小学四年级英语笑话1.docx

1.we two who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿 2how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？ 3you dont bird me,I dont bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你 4you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！ 你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！ 5hello everybody! if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home! 有事起奏，无事退朝 6you me you me 彼此彼此 7You Give Me Stop! 你给我站住！ 8know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知. 9WATCH SISTER 表妹 10dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouseson can make hole! 龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！ 11American Chinese not enough 美中不足 12one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die 车祸现场描述 13heart flower angry open 心花怒放 14go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过 15. 小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too! 小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for? 小明：I am sorry five! 16If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one! 要钱没有，要命一条 17I call Li old big. toyear。 我叫李老大，今年25。 18you have two down son。你有两下子Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 回答者： 893053124 | 一级 | 2009-2-8 11:48 A farmer has five sons.They are Ted,Bob,Tom,John and Bill. John has no elder brother. He was four years older when his first younger brother was born. The number of Toms elder brothers is equal to his younger brothers. Bill will be twenty-one years old next year, and he is five years older than Bob. Bob is two years younger than Tom. Ted was sad because he has no younger brother. There are twelve years between him and John. 一个农民有5个儿子。他们是Ted,Bob,Tom,John 和 Bill。John没有比他大的哥哥，他比第一个出生的比他小的那个弟弟大4岁，Tom哥哥的数量和他的弟弟的数量是一样的（就是他是老三）Bill 明年就21岁了，他比Bob大5岁，比Tom小2岁，Ted因为没有弟弟而难过 Ted 和John之间差了12岁 I work for 7up! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀 Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, Congratulations, you got twins. The man said How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins. After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, Congratulations, you got triplets. Man was like Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the 3 musketeers. Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says Congratulations, you got twins x2. Man is happy and says, Ironic, I work for the hotel 4 Seasons. All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him whats wrong and he answered, Whats wrong? I work for 7up! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:恭喜,你得了双胞胎.男人说:多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理.过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:恭喜,你得了三胞胎.男人很喜欢:嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事.最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说: 恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎.男人很开心地说:真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作.他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀! Five Hundred Times 五百遍 In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judges eye. You are a school teacher, eh? said he. Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write I went through a red light five hundred times. 在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写我开车闯了红灯500遍。” Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language? 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。 母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。” It is half past five, School is over . Vicky comes back. His mother is not at home and the door is closed. His brother Jim likes sports. He is playing football in the school.His sister Becky likes music and she is singing with her friends. Mrs Hyde comes back with a basket on her arm.Vicky sees his mother and runs to help her carry it.They come in and the girl finds there are three cakes in a bag. They are her favorite food and she wants to eat them. The other two are for Jim and Becky,says his mother. You can have one. But I am hungry now,Mum.says the girl,May I have two? Yes,you can .Says the mother,Go and cut yours in half. 现在是5:30,放学了.Vicky回来了.他的妈妈不在家而且门是关着的.他的哥哥Jim喜欢做运动.他正在学校踢足球.他的姐姐Becky喜欢音乐,她正在和她的朋友一起唱歌. Hyde太太回来时拿着一个篮子.Vicky看见了他的妈妈然后跑过去帮她拿篮子.他们进来,这个女孩发现包里有3个蛋糕.这是她最喜欢的食物,她想吃. 另外两个是给Jim和Becky的.她妈妈说.你可以吃一个.但是我现在饿了妈妈.这个女孩说.我能吃两个么?是的你可以.妈妈说.去把你的切成两半. A Supermarket Near our school there is a supermarket. There are a lot of things in it. You can buy school things, like exercise books, rulers, pens, color pencils, erasers, maps and so on. You can buy drinks, vegetables, fruits, and other kinds of food. Some of them are cheap while some are expensive. On the second floor is the clothing section and there you can find different kinds of clothes. The supermarket is open twelve hours a day : from 9:00 a. m. to 9:00 p.m. The workers in the supermarket are very friendly and they can help you find what you want. On Saturdays and Sundays, the market is full of people. 一家超市 我们学校附近有一家超市。里面有好多东西。你可以买到学习用品，比如练习本、尺子、钢笔、彩色铅笔、橡皮和地图等等。你可以买饮料、蔬菜、水果和各种食品。有一些商品很便宜，而有一些却很贵。超市的二楼是服装区。在那儿，你可以见到各种各样的服装。 这家超市每天营业12小时，从上午9：00到晚上9：00。里面的工作人员狠热情，他们可以帮助你找到你要买的东西。 每到星期六和星期天，这里就挤满了顾客。 My childhood was happy with my mothers love. In my young heart, my mother was strong and healthy, and never got sick. She took me to the kindergarten and home every day, in spite of rain and wind. But one day, after we got home from the kindergarten, my mother went into the bedroom and stayed in bed. I didnt know what had happened. I sat beside her and wanted to cry. My mother said to me, It doesnt matter, mum has only a stomachache. I will be all right after a while. Although mother said so, I found tears in her eyes because of pain. At that time I knew adults also got ill and cried. I decided I would take care of my mother from then on. 