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Unit 11 Salvation I was saved from sin when I was going on thirteen. But not really saved. It happened like this. There was a big revival at my Auntie Reeds church. Every night for weeks there had been much preaching, singing, praying, and shouting, and some very hardened sinners had been brought to Christ, and the membership of the church had grown by leaps and bounds. Then just before the revival ended, they held a special meeting for children, to bring the young lambs to the fold. My aunt spoke of it for days ahead. That night I was escorted to the front row and placed on the mourners bench with all the other young sinners, who had not yet been brought to Jesus. My aunt told me that when you were saved you saw a light, and something happened to you inside! And Jesus came into your life! And God was with you from then on! She said you could see and hear and feel Jesus in your soul. I believed her. I had heard a great many old people say the same thing and it seemed to me they ought to know. So I sat there calmly in the hot, crowded church, waiting for Jesus to come to me. The preacher preached a wonderful rhythmical sermon, all moans and shouts and lonely cries and dire pictures of hell, and then he sang a song about the ninety and nine safe in the fold, but one little lamb was left out in the cold. Then he said: Wont you come? Wont you come to Jesus? Young lambs, wont you come? And he held out his arms to all us young sinners there on the mourners bench. And the little girls cried. And some of them jumped up and went to Jesus right away. But most of us just sat there. A great many old people came and knelt around us and prayed, old women with jet-black faces and braided hair, old men with work-gnarled hands. And the church sang a song about the lower lights are burning, some poor sinners to be saved. And the whole building rocked with prayer and song. Still I kept waiting to see Jesus. Finally all the young people had gone to the altar and were saved, but one boy and me. He was a rounders son named Westley. Westley and I were surrounded by sisters and deacons praying. It was very hot in the church, and getting late now. Finally Westley said to me in a whisper: God damn! Im tired of sitting here. Lets get up and be saved. So he got up and was saved. Then I was left all alone on the mourners bench. My aunt came and knelt at my knees and cried, while prayers and song swirled all around me in the little church. The whole congregation prayed for me alone, in a mighty wail of moans and voices. And I kept waiting serenely for Jesus, waiting, waitingbut he didnt come. I wanted to see him, but nothing happened to me. Nothing! I wanted something to happen to me, but nothing happened. I heard the songs and the minister saying: Why dont you come? My dear child, why dont you come to Jesus? Jesus is waiting for you. He wants you. Why dont you come? Sister Reed, what is this childs name? Langston, my aunt sobbed. Langston, why dont you come? Why dont you come and be saved? Oh, Lamb of God! Why dont you come? Now it was really getting late. I began to be ashamed of myself, holding everything up so long. I began to wonder what God thought about Westley, who certainly hadnt seen Jesus either, but who was now sitting proudly on the platform, swinging his knickerbockered legs and grinning down at me, surrounded by deacons and old women on their knees praying. God had not struck Westley dead for taking his name in vain or for lying in the temple. So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, Id better lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved. So I got up. Suddenly the whole room broke into a sea of shouting, as they saw me rise. Waves of rejoicing swept the place. Women leaped in the air. My aunt threw her arms around me. The minister took me by the hand and led me to the platform. When things quieted down, in a hushed silence, punctuated by a few ecstatic Amens, all the new young lambs were blessed in the name of God. Then joyous singing filled the room. That night, for the first time in my life but one for I was a big boy twelve years oldI cried. I cried, in bed alone, and couldnt stop. I buried my head under the quilts, but my aunt heard me. She woke up and told my uncle I was crying because the Holy Ghost had come into my life, and because I had seen Jesus. But I was really crying because I couldnt bear to tell her that I had lied, that I had deceived everybody in the church, that I hadnt seen Jesus, and that now I didnt believe there was a Jesus anymore, since he didnt come to help me.救赎 在我快十三岁时被上帝从罪恶中超度了,但并非真正地超度。事情是这样发生的:在我瑞德姑妈所在的教堂里有一场很大的复兴布道会,那几个星期每天晚上都有很多人在那里传道、唱诗、祈祷或者大声喊叫,一些顽固的罪人也被带到这里,于是这个教堂的教徒增加得很快。就在这一切快要结束的时候,教堂里的人特别为孩子们举办了一场仪式,“把孩子们带入基督徒队伍里”,姑妈几天前曾提到过。于是那天晚上我和其他还没有入教的孩子们一样,在大人的陪同下来到了第一排并坐在了忏悔者的座位上。 姑妈告诉我如果被超度就会看到一束灯光,灵魂会随之发生变化的。你的生命里就会有了耶稣!上帝从此将与你同在!她还告诉我会看到、听到并感受到在我灵魂中的上帝。我相信了她的话。我以前听到过很多老人说同样的话,并且我觉得他们是应该知道的。于是我安静地坐在又热又拥挤的教堂里等待着耶稣的降临。 牧师做了一场抑扬顿挫的精彩布道,都是些呻吟、呐喊、哭泣和可怕的地狱的描绘,然后他唱了一首歌,歌里唱道,九十九只羊都安全地回到羊圈,只有一只迷失在寒冷的世界里。接着他说:“你不来吗?你不来到耶稣的身边吗?亲爱的孩子们,你不来吗?”然后他向所有坐在忏悔席上的孩子伸出了双手。小女孩儿们被吓哭了,我们中的一些人立即跳离了座位,跑去找耶稣了,但大多数人还坐在原住上。 一大群老人来到我们身旁开始跪地祈祷,我看到了老奶奶漆黑的面容,梳成辫子的头发,还有老爷爷饱经风霜的双手,还有他们唱着圣歌,歌里唱道:“下面的灯点着,可怜的罪人们需要得到拯救。”整个教堂都因为他们的祈祷和歌唱而晃动。 我仍在等着看看耶稣。 最后除了我和另一个小男孩儿,其他所有的孩子都去圣坛被超度了。这个小男孩儿名叫威斯特雷,是个浪荡鬼的)L-子-。修女和执事们的祈祷声包围了我们俩。教堂里实在是太热了,而且天色已经越来越晚。最后威斯特雷小声跟我说:“该死的上帝!我实在不想再坐在这儿了,我们过去被超度吧。”于是他站起来,去接受了超度。 我成了忏悔席上唯一的一个人。姑妈哭着跑过来跪在我身旁,小小的教堂里所有的祈祷声都围绕着我。整个圣会只为我一个人祈祷,发出了一种近乎强迫和乞求的哀鸣。我仍安静地等着耶稣,等着,等着但是耶稣却没有出现。我真的想看到他,但是什么也没有发生。什么也没有!我想让我有点事发生,但什么也没发生。 我听

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