英文应用文体的校对实际案例与反馈.doc

标记uisnt planning. illing master classes thinas art galleries 颜色紫色是问题橘红色是我自己还不确定的 奉劝那位学生的老师，你是老师，但不能好为人师，希望你好自为之，不要误人子弟了！红色是与原文对照的地方我对音乐学学科的认识My Understanding of Musicology从小喜欢钢琴的我，音乐的魅力让我无法阻挡。但真正接触到专业系统的音乐理论知识学习是我进入大学后的事。大学四年，是让我对音乐有了重新认识的四年，更是我对音乐学所涉猎的新天地有所领悟的四年。四年来，在老师的指导下我不仅完成了本科阶段钢琴表演的学习，具备一定钢琴演奏的能力和水平，同时通过中西方音乐史、美学原理、艺术修养及和声复调学等各类音乐专业知识奠定了一定的理论基础。使我的思想经历了从“音乐就是唱歌”到“音乐学内涵原来如此丰富、神奇”的认识过程。The charm of music is overwhelming to me who likes playing piano since childhood. However, I did not start professional and systematic knowledge of music theory until I enteredisnt planning. Entered the college college where I spent four years rediscovering music and appreciating the new musicology world. During the four years in college, I completed the courses of piano performance in the undergraduate stage under the guidance of my teacher which缺少此句翻译:With the ability of piano playing. In addition, 不通顺了吧，妹！那是因为你的语法错误！oriental music, aesthetic principles, artistic accomplishment, tonetics and polyphony and为什么一直AND很别扭 as well as besides in addition other music expertise laid certain theoretical foundation. The connotation of musicology is so enricheenriched作为形容词是 浓缩的意思, 应该为 enrichuld and magic that it changed my previous conception that “music is singing. 音乐学的概念和定义，无论是在具有音乐学历史较长的西方国家，还是在中国这样音乐学学科体系建立相对较晚的东方国度，或者在不同教授的讲课中，或多或少有些不同，不同国家的文化和价值取向不同，也有个体认识的特点和差异。通过比较，我认识到包含在音乐学概念与定义中的核心元素有共同趋向：The concepts and definitions of musicology are diffevariousrent in different 两个连着用有点怪 可以同义替换说下 包括下面其他的diff 用加粗标注 你看看有多少 每句一个 何况原文也没这句啊countries, whether it is a western country that has a relatively longer musicological history or China where the establishment of musicological system is comparatively late, professors may also （这是第一个观点啊 为什么要用“也”）我之所以用也是因为前文提起西方国家，中国之间的差异导致的定义的不同，所以承接上文，我用了also，合情合理，有理有节！have differentdiverse（有差异性的）ideas to its definitionsin their lectures, this is caused by the varying cultures and values in different countries as well as the characteristics and differencesdiscrepancy in individual understandings.(The)the concepts and definitions are different to some extent in China so relatively late Eastern kingdom, or in a different professors lectures, more or less different. This stems from the culture and values of the different countries are different, individual understanding of the characteristics and differences. 重复 可删除By comparison, I recognize that the core elements included in musicological concepts and definitions have a common trend: (本段可能是中西文化语言表达的感觉不同 太多different or differences 几乎每句一个 用中文表达挺正常 翻译过来或者念起来感觉罗嗦、重复)供选择词：形态各异的、有差异的、有区别的、自身特性的、有差别的、各具特点的、有分别的）真敢说，你才是真正的天神！你原文用这么多的“不同”，我凭什么不能用different，我为什么绞尽脑汁为你想这么多词代替，你早干嘛去了？！一是音乐学研究对象的共同趋向。音乐学是研究与音乐有关的一切事物及研究人类历史和当今一切音乐作品和行为。研究对象是人类在一切时代，从原始时代直到现在创作的一切音乐。也包括研究历史和现在的一切个人和民族的音乐行为，即音乐的生理行为、创造行为、表演行为、审美行为、接受行为、学习行为。归根结底对音乐行为的研究是对行为者的研究，是对人的研究。尤其是当今这个变化发展的社会，对创作、演奏唱者、制作、传播和欣赏音乐的人的调查分析和研究，还将会对社会的音乐生活产生影响。Firstfirst of all, it can be focus on the这句话本身就没改对！, common trend of musicological research objects. The musicology studies all things related to the music, the history of mankind and all凭什么删除我的all current musical works and behaviors. The research objects cover all music works created from primitive times until now as well as all current and historical individual and national music acts, namely physiological behavior of the music, creating behaviors, performing behaviors, aesthetic behaviors, accepting behaviors and learning behaviors of the music 都知道是music的，不用加。. The analysis of musical behaviors finally goes to actors and 为什么改成on呢，请看清楚？！ people. Especially todaysnowadaystodays 不够书面化 吹毛求疵，你读过原版英文吗？ changing society, the investigation and analysis of music players, designers, disseminators and appreciators will affect on 为什么要加，不加不行吗？ the musical life of the society. 二是音乐学内涵分类的共同趋向。音乐学在各个国家发展演变的过程中最终的研究分支是相似的。比如审美角度方面的音乐美学 、音乐欣赏、音乐评论等；史料理论方面的音乐史学、 音乐考古学、音乐哲学等；社会人文方面的音乐社会学、音乐心理学、音乐教育学、音乐治疗学等。 The secondSecondly, 你用secondly就感觉高端了？呵呵 is the common trend in classification ofmusicology connotation. The final study branches与原文有出入 没有“研究” of musicology in its evolution ofin its 此处你还不如不改 development processes in different countries are similar, such as music aesthetics music appreciation and music reviews in aesthetics perspective, music history, music archeology, music philosophy in historical theoretical perspective; music sociology, music psychology, music pedagogy and music therapeutics in social and human perspective.不确定这里的专有名词是直译的还是音乐词典上的写法 麻烦您确定了再说！三是音乐学总任务的共同趋向。音乐学的总任务就是透过与音乐有关的各种现象来阐明它们的本质及其规律。在当今全球经济大发展、社会文化大繁荣的背景下，文化的蓬勃发展已成为一种潮流、一种趋势。西方文化领域中的音乐学也正在不断开阔它的视野，成为研究当今社会音乐文化的重要学科和方向。音乐学作为一种带有艺术色彩的文化形态具有很高的研究价值，尤其是西方学术研究者对于音乐学理论的健全、完善、创新以及实用性做出了很大贡献。如英国的音乐学注重音乐理论中的表演要素。The third is the common trend of general 总任务！ musicology general task. The general 形容词顺序问题musicology general task is to clarify the nature and rules see through its laws ofthe句法没有翻译完整 music-related phenomena. In the context context更好background of todays global economic development and social and cultural prosperity此句可改为: at presently, in the background of great developed global economy and porsperious cultural in society. great 修饰global，你真有创意！, the flourishing culture has 请尊重原文is becominge a fashion trend. Musicology in the field of western culture is constantly broadening its horizons, becoming an important discipline and direction of musical culture of todays society改为to study nowdadys musical culture. nowadays是副词，不能形容名词。. Musicology as a cultural pattern with artistic elements has high research values, especially the western academic researchers have has made dramatic contributions to the soundness, improvement, innovation and practicality of musical theories. E.g. British musicology focuses on the elements of performance in music theory.我认为对音乐学的研究和理解在弄清概念、定义、研究对象、内涵、分类、总任务的前提下，还必须学会用历史与现实、相互辨证的观点去分析研判，这样才能全面完整地了解音乐学的起源、发展轨迹和未来走向。As I see itIn my ,opinion,唉，这俩不是一个意思吗？ besides the general task of studying and understanding musicological concepts, definitions, connotation and classification, it is important to analyze and judge with historic, and realistic and mutual dialectical perspectives so that we can comprehensively learn about the origin and development trajectory and , as well futureas future trends of musicology.从历史角度看，古希腊时的哲学家就开始探讨“音乐的本质”、“音乐的功能”。毕达哥拉斯 毕达哥拉斯（Pythagoras，572 BC497 BC）古希腊数学家、哲学家。把音乐纳入他的以数为中心、对世界进行抽象解释的理论之中。用弦长比率与音律的关系，通过运算推算出“天体和谐论”来试图揭示世界的本质。这种从自然科学角度去理解音乐的物理属性进而去理解世界本原的观点，可以说是音乐哲学的始祖。From a historical perspective, the ancient Greek philosopher began to explore the essence and function of music. PythagorasPythagoras (572 BC-497 BC) was an ancient Greek mathematician and philosopher who incorporated music into his number-based theory that abstractly interpreted world. studied the relationship between chord length ratio and temperament and concluded celestial harmony theory through calculations, trying to reveal the nature of the world. The attemption 我没见过attemption这个单词，是您创造的吗？ to understand the physical properties of the music from the perspective of the natural sciences and then to understand the beginning of the world can be deemed as the initiation of the philosophy of music.首先从历史时间进程看，各个时期音乐理论的奠定都为日后音乐学学科形成和研究起到很大的作用。在中世纪，虽然音乐理论大都是继承古希腊权威的音乐论点，但是却强调了关于音乐理论要应用于实践以满足显示音乐多样化的社会愿望和需求，这为“文艺复兴”的音乐革新起到推动作用；“文艺复兴”时期，音乐领域的学者对上一时期的理论进行修正和延伸，建立了许多诸如和声理论、创作理论等自然科学方向的音乐理论研究，开启了人文主义的大门；17世纪，大量涌现的音乐理论书籍与各个音乐艺术门类研究紧密结合，产生了音乐美学的认识和理论，并得到较大发展；18世纪是现代意义上音乐史学形成的重要时期。随着时间发展，大量史料支撑音乐史的积淀；进入19世纪，音乐理论受西方近代史学影响，辐射并促进音乐研究在各个领域的突破，最终形成“音乐学”这门学科。在其后，新兴起的音乐美学、音乐社会学、音乐史学等新诞生的学科都有了自己独立的发展体系。First of all, judging from the time course of history, fundation on有一个拼写错误，你真能！ musical theories of varying 本来挺好的你改平庸了，何况你不看看phases是复数。 each historical phases play significant roles 重要不等于奠定for the formation and researches of musicology. Medieval music theories were mostly这里要体现的是继承的这个动作 不是说光表达内容大致相同就可以 Succeed on musical views of ancient Greece authorities while stressing that musical theories shall be applied in practice to satisfy the social wishes and needs of music diversification. which it promotes the music innovation of the Renaissance during which timewhen music scholars amended and extend the previous music theories and commenced music theory studies such as harmony theory and creation theory oriented by natural science, opening the door of humanism无分句, 句意不清. ; inIn the 17th century, a large number of music theory books were closely integrated with music arts discipline studies that have produced, creating music aesthetics conceptions and theories and which got making great improvements; the 18th century saw the formation of modern musical history. Over time,Moreover, the large quantity of historical data supported the musical history accumulation over time; in thewhen it comes to 19th century, influenced by western modern history, musical theories radiated and promoted the breakthroughs of musical researches in various fields, ultimately forming the discipline of musicology formed. Since then, emerging music aesthetics, music sociology, music history and other newly born disciplines established their own independent development systems.其次从历史系统角度看，早在两千多年前，古罗马时代的昆提利安 马库斯法比尤斯昆提利安(Marcus Fabius Quintilianus,约公元前35前100年）是一位古罗马西斯班尼亚(Hispania)的雄辩家、修辞学家、教育家、作家。他的教育思想受到1516世纪人文主义者的重视，并从而对现代全面发展的教育观点有极大影响。Marcus Fabius Quintilianus (about 35 B.C. to 100 A.D.) was an orator, rhetorician, educator and writer of Hispania, Roman. His education ideas were stressed by 15 to 16 century humanist and accordingly had a dramatic effect on the modern education perspective of comprehensive development.就已提出了自己的见解。在历史不断发展和音乐多元化的影响下，音乐学分成三大类：历史音乐学、体系音乐学、民族音乐学。第一，历史音乐学是音乐史学、音乐考古学以及音乐图像学三者紧密结合的组合体，我认为这是一种艺术门类之间相互作用、相互促进的学术支撑，同时又是历史音乐学内部各部分相通研究方向。比如，中国的永乐宫壁画，是中国艺术殿堂的瑰宝，是世界绘画史上罕见的巨制。距今有七百年左右的历史。它不仅作为音乐图像学中一种直观的图像形式展现其中重要的音乐要素，更是在音乐考古学对于中国乐器、演奏技法等音乐研究还原有很大的价值。第二，体系音乐学包括有音乐音响学、音乐美学、音乐心理学、音乐社会学。我认为，音乐音响学是最直接、首先让人们注意到的内容。只有先认识到表象的声音，才会有自身发声原理、乐律研究以及理论的发展。其中音乐美学是精神层面的人对于音乐本质的感受和研究，它与艺术体验者的感受和心理因素是不可分割的，是一种对音乐回馈和反应。同时音乐又是与社会不可分割的，比如音乐的媒介作用、音乐的发展技术等课题的研究都是基于音乐心理学、音乐社会学。第三，民族音乐学在研究民族音乐特性时需要乐律乐器、史料信息等音乐理论的支撑，同时它又对体系音乐学、历史音乐学起到丰富的作用。可以说历史音乐学、体系音乐学、民族音乐学三者形成了音乐学三足鼎立的局面。Secondly, from the perspectives of the history system, as early as 2,000 years ago, Romans Quintilianus had already put forward his own views. Under the influence of historical development and music diversified, the music credits天神！ 