作文评析与亮点的构建.ppt

NathanZhang,Assessmentsofyourcomposition&polishitup,“书面表达”命题依据及原则,依据教育部课程标准、全国统一考试大纲（课程标准实验版）、浙江省高中英语新课程学科教学指导意见2011考试说明：考生应能（1）清楚连贯地传达信息，表达意思；（2）有效运用所学语言知识。根据提示，用英语写一篇100120个词的短文。话题（主题）：跟高中学生学习生活有关的，或是他们关心的，但热点问题的可能性仍较小。写作任务：有意义的，或者实用的（能解决实际问题的）语言知识：高中所学词汇、语法项目、语篇知识（写作方法）,五个步骤,1、审题,题材、人称、时态、要点,2、以词及点：用一两个单词或短语写出每句话的细节要点。,3、联词成句：用联词成句的方法将上述要点的词语扩展成句子。,4、联句成文：,注意：,主语和谓语,背景（适当增加时间、地点条件等）,逻辑关系,开头与结尾语篇衔接,5、检查修改，规范抄写,高分作文29分,思维习惯较好,阅卷老师的建议：字迹工整检查，再检查慎用套词语言朴实结构清晰切题、有逻辑长度适中文体标准,万人迷书写,假如你班要就“如何为高考做准备”开一个班会，请根据以下内容写一篇发言稿，谈谈你对高考备考过程中要注意的事项及建议理由：1.保持良好的心态有助于减轻焦虑，还能增强克服困难的勇气；2.目标明确、正确评价自己。太低的目标使人松懈，太高的目标使人丧失信心；3.与父母、老师或同学沟通帮忙走出困境；4.作息合理，饮食均衡，以保持旺盛的精力。注意：1词数100左右，开头已为你写好(不计入总词数)；2可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。3.参考词汇：明确的(definite)评价（estimation）,审题,1、体裁：发言稿，谈谈高考备考过程中注意事项及理由。为议论文体,2、主要时态：一般现在时，发表自己的看法-要点,3、人称：第一人称we较贴近学生实际,4、要点：所给的四项务必包括进去，并适当的发表自己的看法。文章的结构-总分总-3段式较好。,字词文,词：,havearightattitude,anormalstateofmind,句：,itsveryimportanttohavearightattitude,Anormalstateofmindandself-confidencehelpsustorelax,文：,First,itsveryimportanttohavearightattitude,foranormalstateofmindandself-confidencenotonlyhelpsustorelaxbutalsoenablesustoovercomedifficultiesbravely.,Appreciation,Keepingagoodpsychologyisthefirstandmostimportantsteptomakegreatprogress.Whenitcomestoaims,adefiniteoneandaproperestimationofyourselfworkbetterAsmallstepmakesabigdifference.Dontforgetyouarenotalone.Yourteacherorclassmatesandevenyouparentscanhelpyoutodealwithyourproblems.Sothereisagrowingconcernforhowtomakepreparationsforit.Mysuggestionsareasfollows.Adoptinganoptimisticattitudeisbeneficialtolighteningyouranxietyandencouragingyoutoovercomedifficulties.Asisoftenthecase,toolowgoalsmakeeveryonelessaggressive.AllworkandnoplaymakesJackadullboy.,(肖君),(徐乐平),分芳,岳平,Appreciation,Onlyifweprepareproperlyfortheexaminationcanwesucceedintheend.Tospeakfrankly,thereisaneedforustosetacleargoalobjectivelyandassessourselvesproperly.First,alwayskeepagoodstateofmindinlife,whichhelpsyounotonlyreducenervousnessbutalsobuildupyourcourageofovercomingproblems.Inaword,studyisaprocessoftrial.,(梦露),(林婷婷1),小雨,方芳,Appreciation,Asasayinggoes,“Godnevershutsonedoorbutheopensanother.天无绝人之路。.”Alwayshavingwishescanmakeusstrong-willed.Healthistoourbodieswhatwateristofish.Havingabalanceddietcountsalot.Inaddition,thereisnodenyingthatyoucanbreakawayfromtroubleifyourareunderthelovingcareofyourparents,teachersorclassmates.Itisapparentthatonlyinthiswaycanyouhavelittleanxietyanwellasstrengthenbraverytogetoverdifficulties.Asaproverbgoes:“Amerryheartgoesalltheway.”