功夫熊猫字幕(原版).doc

功夫熊猫 剧本 Jeskey 整理 Paley 审校 Legend tells of a legendary warrior, whose Kung Fu skills were the stuff of legend. He travelled the land search of worthy foes. Evil Ox: I see you like to chew. Maybe you should chew on my fist.The warrior said nothing for his mouth was full. Then he swallowed. And then he spoke. Po: Enough talk. Lets fight.He was so deadly in fact, that his enemies will go blind, from over exposure to pure awesomeness.Evil 1: My eyes! Evil 2: Hes too awesome!Rabbit 1: And attractive. Rabbit 2: How can we repay you?Po: There is no charge for awesomeness. Or attractiveness.It matted not how many foes he faced. They were no match for his voracity. Never before had a panda been so feared, and so loved. Even the most heroic heroes in all of China. The Furious Five. Bowed in respect to this great master.Monkey: We should hang out.Po: Agreed.But hanging out world have to wait. Cause when youre facing the ten thousand demons of demon mountain. There is only one thing that matters and that sMonkey: Get up!Tigress: Youll be late for work.Dad: Po Get up! Hey, Po What are you doing up there?Po: Ahh nothing. Monkey, Mantis, Crane, Viper, Tigress Roarrr! AhhDad: Po lets go. Youre late for work.Po: Coming! Sorry Dad.Dad: Sorry doesnt make the Noodles. What are you doing up there? All that noise?Po: Oh nothing. Just had a crazy dream.Dad: About what? Uh? What were you dreaming about?Po: What was I ah I was dreaming about Noodles!Dad: Noodles? You were really dreaming about noodles?Po: Uh ya, what else would I be dreaming about? Oh, careful. That soup issharp!Dad: Oh! Happy day! My son finally having the noodle dream! You dont know how long I have been waiting for this moment! This is a sign, Po.Po: Uh a sign of what?Dad: You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient, of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant. Just as I took over from my father who took over from his father who won it from a friend over a game of mahjong.Po: Dad, Dad, Dad, it was just a dream.Dad: No, it was THE DREAM. Were noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.Po: But Dad, didnt you ever well wanted to do something else? Something beside noodles?Dad: Actually, when I was young and crazy. I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu.Po: So, why didnt you?Dad: Oh, because it was a stupid dream. Can you imagine me making tofu? Ha, ha, ha, TOFU, no, we all have our place in this world. Mine is here, and yours isPo: I know “is here”.Dad: No! Its tables 2,5,7 and 12. Service with a smile.Master Shifu: Well done, studentsif you were trying to disappoint me. Tigress, you need more ferocity. Monkey, greater speed. Crane, height. Viper, subtlety. Mantis.Zeng: Master Shifu Master Shifu: What?Zeng: It its Master Oogway, he wants to see you.Master Shifu: Master Oogway, you summoned me? Is something wrong?Master Oogway: Why must something be wrong for me to want to see my old friend?Master Shifu: So, nothing is wrong? Master Oogway: Well, I didnt say that.Master Shifu: You were saying?Master Oogway: I have had a vision. Tai Lung will return.Master Shifu: That is impossible. Hes in prison.Master Oogway: Nothing is impossible.Master Shifu: Zeng, fly to Chordom Prison. Tell them to double the guards, double the weaponsdouble everything! Tai Lung does not leave that prison.Zeng: Yes, Master Shifu!Master Oogway: One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.Master Shifu: We have to do something. We cant just have him march in the valley. And take his revenge, hell, hellMaster Oogway: Your mind is like this water, my friend. When it is agitatedit becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.Master Shifu: The Dragons scroll.Master Oogway: It is time.Master Shifu: But who? Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?Master Oogway: I dont know.Po: Excuse me Sorryohsorry.Pig1: Hey, watch it, Po.Mom Rabbit: Oh!Po: Sorryahoop! Sorry, a thousand pardon. what? Master Oogway is choosing Dragon Warrior TODAY! Everyone, everyone, go, get to the Jade Palace! One of the five is going to get the Dragons Scroll. We have been waiting a thousand years for this. Just take the bowl! This is the greatest day in Kung Fu history! Dont worry about it, just go!Old Dad: Po! Where are you going?Po: To the Jade PalaceOld Dad: But youre forgetting your noodle cart. The whole valley will be there and you will sell noodle to all of them.Po: Selling noodles? But Dad, you know I was kind of thinking, maybe IOld Dad: Ya?Po: I was kind of thinking, maybe I ahhacould also sell the bean buns. Theyre about to go bad.Old Dad: Thats my boy! I told you that dream was a sign!Po: Ya Im glad I had it.Baby Rabbit1: Im the Dragon Warrior!Baby Rabbit2: Me, too!Po: Almost therewhat? No!Pig: sorry Po. Well bring you back a souvenir.Po: No. Ill bring me back a souvenir. Master Shifu: It is a historic day, isnt it, Master Oogway?Master Oogway: Yes. The one I feared I would not live to see. Are your students ready?Master Shifu: Yes, Master Oogway.Master Oogway: Now know this, old friendwhomever I chose will not only bring peace to the valley, but also to you.Ceremony Host: Let the tournament begin!Po: No, no, no, wait! Im coming. Hey, open the door! Let me in!Ceremony Host: Citizens of the Valley of Peace. It is my great honor to present to you, Tigress, Viper, Crane, Monkey, Mantis! The Furious Five!Po: AhahahPo: They are the Furious five! Ahah ouch!Ceremony Host: Warriors prepare!Po: Blast, no, quick Po. Ceremony Host: Ready for battle!Po: The thousand tons of fire! Ho ha howw! Wow! Look at that! Hey, get out the way!Po: Uhhohohh! Ahahah! Hiyaahouch!Ceremony Host: And finally, Master Tigress. Believe me, citizens, you have not seen anything yet.Po: I know!Ceremony Host: Master Tigress faces Iron Arms and its Blades of Death.Master Oogway: I sense the Dragon Warrior is among us.Master Shifu: Citizens of the Valley of Peace, Master Oogway will now choose the Dragon Warrior!Po: Hah butta No, no, no, wait! Yaa Po: ahh. Ha.ha haah! Po: Ha ha haah!Dad: Po! What are you doing?Po: What does it look like Im doing? stop, stop! Im going to see the Dragon Warrior!Dad: But I dont understand! You finally have the noodle dream!Po: I lied, I dont dream about noodles, Dad! I love Kung Fu! Uuu!Dad: Oh, come on, son, lets get back to work.Po: Heay Okay Ahhahhahh!Dad: Po!Po: Ahhahh come back! Oh! Po: Oh, whats going onwhere ah what do you point OhOkay, sorry, I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior wasMaster Oogway: How interesting!Tigress: Master, are you pointing at me?Master Oogway: Him.Po: Who?Master Oogway: You.Po: Me?Master Oogway: The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior.Po: What?Furious Five: What?Master Shifu: What?Dad: What?Master Shifu: Stop, wait, who told you to Master Oogway, wait! That crabby panda cant possibly be the answer to our problem. You were about to appoint the Tigress. And that thing fell in front of her! That was just an accident!Master Oogway: There are no accidents.Tigress: Forgive us, Master. We have failed you.Master Shifu: No. If the panda has not quit by morning, then I would have failed you.Zeng: Wait, wait, wait! I bring a message from Master Shifu.Guard: What? Double the guard? Extra precautions?Zeng: Your prison may not be adequate?Guard: You doubt my prison secutity?Zeng: Absolutely not! Shifu does. Im just the messager.Guard: Ill give you a massage for your Master Shifu. Escape from Chordom Prison is impossible. Guard: Impressive, isnt it?Zeng: Yes, very impressive. It is very impressive.Guard: One way in, and one way out. One thousand guards and one prisoner.Zeng: Yes, except that prisoner is Tai Lung.Guard: Take us down.Zeng: Ahhahhahh ohoo.oh. Oh MY! Guard: Behold Tai Lung Zeng: Ill umm Ill just wait right here.Guard: Its nothing to worry about. Its perfectly safe. Both posts. At the ready. Zeng: What, Posts?Guard: Hey, tough guy, did you hear? Oogway is finally going to give someone the Dragon Scroll and its not going to be you.Zeng: What are you doing? Dont get him mad!Guard: What is he going to do about it? Ive got him completely immobilized. Haa haa ha ha! Oh! Did I