是音乐学 分为.不是音乐学分！ 这不应该是专业的翻译机构犯的错误 这是直接拿网上翻译工具出来的结果 我对你们的专业产生质疑！ into three categories: Musicology can be divided into three categorieshistorical musicology, system musicology and ethnomusicology. First, the historical musicology is closely integrated combination of musical historians, musical, archeology （标点）and musical iconography. I think it is an academic support for interaction and mutual promotion between among art categories as well as a research direction of interlinked music history which ison historical musicology internally interlinked. For example, the Yongle Palace Murals which can trace back to have a history of seven hundreds years ago, they are theare treasures of Chinas art galleries, and as well as also a rare masterwork in the history of world paintings. It does not only display its music elements as a visual image form in music iconography, it（but?）but also proves to be valuable in analysis of Chinese instruments and playing techniques in music archeology. Second, the system musicology includes music acoustics, music aesthetics, music psychology and music sociology. In my opinion, music acoustics is the most directly one. since it draws attention to the content. Only throughnoticed which the sound principlespresentation first, temperament researches as well as theoretical development are should be promotinged. Music aesthetics is a spiritual understanding and analysis of the essence of music which is inseparable with the feelingsmusic, which is inseparable with the feelings, and psychological factors of the artistic appreciators; it is a kind of feedback and reaction of music. At the same time, music is inseparable from the society, e.g. the media role of music and the development of music technologies and even other topics of study are based on the music psychology and music sociology. Third, ethnomusicology requires the support of temperament, instruments, historical information and other music theories when studying the features of folk music民间音乐不等于民族音乐Ethnomusicology, and meanwhile it also played a rich role in system musicology and historical musicology. It can be said that the historical musicology, system musicology and ethnomusicology are three pillars of musicology.音乐学就像一棵树，这棵树上面有三个分支，每个分支上又有数个小分叉，分叉上遍布着树叶。每个学科都相互作用，相互合作，支撑着各个部类，三个部类之间有密切的联系。仿佛是一张网，经纬分明，但是又保持各自的特点和交点。在它们之间的联系下，相辅相成，共同发展，使音乐学这个学科门类不断向前推进，不竭生命之源。Musicology is like a tree which that 我无语，which和that有什么区别？ has three branches on which there even more sub-branches covered with leaves. Each discipline interacts and cooperates with each other, supporting three categories that are closely connected. It resembles a network whichnetwork that is clearly organized, maintaining its separate characteristics and intersections. The complementary and common development promoted by interconnections is an inexhaustible source that is continuously putting forward the discipline of musicology. 对于音乐学未来的发展，20世纪赋予了它新的时代意义。一个国家和民族的发展，如果只重视自然科学的研究，从长远来看，是要付出代价的。音乐学学科与自然科学对比的是文化艺术，而不是理论思维，应强调音乐学的人文、文化、与社会、人群更紧密的作用和观点，是属于理论思维的范畴，如果一个民族的音乐文化要发展，缺少了音乐学的理论也是很难达到高峰的。任何学术科目的建设，都需要有社会分工，由群体协作。像音乐学这样一个相关领域异常多样的艺术学学科，更是如此。经过漫长的历史发展，无论在东方还是西方，音乐学研究事实上已经形成细密的分工。但是，分工的细密却又往往使研究者视野狭窄，渐渐远离了对于研究对象的完整理解，各种见解彼此隔阂，乃至互相贬低，无谓争吵。这就迫切需要在被分工划开的群体之间加强沟通，寻找共同话语，开展群体协作。需要诚实的态度，老老实实，一步一个脚印，认真翻译、介绍和研究国内外的第一手资料，把最具有代表性、影响力最大的学术著作翻译出来，去粗取精，去伪存真，这样才会整体推动音乐学学科的发展。The 20th century attached new era significance to the future development of musicology. If A country用IF.