2014届江门一模作文讲评.ppt

Basicwriting,江门一模作文讲评杨华新,1.Translatethekeywordsandexpressions:1.临近2.面临3.关注4.远离5.电子厂6.团聚7.交通拥挤8.取决于9.把考虑进去,bearoundthecornerbefacedwith3.concern/focus(n.)beconcernedabout/focuson4.befarawayfrom5.electronicplant6.reunite(v.)reunion(n.)gettogether/gather7.busy/heavytraffictrafficjam8.dependon9.takeintoaccount/consideration,Basicwriting:,模板2：引出调查、采访内容一些人的观点及理由另一些人的观点及理由你的观点及理由_madeasurveyon_among_.（或_interviewed_on_）(引出调查、采访内容).,_ofthemthink_,becausetheyfeellikedoing_while_wouldliketo,becausetheybelievethat_.Besides,_holdthebeliefthat_to_therestof_tendto_.Frommypointofview/Asforme,_because_(你的观点及理由).,百分数的表达方法。,10%oneinten/oneoutoftenofthe25%aquarterofthe30%aboutonethirdofthe50%halfofthe.90%amajorityofthe/mostofthe,注意时态：涉及到“上周三”具体的时间状语，句子要用_，而调查的结果表示观点看法，必须用_。,一般过去时,一般现在时,用上各种句型和语法结构,如同位语，定语从句，分词短语，连接词等。,范文欣赏,WhenSpringFestivaliscoming,goingbackhomefortheSpringFestivalalwaysbecomesthemainissuethatthemigrantworkersaremostconcernedabout.LastWednesday,asurveyconcerningwhethertheywouldgobackhometoenjoy/spendtheSpringFestivalwasconductedamongover100migrantworkersinabigelectronicfactoryfarawayfromthecitycenter.Accordingtothesurvey,about70%ofthemchoosetogobackhomeforthereasonthatnotonlyistheSpringFestivalanimportanttimefortheirfamilyreunionbutalsotheycanfeelthewarmthfromtheirfamily.However,about20%ofthemchoosetostayinsteadofgoingbackhomeforthereasonsthatitistoodifficulttobuytickets,andthetrafficiscrowded.Besides,therestdontmakeanydecision,consideringthedurationoftheholidayandtheweather.,WhentheSpringFestivalisapproaching,goingbackhomeforthefestivalalwaysbecomesanimportantproblemmigrantworkersareconcernedabout.LastWednesdaywecarriedoutasurveyamongoveronehundredmigrantworkersinabigelectronicfactoryfarawayfromthecitycenteraboutwhethertogohometocelebratetheSpringFestival.Accordingtothesurvey,70%ofthemigrantworkerschoosetoreturnhomeforthefestival,whichisavitalmomentwhenpeoplecansharethewarmthofthefamily.However,20%ofthemareagainstit,sayingthatitisdifficulttobuyticketsandthereisheavytrafficduringthistimeofeachyear.Asfortheothers,theythinkthelengthoftheholidayaswellastheweatherconditionmayhaveaneffectontheirdecision.,Task-basedwriting,存在问题：1.概括抄袭严重，找漏关键词或是时态误用。2.详略不当（凡是记叙文，例子都相对其它段落要详写）3.不按照要点分段4.审题不慎/举例不当（不少同学举的是自己违反交通的例子）5.单词拼错，词不达意6.中式英语，逻辑混乱7.书写潦草，卷面不整,Questions:1.原文是什么体裁？新闻报道2.概括要用什么时态？一般将来时和现在时态的混合时态3.请列出原文的关键词。GuangZhou,pedestrian,break/violatethetrafficrule,fine/punishment,(some)infavorof,(others)beopposedto,summary1:,ItisreportedthatpedestrianswhobreaktrafficrulesinGuangzhouwillbefinedorrequiredtowatchavideoonroadsafety.Butopinionsaredividedonsuchpunishment.,summary2:,Guangzhouwillcarryoutapolicythatpedestrianswhobreaktrafficruleswillbegivenafine.Somepeoplewelcomeitwhileothersareagainstit,listingafewreasonsrespectively(分别地).,body正文部分,是否同意处罚违规行人：要开门见山，明确地表达出自己的立场，用一两句话来补充/支撑自己的观点。褒贬不一，有理即可。可用到的词汇/句型：agree/disagreewith，beinfavorof/beopposedto/beagainst/speakhighlyofIcantagreemorewiththeactionbecauseIfrownontheactionforthereasonthat,第二段AsfarasIamconcerned,pedestrianswhobreaktrafficrulesshouldbefinedorpunished.Althoughbeingfinedisanunhappyexperience,itcanhelpthemtolearnalessonthateveryoneshouldobservetrafficrulesinthestreet.