英语系学生毕业论文.doc

家庭关系 父母与孩子指导教师: 作 者: 系 别: 专 业: 学 号: 完成时间: Family Relationship:Parents and ChildrenA thesis presentedbyWang DongtoSchool of Continuing Education in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree ofBachelor of Artsin the subject of English Date: Nov 15th, 2008内容摘要父母与孩子之间的关系是人类最基本的关系，由于其独特的血缘关系所以有别于其他家庭成员与成员之间的关系。本文的目的在于探讨当今一代的孩子在他们所处的各年龄阶段什么是他们的真正所需，而父母又将在孩子们的不同年龄层扮演着何种角色。当然，父母都希望给与孩子最好的照顾以及引导孩子走向正确的人生道路，但是诸多因素也都在不同程度的影响着父母与孩子之间的关系，这也是许多父母试图改变的，但是往往事与愿违。所以本文也力图引导父母如何正确处理他们与孩子之间的关系。关键词: 父母 孩子 关系 真正所需AbstractThe most basic human relationship is parents and children relationship. It is the unique blood relationship from other relationship. The purpose of this paper is to explore the current generation of children what they need in their different ages and to tell parents what they need to teach their children. Many factors can impact on parents and children relationship, which is what many parents try to change. But in many times, parents failed again and again. Therefore, this paper also seeks to guide the parents how to communicate their children, to satisfy childrens real need and guide them on a correct goad.Key Words: Parents Children Relationship Real NeedAcknowledgements I am deeply indebted to my tutor Professor Qi Wenqin, for her persistent guidance, inspiration, encouragement and tolerance, without any of which this thesis would not be possible.iTable of ContentsAcknowledgements.iIntroduction11. The different relationship at different age stages.21.1 Baby.21.1.1 The role of parents.21.1.2 What does a baby need.31.2 School-age children (age 6-12)31.2.1 What do parents need to teach their children31.2.2 What do the children really need.41.3 Adolescents (age 13-18).51.3.1 What do adolescents need.61.3.2 The role of parents.62. Family background and environment is very important for both parents and Children.7 2.1 Family structure.72.1.1 Single-parent family.72.1.2 Two-parent family.72.2. Family financial situation.82.2.1 The poor family.82.2.2 The wealthy family.83. The communication between parents and children.93.1 Time for communication.93.2 National policy to ease communication between parents and children9Conclusion.10Bibliography11Declaration.12iiIntroductionDue to marriage, birth, adoption, and other reasons, people have different relationships. The closest family relationship is parents and childrens relationship. Parents are primary in childrens lives. As a rule, parents provide much of the care that children need, particularly when children are young. When a couple has a baby, they must have a responsibility for their kid. They need to take care of the kid and to guide his growth in a right way. It is not only to give the kid food and clothes, but also to teach him how to become a good child and how to nurture good habits before adulthood. I think everybody knows that young children do not have enough ability or any experience to nurture themselves.Parents should enforce communication with their children. Thus, parents can know what children need and children will know what parents hope for them. This way children will grow up in a heath environment and become useful persons to our society.So they need years of adult care and supervision to survive. But parents want more for their children than just to survive. Parents want children to grow up to be healthy, happy, successful, and decent members of society.1. The Different Relationship at Different Age Stage 1.1 BabyFrom birth of a baby to 1 full year it is called babies sucking time. Babies in this period are growing most quickly, especially their brains. Therefore, during the sucking time babies need more nutrition. If parents cant give babies enough nutrition, anemia and rachitic will happen to babies. Babies immune system is growing now, but the system is not mature. That means the system does not have enough ability to protect babies health during the sucking time.Infancy refers to the period during babies 1 to 3 years. The main infancy characteristics are as follows: (1) nutrition characteristic: During this time, the baby is able to walk, even to run. The activity amount increases rapidly compared with activity amount during the sucking time. With babies weight rising, babies need more nutrition to meet their growth. Parents should feed babies three meals a day. (2) intelligence growth characteristic: The developing speed slows down for infants. Babies growth is stable. Babys language ability develops very quickly. Babies begin to like to look at a picture, to listen to a story, to simulate parents behaviors. Baby intelligence exploitation is very important to babies during this time.1.1.1 The Role of ParentsThe modern psychology research shows that there are fewer children who have accepted feeling and intelligence guide before 1 to 3 years old. Father or mother is the first person of the world to help their child to get to know this fantastic world. They ought to give a child enough care.Parents should bring their wisdom into full play to guide their children. Maybe children do not have ability to understand parents ideas, but they just need to feel. The best toy is father or mother; this toy is what the baby is most fond of. Mother uses her body to speak to the baby, to play tricks with him. Many change diapers, breast-feed; take a bath for their child. How can parents talk to their babies? Parents can play leisurely music or sing her songs to the baby. Singing, speaking, making some funny grimaces, or swaying him lightly is to give the baby the feel to stimulate his intelligence development.1.1.2 What Does a Baby NeedAccording to Jane Waldfgel said in her