心情愉快，事事顺心Whatweneedtocareaboutisthatweshouldestablishadefinitegoal.,(小芬),(丽芳),连杰,Studentsversion-许丹妮,However,thepathtocollegemaynotbesmooth.SoweshouldtryourbesttodosomethingbestinordertowelcometheNationalCollegeEntranceExamination.Theregoesasayingthatmorehaste,lessspeed.Therefore,wedbettertokeepapositiveattitude.Notonlycanwecalmdown,butalsowewillgetcouragetoovercomedifficulties.Inotherwords,wewillbelievetherearemanypromisingavenuestopursue.,Whatsthemostimportanttousisthatwehaveadefinitegoalandhaveacorrectestimationaboutourselves.Toolowagoalwillmakeusslackandtoohighwillmakeusloseheart.Besides,itsadvisabletotalkmorewithothers,likeparents,teachers,classmatesandsoon,whichwillhelpusgetthroughdifficulties.Needlesstosay,weneedagoodrestandabalanceddiettokeepusenergetic.Comeon!Everyone!Challengesandpressurescanbringoutusthebest.Hopeeveryonewillhaveawonderfulgradeinthecomingsummer.,Yetwhatshouldwedoinordertoachievesuccess?Herearesomesuggestions.First,itsveryimportanttohavearightattitude,foranormalstateofmindandself-confidencenotonlyhelpsustorelaxbutalsoenablesustoovercomedifficultiesbravely.Meanwhile,weshouldhaveadefinitegoalandacorrectestimationofourselves.Onlyinthiswaywillwenotbeeasilypleasedordisappointedwithwhatwehaveknownanddone.Besides,wedbettersometimestalkwithourparents,teachersorclassmates,whomayhelpusoutwhenwereintrouble.Finally,strikingaproperbalancebetweenstudyandrestkeepsusenergeticandahealthydietisusefulaswell.Withthesedone,Ithinkwecangreatlyimproveourperformance.,achievesuccesskeepanormalstateofmindovercomedifficultieshaveacorrectestimationofourselves-正确的评价自己strikingaproperbalancebetweenstudyandrest-劳逸结合keepsusenergeticahealthydietimproveourperformance-提高我们的效益,范文中的好词句,书面表达在评阅时遵循三原则,语言第一位（语言高级）,内容第二位（要点齐全）,结构第三位（文章分段）,一、高级词汇和语法,二、修辞手法,三、有效的连词,四、名人名言或谚语,语言第一位（语言高级）,龙头；猪肚；凤尾。,还要强化“高级、复杂”两个概念,1、词组优先原则,2、地道原则,3、避免重复原则,4、后、高、长原则后学到、较高级、较长词汇。,四项原则,1、词组优先原则,原文Anewrailwayisbeingbuiltinmyhometown.修正Anewrailwayisunderconstructioninmyhometown.,2、地道原则,原文Throughtraveling,Ilearnedalotofknowledge.修正Throughtraveling,Igainedobtainedalotofknowledge.,一、肯定不如双否好,二、陈述不如倒装妙,三、主动不如被动巧,四、从句不如分词傲,要强化“语法、修辞”两个概念,四个“不如”,修辞的使用在书面表达中算作很大的亮点，在高中阶段很少有学生会注重修辞的应用。双重否定也是种修辞，而且对于考生来说，只要稍加注意，可以在文章中设计双重否定的句子。就变成了亮点句，起到强调作用。,一、肯定不如双否好,Thepostmancomesontimeeveryday.Thepostmanneverfailstocomeontime.,1.Hecamehereat5p.m.yesterday.(一般句式)2.Hedidnotcomehereuntil5p.m.yesterday.,IcouldnthavemadesomuchprogressinEnglishwithouthishelp.,IhavemadegreatprogressinEnglishwithhishelp.,倒装是一种最简单易行的使句子呈现亮点的方法。在高中阶段只需掌握倒装的四种形式，足以应对书面表达，如何应用倒装，有很多方法和技巧。,1.Onlywhenwerealizetheimportanceofenvironmentalprotectioncanwesolvetheproblemofpollution.2.Sopreciousistimethatwecantaffordtowasteit.3.Diligentashewas,hefailedinpassingtheexam.4.Bynomeansshouldteenagersgetintothehabitofsmoking.,二、陈述不如倒装妙,NeverbeforehaveIseensuchawonderfulfilm.,Iwillnevermarryyou.,NeverwillImarryyou.,1.