5个关键----获得更好的爱情生活.doc

5个关键-获得更好的爱情生活 最近询问了我了解的5对最成功的情侣关于如何创造一个美好的爱情生活的建议。他们起初笑着，以为我是在问关于性生活的问题，我对他们保证我并不是。我想去了解他们如何一起在加起来100年的生活中维持爱情。 惊喜、鼓舞、沮丧的情感同步向我袭来。这些建议是如此的简单，直白。为什么没有更多的情侣将这些运用到他们的爱情关系中呢？Richard,快乐地与Debbie“同居”39年，给出了最佳的答案：“大多数人似乎没有足够在乎到每天去为彼此间的关系付出一丝努力。” 如果你真的在乎，那么你会学习到接下来的观念，并从中得到受益。不管爱情会有多复杂，这些关键点会轻松解决并给你们的关系添加愉悦。1.请求表扬 在无提示下期望你的情人注意到某些事，通常非常不公平也容易导致不满。远离这种讨厌的事，坦率地讲明白你希望你的情人注意到某些事。如果你已经做完了你希望对方注意的事，说出来！你做了头发？说出来！修理了餐厅的桌子使它不再摇晃？说出来！ 当还是个小孩的时候你会本能地这么去做。还记得你跑到父母或监护人面前要他们看看你涂上了颜色的一副画或者用一张昂贵地桌布做成了披肩吗?对我们大多数人来说，对我们显地才华，这种反应是惊奇（如果有一点小发明）和大声赞扬中的一种。 如今你也没有多大的不同。当你干好某事后你仍然想被表扬。就算是那些你本来这周应该早就完成的或是错过了细节的事。怎么去获得赞扬？去请求表扬并同意当你的情人需要时你也给出赞扬。你知道不能因忽略孩子们为了给你留下印象而做出的努力打击他的心灵。你是否像你父母那样聪明？2. 对每件事，表示感谢 说“谢谢”并努力经常地表露你真诚地感谢情人为你做的所有。需要时间来讲这些变成一种不烦闷的事。也许你会因为某事对你的情人或其他人暴怒，他们会指出他们做了的某事，希望被赞扬。你会如何反应？你会表示你的赞赏和感谢然后独自处理你愤怒的情绪？或者你会像个贝壳那样关闭自己用极度沮丧的沉默折磨你的情人？ 你担心你的感情生活所以我希望你能收起你短暂的骄傲然后表达出感谢。毕竟，你的爱人应该得到至少你对一个完全陌生人表达出的礼貌。当你无法做到亲切时，至少保持礼貌。养成对爱人表达感谢的习惯，即使对最微小的事，一句感谢的幼苗会成长为强壮地足够支持你们两人的大树。3、为对方排出时间 如果你担心和你的爱人安排时间相处会扼杀随意地浪漫，你不会阅读这些。对剩下过着匆忙生活和繁忙行程的我们来说，一个精疲力尽的周三更容易掌控知道周四晚上6点我们会有一些时间与最好的朋友相处。现在剩下的是实际与爱人在重点时间内共同度过的时间。根据我的不能称为科学的调查中的声音，这些，是所有长久爱情关系中最难的一部分。与孩子在饭桌前吃晚饭不能算作真正的共处，你们一起坐在沙发上使用着笔记本电脑也不算真正的共处。事实上，大多数我们以情侣身份做的事掉进了以“接近”取代“真正”共处的范围。一个简单的测试（谢谢Debbie!)是，在对他们谈话前看看是否你需要去引起爱人注意去倾听你说的是什么。如果你需要的话，他们不是真的准备好了。你会被诱惑去使用经常一起的时间去发泄愤怒和争吵。不要这么做！这是你用来迷住你爱的那个人的时间。如果你不能想到出色的、热情的话去说，就仅仅仔细考虑。尽可能多的共处！4. 商定如何争吵有时候当你对对方很生气时，坐下然后谈论怎么争论。然后列出一些你们都同意的规则供将来吵架时遵守。 Mary，一位拥有4个孩子的妈妈，两次丧偶。她分享给大家三条规则： 吵架时，在不说清楚到底该怎么办之前，没人会离开。 吵架吵过三天是明显的愚蠢，这是不能被准许继续吵的。 一次吵架永远不代表这段关系它本身有问题。 Mary的最后一条规则和我产生共鸣，因为这是我在自己的爱情关系中所努力去做的。争吵中一个最难也是最聪明的做法是说：“我爱你，但是我对你很生气关于/因为/.(争论内容)”。让争吵与爱情关系相分离的状态是使一切回到正轨的关键。你可以称它为走出迷路森林的捷径。5. 每天说你抱歉 道歉很像学一门外语。在真实生活中你越加练习，你说得越好。 如果你每天并没有做什么值得道歉的事，你要么是天使要么是完全盲视自己的不足。在说对不起之前，你不需要做巨大地伤害爱人的事。只是做你自己。在做你自己的过程中，你会不经过思考说一些话，忘记在商店买一些东西，或者不问爱人过得如何只是抱怨你的今天过得糟糕。你是生产错误的主人！你越请求原谅，越容易承认你做的所有事都会获得原谅，如果不小心的话，这很容易让的爱人离开。放下你的骄傲和承认把某件事弄遭了并不是件容易的事。如果你想尽可能地经营好你的爱情，你需要这么去做，并且养成习惯。March 17th, 2010 in Communication5 Keys To A Better Love LifeI recently asked 5 of the most successful couples I know for their best advice on how to create a fantastic love life. They laughed at first. They thought I was asking about sex. I assured them I wasnt. I wanted to know what theyd done to keep their love alive for 100+ combined years of life together.What came next surprised, inspired, and frustrated me all at once. These ideas were so simple, so straightforward. Why werent more couples putting them to use in their own relationships? Richard, happily “living in sin” with Debbie for 39 years, said it best. “Most people just dont seem to care enough to put a bit of effort into their relationship every day.” If you really do care then youll have what it takes to put the following concepts to use and reap the benefits. In spite of all the complexity that love serves up, these keys will make short work of adding joy to your relationship.1. Ask For PraiseExpecting your partner to notice things without prompting is often very unfair and can lead to resentment. Keep the beast away by speaking up and bringing attention to things youd like your partner to notice. If youve done something youd like your partner to take notice of, say something! Got your hair did? Say something! Fixed the dining room table so it doesnt teeter? Say something!You did this instinctively when you were a child. Remember running up to a parent or guardian and asking them to look at a picture youd colored or cape youd made out of an expensive tablecloth? For most of us, the response was one of amazement (if a bit contrived) and vocal appreciation for our obvious talents.Youre not so very different now. You still love to be praised when youve done well. Even if its something you should have done earlier in the week or missed a detail on. How to get that praise? Ask for it and agree to give it when your partner asks you for some appreciation. You know not to crush