复旦研究生综合英语修订版教学课件Unit2isloveanart

U1AdditionallnformationfortheTeacher’sReferenceTextIsLoveanArt?Warm-upActivitiesFurtherReadingSpeakingSkillsAdditionalWorkWarm-upActivitiesWarm-up11.Giveyourowndefinitionoflove.Thereonceexistedamanwhotrulydemonstratedalltheaspectsofthatindefinablefeelingcalled“love〞.Withhopesthatyouwillunderstand,hereishisstory...Afeudledtowarinhisland,wherehehadbeenraised.Hekneweverybladeofgrass,everyperson,treeandsoul.Herehewashappy.Herehecouldbehimselfandfree.Forthishelovedtheland.Thus,hewenttowartofightforsomethingheheldsodeartohim.Warm-up

2Thereatwarhemetafriend,anothermanofhisage.Helikedthismanverymuch.Hecouldtalktohim,trusthim,believeinhim,shareinhishopesanddreams,andhewashappyforhim.Forthis,helovedhisfriend.Afterwarthemanreturnedhometohisfamily.Hismotherhuggedhimandheldhimtight,sohappythathehadreturnedsafely.Hismother,hisfather,brothersandsisterssharedinhistriumphs.Thesewerethepeoplewhohadtaughthimlifelessons,whowerethereforhimwhenhewasinneed.Theyhadarelationshipsotightandwonderfulthatitwasbondedbymorethanbloodalone.Andforthis,helovedthem.Warm-up

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Thenthemanmetawoman(ormandependingonpreference)andhefeltimportant,accepted,wanted,caredabout,understood,cherishedandeverythingelsethatiswonderfulandgoodintheworld.Andallthosethingshefeltfromthewoman,hefeltforthewomanaswell.Shewaseveryotherlovecombined.Andforthis,helovedher.Andlovecanonlybedefinedasallthesethingscombined.Warm-up

42.Canyousuggestwaystowinayoungwomanorayoungman’slove?Atsomepointinourlives,weallplaythedatinggame.Thequestionis:howdowewinit?Shouldweexaggerateourpositivequalitiesorsticktothetruth?Whichpick-uplinesarewinnersandwhichonesbomb?Willablinddateleadtolong-lastinglove?Herearesome“rules〞tolivebyinthedatingworld.Choosetheonesyouthinkwillworkforyou:Makethemsuspectyou’reinterested,butdon’tletthemknowforsure.Menlikethechase,sogiveittothem!

Youcouldbemarriedtomorrowifyouloweredyourstandardsfarenough.Bettertowaitfortherealthingthantowasteyourtimeonsomethingthatwon’tlast.Ifyoufindaguywhoclaimshewantstotakecareofyou,getawayfast!You’lljustenduptakingcareofhim.You’llfindMr.RightwhenyouknowyouareMs.Rightwhenyoufeelsecureandokaywithyourself.Refusetoplaygames.Ifellinlovewithmyfiancéwhenhesimplywalkeduptomeandpresentedhimself-nodumblines,nofakesmile,just“Hi,howareyoudoing?〞Stayawayfrommenwhotalkonlyaboutmoney.That’susuallyasignofinsecurity.Warm-up

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Warm-up

6Whenyouneedtogetawayfromaguy,starttalkingaboutsomethingreallyboring,likecomputers.Thatwillusuallyscarehimoff.Don’tputupwithcriticism,especiallywhenitcomestofood.Everywomanshouldbefreetoeatwhatshewantswhenshewants.Don’tbetoopicky.Iknowwomenwhohaveshunnedmenbecausetheydidn’tlookright(headistoobig),smellright(toomuchcologne)orevenbreatheright(tooloud).Unfortunately,womenwholikethisendupignoringordumpingperfectlygoodmenwithoutevengivingthemachance.