否定词开头：,2.Notuntil/till5pm.didhecomehereyesterday.,3.Itwasnotuntil/till5pm.thathecamehereyesterday.,1.Hedidntcomehereuntil5pm.yesterday.,把地点状语放在句首后面主谓倒装。这样做的好处之一是倒装本身就是高级结构，第二是倒装后把真正的主语放到了句子的末尾，后面还可以继续加从句，使整个句子再呈现更多的亮点。,Inthecenterofourschoolliesourlibrary，whichisbetweenthegardenandtheteachingbuilding.,2.地点状语开头,Onlyinthiswaycanweachieveourgoal.,3.Only+介词短语：,OnlyinthiswaycanIimprovemyEnglish,Onlybytakingexercisescanwekeephealthy,4.形容词+as+主语+be动词：,1.YoungasIam,Icanmanageit,2.Richasourcountryis,wehavealotofproblems,3.Badlyinjuredashewas,hemanagedtotakedownthecarsnumber.,4.SogladamItohearfromyou.,三、主动不如被动巧,英语是一门客观的语言，而汉语是主观的语言，具体体现在英语中经常用被动语态，汉语经常用主动语态；英语中经常用是事物或形式主语开头，强调一件事发生在什么人身上，而汉语经常用人称开头强调一个人发生了什么事。所以使用被动语态符合英语的习惯，如果能将整个文章中两个句子变成被动语态，就会呈现句型的变化，使整篇文章句型丰富。,例如在2006年的高考中，很多学生在表达我们每次可以借五本书最多借十天时：,Wecanborrowfivebooksatmost,andwecankeepthemfortendays.,Atmostfivebookscanbeborrowedatatimeandtheycanbekeptfortendays.,哪种表达法分数会更高？,几乎所有的状语从句都可以变成独立主格或分词结构，时间状语从句，原因状语，条件状语等。例如条件状语从句：Ifsuchisthecase,youshouldapologizetoher.如何变成独立主格或分词结构呢？学会下面的口诀，如果你的作文中有状语从句，马上可改成独立主格或分词结构这个最大的亮点。,四、从句不如分词傲,口诀：一去，二看，三改。一去：去连词；二看：看主语；三改：改分词。,第一步，去掉连词if；,Ifsuchisthecase,youshouldapologizetoher.,第二步，看前后两句话的主语，前后主语不一致，所以要改成独立主格；,第三步，改分词，is变成分词是being,最后变成Suchbeingthecase,youshouldapologizetoher,如果前后两句话主语一致，就变成分词结构。,原文Theyoungmancouldnthelpcryingwhenheheardthebadnews.,修正Hearingthebadnews,theyoungmancouldnthelpcrying.,原文Ifeverythingistakenintoconsideration,weoughttohaveanotherchance.,修正Everythingtakenintoconsideration,weoughttohaveanotherchance.,Practicemakesperfect!,一、词与词之间的转换1.形容词转换为名词Thispaintingisveryvaluable.2.动词转换为名词Ourhometownhaschangedalottheseyears.,二、词与从句的转换Ashewastiredandhungry,theboywasunwillingtomoveon.,Thispaintingisofgreatvalue.,Greatchangeshavetakenplaceinmyhometowntheseyears.,Tiredandhungry,theboywasunwillingtomoveon.,三、非谓语动词与从句之间的转换1.动名词和从句的转换Whenhearrives,pleasegivemeane-mail.2.分词和从句的转换(1)现在分词与从句的转换Ashewaslyinginthegrass,hethoughtofhisparentslivinginthecountryside.(2)过去分词与从句的转换Onceitisseen,itwillneverbeforgotten.,Onhearinghisarrival,pleasegivemeane-mail.,Lyinginthegrass,hethoughtofhisparentslivinginthecountryside.,Onceseen,itwillneverbeforgotten.,3.不定式与从句的转换Hespokeloudersothattheaudiencecouldhearhimclearly.,四、独立主格与从句的转换（1）Ifweatherpermits,weshallgothereonfoot.,Tomakehimselfheardclearly,hespokelouder.,Weatherpermitting,weshallgothereonfoot.（逻辑主语+现在分词）,（2）Ifeverythingisconsidered,hisplanseemstobemoreworkable.Whenthiswasdone,wewenthome.Givengoodluck,Iwillearnmoremoneythanallofyou.（3）Becausetherewasnothingtodo,weplayedgames.,Everythingtakenintoconsideration,hisplanseemstobemoreworkable.