book “What Children Need”:Human newborns are heavily dependent on their parents to meet their basic needs and protect them from harm. The physical needs are easiest to see. At a minimum, infants need to be kept warm and to be fed（2006:37）. I think that babys body temperature regulation ability is imperfect, so a comfortable environment is very important for a baby. Of course, a clean room is also a very important thing for a baby. Keeping room warm, maintaining good ventilation and cleaning desks and chairs every day with wet cloth are necessary. The pathogenic bacteria are often hidden in the dust. We must also try to avoid too many visitors, because they may also carry many bacterias, which are very dangerous to a baby.If you want to give a baby a bath, the most important point is temperature: 24 to 28 degrees the room temperature and water temperature between 38 to 40 degrees is suitable. Second, parents must be quick; third, parents should avoid water entering babys ears and focus on cleaning neck, buttocks, etc; fourth, parents should not use soap.Baby through sound and atmosphere get to know his mother. So mother should spend some time to communicate with her baby, such as to kiss him, to hold him up, to sing to him and to gently talk to him. These will stimulate babys development. 1.2 School-age Children (age 6-12)The child has parted from infant period and moves into school age. During this time, children walk out his first step of an independent life.Elementary school is the beginning of formal education place where children will enter. At first, they may not be able to adapt to this change. But as children grow, they will become independent step by step.1.2.1 What Do Parents Need to Teach Their ChildrenI think school time is a most important time during childrens 6-12 period. During the 6-years schooling, children will study a variety of knowledge. What they learn will influence their whole life and build their character, habit, style etc. So parents should pay more attention to these aspects.First of all, parents should provide a good study environment. That is a more important factor for children.Second, parents must set a standard for childrens behaviors and enforce those standards through monitoring and discipline. Of course, usually, parents are role models. Everybody knows that children have strong simulation ability; especially they like to simulate their parents. So, in this way, parents should play a good role in daily life. Ms. Waldfgel wrote in her“What Children Need”:That parent can model healthy nutrition and behaviors, good mental health and a commitment to work and career. And through family routines and traditions, parents can transmit a broader set of values having to do with manners, culture and ethics, as well as social skills (2006:130).Third, parents also influence their children indirectly-through their role as family managers or gatekeepers-and as children move to in school-age years and as children get older and spend more time out of the home in school, and with peers, this aspect of parents influence on childrens development becomes increasingly important. Parents should teach their children how to communicate with their peers, teachers and other people in a right way (2006:130).Fourth, parents should teach their children one thing -“responsibility”. Children must know what kind of responsibilities they should assume. The responsibilities will guide children to decide how hard to work in school, what subjects and activities to focus on, and what kind of friendship to cultivate.1.2.2 What Do the Children Really NeedWhen children are from 6 to 12 years old, usually they are studying in school while their parents are at work. In this way, children spend 8 hours sleeping, 8 hours studying in school, and 2 hours doing other things. So parents dont have enough time to communicate with their children. Of course, parents wont neglect childrens basic need. But what do children really want during this period?During this period the childrens ability of learning are not very strong, because children still like to play, such as watching TV, playing compute games and reading cartoon books etc. Therefore, parents must give children extra guidance. My parents did the same. Although at that time their education level was very low and I often liked to play, they gave me a good condition for learning and guided me as to what time to study, and what time to play. I clearly remember during that period I was very naughty. Once I mistook a high-voltage wire as a water pipe. I tried to puncture it, the electric shocked me far away. This was a very dangerous experience. I would like to tell you that during this time, the child is very lively, but nave. Crises happen. So children need to learn how to be away from dangerous things, for example, away from electricity, fire and water to prevent any irreversible results.1.3 Adolescents (age 13-18)This stage, from 13, 14-year-old- to 17, 18-year-old is called youth initial stage in psychology. Children will study in middle schools. Their body and mind grow very quickly. This means that hormonal changes are beginning for the average children around age 13 or 18; both boys and girls are anticipating adolescence and beginning to think how they will handle dating and all the other challenges that lie ahead. The fact that children are thinking about sexual relationships but have for the most part not yet began to engage in them makes this an opportune time to educate them about healthy relationships and about such issues as partner violence and safe sex.Puberty to many parents is a very dangerous term