08,950 - 00:06:11,240Go!- Hes got a birthday party.10100:06:11,250 - 00:06:12,630Whats more importand here dad?10200:06:12,700 - 00:06:16,730You can shoot him afterwards, hell be home at two.- I cant shoot him at two, showing our house at two.10300:06:16,730 - 00:06:17,730What about three?10400:06:17,770 - 00:06:22,600No, hes at a soccergame at three, and then.Oh, we gotta leave for that dinner thing in five.10500:06:22,600 - 00:06:26,3804:15, you can shoot him at 4:15.- Yeah, I guess that works for me.10600:06:26,900 - 00:06:29,530Shoot Luke.- Sorry dude, its on the calender10700:06:30,700 - 00:06:31,700Oh, come on!10800:06:33,900 - 00:06:36,660Im quitting soccer, it is a game for children.10900:06:36,660 - 00:06:41,110No, youre not quitting. You wouldve stopedthat goal if you werent staring at that little girl.11000:06:41,110 - 00:06:43,520She is not a girl, She is a woman.11100:06:46,730 - 00:06:50,400You know Gloria, that blowup with that other mom,why do you have to do things like that?11200:06:50,400 - 00:06:53,090If someone sais somthing about my family,im going to. - Im just .11300:06:53,090 - 00:06:57,090. saying you could take it down here a little bit.- Well yeah, but thats when you live down here .11400:06:57,460 - 00:06:58,460. but i live up here!11500:06:58,796 - 00:07:01,730You dont have to be so emotional all the time,thats all Im saying.11600:07:01,739 - 00:07:05,504Manny, youre with me on this, right?- I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her.11700:07:05,505 - 00:07:06,288Oh, for Gods sake.11800:07:06,289 - 00:07:09,747Honey, shes 16.- Oh, its okay for you to take another lover?11900:07:09,749 - 00:07:10,749Watch it!12000:07:10,755 - 00:07:12,752I want to go to the mall where she works.12100:07:12,754 - 00:07:16,075But first we need to get my white shirt,the silk one.12200:07:16,077 - 00:07:18,275Okay, if thats what you really want to do.12300:07:18,277 - 00:07:24,010Seriously, not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put ona puffy white shirt and declare your love for a 16 year old .12400:07:24,012 - 00:07:27,389. youre gonna be swinging from the flagpolein youre puffy white underpants!12500:07:27,391 - 00:07:28,391Stop the car!12600:07:28,480 - 00:07:29,480Where you going?12700:07:34,373 - 00:07:38,445You hurt his feelings.- Well, if it toughens him up a littlebit, then .12800:07:38,448 - 00:07:40,159. oh, jeez, hes picking flowers!12900:07:41,329 - 00:07:48,370Manny is verry pasioned, just like his father.My first husband is very handsome but, to crazy.13000:07:48,372 - 00:07:54,094It seemd like all what we did was,fight and make love.13100:07:54,096 - 00:07:57,200One time, im not kidding you,we fell out of the window together.13200:07:57,907 - 00:07:59,395Which one were you doing?13300:08:00,880 - 00:08:02,691Im hearing this for the first time!13400:08:05,100 - 00:08:06,234This doesnt worry you?13500:08:06,559 - 00:08:11,035She barely slept in the plane, and shes stil wide awake.- Oh, stop worrying!13600:08:11,808 - 00:08:16,390That orphinage, it was all woman. Maybe she cannotfall asleep unless she feels a womans shape.13700:08:16,395 - 00:08:17,791I guess thats possible.13800:08:18,250 - 00:08:21,538So, here.- What the hell is that suppose to mean?13900:08:22,105 - 00:08:25,845Yes, ive gained a few extra poundswhile we expecting the baby.14000:08:26,655 - 00:08:31,290Which has been verry difficult.But, apparently youre body does a nesting, very maturnal .14100:08:31,291 - 00:08:36,992. primal thing, were it retaines nutrisians.Some sort of molecular fysiology thing.14200:08:37,300 - 00:08:41,032But thats science,you cant fight it.14300:08:45,500 - 00:08:46,805Im not saying anything.14400:08:46,841 - 00:08:48,378Youre saying everything.14500:08:49,791 - 00:08:52,864Count to three, one, t.- Three.- Okay.14600:08:54,826 - 00:08:57,071O My God, do you love it?-Yes, I.14700:08:58,443 - 00:08:59,565What the hell is that?14800:08:59,816 - 00:09:02,000I had Andre do it when we were gone.14900:09:02,044 - 00:09:03,044Is that us?15000:09:03,413 - 00:09:04,455With wings?15100:09:04,460 - 00:09:06,940Were floating above her,always there to protect her.15200:09:06,942 - 00:09:10,707Well, thats reassuring, right Lilly?Yeah, we tore you away from everyting you know but .15300:09:10,708 - 00:09:13,710. dont worry, things are normal here.Youre fathers are floating fairys!15400:09:13,718 - 00:09:17,410Can you call Andre? Have himpaint someting a little less gay?15500:09:17,430 - 00:09:19,925We need to stop having friends with nameslike Andre.15600:09:20,799 - 00:09:24,349Redheaded dad, is angry daddy.