或Ithinkitaneffectivewaytofinethepedestrianswhobreaktrafficrules.Givenafine,whoeverusedtobreaktheruleswillstopdoingthatagain,whichwillsurelyreducetrafficaccidents.,第三段用好过渡句：（留下好印象）例1）IstillrememberahorribleaccidentIwitnessedonmywaytoschool.例2）BreakingthetrafficrulesputsourlivesindangerandtakewhatIsawtheotherdayforatypicalexample.LastMondaywhenIwasmakingmywaytoschool,例3）Whenitcomestobreakingthetrafficrules,Icanthelpthinkingofafrighteningaccident.Lastmonth,例4）WhatismentionedinthearticleremindsmeofanawfulaccidentIcaughtsightofnotlongago.例5）NevershallIforgetthebloodyaccidentIsawlastweekwhenIwasheadingforschool.,请同学们思考以下的例子是否合适？ThispassageremindsmeofascaryexperienceIwitnessedinperson.Lastsummerholiday,Iwascrossingaroadtogotothebookstore.Behindmetherewasayoungmanplayinggameswithhismobilephone.Whenhecaughtsightofhisfriend,hewantedtocrosstheroaddespitetheredlight.Iadvisedhimnottodoso.Ignoringmesuggestion,herantotheothersidehurriedly.Unfortunately,acarwascomingveryfast.Sofastdidherunthathecouldntstop.Finally,hegotbadlyhurt.Allhisarmsandlegswereinjured.Whatsworse,hisheadwasbleeding.Butluckilyhedidntlosehislifeandwassaved.,此例子含有太多的细节，语言也不够简练。,ThispassageremindsmeofascaryexperienceIwitnessedinperson.Lastsummerholiday,Iwaswaitingfortheredlighttoturngreenwhenayoungman,whoseemedtobeinagreathurry,rantheredlightregardlessofhispersonalsafety.Unfortunately,acarrunningatahighspeedknockedhimdownandknockedhimover.Asaresult,hewasbleedingbadlyandwassenttohospitalinnotime.Whatatragedy!,现修改如下：,请读下面的例子(例一)Ihaveeverwitnessedahorriblescene.Oneday,whenIwaswaitingforthegreenlightatacrossing,Ispottedayoungmanrushingintothetrafficinahurry,ignoringtheredlight.Althoughhemovedveryfast,hewasunabletocrosstheroadbutwasforcedtowaitinthemiddleoftheroad.Henarrowlyescapedbeingkilledinthefastrunningvehicles.Hewasriskinghislife.,(例二)Icanwellremembertheterribleaccidentresultinginapedestriandeathinourcityyearsago.Agirlwascrossinganintersection,chattingonhercellphonewithdisregardfortheredlight.Acitybusmadeafast,wideleftturnandstruckherdownontheroad.Thegirldiedofherinjuriesonthespot(在现场)shortlyafterwards.,(例三)NevershallIforgetthescaryaccident!LastFriday,IwasonmywaytoschoolwhenIsawastudentrunningtheredlight,whichposedathreattohislifeandhetooknonoticeofthepassingcars.Allofasudden,hewashitandfelltothegroundunconscious.Whatapity!Ifhehadpaidmoreattentiontohissafety,hewouldnthavebeenseriouslyinjured!,巧用高级词汇和虚拟语气来提高作文的档次,Asfarasmypersonalexperienceisconcerned,parentscompanyislikethelighthouse,undertheguidanceofwhichwewillgoforwardintherightdirectionandreachourgoals.或：Aspedestrians,weshouldstrictlyobeythetrafficrulesfirst.Whatsmore,weneedtoattachgreatimportancetooursafetywhencrossingtheroad.Sometimesitsnecessaryforustospendtimeinguaranteeingoursafety.Onlybyjoint(共同的)effortscanweprotectourselvesandimprovethetrafficinourcity.,尾段：做法（三言两语，不必赘言）,attachgreatimportanceto=paygreatattentionto,基础写作巩固练习,基础写作,近日，教育部在学生中做了一个关于“中学生应该如何使用零花钱”的调查。【写作内容】使用方法：32%的学生认为：存入银行，养成节约的习惯；40%的学生认为：购买一些书籍，获取更多的知识；18%的学生认为：捐助给边远山区的孩子读书；10%的学生认为：其他方式；2.请发表你对使用零花钱的看法。【写作要