Warm-up

7Onafirstdate,keepitbrief.Youwanttohavesomethingtotalkaboutthenexttime.Paymoreattentiontowhetherhe’sagoodpersonandwillbegoodtoyouthantowhathelookslike.Neverdatemorethanoneguyatatime,eveniftheyknowabouteachother.It’sexhaustingandconfusing.You’llendupwantingtoberidofallofthem,evenifunderothercircumstancesoneormoreofthemmighthavehadpotential.

ErichFromm(1900-1980)wasborninFrankfurt,Germany.HereceivedhisPh.DfromHeidelbergin1922andbeganacareerasapsychotherapist.In1934,hemovedtotheU.S.andsettledinNewYorkCity,andeventuallybecameanaturalizedU.S.citizen.Inthe1940shebegantowrite.Someofhiswell-knownbooksareEscapefromFreedom(1941),TheSaneSociety(1955),TheArtofLoving(1956),LiewithoutIllusions(1962)andTheAnatomyofHumanDestructiveness(1973).ApsychiatristprimarilyconcernedwiththeconditionofthehumanAIFTTR1.1AdditionallnformationfortheTeacher’sReference1.ErichFrommAIFTTR1.2spirit,Frommhashadenormousinfluenceonscholarsandpractitionersinpsychology,sociology,history,economics,anthropology,andtheology.AIFTTR2.12.WhatisLove?InEnglishwesaytheoneword“love〞whereinGreektherearefourwords.Ourword“love〞actuallycoversfourkindsoflove,namely,1)agape,thatis,spiritualloveortheloveofGod;2)storge,thatis,familylove;3)philia,thatis,thelovebetweenfriendswhichweusuallycallbrotherly;and4)eros,thatis,loveexperiencedbetweenamanandawomanwhensexualfeelingsstirbetweenthem.Itisthefourthkindoflovethatsomeoneisexperiencingwhentheytellyoutheyhavefalleninlove.It’sagreatexperience.Itcomesinthatwonderfulrainbowlikesectionofthespectrumofhumanemotion.AIFTTR2.2It’sstrange,inasense,thaterosisinmanywaysthemosttransientoftheformsofloveandyetitgetsthemostattention.Somepeopleevenseemtomakeittheonezoneinlifethatyou’realwayssupposedtobeattemptingtolandinortryingtostayin.AIFTTR3.13.Valentine’sDay(February14)TherearevaryingopinionsastotheoriginofValentine’sDay.SomeexpertsstatethatitoriginatedfromSt.Valentine,aRomanwhowasmartyredforrefusingtogiveupChristianity.HediedonFebruary14,269A.D.,thesamedaythathadbeendevotedtolovelotteries.LegendalsosaysthatSt.Valentineleftafarewellnoteforthejailer’sdaughter,whohadbecomehisfriend,andsignedit“FromYourValentine〞.OtheraspectsofthestorysaythatSaintValentineservedasapriestatatempleduringthereignofEmperorClaudius,butClaudiusthenhadValentinejailedfordefyinghim.In496A.D.PopeGelasiussetasideFebruary14tohonorSt.Valentine.AIFTTR3.2

