研究生英语写作 第二次.ppt

,研究生英语写作 （II）,左雁 北京物资学院外语学院,Wordiness,Thought for the Day,“The most valuable of all talents is never using two words when one will do.” - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), American President and writer of the Declaration of Independence,Cut the Fat,Good writing is simple, direct and lean Poor writing is confounded, roundabout and fat,Ten Things to Think about when Buying a House,But thats not all. Yet another one of the most important factors to consider when buying a new home: Obviously, the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself is price. If you cant afford a place to begin with, then what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford? This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home.,Which words or phrases would you cut from this paragraph? (please note that this paragraph would appear somewhere in the middle of an essay.),Watch your teacher cut 41 words of fat from this 75 word paragraph into a lean and mean 34 words!,But thats not all. Yet another one of the most important factors to consider when buying a new home: Obviously, the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself is price. If you cant afford a place to begin with, then what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford? This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home.,If its obvious, then its obvious,repetitive,repetitive,Who else would it be for?,unnecessary,repetitive,repetitive,Repetition of the title,Ten Things to Think about when Buying a House,Before & After Comparison,Here Id like to introduce to you the most important factors to consider when buying a new home: Obviously, the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself is price. If you cant afford a place to begin with, then what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford? This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home. - 75 words,The most important thing is price, and if you cant afford a place to begin with, then what is the point in overpaying? This question is probably one of the biggest most people face. - 34 words,Not enough development for a paragraph. The writer needs to say more; give details/examples,Wordy Words,Some words that can often be tossed into the rubbish bin: I myself actually basically really definitely quite very just obviously kind of sort of generally,always the fact that in fact due to the fact that the reason why is because being that in which it can be seen that it is clear that last but not least I think / believe / feel In my opinion,The uhh”s, “emm”s “ne ge”s of written language,The basic reason Im overweight is because Im lazy.,Im overweight because Im lazy,I just dont understand why my brother is very mean to me.,I dont understand why my brother is mean to me.,I believe that a friend in need is a friend indeed.,A friend in need is a friend indeed.,Im more forgetful due to the fact that Im getting older.,Im more forgetful as I get older.,It can be seen that women are smarter than men.,Women are smarter than men.,Hohhot is the city in which I was born.,I was born in Hohhot.,My leg hurts due to the fact that I was run over by a car.,My leg hurts because I was run over by a car.,I sort of feel that the food tasted kind of disgusting.,The food tasted disgusting.,He shouldnt have hit her, being that shes a woman.,He shouldnt have hit a woman.,Its really quite wonderful that weve become friends.,Its wonderful that weve become friends.,Rewrite the sentences by eliminating any unnecessary language. Make sure the sentences retain their original meaning. 1. Actually, I myself have had a similar experience to his experience. 2. Its a very entertaining film to watch. 3. The reason you are so ill is obviously because you havent eaten any food in three days and nights. 4. It is clear that education in France is a whole lot better than education in most other European countries. 5. Due to the reason that children often copy the behavior of all the people around them, we adults need to watch out for our very own behavior that might cause them to imitate us.,6. It is clear that you need to live your life the way you want to live your life. 7. In this diagram we can easily see that DVD sales go up in the month of November. 8. Children just dont quite understand the difference between right and wrong at such a young age. 9. The Great Wall of China is certainly one of the greatest and biggest man- made structures ever to have been built in all of history. 10. Last but not least, I would like to say one more thing: I think television is bad for your eyes.,Actually, I myself have had a similar experience to his experience. I have had a similar experience to his. Its a very entertaining film to watch. Its an entertaining film. The reason you are so ill is obviously because you havent eaten any food in three days and nights. Youre so ill because you havent eaten in three days.,4. It is clear that education in France is a whole lot better than education in most other European countries. Education in France is better than in most European countries. Due to the reason that children often copy the behavior of all the people around them, we adults need to watch out for our very own behavior that might cause them to imitate us. Because children often copy the behavior of the people around them, adults need to watch their own behavior. It is clear that you need to live your life the way you want to live your life. Live your life the way you want to.,7. In this diagram we can easily see that DVD sales go up in the month of November. In this diagram, DVD sales go up in November. 8. Children just dont quite understand the difference between right and wrong at such a young age. Children dont understand right and wrong. 9. The Great Wall of China is certainly one of the greatest and biggest man-made structures ever to have been built in all of history. The Great Wall of China is one of the greatest man made structures in history. 