a childs spirit by ignoring their efforts to impress you. Are you as smart about your partner?2. In Everything, Give ThanksSay “Thank You” and make an effort to regularly demonstrate your genuine gratefulness for all your partner does for you. There are going to be times when this will seem an impossible chore. Perhaps youll be furious with your partner over something or other and theyll point out something they did, hoping for praise. How will you respond? Will you offer your praise and thanks then deal with your anger separately? Or will you close up like a shell and torture your partner with inconsolable silence?You care about making your relationship work so I expect youll swallow your momentary pride and say thank you. After all, your partner deserves at least the same courtesy youd give to a complete stranger. When you cannot be gracious, be polite. Make a habit of offering thanks to your partner, even for the tiniest of things, and a sapling of thankfulness will grow into something strong enough to support you both.3. Schedule Time For Each OtherIf you were worried about killing spontaneous romance by scheduling time with your partner, you wouldnt be reading this. For the rest of us with busy lives and hectic schedules, an exhausting Wednesday is easier to handle knowing that Thursday at 6pm we get a few hours with our best friend.All thats left is to actually be present with your partner during the focused time you have together. This, according to all voices heard in my less-than-scientific survey, is one of the hardest parts of any long-term relationship.Dinner with kids at the table doesnt count as real presence. Sitting on the couch while you both have laptops running in front of you doesnt count either. In fact, most of the things we do as couples fall into the realm of proximity instead of true presence. A simple test (thanks, Debbie!) is to see if you need to get your partners attention before talking for them to hear what you say. If you do, they werent really there to begin with.Youll be tempted to use your regular time together as the time for you to angrily vent and argue. Dont do it! This is your time to catch up with the person you love. If you cant think of something wondrous and warm to say, chew on silence and just be. Theres something about focused presence with a loved one that helps troubles sink away just a bit. Make the most of your time together!4. Agree On How To ArgueSometime when youre not even a little angry with each other, sit down and talk about how you fight. Then lay down some rules you both agree to follow during future arguments.Mary, a 74 year-old mother of four and widow of two shared three of her rules: Nobody leaves during an argument without saying where theyre going. Arguments that last longer than 3 days are obviously stupid and will not be allowed to continue. An argument will never mean that the relationship itself is in question.Marys final rule resonated with me because thats something I work very hard to do in my own relationships. One of the most difficult but smartest things to say during an argument is, “I love you but Im so pissed at you about/for/because insert argument here.” Keeping the argument separate from the relationship status is key to getting things back on track. You could call it a shortcut through very dark woods.5. Say Youre Sorry Every DayApologizing is a lot like learning a foreign language. The more you practice it in real-life situations, the better you become at it.If you dont do something worth saying sorry for every day, youre either an angel or completely blind to your owninadequacy. You need not commit some great damage against your partner before saying youre sorry. Just be yourself. In the course of being yourself youll say something without thinking, forget to pick up something from the store, or complain about your day without asking about your