Gradually,February14becamethedateforexchanginglovemessagesandSt.Valentinebecamethepatronsaintoflovers.Thedatewasmarkedbysendingpoemsandsimplegiftssuchasflowers.Therewasoftenasocialgatheringoraball.IntheUnitedStates,MissEstherHowlandisgivencreditforsendingthefirstvalentinecards.Commercialvalentineswereintroducedinthe1800’sandnowthedateisverycommercial.ThetownofLoveland,Colorado,doesalargepostofficebusinessaroundFebruary14.Thespiritofgoodwillcontinuestobeimportant,whetherbetweenloversorfriends.Valentinesaresentoutwithsentimentalversesandchildrenexchangevalentinecardsatschool.AIFTTR4.14.TheVictorianAge(1837-1901)TheVictorianAgereferstotheperiodofthereignofQueenVictoriaofGreatBritain,whichlastedfrom1837to1901.QueenVictoriaherselflivedfrom1819to1901.Only18whenshecametothethrone,VictoriaoversawEnglandattheheightofitsoverseaspower.TheBritishEmpirewasestablishedandreacheditsgreatestexpanseunderherreign.PerhapsmostimportantduringtheVictorianAgewastheshiftawayfromawayoflifebasedonownershipoflandtoamodernurbaneconomybasedontradeandmanufacturing.AlthoughwehavealingeringimpressionoftheVictorianAgeasarepressiveandrepressedsociety,itwasoneofthemostvitalperiodsofEnglishhistory,livelyandfullofcontroversy.Beliefintechnologywasatitsheight,andthesuperstitionsofmagichadbeensweptaway,reservedforgothichorrornovels.Medicalsciencewasimprovingbyleapsandbounds.Thiseracontinuedtheromanticidealsassociatedwithloveandnature.However,lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiencewhichthenmightleadtomarriage.Marriagewascontractedbyconventioninsteadofasaresultofromanticlove.Womenusuallymarriedmenchosenandapprovedofbytheirparents,andmenchosewomenwhowereappropriatesocialmatches.Lovewassupposedtodevelopbetweenthetwoaftermarriage.AIFTTR4.2TextIsLoveanArt?NotesIntroductiontotheAuthorandtheArticlePhrasesandExpressionsExercisesMainIdeaoftheTextMIOTT1MainIdeaoftheTextInthetext,Frommstatesthatpeoplehavethewrongattitudetowardslove.Mostpeople’sfirstfaultyassumptionisthattheyseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatofbeingloved,ratherthanthatofloving,ofone’scapacitytolove.Thesecondwrongassumptionisthattheyseetheproblemofloveastheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Thethirderrorliesintheconfusionbetweentheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove.Basedonthisanalysis,Frommmaintainsthatloveisanartjustaslivingisanart;and,ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywehavetoproceedifwewanttolearnanyotherart.HedescribesMIOTT2twocrucialstepsinthelearningofanart;masteryofthetheoryandmasteryofthepractice.Essentialtobothofthesesteps,themasteryoftheartmustbeamatterofthegreatestconcern—nothingmaybemoreimportantthanit.Whenthatartistheartofloving,nothingmaybevaluedmorethanloveitself.IntroductiontotheAuthorandthearticleIntroductiontotheAuthorandtheArticleErichFromm(1900-1980)wasborninFrankfurt,Germany.AfterreceivinghisPh.D.fromtheUniversityofHeidelbergin1922,hebeganhiscareerasapsychoanalyst,philosopherandwriter.Duringhislongandproductivecareer,hetaughtandengagedinresearchinseveralinstitutesanduniversitiesintheUnitedStatesandMexico,aswellaspublishingmanybooksandarticles,includingTheSaneSociety(1955)andTheArtofLoving(1956).IntroductiontotheAuthorandthearticle2ThefollowingselectionischosenfromTheArtofLoving,whichisconsideredhismostfamouswork.InthisselectionFrommstatesthatpeoplemaintainwrongattitudestowardsloveandarguesthatloveisanart,justaslivingisanart;inhisview,ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywewouldifwewantedtolearnanyotherart.Part2_T1Isloveanart?Thenitrequiresknowledgeandeffort.Orisloveapleasantsensation,whichtoexperienceisamatterofchance,somethingone“fallsinto〞ifoneislucky?Thislittlebookisbasedontheformerpremise,whileundoubtedlythemajorityofpeopletodaybelieveinthelatter.ErichFrommIsLoveanArt?TextNotthatpeoplethinkthatloveisnotimportant.Theyare

starvedforit;theywatchendlessnumbersoffilmsabouthappyandunhappylovestories,theylistentohundredsoftrashysongsaboutlove—yethardlyanyonethinksthatthereisanythingthatneedstobelearnedaboutlove.

Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit.Mostpeopleseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatofbeingloved,ratherthanthatofloving,ofone’scapacitytolove.Hencetheproblemtothemishowtobeloved,howtobelovable.In

pursuit

ofthisaimtheyPart2_T2followseveralpaths.One,whichisespeciallyusedbymen,istobesuccessful,tobeaspowerfulandrichasthesocialmarginofone’spositionpermits.Another,usedespeciallybywomen,istomakeoneselfattractive,bycultivatingone’sbody,dress,etc.Otherwaysofmakingoneselfattractive,usedbothbymenandwomen,aretodeveloppleasantmanners,interestingconversation,tobehelpful,modest,inoffensive.Manyofthewaystomakeoneselflovablearethesameasthoseusedtomakeoneselfsuccessful,“towinfriendsandinfluencepeople.〞AsaEDmatteroffact,whatmostpeopleinourculturemeanbybeinglovableisessentiallyamixturebetweenbeingpopularandhavingsexappeal.Part2_T3Part2_T4Asecondpremisebehindtheattitudethatthereisnothingtobelearnedaboutloveistheassumptionthattheproblemofloveistheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Peoplethinkthattoloveissimple,butthattofindtherightobjecttolove—ortobeloved—isdifficult.Thisattitudehasseveralreasonsrootedinthedevelopmentofmodernsociety.Onereasonisthegreatchangewhichoccurredinthetwentiethcenturywithrespecttothechoiceofa“loveobject.〞IntheVictorianage,asinmanytraditionalcultures,lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiencewhichthenmightleadtomarriage.Onthecontrary,marriagewascontractedbyconventioneitherbythePart2_T5respectivefamilies,orbyamarriagebroker,orwithoutthehelpofsuchintermediaries;itwasconcludedonthebasisofsocialconsiderations,andlovewassupposedtodeveloponcethemarriagehadbeenconcluded.InthelastfewgenerationstheconceptofromanticlovehasbecomealmostuniversalintheWesternworld.IntheUnitedStates,whileconsiderationsofaconventionalnaturearenotentirelyabsent,toavastextentpeopleareinsearchof“romanticlove,〞ofthepersonalexperienceoflovewhichthenshouldleadtomarriage.Thisnewconceptoffreedominlovemusthavegreatlyenhancedtheimportanceoftheobjectasagainsttheimportanceofthefunction.Part2_T6Closelyrelatedtothisfactorisanotherfeaturecharacteristicofcontemporaryculture.Ourwholecultureisbasedontheappetiteforbuying,ontheideaofamutuallyfavorableexchange.Modernman’shappinessconsistsinthethrilloflookingattheshopwindows,andinbuyingallthathecanaffordtobuy,eitherforcashoroninstallments.He(orshe)looksatpeopleinasimilarway.Forthemananattractivegirl—andforthewomananattractiveman—aretheprizestheyareafter.“Attractive〞usuallymeansanicepackageofqualitieswhicharepopularandsoughtafteronthepersonalitymarket.Whatspecificallymakesapersonattractivedependsonthefashionofthetime,physicallyaswellasmentally.Part2_T7Duringthetwenties,adrinkingandsmokinggirl,toughandsexy,wasattractive;todaythefashiondemandsmoredomesticityandcoyness.Attheendofthenineteenthandthebeginningofthiscentury,amanhadtobeaggressiveandambitious—todayhehastobesocialandtolerant—inordertobeanattractive“package.〞Atanyrate,thesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuchhumancommoditiesasarewithinreachofone’sownpossibilitiesforexchange.Iamoutforabargain;theobjectshouldbedesirablefromthestandpointofitssocialvalue,andatthesametimePart2_T8shouldwantme,consideringmyovertandhiddenassetsandpotentialities.Twopersonsthusfallinlovewhentheyfeeltheyhavefoundthebestobjectavailableonthemarket,consideringthelimitationsoftheirownexchangevalues.Often,asinbuyingrealestate,thehiddenpotentialitieswhichcanbedevelopedplayaconsiderableroleinthisbargain.Inacultureinwhichthemarketingorientationprevails,andinwhichmaterialsuccessistheoutstandingvalue,thereislittlereasontobesurprisedthathumanloverelationsfollowthesamepatternofexchangewhichgovernsthecommodityandthelabormarket.Thethirderrorleadingtotheassumptionthatthereisnothingtobelearnedaboutloveliesintheconfusionbetweentheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove,oraswemightbettersay,of“standing〞inlove.Iftwopeoplewhohavebeenstrangers,asallofusare,suddenlyletthewallbetweenthembreakdown,andfeelclose,feelone,thismomentofonenessisoneofthemostexhilarating,mostexcitingexperiencesinlife.Itisallthemorewonderfulandmiraculousforpersonswhohavebeenshutoff,isolated,withoutlove.Thismiracleofsuddenintimacyisoftenfacilitatedifitiscombinedwith,orinitiatedby,sexualattractionandconsummation.Part2_T9Part2_T10However,thistypeofloveisbyitsverynaturenotlasting.Thetwopersonsbecomewellacquainted,theirintimacylosesmoreandmoreitsmiraculouscharacter,untiltheirantagonism,theirdisappointments,theirmutualboredomkillwhateverisleftoftheinitialexcitement.Yet,inthebeginningtheydonotknowallofthis,infact,theytaketheintensityoftheinfatuation,thisbeing“crazy〞abouteachother,forproofoftheintensityoftheirlove,whileitmayonlyprovethedegreeoftheirprecedingloneliness.Thisattitude—thatnothingiseasierthantolove—hascontinuedtobetheprevalentideaaboutloveinspiteoftheoverwhelmingevidencetothecontrary.Thereishardlyanyactivity,anyenterprise,whichisstartedwithsuchtremendoushopesandexpectations,andyet,whichfailssoregularly,aslove.Ifthiswerethecasewithanyotheractivity,peoplewouldbeeagertoknowthereasonsforthefailure,andtolearnhowonecoulddobetter—ortheywouldgiveuptheactivity.Sincethelatterisimpossibleinthecaseoflove,thereseemstobeonlyoneadequatewaytoovercomethefailureoflove—toexaminethereasonsforthisfailure,andtoproceedtostudythemeaningoflove.Part2_T11Part2_T12Thefirststeptotakeistobecomeawarethatloveisanartjustaslivingisanart;ifwewanttolearnhowtolovewemustproceedinthesamewaywehavetoproceedifwewanttolearnanyotherart,saymusic,painting,carpentry,ortheartofmedicineorengineering.Whatarethenecessarystepsinlearninganyart?Theprocessoflearninganartcanbedividedconvenientlyintotwoparts;one,themasteryofthetheory;theother,themasteryofthepractice.IfIwanttolearntheartofmedicine,Imustfirstknowthefactsaboutthehumanbody,andaboutvariousdiseases.WhenIhaveallthistheoreticalknowledge,Iambynomeanscompetentintheartofmedicine.IshallPart2_T13becomeamasterinthisartonlyafteragreatdealofpractice,untileventuallytheresultsofmytheoreticalknowledgeandtheresultsofmypracticeareblendedintoone—myintuition,theessenceofthemasteryofanyart.But,asidefromlearningthetheoryandpractice,thereisathirdfactornecessarytobecomingamasterinanyart—themasteryoftheartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern;theremustbenothingelseintheworldmoreimportantthantheart.Thisholdstrueformusic,formedicine,forcarpentry—andforlove.And,maybe,hereliestheanswertothequestionofwhypeopleinourculturetrysorarelytolearnthisart,inspiteoftheirobviousPart2_T14failures,inspiteofthedeep-seatedcravingforlove,almosteverythingelseisconsideredtobemoreimportantthanlove,success,prestige,money,power—almostallourenergyisusedforthelearningofhowtoachievetheseaims,andalmostnonetolearntheartofloving.Coulditbethatonlythosethingsareconsideredworthyofbeinglearnedwithwhichonecanearnmoneyorprestige,andthatlove,which“only〞profitsthesoul,butisprofitlessinthemodernsense,isaluxurywehavenorighttospendmuchenergyon?anicepackageofqualities:Justaspeoplelookforanattractivecombinationofqualitieswhenshoppingforaparticularproduct,theyusethesamestrategywhen“shopping〞foramate,i.e.theylookfortherightmixtureoffeatureswhich,allwrapped-upinonepersonlikeaneatpackage,makesthatpersondesirable,(acovetedcommodity).theVictorianage:theperiodofthereignofQueenVictoriaofGreatBritain(1819-1901)Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit:Thispeculiarattitudeissupportedbyseveralassumptionsaboutlove,whichmostpeople,generally,believeoneormoreof.NotesPart2_TA_Notes1Part2_TA_Notes2themasteryofartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern:inordertofindlove,peoplemustfirstmastertheartoflove,whichisfarmoreimportant,andwithoutwhichlovewillalwaysremainelusive.Notestheinitialexperienceof“falling〞inlove,andthepermanentstateofbeinginlove,oraswemightbettersay,of“standing〞inlove:“falling〞inloveisaninstantaneousexperiencewhentwopersonsaresuddenlyattractedtoeachotheratfirstsight;“standing〞inlove,however,isthelong-lastinglovetwopeopleholdcontinuouslyforeachotheroveralifetime.bestarvedforsth.:behungryforsth.;suffergreatlybecausesomeoneisnotgettingenoughofsth.inpursuitofsb./sth.:pursingsb.orsth.holdtrueforsth.:certainlyapplytosth.;haveaneffectonPhrasesandExpressionsPart2_TA_PhrasesandExpressions1爱是一门艺术吗？Part2_TA_t1爱一门艺术呢，还是一种快感呢？如果是一门艺术，它就需要知识和努力；而要体验快感那么全凭造化，唯幸运儿才能“坠入爱河〞。如今多数人无疑相信后一种观点，但这本小书却是基于前一种假定的。这并不是说人们认为爱不重要。人们渴望着爱，他们看不计其数的描写幸福和不幸爱情故事的电影，他们听数以百计的毫无价值的爱情歌曲——然而几乎没有人认为关于爱还有什么需要学习的东西。TranslationoftheText埃里克·弗罗姆Part2_TA_t2这种奇特的态度基于几个前提，这些前提往往单独地或相互结合地支持着这种态度。多数人认为所谓爱主要是“被爱〞的问题，而不是“爱人〞的问题，不是自己有没有爱的能力的问题。所以，他们认为问题在于如何被爱，如何变得可爱。他们通过几种途径来到达这一目的。其中尤为男士们所喜用的是取得成功，在自己的社会地位允许的范围内获得最大的权力和财富。而尤为女士们所喜用的是尽力塑造体形，注重衣着等，从而使自己更有吸引力。另外一些使自己更有吸引力的方式，那么为男女所共同采用，如使自己举止得体，谈吐幽默，以及乐于助人、谦虚随和等。很多让自己变得可爱的方式和使自己事业有成的途径相同，如“赢得朋友，影响他人〞等。其实，在我们的文化中，大多数所谓的可爱，实质上是既要讨人喜欢，又要具有性的魅力。Part2_TA_t3导致“爱不需要学习〞这种看法的第二个前提是：人们想当然地认为，爱的问题在于“对象〞，而不在于“能力〞。他们认为“爱〞是简单的，而找到爱或被爱的适宜对象却很困难。造成这种态度有几个原因，它们的根源在于现代社会的开展。其中一个原因是：在20世纪，对“爱的对象〞的选择发生了重大变化。在维多利亚时代，如同在很多传统文化中一样，一般说来，爱情并不是一种最终可能会导致婚姻的自然产生的个人体验。恰恰相反，婚姻是按传统习俗订好的，或通过双方家庭或通过一个媒人，也可能不需要这类中间人的帮助；婚姻是在考虑社会需要的根底上决定的，一旦结了婚，爱情就自然开展起来。在过去几代人中，浪漫爱情的观念已在西方世界变得极为普遍。在美国，虽然传统性质的考虑并未完全消除，但很大程度上人们却在寻求“浪漫爱情〞，寻求导致婚姻的那种个人的爱情体验。这种自由恋爱的新概念一定大大增加了“对象〞相对于“功能〞的重要性。Part2_TA_t4同这一因素密切相关的是当代文化特有的另一个特点。我们的整个文化是以购置欲和互惠交换的理念为根底的。现代人的幸福在于看着商店橱窗时的兴奋，在于用现金或分期付款购的方式购置所有他们买得起的东西。于是，他〔或她〕也以同样的方式去看人。对男人来说，有魅力的女孩子是他要追求的对象，而有魅力的男人对于女人也同样如此。“有魅力〞通常意味着在个性市场上那些人们喜欢并追求的一组优秀的品质。特别使人有魅力的东西，无论是精神上还是物质上，都是由时代的风气所决定的。在20年代，一个抽烟、喝酒、泼辣、性感的女孩是有魅力的；今天的风气更多地要求贤惠和娇羞。19世纪末和本世纪初，男人必须雄心勃勃、敢作敢为才能称得上有魅力，而如今男人那么必须善于交际、宽容大度。无论如何，通常只有在这些人性化的商品在自身有可能进行交换的情况下，才会培养起爱上某人的感觉。我一心要做一笔交易；对象不但应有合意的社会价值，同时考虑到我本人公开和隐蔽的资Part2_TA_t5产和潜在能力，对象也应该需要我。这样，当两个人考虑到自身交换价值的局限，认为自己已经在市场上找到了最好的对象时，他们就开始恋爱了。像购置不动产一样，能开展的潜力在这种交易中常常起着相当大的作用。在一个市场导向占主导地位，物质上的成功具有突出价值的文化中，人的爱情关系遵循商品和劳动力市场支配交换的同一模式，也就缺乏为奇了。导致爱无需学习这一看法的第三个错误，在于将“爱上〞一个人的初始体验和“爱〞一个人〔或不妨说是“处于〞爱一个人〕的永久性状态混为一谈。如果两个素昧平生的人〔我们都是素昧平生的〕突然让他们之间的那堵墙倒塌，感觉越来越亲密，最后感觉像一个人一样，这种像一个人一样的时刻是一生中最令人愉快、最令人冲动的经历之一。对于那些与世隔绝、孤独而没有爱的人来说，它更是美妙和神奇的。这种突然亲近的奇迹，如果与性的吸引和性的完美结合起来，或者为性的吸Part2_TA_t6没有比爱更容易的事了——这种态度一直是有关爱的流行看法，尽管大量的证据说明事实恰恰相反。几乎没有什么活动、什么事业像爱情那样带着如此巨大的希望与期待开始，而又如此经常以失败告终。如果从事任何一件其他的活动出现这种情况，人们会渴望知道失败的原因，渴望学会怎样才能做得更好——或者他们会放弃这种活动。既然在爱的问题上不可能选择放弃，看来只有一种适宜的方式来克服爱的失败了——这就是研究失败的原因，并进而探讨爱的意义。引和性的完美所引发，常常会变得很容易。但这种爱情自身的性质决定了它是不会长久的。两个人相互熟识了，他们的亲近关系也就越来越失去了其神奇性，直到最后他们的敌对、他们的失望，他们的相互厌烦把所剩不多的最初的激情也扼杀掉了。然而，开始时他们对此却一无所知：事实上，他们把彼此间的极度迷恋，相互为对方“疯狂〞的状态当成了强烈爱情的明证，而实际上这也许只是证明了他们以前是多么的孤独。Part2_TA_t7学习任何一门艺术的必要步骤是什么呢？学习一门艺术的过程可以很方便地分为两个局部：一是掌握理论；二是精于实践。如果我想学医，就必须首先了解有关人体和各种疾病的事实。但即使我掌握了所有这些理论知识，我在医术上仍然是无法胜任的。只有经过大量的实践，直到最后我的理论知识的成果和实践的成果融为一体，形成了直觉〔这是掌握任何一门技艺的本质〕，我才能成为这门技艺的一位大师。但是除了学习理论和进行实践外，精通任何技艺还必须有第三种因素，即对这门技艺的掌握必须是头等大事；世上再没有比这门技艺更重要的事了。这一点适用于音乐、药学、木工，也同样适用于爱。