step on the wooly kiddys tail?Zeng: Im gonnaIve seen enough. Im gonna tell Shifu that he has nothing to worry about.Guard: No, he doesnt.Zeng: Okay, Ill tell him that.Guard: HmmZeng: Can we please go now?Po: Oh, wait a second. I think there has been a slight mistake. Err everyone seems to think Im erraah the Sacred Hall of Warriors. No way. Look at this place! Master Flying-Rhinos armour! With authentic battle damage! Wow the Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp, you can cut yourself just by looking! Ahh! Oww! The invisible Dragon of Destiny. Uuhhs Ive only seen paintings of that painting! Ahhahhahaha Heeyahyahaahahah Noo! Ho oh, oh, oh, oh The legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors! Said to contain souls of the entire Tenshu army. Hello?Master Shifu: Have you finished sightseeing?Po: Sorry, I should have come to see you first.Master Shifu: My patience is running thin.Po: Ohh? Well, I mean, its not like you are going anywhere.Master Shifu: You turn around.Po: Sure. Hey, how is it going? How do you get five Master Shifu! Ooh! . Ohh whooo Someone broke that but Im going to fix it Ill do you have some glue aah ouch ooo! Im a splinter. Master Shifu: So you are the legendary Dragon Warrior, hmm?Po: Ahh, I guess so?Master Shifu: Wrong! Youre not the Dragon Warrior! You will never be the Dragon Warrior until you have learned the secret of the Dragon Scroll.Po: Wow so How does this work? Do you have a ladder? A trampoline or?Master Shifu: Umph you think it is that easy that Im just going to hand you the secret to limitless power?Po: No! I Master Shifu: One must first master the highest level of Kung Fu and that is clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.Po: Someone like me?Master Shifu: Yes! Look at you! This fat buttock. Flabby arms.Po: Those are sensitive in the flabby parts.Master Shifu: And this ridiculous bellyPo: Hey whooMaster Shifu: And utter disregard for personal hygienePo: Now wait a minute. Thats a little uncalled for.Master Shifu: dont stand that close. I can smell your breath.Po: Listen, Oogway said that I was the uh the Wushi Finger Hold! Never.! Master Shifu dontMaster Shifu: Haa oh you know this hold?Po: Developed by Master Wushi in the 3rd dynasty.Master Shifu: Yes. Oh, then you must know what happens when I flex my pinky.Po: No, no, noMaster Shifu: You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards. HummPo: Okay. Okay, take it easy.Master Shifu: Now listen closely, Panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when Im through with you, I promise you, youre going to wish he hadnt. Are we clear?Po: Yes, were clear, were clear. We are so clear.Master Shifu: Good hmm. Hmm hmm I cant wait to get started. Master Shifu: Lets begin.Po: Wait, wait, wait. Now?Master Shifu: Yes, now. Unless you think that the great Oogway was wrong and you were not the Dragon Warrior.Po: Okay. Well, I dont know if I can do all of those moves.Master Shifu: Well, if we dont try, we will never know, will we?Po: Yes, its just, maybe we can find something more suited to my level.Master Shifu: And what level is that?Po: Well you know Im not a master, but lets just start at zero. Level zero.Master Shifu: There is no such thing as level zero.Po: Hey, maybe I can start with that.Master Shifu: That? We use that for training children. And poping the door open when it is hot. But if you insistPo: Wow the Furious Five! Youre so much bigger than your action figures. Except for you, mantis. Youre about the same.Master Shifu: Go ahead, panda, show us what you can do!Po: Ahh are they going to watch? Or should I just wait until they get back to work or something?Master Shifu: Hit it.Po: Okay, yeah, I mean, I just ate, and so, Im still digesting, so my Kung Fu meight not be as good as later on.Master Shifu: Just hit it.Po: Whatd you got? Youre got nothing cos I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to fell the thunder. Come on, crazy feet. Whatre you going to do about crazy feet? Come on, Im a blur. Im a blur. Youve never seen Bear style. Youve only seen Praying