小学英语小笑话.doc

小学英语小笑话1)TOMS EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow. 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校-慢行。 DID YOUR DAD. 小学英语小笑话2)Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bear)! 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:我受不了你这个苯蛋了! 吉姆说:你妈妈能! 附:bear 有两重意思:生和忍受这个笑话正是根据这点. 小学英语小笑话4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟. 小学英语小笑话5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 小学英语小笑话6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 小学英语小笑话7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “Youer a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 小学英语小笑话8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “Id know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。” 小学英语小笑话9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。小学英语小笑话10)He is really somebody - My uncle has 1000 men under him. - He is really somebody. What does he do? - A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 - 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 - 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ - 墓地守墓人。Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are!Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”Two Pieces of CakeTom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?Mom: Certainly - take this piece and cut it two!两块蛋糕汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？妈妈：当然可以-拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！A Girls NameWhen our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I dont understand why my grandfather had a girls name.女孩的名字女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的也已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?Nothing, Mum, answered the son proudly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？ 儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.Its all right, said a gentleman, dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?Ah, yes, answered the little boy. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didnt write the address and addressees name on the envelope.After the son comes back, the father asks him: You have thrown the letter in the mail box?CertainlyYou have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope.Then why you didnt take it back? I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢？”“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, Mom, I had a dream last night that Id passed todays exam.Dont trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite. Mother replied.Then I do hope Ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight, Tom said.在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad（少年，小伙子） . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he wont join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么？这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldnt wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，下次鞠躬的时候，你就在心里数：一月、二月、一直数到十二月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：我叔叔几月走的？The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on（溺爱，宠爱） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? Did you cry?Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, Do you think youre stupid, Johnny?No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”Comparison Geoffrey says to his father (who is looking at his sons report card). So I dont get the highest marks in the class, do you get the highest salary in the offic