英语小笑话.doc

HeWon Tommy:Howisyourlittlebrother,Johnny?Johnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself. Tommy:Thatstoobad.Howdidthathappen? Johnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindow,andhewon. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 IHaveHisEarinMyPocket Ivancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,Whathappened? Akidbitme,repliedIvan. Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagain?askedhismother. Idknowhimanywhere,saidIvan.Ihavehisearinmypocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” AGoodBoy LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday? Igaveittoapooroldwoman,heanswered. Youreagoodboy,saidthemotherproudly.Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman? Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk Oneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,WhatsthemeaningofthewordDrunk,dad?Well,myson,hisfatherreplied,look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk. 作者：海洋球2009-7-6 18:49 回复此发言 2_【转英语小笑话,+翻译! But,dad,theboysaid,theresonlyONEpoliceman! 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，醉字是什么意思？”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguestsplate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?Intherat-trap,sir,repliedtheboy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件Adidas的衣服去打球,一个老美看到就笑我说,Doyou knowwhatdoesitmean?ItmeansAllDayIDreamAboutSex.我整天都在想著 性,缩写正好是Adidas)我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快,联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围,他说,有一个很著名的合唱团Korn,他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S,(AlldayIdreamaboutsex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔!下次就换你去取笑老美了. 1. assandman驴和买驴的人Amanwantedtobuyanass.Hewenttothemarket,andsawalikelyone.Buthewantedtotesthimfirst.Sohetooktheasshome,andputhimintothestablewiththeotherasses.Thenewasslookedaround,andimmediatelywenttochooseaplacenexttothelaziestassinthestable.Whenthemansawthisheputahalterontheassatonce,andgavehimbacktohisowner.Theownerfeltquitesurprised.Heaskedtheman,Whyareyoubacksosoon?Haveyoutestedhimalready?Idontwanttotesthimanymore,repliedtheman,Fromthecompanionhechoseforhimself,Icouldseewhatsortofanimalheis.中文：一个买主到市场上去买驴，他看中一头外表不错的驴，但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家，放在自己其他的驴之间，这驴四处看看，立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是，买驴的人立刻给那头驴套上辔头，牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪，他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了？”买主说：“不必再试了，从他所选择什么样的朋友来看，我已经知道他是什么样了。”2.TheLooneyBin疯人院Lateonenightattheinsaneasylum(疯人院）oneinmateshouted,IamNapoleon!Anotheronesaid,Howdoyouknow?Thefirstinmatesaid,Godtoldme!Justthen,avoicefromanotherroomshouted,Ididnot!一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：我是拿破仑！另一个说：你怎么知道？第一个人说：上帝对我说的！一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：我没说！Notes:（1）Looney(俚语）疯子（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）（3）insaneasylum(疯人院）3.Amothermouse老鼠的第二语言也重要Amothermousewasoutforastrollwithherbabieswhenshespottedacatcrouchedbehindabush.Shewatchedthecat,andthecatwatchedthemice.Mothermousebarkedfiercely,Woof,woof,woof!Thecatwassoterrifiedthatitranforitslife.Mothermouseturnedtoherbabiesandsaid,Now,doyouunderstandthevalueofasecondlanguage? 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”4.Afathersaidtohissons:Tomorrowyourmotherisgoingtobakeapie.Whoisgoingtoeatit?Theoldestsonreplied:Father,Illeatitall!Thefatherthensaid:TomorrowImgoingtobutcherapig.Whoisgoingtoeatit?Thesamesonanswered:Father,Illeatitall!Thefatheradded:Tomorrow,wearegoingtoploughthefield.Whoisgoingtoplough?Theoldestsonansweredagain:Itsalwaysme,alwaysme.Nowitssomeoneelsesturntovolunteer!总是我一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”出自n词酷2. TheRaise Employee：Ivebeenherefor11yearsdoingthreemensworkforonemanspay.NowIwantaraise. Boss：Well,Icantgiveyouaraise,butifyoulltellmewhotheothertwomenare,Illfirethem. 加薪 员工：我在这里11年了，做三个人的工作，却只拿一个人的薪水。现在我要求加薪。 3. 老板：嗯，我不能给你加薪，但如果你能告诉我其他两个人是谁，我会开除他们。4. grandson:Whatarethebirdsdoinginthetree? grandfather:Theyaresittingthere. grandson:ButIcantseetheirchairs? grandfather:Oh. 孙子：小鸟在树上干什么呢？ 爷爷：它们在那儿坐着呢。 孙子：但是我看不见它们的椅子啊？ 爷爷：5. GoodBoy LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday? Igaveittoapooroldwoman,heanswered. Youreagoodboy,saidthemotherproudly.Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman? Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”6. Drunk Oneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,WhatsthemeaningofthewordDrunk,dad?Well,myson,hisfatherreplied,look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk. But,dad,theboysaid,theresonlyONEpoliceman! 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，醉字是什么意思？”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”7. ClassandAss ProfessorLaurieofGlasgowputhisnoticeonhisdoor:ProfessorLauriewillnotmeethisclassestoday. Astudent,afterreadingthenotice,rubbedoutthec. LaterProfessorLauriecamealong,andenteringintothespiritofthejoke,rubbedoutthel. 班和笨驴 格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不见他的班级。” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘)。 后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass：笨驴)。经典英语幽默小短文I came home from work one day to find my wife,Jolynn,cradling our six-month-old daughter and repeating,Da-da How sweet,I though to myself,for her to choose Daddy as our babys first word.Several weeks later,Jhlynn and I were wakened by a small voice crying,Da-da.Turning over to go back to sleep,my wife said,Shes calling you,dear译：一天，我下班回家，发觉我的妻子将我们六个月的女儿轻轻放到摇篮里，而且重复地说着：爸-爸，呵，多么甜美，我自忖道，她选择教会我们的宝贝的第一个词是：爸-爸。 几个星期后，妻子和我睡得正香，忽然被小小的哭声给唤醒了，爸-爸。我翻个身继续睡。妻子说了：亲爱的，她正在叫你呢。Two men were talking at the office rest room.One was telling the other about a fight hed with his wife.In the end ,he said,I had her begging on her knees. What did she say？asked the coworker. She told me to come out from under the bed.译：两人正在休息室谈论着。一位正对另一位说起与妻子的一场争斗。他说：最后，我终于成功地迫使她跪下来求我 另一位很好奇：她怎么求你的？ 她求我快点从床下爬出来Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didnt have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.Thats fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday?安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？” 本文章来自廖廖故事网：文章详细出处：/plus/view.php?aid=662Im Trying to Stop It Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected? No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it. “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” “Im sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boys tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example? John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？ 约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。 Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language? 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。 母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。” 改改,添一下 I work for 7up! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀 Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, Congratulations, you got twins. The man said How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins. After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, Congratulations, you got triplets. Man was like Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the 3 musketeers. Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says Congratulations, you got twins x2. Man is happy and says, Ironic, I work for the hotel 4 Seasons. All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall