中西方人际关系对比分析---毕业论文.doc

【标题】中西方人际关系对比分析 【作者】冯 锵 【关键词】差异；人际关系；价值标准 【指导老师】白 敏 黄凤菊 【专业】英语 【正文】i. introductionas the world has entered into the 21rst century, english has become a very important tool in our social life with the accelerating globalizing economy system and informational social life.1 interpersonal relationships play a very important role in the communication. interpersonal relationship influences communication both in the china and western countries. however, interpersonal relationship in the chinese context is underpinned by confucianism.2 while obviously the understanding of the differences between the west and china can help explain why the chinese people behave the way they do. interpersonal relationships are peoples psychological relations which refer to activities by the people through the results of contacts or psychological distances. we also know that interpersonal relationships include the relationships among families, friends, students, teacher-student relations, employment relations, leaderships and etc. among these, the author will focus mainly on the family, friendship, and teacher-student relationship.this paper makes an attempt to study the interpersonal relationship between china and western countries, mainly based on some research fruits which have been achieved. they are listed as follows: the thoughts of xia li, hu wenzhong and some other writers. this is only superficial outline of the interpersonal relationship, somewhat does not have the detailed outline and the description. for example, the articles which write teacher-student relationships and the friendship are very few. therefore, the author believes it has the research value very much on the contrastive study on interpersonal relationships and the factors influencing it, especially for those people who study abroad or for those people who undertake such jobs concerned about inter-cultural communication.the differences of interpersonal relationship between china and western countriesinterpersonal relationships include many aspects; here family relationship, friendship and teacher-student relationship will be mainly talked about.a. different attitudes towards family relationship1. different attitudes towards family valuesgenerally speaking, collectivism is typical of chinese family value, and individualism is often used to describe the westerns value, which are different from each other. collectivism emphasizes that people are connected with each other by having descended from common ancestors. in doing so, kinship relationships emphasize, first of all, that ascending generations are before, prior to, and even superior to descending generations. this hierarchy of relationship is manifested in the relationships between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, and even elder brothers/sisters and younger brothers/sisters. another aspect of the collectivism is the value of loyalty to the family. in china this loyalty takes the form of filial piety, which is an important family value. traditionally chinese children feel a lifelong obligation to their parents, ideally exemplified by an unreserved devotion to please them in every possible way.this is often the subject of many chinese novels and movies in modern times: parents force their son/daughter to marry a person whom he/she doesnt love, and very often the child obeys because of filial piety. but it doesnt follow that parents do little in return. instead, parents assume the responsibility of taking care of their childrens welfare, including education, job hunting, marriage and so on. in short, parents and children have mutual duties and obligations. it is clear that there is a lot of interdependence in the family.to the contrary, individualism lays emphasis on egalitarianism, which even in the family, independence is highly valued. the westerners are more individual and independent. family members are regarded as friends and they should treated equality in daily life.it is believed that the real happy, harmonious family should base on love and equality.in the western countries, the person who can“make it on his own is respected, although some do get help from their families. it is very important for the individuals to be independent from others, and this value is true in the family life of western countries too. in china, family members depend more on each other, and families are built around the value of interdependence. the primary responsibility of the western family members is not to advance the family as a group, either socially or economically, nor to bring honor to the family name. under christianity, a man is required to leave his parents and stay together with his wife. under confucianism, the man is required to stay with his parents.32、different attitudes towards family membersone may have different ideas as to who compose of family members. if westerners name an immediate family, they refer to husband, wife and their children, uncles, cousins and grandparents are considered as extended family. in other words, for example, chinese people tend to include grandparents as family members, while americans take them as relatives.westerners and chinese have different attitudes towards their family members. westerners do not like to have controls placed on them by other family members. both men and women expect to decide what job is best for them as individuals. indeed, young westerners are encouraged to make such independent career decisions. what would be best for the family is not usually considered to be as important as what would be best for the individual.along with the emphasis on individual freedom, the belief in equality has had a strong effect on the family members. in western countries, the democratic idea of equality is accepted in every family. however, in china position in the family is more important than personal idiosyncrasies: people of the elder generation are