读后续写(爬山)-公开课

2022年首考学生在情节设置和主题把握上偏离原文，导致续写得分较低。葛炳芳老师提到的“情节内容大于语言形式。没有好的故事内容和语篇框架，有再多的好词好句也是枉然，也只是词语堆砌”。读后续写融洽度策略——情节延续阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事注意：所续写短文的词数应为150左右；应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语;若词数少于130，从总分中扣去2分。读后学写要求Para1.Shewantedtogetmorehelp.Forthesebookswerefarfromenough.Toensurechildrengetaccesstomorebooks.Larrella

tookpicturesofthelibraryanduploadedthemonline,callingonstudentstodonatebookstothechildrenlibrary.Beforelong,hundredsofnewandsecondhandbookspouredin,Larrella，heruncleandcousinspentawholeweekchecking,classifyingandarrangingthebooksandputtingthemontheshelves.Tiredasshewas,asmilelitupherfacewhenshepicturedthescenewherechildrenwereburiedinreadingbythebook-filledshelves.(Larrella想办法为图书馆添置书籍的经过)WhyHow前文伏笔

前文伏笔前文伏笔Para2.Thebigdayfinallycame.Witheverythingready,thelibraryfinallyopened.Severalchildrensteppedincuriously,askingLarrella,“Canwereadthebooks?”“Sure.Welcome!”,sheencouragedthem.Somechosewhattheyliked,whileothershesitated.Realizingtheyhadtroublereading,Larrellagatheredtheminacorner,teachingthemfromtheverybeginning.Soonmorechildrenjoinedin.EverynightLarrellasparedsometimetogivelessonssothatmorechildrencouldgainknowledgefromthebooks.Hereffortsopenedthewisdomdoorforthem,whichwouldsurelymakeagreatagreatdifferencetotheirlives.(图书馆开放之后场景）What前文伏笔

前文伏笔

Whyplotmountain①Beginning②Development③Climax(turningpoint)④Ending读+后续+写13读后续写融洽度策略模型图阅读目标①通读全文，明确中心②抓住伏笔，

预设情节读——主题下的阅读Conflict——SolutionNegative——PositiveNomorecharacters（突出人物）Tellfoilsfromthe

character(s)

（从人物身上展现情节）

叙事是一种洞察因果、人物、价值观的话语手段Exposition背景:Incitingincident引起冲突的事件:Risingaction引发的行动:分析原文情节的重要性原文情节梳理Who:IanCappelle

a38-year-oldgeologist,gotinterestedinclimbingAprilretired,abigbrother,anexperiencedclimbera,generousteacher

Theymadeittotheledge(岩架)thatmarkedtheendofthefirstsection-------Apriltooktheleadinthesecondsection------beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock------Theswarm(蜂群)envelopedhim,stinging(蜇)himoverandoveragain,thepainspreadingacrosshisneckandfaceandbody------原文情节梳理What:aggressiveAfricanisedbees------stungtoomanytimes,-------50/50chanceofdying------'killerbees”-------beesswarmtowardsCappelle-----anincreasingpainforbeesattackedhim-----Aprilhungsuspendedinmid-airabout30metresofftheground------beeshadn'tstoppedstingingNeithermancouldheartheother注意：1.续写两段协同Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Aprilclimbeddown原文伏笔

beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock注意：1.续写两段协同写作建议：基于情节的写作Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Howdidhedo?Whatdidhedo?HowdidCappellefeel?WhatdidAprildo?注意：2.续写与所给首句协同协同

写作问题：违背真实生活，缺乏合理性

下水作文1Para1:Hestayedforamomentthere,thinkinghowtoescapefromthebees.Sohehadnochoicebuttoclimbdowntheledgeimmediately,astheywereknownasthekillers.Withovercomggreatpain,Aprilreachedtheground.Uponhisarriving,hesawtheswarmsurroundinghispartner.Whathecouldheardwasthedeafeningbuzz.下水作文23.Para2.

Struggingtheextremepain,Aprilcimbedupthemountainagain,howdifficultitwas.Foritwasonlyhe,anexperiencedclimber,thatsavedCappelle.HesparednoefforttowhereCappellewas.OnceseeingApril,heworearelievdsmile.“staycalm,Iamwithyou.”saidApril.Withjointeffort,theymadeitdowntheground.Whatanarrowescape!参考范文Para1:

Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.

Atthatmomentsomethingwentthroughhismind.Itwasobviousthathehadtoclimbdownassoonaspossible,howevertough.Withovercomingthepain,Aprilmadeittotheground.Uponhisarrival,“Ian,”Aprilgasped(喘息),therewasnoresponsetohim,Immediately,hecalledattherescueteam,butitwouldtakethemlongtocomeandevenlongertosafelyclimbup.Hedidn'thavethatmuchtimeleft.Para2:

Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.HeknewwithcertaintythathewastheonlypersonthatcouldhelpIanout.Despitehisunbearablepain,hescrambled(迅速而吃力)uptherocksasfastashecould.Hewasagainenvelpedbyamassivecloudofbees.Fortunately,bythetime，hehadreachedthere,Cappellewasconsciousenoughtofollowhisinstructions,withshoulderinghimdowntotheground,theambulancewaspullingup(justaroundthecorner)belowthem.Theywereluckyenoughtohavesurvived.续写情节构建中存在的问题1.文章理解不到位，续写情节与原文脱离2.违背真实生活，缺乏合理性3.融洽度不高，衔接不合理4.大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡5.主题升华牵强或跑偏2RReadfortheforeshadowing①Beginning②Development③续写1段首句Finally,shespottedClay.④续写2段首句Acaimiehadtopushthosethoughtsawayandfocusonwhatshechoulddo.Theme②抓住伏笔

，预设情节暗示夫妻之爱能克服万难，走出火山谷

捕捉续写点手机何时会有信号？续写部分应设置情节呼应衔接此处weakcry暗示Clay滚落入火山坑受伤，续写第一段应描写Clay的情况

如何照应伏笔题型特点和能力要求总则山东续写浙江续写总分为25分，按7个档次评分总分为25分，按5个档次评分1.内容质量、完整性、与原文情境融洽；2.词汇&语法结构准确恰当多样；3.上下文衔接&全文连贯1.与所给短文&开头语衔接；2.内容丰富&划线词使用；3.语法结构&词汇丰富准确；4.上下文连贯词数少于120的，酌情扣分词数少于130，从总分中减去2分评分标准题型特点和能力要求山东续写浙江续写22—25分（优秀）

1.创造了新颖、丰富、合理的内容，富有逻辑性，续写完整，与原文情境融洽度高；

2.使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构，表达流畅，语言错误很少，