江苏高考英语读写类作文讲评.ppt

读写类书面表达讲评,Learning aims:,To learn how to sum up the main idea of a short passage; To learn how to polish up your own writings; To correct some mistakes from your own writings.,读写任务型写作分为两部分： 第一部分要求用约30个词概括所给短文的要点，文体主要以议论文，记叙文或说明文为主。,第二部分以约120个词就短文某一主题谈论自己的 经历并发表看法。 此项旨在着重考查学生学习英语的综合能力，特别 是阅读写作以及思维的能力。第一部分要求学生能 读懂文章，在读懂的基础上概括文章要点，所以阅 读能力和概括能力要求较高。,写作要求分析,Technique Guides,概括叙事性(narrative)文章主要内容一般应包括四个方面的内容： 1. 什么人？(Who) 2. 发生什么事情？(What happened) 3.目的如何/原因是什么？(Why) 4.结果如何/什么启示或教训？(Consequence/Inspiration/Lesson),You may begin like these:,The passage/ story is mainly about (talks about) + a story/ phenomenon where/that +从句 2. The writer tells/shows/states us that 3. As is shown in the passage, 4. What the passage tells/shows/states us is that ,故事性阅读材料，应该用最简练的语言来说明故事讲述了什么，还可以讲述该故事给你的启示 (inspiration) 或其中的一个道理(principle)。,At least 36 people died in a fatal stampede during New Year celebrations in Shanghai on January 1st, 2015. The tragedy happened at a crowded square in Shanghais gleaming Bund area at around 11:35 p.m. Most of the injured were young people in their twenties, a majority of them women. There were also college students and children. They were sent to several hospitals for treatment, including Changzheng Hospital, the Shanghai No.1 Peoples Hospital, Ruijin Hospital and Huangpu District Central Hospital. Lack of awareness over safety risk behind public gatherings and loose control at the scene contributed to the tragedy. The disorder at the scene also exposed the deficiency in emergency exercise and safety education. A profound lesson should be learned from the incident. For those areas with high safety risks, the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment, including the arrangement of police, volunteers and supporting measures.,参考1 At least 36 people died in a fatal stampede stmpid during New Year celebrations in Shanghai on January 1st, 2015, caused by lack of awareness over safety risk and loose control at the scene. (35)（马苏云）,参考2 A tragedy in which at least 36 people died during New Year celebrations in Shanghai raised peoples awareness of the security of public places. And the author analyzed the causes of the tragedy. （33字）(杨天一),参考3 What the passage shows us is a stampede which happened in Shanghais Bund area several days ago, including the reasons why it happened and the measures authorities should take. (29字) (suggested answer),Transitional sentences connecting your experience,Actually, in real life, everyone can have an experience of Having read the passage, I think of After reading the passage, I am lost in thought, which reminds me of What a touching story, which reminds me of ,How to polish up your writing,acquire/attain/obtain,accomplish/complete,appreciate/be fond of/prefer,concern,takeinto consideration/account,make use of /take advantage of,be of vital/great importance,Advanced expressions,Exercise1,sad She felt lonely and d_. She was really u_ about the way her father treated her. happy She was feeling more c_ than before. Sandy will be d_ to see you. Im absolutely _ that you are coming. bad Smoking in public is a/an _ habit. The weather is _. I found this manner is extremely _. The food looks _, but it tasted OK.,great He is an _ player to watch. Her dance was an _ performance. Their last concert was really _. The film was absolutely _. What a _ idea. This travel was a/an _ experience. very She looks _ beautiful this tonight. Conditions have improved _over the past few years. Raising money for the homeless has been _ difficult. Self-confidence is _ vital to success.,depressed/upset/in low spirits,cheerful/delighted/thrilled/pleased,awful/unpleasant/horrible,amazing/admirable/awesome/ brilliant/excellent/enjoyable/fantastic,badly/ dramatically/ especially/rather/ pretty/perfectly/awfully/amazingly,Advanced expressions,Its important to obey the public regulations. Only if we do that, can we live in a peaceful, safe and beautiful society. (姜佳怡) Some people like visiting some places which have lots of visitors. (蔡宜静) (prefer),Its of vital importance to obey the public regulations. Only if we perform them, can we live in a peaceful, safe and comfortable society.,Some people prefer to visit some crowded interest of places rather than stay at home for holiday.,Exercise 2 Try to polish up the two sentences,各种从句,非谓语,倒装句型,with复合结构,强调句型,省略句型,祈使句型,虚拟语气,How to vary sentence structures,优句鉴赏,The more actions we take for public rules, the more advantages we will achieve from the society. (李晓爽) In my opinion, if everyone who took part in the New Year celebrations had behaved well, the tragedy would not have happened. (季花磊) So it is obvious that everyone must have the awareness over safety risk, especially when in public places. (杨天一),巧用副词不让句子裸奔,Obviously, most of people lack the consciousness of public safety. Surprisingly, the fatal stampede led to 36 deaths and dozens of injuries. Definitely, we should put our security in the first place. Personally, a series of prevention measures must be taken to guarantee public order.,有没有副词效果确实不一样！,I believe that I suggest that I hope that I support that,I _ believe that I _suggest that I _hope that I _support that,firmly,strongly,sincerely,fully/completely/entirely/absolutely,（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,There are 36 young people dead in Shanghais gleaming Bund area when they celebrated for the coming new year.(19字) (张周杰) A fatal stampede which happened during New Year celebrations in Shanghai made us pay attention to safety risk behind public gatherings. (21字) (王丽娟),学生习作改错,（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,学生习作改错,People will not follow public rules because of lacking of awareness over safety risk behind public gatherings and loose control at the scene contributed to the tragedy. (黄陈侃) As far as I am concerned, its everyones duty to obey and protect the public gatherings. (李佳鑫),order,学生习作改错,Second, people should expose the deficiency in emergency exercise and safety education. (施佳佳) In an emergency exercise, people will be in a panic. So when we are in an emergency exercise, we ought to keep calm.(杜天琴),strengthen,（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,学生习作改错,During New Year celebrations in Shanghai, because young people are lack of awareness over safety risk behind public gatherings resulting a fatal stampede happened, where 36 people died and many people injured. (蔡佳丽) If it is necessary for him to go to the places, what he always does is that finding an open place and staying there. (杨天一),of,were,(to) find,stay,学生习作改错,We always wait for a moment, then will we go on it. (徐菁玲) I think not only followed by travelers, but also the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment. (陈嘉敏),We would rather wait in line than push our way through the crowd.,I think not only should travelers follow the public order, but also the authorities ,（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,学生习作改错,There is a fatal stampede during New Year celebrations in Shanghai. From this incident, we should improve our safety awareness and the authorities are supposed to make special emergency response plans.,（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,学生习作改错,To avoid such tragedy happening again, the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment.(王丽娟),（1） Summarize incomplete idea （2） Misuse/misunderstand original passage （3）Too many mistakes made in sentence structures （4）Express opinions too early （5）Apply the suggestions from original passage （6）Too simple sentences,本次作文中存在的问题：,学生习作改错,In public, I follow the traffic lights. I dont play on the street. (黄嘉楠) In my opinion, if we want to live in a safe environment, we will be careful. (徐菁玲) My friend likes shopping. When she goes out, she a