是不是更好 还真不是更好，初学者！你非得跟原文一模一样，逐字翻译才高兴是吧？ or nation that focuses merely on the researches of natural science, will definitelyit must have a price to pay in the long run. Musicology shall be compared with natural science in the field of cultural arts instead of theatrical thinking, so the humanities and cultures of musicology shouldall shall难道就不可以？shall和should区别就这么大？be stressed while the interactions with the society and human groups belong to theatrical thinking. The development of musicamlusical culture will not reach its peak without musicological theories supporting. Social division of study and collaboration are indispensible for the establishment of any academic discipline, it is especially true for musicology which covers an unimaginably diversified related fields. A detailed division has been already achieved in western and oriental countries after a long history of developing in long historypment. However, the division also causes a narrower field of vision of and researchers who are distracted from a complete understanding of research objectives, which lead lead还是leads呢，仔细些，小姑娘！ to the which is whydifferent viewpoints they arethat segregated and belittle each other. So the research groups segregated by the division shall enhance communications and find common subjects for coordination. Researches shall be pragmatic and down to the earth and doing earnestly translatione, introducinge and studingy the first materials collected domestically or internationally. The most representative influential academic works shall be translated, authenticated and screened, and this will promote the overall development of the discipline onof 你好像非常喜欢用on musicology. 以上是我对音乐和音乐学专业的粗浅理解。作为大学四年级的学生，我对未来的音乐之路充满了梦想。英国教育发展迅猛、教育前景广阔，国际公认度高，教育影响力大，对国际学生有着广泛的吸引力。约克大学始建于1963年，拥有雄厚的师资力量、高端的教研团队、完善的科研体系、优美的教学环境、独特的地理位置、在英国一流大学排名中综合实力强，能为学生学习和深造提供良好的平台，是我理想和心仪的大学。The above Above all is为什么改？is a superficial understanding of music and musicology major. As a University student in the fourth grade, I am full of dreams for on my future music career. UKs education is internationally recognized and influential, and 又来了！你懂什么！it is undergoing rapid development and has broad prospects and that is why it has a broad appeal for international students. Uk education has a broad appealing to the international students for its rapid development, broad prospects of education, also considering of the well-known recognized reputation and great influence of itseducation. York University was founded in 1963 and it which姐姐，非要用定语从句？ has a strong teaching force, high-end teaching and research team, comprehensive scientific research system, beautiful graceful人家用的优美，不是优雅，初学者！ teaching environment and unique convenience 姐姐，这是个名词啊，再说了，人家说是独特的，独特就是方便？ location, it has great 呵呵，改错了，改平庸了。您得重新学习初中语法！comprehensively more advantages as compared with the other top UK universities and .will provide a good platform for students furthering their sutdents studies which is and it is my ideal and favorite university.the one I dreamed of long time 理想和心仪的你表达出来了吗？初学者！我之所以选择约克大学音乐学学科，有四点理由：I choose Musicology Major of University of York for four reasons:一是我从心底里对音乐的兴趣与喜爱。喜爱是最好的引导、最好的启蒙、最强的动力。我的妈妈是一名小学音乐老师，从小受到她的熏陶就喜爱上音乐。四岁开始接触音乐并学习钢琴，青少年时期通过了中国中央音乐学院钢琴九级测试。为实现自己的音乐梦想，高中三年，我利用双休日和寒暑假只身一人去千里之外的北京、天津等高校拜师求学。老师们的授课与指点，让我对音乐有了新的理解与见识。高中毕业后的我立志学习音乐，选择了天津师范大学音乐与影视学院钢琴表演专业，为实现自己的音乐教育梦想迈出了新的步伐。The first is my heartfelt interest and love to music. Love actually你好像有双重标准啊，我如