英语小笑话.doc

校园幽默四则 1.Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。2.The Fish NetCan you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。3.The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September.George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she saidthat two and four were six too.新老师9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。4.A physics ExaminationOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmateswere thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, thenhear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。经典英语小笑话1. the lowest grade Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really dont think I deserve a zero. Neither do I. But thats the lowest grade Im allowed to give. 最低分 学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。” 老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” 2. Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theaters current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television. 逼真的戏剧 我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。” 本贴来自天极网群乐社区-/group/review-10130234.htmlTOMS EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow. 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校-慢行。DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tims mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you? No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim. 你爸爸帮你了吗？ 一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴 ，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。 英语幽默笑话Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bear)! 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:我受不了你这个苯蛋了! 吉姆说:你妈妈能! 附:bear 有两重意思:生和忍受这个笑话正是根据这点. 英语笑话故事 1. He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 2. I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened?A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother.Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket.他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cent