愚人节英文笑话短信.doc

愚人节英文笑话短信 joke1 wifetalkingtoherhusband(whoreadsnewspaperallday):iwishiwereanewspapersoillbeinyourhandsallday. husband:iwishthattoo,soicouldchangeyoudaily joke2 alittleboyaskedhisfather:daddy,howmuchdoesitcosttogetmarried? thefatherreplied:idontknowson.imstillpaying joke3 atmidnightfathersawthathismarriedsonleavinghome.heaskshim:whatareyoudoing? thesonreplied:dadiamfedupwithmylifemynewlymarriageisnotgoingwell,mywifeandmymomkeepfightingwitheachotherihavetopaybillsformyinlaws,andihatethislifeiwanttogofarfromhere,iwanttotasteeveryjoyoflife,andiwanttohaveeveryfunoflife fathersaid:waitiamingwithyou joke4 awomangoestoenglandtoattenda2weekpanytrainingsession.herhusbanddriveshertotheairportandwisheshertohaveagoodtrip. thewifeanswered:thankyouhoney,whatwouldyoulikemetobringforyou? thehusbandlaughedandsaid:anenglishgirl thewomankeptquietandleft.twoweekslaterhepickedherupintheairportandasked:sohoney,howwasthetrip? thewife:verygood,thankyou. thehusband:and,whathappenedtomypresent? thewife:whichpresent? thehusband:whatiaskedfor:theenglishgirl? thewife:oh,thatwell,ididwhaticould;nowwehavetowaitafewmonthstoseeifitsagirl joke5 acouplegoestoanartgallery.theyfindapictureofanakedwomanwithonlyherprivatescoveredwithleaves.thewifedoesntlikeitandmoveson,butthehusbandkeepslooking.thewifeasks,whatareyouwaitingfor?thehusbandreplies,autumn. joke6 amanissittingreadinghisnewspaperwhenthewifesneaksupbehindhimandwhacks(打)himontheheadwithafryingpan.whatthehellwasthatfor?heasks.thatwasforthepieceofpaperinyourtrouserpocketswiththenamemaryellenwrittenonit,shereplies.dontbesilly,hesays.twoweeksagowheniwenttotheraces(赛马),maryellenwasthenameofoneofthehorsesibeton.sheseemssatisfiedatthis,andsheapologizes.threedayslaterhesagainsittinginhischairreadingwhenshenails(打俚语)himwithanevenbiggerfryingpan,knockinghimoutcold.whenheesaround,heasksagain,whatthehellwasthatfor?yourfuckinghorsejustphoned. joke7 wifetohusband:youweresodrunklastnightthatyouinsultedyourboss. husband:pissonhimwife:youdidandhefiredyou husband:fuckhim wife:ididandyoucangobacktoworktomorrow. joke8 acoupledroveseveralmilesdownacountryroadwithintensesilence.notawordwassaidtoeachother.anearlierdiscussionhadledtoanargumentandneitherwantedtoconcedehisposition.astheypassedabarnyardofmules(骡子)andpigs,thewifesarcasticallyasked,relativesofyours?yep,thehusbandreplied,inlaws. onegirlwenttothepreacherandconfessedhersin. 有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪 girl:father,ihavesinned. 女孩：神父我有罪 preacher:whatdidyoudo,littlegirl? 神父：孩子你犯了什麽罪呢 girl:yesterday,icalledamana“sonofabitch.“ 女孩：昨天我骂了某个男人一句你这个 * preacher:why?whatdidhedotoyou? 神父：为什麽他对你做了什麽 girl:hetouchedmybreast. 女孩：他他摸我的胸部 preacher:youmeanlikethis?(theguydidit.) 神父：你是说像这样子（神父伸手摸女孩的胸部） girl:(alittleshyfromthetouch)yes. 女孩：（因为神父的举动而有一些害羞）嗯是的 preacher:that“snoreasontocallhimthat. 神父：只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他啊 girl:buthealsotookoffmycloth. 女孩：但是他又把我的衣服脱掉 preacher:youmeanlikethis?(hediditagain.) 神父：你是说像这样子（神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服） girl:yes,that“swhathedid. 女孩：是的是这样子没错 preacher:that“sstillnoreasontocallhimthat. 神父：可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他啊 girl:andheputhisyouknowwhatintomyyouknowwhat. 女孩：然後他把他的那个放到我的那个里面 preacher:(evillaugh.)youmeanlikethis?(andyouknowwhat) 神父：（奸笑貌）你是说像这样子（神父和女孩就那个那个了） girl:(afterafewminutes.)ugh.yeah,that“swha