10. Last but not least, I would like to say one more thing: I think television is bad for your eyes. Last, television is bad for your eyes.,Three Points,Here are three areas to watch out for in eliminating wordiness: 1. Eliminate There is/are, and It is at the beginning of sentences whenever possible 2. Eliminate prepositional of phrases 3. Change whole phrases into single words whenever possible,It is, There is, There are,Avoid beginning sentences with these phrases whenever possible by moving the subject to the front of the sentence instead. It is terrible is see that happen. Seeing that happen is terrible. There are only six students in this class. Only six students are in this class. There are a lot of students who like studying English. A lot of students like studying English. There is an old saying that goes “better late than never.” An old saying goes, “better late than never.” It is too early to go to bed. (cannot change this construction),Change Prepositional of Phrases Whenever Possible,The opinion of my boss My boss opinion The home of her family Her familys home The idea of mine My idea A friend of my mother My mothers friend A city of Inner Mongolia. An Inner Mongolian City.,Change whole phrases into individual words whenever possible,She is a woman who She This is a conversation which is about This conversation is about Owing to the fact that I lost my keys Since I lost my keys The question as to whether he should go or not Whether he should go or not She shouted at me in an angry way. She shouted at me angrily.,The two paragraphs below are too wordy. Revise them in your journal by eliminating and changing language you think is unnecessary. By the end of the year, it is believed that the number of dog owners in Beijing will rise quite dramatically. There are a lot of people who will agree that the number will go up a lot. There is no doubt that Chinese people really love dogs because they are so cute and lovely. How many times have you walked down the street and said to yourself, What a cool dog! I wish I had one of those lovely and cute dogs! You know that you really admire the owner of the dog because that lovely dog probably brings him so much happiness. One really big problem, though is my husband. My husband is a man who hates dogs. Not only does he hate them, but he is allergic to them. He has such a terrible and horrible time around dogs because of his allergies. The doctor of my husband says that his allergic reaction to dogs is nothing serious, but the allergies can cause him a great amount of discomfort. It is such a bad thing for him to go through, so I know that in the end I will never be able to have my own dog for myself.,Count your Words!,By the end of the year, it is believed that the number of dog owners in Beijing will rise quite dramatically. There are a lot of people who will agree that the number will go up a lot. There is no doubt that Chinese people really love dogs because they are so cute and lovely. How many times have you walked down the street and said to yourself, What a cool dog! I wish I had one of those lovely and cute dogs! You know that you really admire the owner of the dog because that lovely dog probably brings him so much happiness. One really big problem, though is my husband. My husband is a man who hates dogs. Not only does he hate them, but he is allergic to them. He has such a terrible and horrible time around dogs because of his allergies. The doctor of my husband says that his allergic reaction to dogs is nothing serious, but the allergies can cause him a great amount of discomfort. It is such a bad thing for him to go through, so I know that in the end I will never be able to have my own dog for myself.,By years end, the number of Beijings dog owners will rise dramatically. Chinese love dogs because they are cute and lovely. How many times have you walked down the street and said, What a cool dog! I wish I had one! You admire the dogs owner because it probably brings him so much happiness. My husband, who hates dogs and is allergic to them, is a big problem, though. He has a horrible time around them because of his allergies. His doctor says his reaction to dogs isnt serious, but it can cause discomfort. As a result, I know Ill never own a dog.,201,103,Unit 2（B） Criteria of Translation,原文：他昨天来过这儿了。 译文I：He came here yesterday. 译文II：Yesterday he came here,原文：香港总督尤德爵士今晨于北京逝世。 译文I：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong, passed away in Beijing this morning 译文II：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong, breathed his last in Beijing this morning 译文III：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong, kicked the bucket in Beijing this morning,原文：瞧你像只落汤鸡！ 译文I：You look like a bedragged chicken! 译文II：You look like a drowned rat! 译文III：Look! Youre wet through,原文：这是一篇八股文。 译文I：This is a bagu essay. 译文II：This is an eight-legged essay. 译文III：This is a stereotyped writing.,原文：劳驾，去市场将怎么走? 译文I：Excuse me, but could you show me the way to Market Street? 译文II：I beg you pardon, sir. Will you be so kind as to tell me how to reach Market Street? 译文III: Chap, tell me how to get to Market Street.,原文：骄阳下，柳树上，回答他的是一片“知了，知了”的蝉声。(毛炳甫剥皮香蕉) 译文I：Under the scorching sun, from the willow tree, came the confirming reply of the cicadas chirrup: “See, see .” 译文II： came the cicadas chirruping, “zing-a-zing-a .” 译文III： came the cicadas reply, “I See, I see .” 译文IV： came the cicadas reply, “I know, I know .”,Translation Game,我满怀希望来参加会议，以为我们的改革一定会得到支持，但讨论来讨论去，还是外甥打灯笼照旧，未免大失所望。,原文分析,我满怀希望来参加会议，| 以为我们的改革 目的 一定会得到支持，| 但讨论来讨论去，| 还 转折 因果 是外甥打灯笼照旧，| 未免大失所望。 因果,时态选择,本句主要是叙事，议论针对具体事件而发，宜选用过去时态系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态。,分步翻译：独立翻译,1) I came to the conference with great expectation; 2) We believed that our reform would surely win full support; 3) However, it was discussed and discussed; 4) The result turned out to be a young man holding a lantern to show the way for his maternal unclebut remaining at the original point; 5) The result fell short of our expectation.,分步翻译：合并,I came to the conference with great expectation. We were sure that our reform would win full support. However, the result fell short of the expectation, for the repeated discussions turned out to be the young man holding a lantern to show the way for his maternal uncle but remaining at the original point. (A half literal, half liberal translation.),分步翻译：化简,Sure of the full support for our reform, I came to the conference. However, my expectation turned out to be in vain, for the repeated discussion didnt produce any expected result.,分步翻译：调整,The expectation with which I came to the conference that our reform would win full support turned out to be in vain by the repeated fruitless discussions.,Practice,这位教授引经据典，反复阐释，许多学生仍感到不得要领，如坠入五里云雾。如此看来，深入浅出，乃教学之秘诀也。,原文分析,这位教授引经据典，| 反复阐释，| 许多 并列 转折 学生仍感到不得要领，|如坠入五里云雾。| 因果 因果 如此看来，深入浅出，| 乃教学之秘诀也。 判断,时态选择,本句主要叙事，议论虽仍为针对具体事件而发，但是从具体经验抽象出来的，带有普遍性。翻译时，叙事部分宜选用过去时态系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要