在妈妈的呵护下，我的童年是快乐的。在我幼小的心灵中，妈妈强壮健康，永远不会生病。无论是下雨还是刮风，她每天带我在幼儿园和家之间穿梭。 但是有一天，我们从幼儿园回来后，妈妈进屋就躺在了床上。我禾知道发生什么了，坐在她旁边想哭。妈妈对我说：“没关系，妈妈只是胃疼，一会就会好。”虽然妈妈这么说，但我发现了她疼得眼中含着眼泪。那个时候我才知道大人也会生病，也会哭的。从那时起我决定要照顾妈妈。 Wings The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly. 翅 膀 一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！” Juanita: Hello! My names Juanita Read. Whats your name? Song Yang: I am Song Yang. Juanita: Nice to meet you! Song Yang: Nice to meet you, too! Where are you from? Juanita: Iam from Oxford in England. What about you? Song Yang: Oh, I come from Xian in Shanxi. Can you speak Chinese? Juanita: I understand Chinese a little, but I dont speak it very well. Song Yang: Oh, I understand English a little, but I dont speak it very well! Juanita: Then lets speak Chinglish! Song Yang: Or Englese! 娟妮塔：你好！我叫娟妮塔.里德，你叫什么名字？ 杨松：我叫杨松 娟妮塔：很高兴见到你 杨松：我也很高兴见到你。你从哪儿来？ 娟妮塔：我来自英国牛津，你呢？ 杨松：我来自陕西的西安，你会说中文吗？ 娟妮塔：我懂一点中文，但我说得不是很好。 杨松：哦，我懂一点英语，但我说得也不太好。 娟妮塔：那我们来说中式英语吧 杨松：或者是英式中文！ Lan and Fred Lan and Fred were boys. They were both twelve years old, and they were in the same class in their school. Last Friday afternoon they had a fight in class, and their teacher was very angry. He said to both of them, “Stay here after the lessons this afternoon, and write your names a thousand times.” After the last lesson, all the other boys went home, but Lan and Fred stayed in the classroom with their teacher and begin writing their names. Then Fred began crying. The teacher looked at him and said,” Why are you crying, Fred?” “Because his names Lan May, and mines Frederick Hollingsworth,” Fred said. 易恩和富雷得 易恩和富雷得都是男孩，他们都十二岁了。他们在学校里是同班同学。上周五下午他们在学校里打了一架。为此老师很生气。老师对他们说：“下午下课后留在着把你们的名字写一千遍。” 最后一节课下课，所有的学生都回家了。只有易恩和富雷得被他们的老师留在教师里抄写他们的名字。 接着富雷得哭了起来。 老师看了看他问：“富雷得，你为什么要哭呢？” “因为他的名字是Lan May, 而我的名字确是Frederick Hollingsworth，”富雷得回答道。 Fox and cock One morning a fox sees a cock. He think,“This is my breakfast.” He comes up to the cock and says, “I know you can sing very well. Can you sing for me?” The cock is glad. He closes his eyes and begins to sing. The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away. The people in the field see the fox. They cry, “Look, look! The fox is carrying the cock away.” The cock says to the fox, “Mr. Fox, do you understand? The people say you are carrying their cock away. Tell them it is yours. Not theirs.” The fox opens his mouth and says, “The cock is mine, not yours.” Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree. 狐狸和公鸡 一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。 他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很高兴。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。 在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。” 狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，。公鸡跑到了树底下。 回答者： 尐儍鼒 | 三级 | 2009-2-8 22:24 Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctors. Whats the matter with you,asked the doctor. I have been broken all!,said the fool . Broken all,whats it mean?,the doctor was surprised. Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:Ouch!There is something wrong with my head.after that,he pointed to his back and said :ouch,my back hurt.then,he touch his nose and said:ouch,my nose hurt The doctor thought a while and said :you have a bad finger 从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。 那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。” A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟. Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, Congratulations, you got twins. The man said How strange, Im the manager of Minnesota Twins. After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, Congratulations, you got triplets. Man was like Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the 3 musketeers. Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says Congratulations, you got twins x2. Man is happy and says, Ironic, I work for the hotel 4 Seasons. All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him whats wrong and he answered, Whats wrong? I work for 7up! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:恭喜,你得了双胞胎.男人说:多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理.过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:恭喜,你得了三胞胎.男人很喜欢:嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事.最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎.男人很开心地说:真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作.他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀! 呵呵,一个比一个效率高. Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, I will grant each one a wish thats 3 together. The Canadian said, I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile. The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said Genie, tell me more about this wall, the genie said,” Its 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out. President Bush said,” Wow! Thats a big bridge.Fill it with water! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个.加拿大人说:我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃.精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情.精灵回答:墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去.布什总统说:哇!那是座大桥耶.注满水! My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: Dont point him at anybody. 年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？” 医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。” Notes 1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹 2. to point at: 对.瞄准 allybaby Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency cen