superior to those of the younger; within each generation, the elder are normally superior to the younger; men are absolutely superior to women. everyone in the family owes obedience to the eldest male because he is superior in generation, age, and gender. women in chinese family were appointed to a dependent status; they were secondary to men. surnames, being considered highly important, were passed on through the male lines. only male children were counted as descent group members and had rights to the familys property. females were not eligible to inherit the family estate, even their husbands, nor did they have primary position in any single crucial ceremonial role. whats more, the heavy emphasis on male superiority in chinese society may sometimes override the age consideration. for instance, a younger brother can easily see that he owes obedience to his older brother, yet, he may feel that he is superior to his older sister-in-law because of his gender.on the other hand, many people give their young people a lot of freedom because they want to teach their children to be independent and self-reliant. western children have been expected to leave the nest at age of 18 after they graduate from high school. they are expected to go on to college or get a job to support themselves. by their mid-twenties, if children are still living with their parents, some people will suspect that something is wrong. while in chinese families, equality is less emphasized. things such as marriage, education and job are mainly decided by fathers who are considered as the head of a family, and everyone should respect him and obey his demands and decisions. and the obligations of children toward their parents are far much more emphasized than western countries.b. different attitudes towards friendshipfriendship is a virtue or implies virtue that has something to do with living. for without friends no one would choose to live though he has other goods, even rich men and those in possession of office and of dominating power are thought to need friends. different cultures have different value criteria and ways to communicate with friends.1. different criteria for friendspeople from both cultures make friends when they come into contact through diverse activities. still there are differences in the way people choose and make friends. in china, one may add friends by knowing friends and relatives friends, thus their circle of friends becomes larger and larger. one special aspect of friendship(or“connections” is a better word in this case) in china is that friendship may be strengthened by establishing a pseudo-kinship relationship. thus we hear such terms as“adoptive father”,“adoptive mother”, and“life-and-death brothers”. sometimes“adoptive father” is rendered into“godfather” in english. but there is a difference. the bond of godfather-godson is confined to him and to the older man alone, if the religious affiliation is put aside. not so with the chinese. my“adoptive fathers” wife is my“adoptive mother” and his children are my“adoptive siblings”. exactly the same thing holds true with reference to sworn brothers parents, spouses, and children.in the west, on the other hand, ones friends tend not to share all aspects of ones life but rather to be linked to some specific activities. a person may have work friends, leisure activity(like golfing, jogging, bridge, and so forth) friends and neighborhood friends. they exchange different information with different circles of friends. friends of one circle(friends made through one certain activity, bridge being an example) may not know friends of another circle. for example, two friends, who have known each other for years because of their career and often talked about work, politics, social problems, and so forth, may know little about each others family.following is a case about friendship in intercultural communication:steve and yarer first met in their chemistry class at an american university. yarer was an international student from jordan. he was excited to get to know an american, he wanted to learn more about american culture, yarer hoped that he and steve would become good friends, at first, steve seemed very friendly. he always greeted yarer warmly before class. sometimes he offered to study with yarer. he even invited yarer to eat lunch with him. but after the semester was over, steve seemed more distant. the two former classmates didnt see each very much at school. one day yarer decided to call steve. steve didnt seem very interested in talking to him. yarer was hurt by steves change of attitude.“steve said we were friends”, yarer complained.“and i said friends forever”. what was wrong in the relationship between yarer and steve? are americans fickle? why did yarer feel confused? because he is an outsider to american culture, he doesnt understand the way americans view friendship. americans use the word“friend” in a very general way. they may call both acquaintances and close companions“friends”. americans have school friends, work friends, sports friends and neighborhood friends. these friendships are based on common interests. when the shared activity ends, the friendship may fade.42. different ways to get along with friendsin both cultures friendship is highly valued, but somewhat differently. in the west you can certainly ask a friend to do something with you, but you would not expect a friend to recognize and respond to your wishes without stating them. nor would you expect a friend to drop everything to respond to a non-urgent need such as going shopping. in fact an american friend would feel that they had imposed too much if the friend gave up a real need of study to go shopping. a close friend in the west is a person that one feels free to ask for help, recognizing, however, the friend may say no, if he/she gives you a reason. this general pattern is especially true of western men. western women