- No Im not. - Yes, you are.15700:09:24,350 - 00:09:27,600Even pepper pointed it out on the way home from the airport.- Okay, thats anotherone pepper!15800:09:27,602 - 00:09:29,209Okay, wats up?15900:09:30,746 - 00:09:31,746I .16000:09:33,892 - 00:09:36,670I never told my family we were adopting a baby.16100:09:37,847 - 00:09:41,020I know.- You do?16200:09:41,346 - 00:09:43,372And I dont blame you, Iknow your family.16300:09:43,374 - 00:09:46,475You tell them,they say something judgementally.16400:09:46,783 - 00:09:47,476Exactly!- You get mad.16500:09:47,954 - 00:09:51,421I know, and its supposed to be nothing,but joyfull suddenly turns into this huge fight.16600:09:51,422 - 00:09:53,840Who wants a big emotional scene like that?16700:09:53,841 - 00:09:56,547Thank you, im so reliefed you understand.16800:09:57,169 - 00:09:59,274I invited them over for dinner tonight.16900:10:01,100 - 00:10:02,543What?- I had to!17000:10:02,544 - 00:10:05,116This would have gone on forever.Youre an avoider.17100:10:05,116 - 00:10:08,900No, Im calling them now, Im cancelling.- No, youre not!17200:10:09,278 - 00:10:11,500Youre telling your family youve adopted a baby, tonight.17300:10:11,501 - 00:10:13,005And you do have avoidings issues!17400:10:15,049 - 00:10:17,449Are you really not hearing this things?17500:10:21,500 - 00:10:22,965Dont answer it, ill get it!17600:10:30,971 - 00:10:33,915Heey, you must be Dylan.- Hey, Dylan, yeah.17700:10:34,093 - 00:10:35,150Im Haleys mother.17800:10:35,468 - 00:10:37,367Hey, come on, lets go.17900:10:38,439 - 00:10:39,439Hang on one second18000:10:41,106 - 00:10:45,933Dylan. Youre still in High School?- Yeah, im a Senior.18100:10:47,468 - 00:10:51,974Phil, sweety, honey.He is Dylan and he is a Senior.18200:10:54,802 - 00:10:55,900Let me meet this playa.18300:10:57,862 - 00:10:58,862Phil Dunphy, jo!18400:11:04,227 - 00:11:08,082Its like that, you just start down on himand let the eyes do the work.18500:11:08,800 - 00:11:09,826Youre mouth might be saying:Hey, we cool!18600:11:10,455 - 00:11:12,399But youre eyes are like:No, we not!18700:11:12,782 - 00:11:15,341Nice to meet you!No, its not!18800:11:16,585 - 00:11:19,880S all good?No, s it isn.18900:11:20,366 - 00:11:21,366Jo.- Jo.19000:11:23,190 - 00:11:25,926Okay, Ive seen two guys-Wait19100:11:25,916 - 00:11:26,916You two .19200:11:30,257 - 00:11:33,019. two keep it real?You know what it mean, son?19300:11:32,785 - 00:11:34,037Not really.19400:11:34,999 - 00:11:36,636Please stop.- Thats cool!19500:11:37,616 - 00:11:42,115Oh, God, Thats my back!Owh, oh, I slipped in the babyoil.19600:11:42,120 - 00:11:48,770Ooh, where you from originally?I could defeat you if it came to a phisical confrontation!19700:11:49,355 - 00:11:53,020I dont know about this, shall I call a doctor?- No, no, no.19800:11:54,770 - 00:11:56,885Youre verry strong homes.- Thanks.19900:11:57,012 - 00:11:59,365Okay, nice, nice soft landing20000:11:59,938 - 00:12:05,940Okay, I am on my side, so flip me right backand were good. Well be good20100:12:06,943 - 00:12:10,436Just need to get flipped right on my back,we should be fine, so.20200:12:10,656 - 00:12:11,656Feldman.20300:12:13,575 - 00:12:16,218What is that?- A poem ive written for Brenda Feldman.20400:12:16,219 - 00:12:20,338Ofcourse that is.- I put my toughts into words, and now my words into action!20500:12:20,468 - 00:12:23,120Ey, I give you 50 bucks not to do this.20600:12:23,324 - 00:12:26,010Im eleven years old,what am I gonna do with money?20700:12:26,031 - 00:12:27,331What are you gonna do with a sixteen year old?20800:12:28,829 - 00:12:29,829Its like a bullfight!20900:12:30,755 - 00:12:31,990Ever seen a bullfight?21000:12:33,198 - 00:12:34,198I cant watch this.21100:12:34,480 - 00:12:36,793Youre in such a bad mood.And I know why,21200:12:37,484 - 00:12:41,534Its because that man thought you were my father.- No - Yes -NO21