Mantis. Or Monkey style. Imagine snake-kiddy Snake.Master Shifu: Would you hit it!?Po: Alright. Alright.Master Shifu: Why dont you try again? A little harder.Po: Hows that? Oohhh oh, that hurts! Master Shifu: This will be easier than I thought. Po: Feeling a little nausea ouch, ouch, ouch! Oohh my tenders Po: how did I do?Master Shifu: There is now a level zero.Monkey: No words.Crane: Dont deny that.Tigress: I dont understand what Master Oogway was thinking.Viper: Poor guy is going to get himself killed. Crane: He is so fighty. The Dragon Warrior fell out of the sky in a ball of fire.Mantis: When he walks, the very ground shakes.Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew Kung Fu.Crane: Ya. Or could at least touch his toes.Monkey: Or even see his toes.Po: Okay great ooouuuch! . Oh hey. Hi. Youre up?Crane: Am now.Po: I was justersomedayeh? The Kung Fu stuff is hard work, right? Your biceps soreCrane: Ive had a long and rather disappointing day, so erya I should probably get to sleep now. Po: Ya, ya, of course.Crane: Okay. Thanks.Po: Its just, Im such a big fan You guys were so totally amazing at the battle of the Weeping River. Outnumbered. A thousand to one. But you didnt stop. You just,. Oh, sorry about that.Crane: ahhlook, you dont belong here.Po: Er I know, I know. Youre right. I dont have it. Its just, my whole life, I dreamed ofCrane”: No, no, no. I mean you dont belong here, I mean in this room. But this is my room. Property of Crane.Po: Oh, okay, right, right. So ya, you want to get to sleep. Keeping you up. Weve got big things tomorrow. Alright. Youre awesome, the last thing Im going to say. Okay, bye-bye.Po: What was that?Crane: I didnt say anything. Okay. Alright. Goodnight. Sleep well.Po: Seem a little bit awkward. Master Tigress, didnt mean to wake you. JustaTigress: You dont belong here.Po: Ah ya ya of course this is your roomTigress: I mean you dont belong in the Jade Palace. Youre a disgrace to Kung Fu and if you have any respect of who we are, and what we do, you will be gone by morning.Po: Big fan!Master Oogway: I see youve found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom.Po: Is that what this is? Im so sorry. I thought it was just a regular peach tree.Master Oogway: I understand, you eat when you are upset.Po: Upset? Im not upset. Why would I be upset!?Master Oogway: So, why are you upset?Po: I probably sucked more today than anyone in the history of Kung Fu. In the history of China. In the history of sucking.Master Oogway: Probably.Po: And the five MAN, you should have seen them, they totally hate me.Master Oogway: Totally.Po: Hows Shifu ever going to turn me into the Dragon Warrior? I mean Im not like the five, Ive got no claws, no wings, no venom. Even Mantis got those thingies. May be I should just quit and go back to making noodles.Master Oogway: Quit? Dont quit. Noodles? Dont noodles. Youre too concerned with what was and what will be. Theres a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the “present” . Guard: Oh, no! Zeng: Whats happening? Guards: To your battle stations! Go! Go! Go! Guard: Fire Cross-Bow! Fire! Fire!Zeng: Tai Lung is free! I must warn Shifu.Guard: Youre not going anywhere. Neither is he! Let go of me. Bring it up! Wait! Bring it back! Zeng: Hes going this way. Guard: He wont get far. Archers!Zeng: We are dead. So very, very dead.Guard: Haha. Not yet, were not. Now!Zeng: Can we run now?Guard: Yes.Tai Lung: I am glad shifu sent you. I was beginning to feel Im being forgotten. Fly back there and tell them, the real Dragon Warrior is coming home.Furious Five: Good morning, Master!Master Shifu: Panda! Panda! Wake up! Hmm. hmm. hmm. Hes quit.Viper: What do we do now, master, with the Panda gone? Who will be the Dragon Warrior?Master Shifu: all we can do is resume our training and trust that in time the true Dragon Warrior will be revealed. . What are you doing here?Po: Haa hey, good morning, Master. I thought Ill warm up a little.Master Shifu: Youre stuck.Po: Stuck? .no what? stuck? No this is one of the .ya Im stuck.Master Shifu: Help him.Crane: Oh, dear