tend to accept a greater degree of mutual dependence in their close friendships.the reason behind this is that, as with so many other things in the west, people prefer to be independent rather than dependent, so they do not feel comfortable in a relationship in which one person is giving more and the other person is dependent on what is being given.on the other hand, the duties and obligations of chinese friendship are virtually unlimited for all practical purposes. one has enormous responsibility for ones friends. chinese friends give each other much more concrete help and assistance than the west do. for example, they give each other money and might help each other out financially over a long period of time. this is rarely part of western friendships, because it creates dependence of one person on the other and it goes against the principle of equality. a friend in china is someone who, sensing that you are in need in some way, offers to assist you without waiting to be asked. and you can feel free to tell your friend(usually best friend) what he or she can or should do to help you or please you. this pattern of friendship tends to characterize both males and females in china.in time of trouble, both western and chinese friends give each other emotional support, but they do it differently. a westerner will respond to a friends trouble by asking,“what do you want to do?” the idea is to help the friend think out the problem and discover the solution he or she really prefers and then to support that solution. a chinese friend is more likely to give specific advice to a friend. for instance, in a friendship between two chinese women, one woman is arguing with her husband, the friend might advise and she says directly. a western friend in a similar situation may want her friend to choose wise actions too, but she will be very cautions about giving direct advice. instead she may raise questions to encourage her friend to consider carefully what may happen if she does one thing instead of another.there is another interesting point regarding how friends communicate with each other in these two cultures. one noted that chinese people often communicate indirectly while westerners tend to be more direct. in close personal relationships as friendship, the opposite is often the case. talks between chinese friends would probably sound too direct to westerners ears4.we have seen chinese codes of etiquette require more formal and polite interactions with strangers or guests than is typical in the west, but relationships with friends are much more informal than similar westerners relationships.c. different attitudes towards teacher-student relationshipthe relationship between teachers and students has always been compared to that of father and son in china. for thousands of years, teachers in china were supposed to teach their students knowledge, virtue and morals. they were strict but close to their students. there is a chinese saying to describe their relationone who teaches you one day is your father for ever.while in china, teachers and students are unequal. teachers are always well above students, and they must be respected by students. when they meet after class, the student must say hello to the teacher first. this is regarded as politeness and respect. students must listen to their words and do the things what their teachers order them to do. as a student, you can ask questions or not in class, it is you business. anyway, the teachers job will not lose just because of this. differ from western countries, teachers in china welcome students to ask questions after classes, even a lot of their private time will be taken up. they will try their best to help them, if they have time.in the west, students usually call teachers their names directly, even without family names, and they dont need to call mr. in classes, if no one asks questions, the teacher will lose his job. this is what the teacher worry about. in the mind of people in the west, teaching and learning is a fair exchange. for a teacher, since he gets his salary paid by students, he should try his best to pass all the knowledge to his students and that is his responsibility. for a student, since he has paid his tuition fees, he should learn from the teachers, and that is his right. as a result, students need to care about nothing and there is no need to have gratitude for them. teaching and learning is a fair exchange. but there is one point you should care, remembering not to take up teachers private time. if you doing so, teachers will give you answers of no.you have no time to take up, because that is his private time. someone who doesnt learn in classes is usually considered the most foolish typical case in the schools.only three interpersonal relationships are described here, in fact, there are many other interpersonal relationships. through them, one can see the different attitudes on relationships and ways to do with it. the different values and criteria are underpinned by different cultures, history and the like. factors influencing chinese and western attitudes towards interpersonal relationshipattitude towards interpersonal relationship is quite different, actually, people live in certain area have their own attitude. it connects to various kinds of factors, such as culture, history, religion and so on. these factors influence each other, which lead to different attitudea. factors of cultural characteristicsthe different attitudes towards interpersonal relationship in fact are the reflection of cultural difference. people who live in different areas for a long time form different cultural characteristics; therefore, their attitudes are different1. confucianism vs. individualismvalues are the basic for our actions. they guide our behavior, but the value systems are different in different cultures. interpersonal relationship in chinese is underpinned by confucianism, espec