in peoples life. During this time, children become more independent than before. And most of them want to improve what they can do without parents help. But facts often tell them that they are wrong.In adolescence time, childrens bodies have changed dramatically, especially physically, and girls will have their first menstruation while the boys will have first nocturnal emission. For these strange phenomenons, the children are often at a loss, and suffer from shame and inferiority. So childrens physical and psychology issues will become an important factor in their life.1.3.1 What Do Adolescents Need Puberty is a rapidly growing period. Children are taller. The nutrition problem looks like to be a more important factor to effect childrens growth.The nutrient function is giving body enough nutrition, supplementing energy consumption, and adjusting physiology change. Puberty needs a variety of nutrition, such as carbohydrate, proteide, vitamin, mineral substance, microelement, and water.Sexual knowledge is a very important subject to young children too. During this time, childrens bodies experience a lot of physical changes. For children these changes are stranger to them. So the education about sex will let young children adapt their bodies changes. Our society has three kinds of standards to evaluate a person: Good looks, intelligence, and money. So when children find that they are not able to own one item they want among them or all of them, they will feel deeply self-abased. During this time, they need somebody to guide them, especially their parents.1.3.2 The Role of ParentsMany parents think that they can completely control their children, but they are wrong. During this period, childrens treason is beyond anyones imagination. They even reject the parents ideas before they have done anything. During this period, the children are unbelievably independent. They have their ideas; their own interests and hobbies. Because of the lack of understanding of the society; they do not understand why they need to study well. Fighting, truancy, smoking, drinking, courting and dating have become a series of issues during this period. Therefore, parents and children exchanges during this period are particularly important. Parents should concern themselves more about their childrens learning, childrens moral values, and problems they encounter in school, and so on. A successful father or mother will be an important guide to children.So I think during this time parents should adopt a friends attitude to their children. They need to spend time to listen to childrens troubles, to give them some advice, so that they can learn to distinguish right and wrong. As parents, they should not only teach children how to correctly face drinking, smoking, and other issues, but also to teach them to know what they should do during this period and what they should not do.2. Family Background Environment Is Very Import for both Parents and Children2.1 Family Structure A couple and a child usually build a modern family structure.2.1.1 Single-parent familyAt present, more and more single-parent families have appeared in modern society, which has become a problem that we cannot deal with well yet. Children from a single-parent family sometimes tend to have mental imbalance, because they are short of fatherly love or motherly love. So they often feel very lonely, disappointment and sometimes are low-spirited. Their temperament tends to be flighty and rash. Their personality tends to be unsociable and eccentric. These children would be easily disturbed, if this state of affairs were not corrected in time. It is not difficult to find that in the actual life, parents divorce will make some children never believe anyone. Some children are far away from their peers, become one solitary wild goose. Some children do not go back home and walk onto a crime road step by step. A few experts point out that single-parent family education is the education of imbalance.2.1.2 Two-parent Family Two-parent family education is more advantageous than that of a single-parent family.a. Home education builds on nearest blood relationship, closer, more natural, thorough, entire, and enduring than that of a single-parent family or other kind of families.b. It is easier for two- parent families, compared with others to satisfy every need of their son or daughter, especially the need of spiritual help while one-parent families cant give their children that much.c. The two-parent family is easier to communicate with school. They will cooperate and according to childrens aptitude to teach children in a right direction.2.2. Family Financial Situation (living standard)We will discuss two kinds of families only, a kind of family is rich, and a kind of family is poor. Rich familys material conditions are advantageous with top- grade consumption levels, having a very good social position while the poor familys daily life is very difficult. Daily needs are often lacking. We want to discuss what the family financial difference implies to the child, what advantages and disadvantages of two kinds of families will influence the development of child.2.2.1 The Poor FamilyChildren from a poor family will face pressure and poverty after they are born, not only deficiency matter, but also lack of societys respect. If they want to be successful, they must work harder than other people. They want to live like any other person.Poor familys inferior position is very obvious. They live in the societys bottom. They are short of social respect and attention. They cannot get an enlightening and sufficient education. Above all, these chi