在我们的文化中，人们尽管在爱的方面明显地屡遭失败，却第一步要做的是要意识到，正如生活是一门艺术一样，“爱〞也是一门艺术；如果我们想要学会如何去爱，我们就必须像学习其他任何一门艺术，如音乐、绘画、木工或者药学、工程那样，采取同样的方式。Part2_TA_t8仍很少去学习这门技艺，其原因也许就在这里：虽然内心深处都渴望爱，却认为其他任何事情都比爱更重要，如成功、声望、金钱、权力；我们几乎把所有的精力都用来学习怎样去实现这些目标，而几乎不花费任何精力来学习爱的艺术。这会不会是因为人们认为只有那些能用来赢得金钱和声望的东西才值得学习，而爱“仅仅〞有益于心灵，却不能带来现代意义上的收益，所以就成了我们没有权利为之消耗过多精力的一种奢侈品呢？Part2_TA1_thispeculiarThispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedtendtoupholdit.Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralassumptionsaboutlove,which,whethertakenoneorall,seemtobackitup.Part2_TA2_theproblemTheproblemofloveistheproblemofanobject,nottheproblemofafaculty.Theproblemofloveishowtofindtherightpersontolove,nottheabilitytoloveaperson.Part2_TA2_lovewassupposed...lovewassupposedtodeveloponcethemarriagehadbeenconcluded.itwasassumedthatonceyougotmarried,lovewoulddevelopaccordinglyPart2_TA2_todaythefashion...todaythefashiondemandsmoredomesticityandcoyness.todaywomenwhoareshyandcaremoreaboutthehomethantheirprofessionaremoreattractivetomenPart2_TA2_atanyrateAtanyrate,thesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuchhumancommoditiesasarewithinreachofone’sownpossibilitiesforexchange.Inanycase,apersonusuallyfallsinloveonlywiththosepartnersfromwhomoneislikelytogetwhatonewantsbasedonwhatoneisabletooffer.Part2_TA2_thereishardlyThereishardlyanyactivity,anyenterprise,whichisstartedwithsuchtremendoushopesandexpectations,andyet,whichfailssoregularly,aslove.Fewexperiencesorundertakings,otherthanlove,beginwithsomanyhighhopesandplansforthefutureyetendsoofteninfailure.Part2_TA3_themastery...themasteryofartmustbeamatterofultimateconcern…inordertotrulylove,peoplemustmakelearninghowtomastertheartofloveoneofthemostimportantthingsintheirlifePart2_TA4_coulditbeCoulditbethatonlythosethingsareconsideredworthyofbeinglearnedwithwhichonecanearnmoneyorprestige,andthatlove,which“only〞profitsthesoul,butisprofitlessinthemodernsense,isaluxurywehavenorighttospendmuchenergyon?Doesthismeanthatwhensomethingcanbringusmoneyorfame,we’lldoourbesttolearnit,butsincelovecanonlycomfortusspiritually,wedon’tfeelwecanaffordtowasteourenergylearninghowtodoit?Part2_TA7_bestarvedExamples:bestarvedforsth.—behungryforsth.;suffergreatlybecauseoneisnotgettingenoughofsth.InBurma,politicalchangeisurgentasyoungpeoplearenotonlystarvedforintellectualfreedom,butstarvedforthebeliefinameaningfulfutureaswell.Withthemanagementteamstarvedforinformationandbusinessneedschangingrapidly,itwasclearthatexistingmethodsofprovidingresourcestomanagementwerenotmeetingtheneed.Part2_TA8_inpursuitofsb./sht.Examples:inpursuitofsb./sth.—pursuingsb.orsth.OnMondaySpringHillCollegeannouncedthatthemenandwomen’sheadsoccercoach,WulfKoch,would