（逻辑主语+过去分词）,Thisdone,wewenthome.,Goodluckgiven,Iwillearnmoremoneythanallofyou.,Therebeingnothingtodo,weplayedgames.(being不可省略),五、句与句之间的转换1.简单句与复合句的转换Thegirlisspokenhighlyof.Hercompositionwaswellwritten.2.一般句式与强调句的转换Igraduatedfromtheuniversitylastsummer.,Thegirlwhosecompositionwaswellwrittenisspokenhighlyof.,ItwaslastsummerthatIgraduatedfromtheuniversity.,3.条件句与祈使句的转换Ifyougothroughthegate,youwillfindtheentrancetoBearCountry.4.宾语从句与状语从句的转换Iwontbelievewhathesays.,Gothroughthegate,andyouwillfindtheentrancetoBearCountry.,Nomatterwhathesays,Iwontbelievehim.,六、“二态”之间的转换1.时态的转换Thebellisringingnow.2.主动语态变为被动语态Peoplesuggestedthatthemeetingbeputoff.,七、其他形式的转换1.正常语序与倒装语序的转换ThoughImweakIwillmaketheeffort.Theywillnevergiveupthestruggleforsuccess,Theregoesthebell.,Itissuggestedthatthemeetingbeputoff.,WeakasIam,Iwillmaketheeffort.,Neverwilltheygiveupthestruggleforsuccess.,2.陈述语气与虚拟语气的转换Theshipdidntsinkwithallonboardbecausethereweretheeffortsofthecaptain.,Butfortheeffortsofthecaptain,theshipwouldhavesunkwithallonboard.,怎样译出地道的英语简单句？,第二步：确定主干的相关词汇,第三步：翻译句子主干,第四步：添加修饰成分,第一步：找出句子主干,例句：害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,第一步：找出句子主干,男孩跑了,第二步：确定主干的相关词汇,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,boy,runaway,第三步：翻译句子主干,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,Theboyranaway.,考虑：时态语态,第四步：添加修饰成分,Thenaughtyboyranaway.,Thenaughtyboyranawaywithoutturningoffthewater.,Afraidofbeingscolded,thenaughtyboyranawaywithoutturningoffthewater.,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,练习一：穿红色羊毛衫的女孩是我们班长。,Onepossiblesentence:Thegirldressedinaredsweaterisourmonitor.,女孩,是,班长,练习二：北京是中国的首都，有3000多年的悠久历史。,BeijingisthecapitalcityofChinawithalonghistoryofover3,000years.Beijing,thecapitalcityofChina,hasalonghistoryofover3,000years.BeijingisthecapitalcityofChinaandhasalonghistoryofover3,000years.,高考的书面表达重在设计，如何设计出让阅卷老师看了眼前一亮的句子，写出有分词，倒装，强调，修辞的句子，使整篇文章句型丰富，不单一，有效的使用连接成分使文章连贯，方能在高考中拿到高分。,启示:,誊写核对措辞时态标点符号准确到位,每天练笔熟悉句型名句谚语铭记心上,注重一词多义形式英汉互译强化记忆,限时练笔提炼思路平时演练实战见效,写作要领清晰明了有形无形写作概念,细细审读要求题示拟好提纲排列顺序,思路清晰分段陈述草稿写作认真细心,第一步：仔细阅读写作要求，确定写作要点；,基础写作步骤：,第三步：依据句式结构要求，巧妙整合各句。,第二步：认真拟好写作顺序，先写出简单句；,TomisanAmericanstudent.,HecomesfromLosAngeles.,HestudiesatauniversityinChina.,HeisinterestedintheculturesofEasternAsia.,Tom,anAmericanstudent,whocomesfromLosAngeles,studiesatauniversityinChinabecauseheisinterestedintheculturesofEasternAsia.,实例一,通知新光中学高三年级学生将于10月19日去体检。1.体检地点：第一人民医院2.体检日期：10月19日，星期三注意：1.7:45在医院门口集合，可以骑车或步行前往2.体检前空腹3.在医院保持安静，听从医生和护士的安排。,1.ThestudentsofSeniorthreeinXinguangMiddleSchoolaregoingtohavetheirphysicalcheck-up.,2.Thephysicalexaminationisheldinthe1stPeoplesHospitalonWednesday,19thOctober.,3.Thestudentssh