2008年高考北京卷作文阅卷分析及不同档次作文展示(高考作文阅卷老师提供).ppt

2008年高考情景作文阅卷评分标准 Lastweek weholdaclassmeetingtodiscussifweshouldhaveaspringouting Sincewehavealreadyingradethree allofusagreedthatweneedonetorelaxourselves Then wetalkedexcitinglyaboutwherewewouldgo Somebodysaidhe dliketoanamusementpart somepeoplepreferredpaddlingonalack andIsuggestedtoclimbahillandhaveapicnic Finally Iconvincedtheothers Onasunnyday wesetouttoXiangShanPark Therearecolourfulflowers softgreengrassallalongtheroadtothetopofthehill Sowehadareallywonderfulwalkingexperience Butoncewereachthetopwewereshockedbytheterribleenvironment Plasticbags bottles papersandotherthingsspreadedeverywhere Thattimewehadnoexcitementbutangryanddisappointmentinheart Sowedecidetocleanupthewholehill Wepickedupeverylitterandseparatedthemin canrecycle and can trecycle Then wethrewthemintoparticularbin Althoughwedidn thaveapicnicaswewish Butwehadaquietmeaningfulday Butoncewereachthetopwewereshockedbytheterribleenvironment Plasticbags bottles papersandotherthingsspreadedeverywhere Thattimewehadnoexcitementbutangryanddisappointmentinheart Sowedecidetocleanupthewholehill Wepickedupeverylitterandseparatedthemin canrecycle and can trecycle Then wethrewthemintoparticularbin Althoughwedidn thaveapicnicaswewish Butwehadaquietmeaningfulday 内容要点齐全 细节描述连贯流畅 但有较明显的语法和用词错误 14 Greatlycomesthespring Asthewindsoftlyblows itbringsbackthevitalitytothegreatoutdoor Studentsinourclasswereexcited too andeagertohaveaspringoutingintheweekendlastweek Aheateddiscussionwasheld Somestudentssuggestedwegoboating someinsistedthatgoinghikingwasthebestidea whilesomethoughttheamusementparkwasofmorefun Finally wedecidedtogohikinginthemountainsonasunnyday Theflowerswerebloominghappilyandsouttheirwelcometous Withexcitementinourheart weclimbedthemountaineasilyandreachedthepeaksoon Tooursurprise wheatwefoundonthepeakwasnotonlybeautifulscenery butalsorubbishhereandthere Feelingsobadfortheenvironmentspoilt wechangedourplanandbeganpickinguptherubbish Afterward webroughttherubbishdownthemountainandsortedtheminto canberecycled and can tberecycled Wefinallydroppedthemintodifferentbinssetatthefootofthemountain Funaswehadduringthetrip westillfeltsosorryfortheruinednature Ithinkitiseveryone sdutytotakecaredoftheenvironmentsothatwecancontributetoabetterlovingandrelaxingspaceforothers Funaswehadduringthetrip westillfeltsosorryfortheruinednature Ithinkitiseveryone sdutytotakecaredoftheenvironmentsothatwecancontributetoabetterlovingandrelaxingspaceforothers 内容要点齐全 连贯 恰当地使用了连接成份 所用句式和词汇较丰富 体现了较强地语言运用能力 18 Lastweek therewasaheateddiscussiononwheretogoforSpringOuting Somestudentswantedtogoamusementpark someconsideredtogoboatingandothersgavetheirideasforclimbing Eventually wedecidedtotakeaclimb Thenextday allofuspreparedwell withourenjoyment eachofusclimbedthemountainfullofenergy However whenwegottothetopofthemountain whatcoveredoureyesfirstwasthemassofrubbish Itwasreallyapitythattherubbishdestroyedabeautifulscenery Atlastwemadeupourmindtopickuptherubbish Afterawhile witheveryone seffort therubbishwasclearedoffimmediatelyandweputthemintotherecycleandunreclebins Inmyeyesthisspringoutingnotonlygaveuslotsofpleasure butalsogaveusameaningfullesson Onlytoprotectourenvironmentcanwegetabeautifulsociety Therefore Ihopeeveryonecanjoinustomakeourhomecleanandtidy 覆盖了所有的内容要点 语法和用词能满足任务要求 篇章较为连贯 有少许语言错误 16 阅卷的标准和原则情景作文阅卷原则以内容定档次 以语言质量给分数 1 内容要点要齐全 细节缺失一个直接进入三档文 12 14 之间 但如果语言很好也可以由14分加到15分 相反 时态混乱 语言不美 错误太多 或语言不准确 就在原档的基础上扣1分 如二档的下线15 1 14 少两个细节直接进入三档下线12分 然后在视其语言给分 2 如果对投放垃圾桶的描述为Properbins被视为缺少细节信息 应写出可回收和不可回收 如第一幅图没有写出讨论的结果 如 Allthestudentsagreedatlast weallwantedtogoimmediately 被视为缺少细节信息 3 漏掉一个要点直接进4档11分 如果语言好也可以由11变成12分 错误信息也被视为缺少要点 如 第1幅图说成三个地方都去 则直接进入11分线 4 文章要有明确的结尾 此文不能只写到扔了垃圾就结束了 如果没有结尾就扣1分 最简单的结尾可以是 finally wewentbackhome weweretiredbuthappy 5 没按顺序写的 人称没用we的直接进四档 6 11 6 1 4图的细节考虑的范围比较窄 2 3图的细节考虑得比较宽泛 7 一定要通过上下文和前后局来看学生的文章是否表达出要说的内容 不必死扣某个词或某个句子 如 discuss climbthemountain等 忌讳以单词来评判学生的文章 要通篇看而非只言片语或支离破碎 要强调前后文的连贯性 如 在第1图中写过Wedecidedtoclimbthemountain 到第2图时他直接写Westarted 就可以 8 不要替考生解读文章 他没说清楚就不要替他理解 如 Iwasasunnyday 则视为错误 9 开头不必自我介绍自报家门 应该描述一个过去的事情 人称必须用we 写的是稿件而不是信件 所以不应写Deareditor Iwanttotellyou 结尾也不要署名字 此文描写的是上周的事 时态必须是过去时 10 每幅图都要既有要点又有细节 内容要生动具体 语言要连贯优美 Mainpointsanddetails 假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华 为校刊英语园地写一篇题为 OurSpringOuting 的英文稿件 请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序 叙述上周你们班从准备春游到春游结束的完整过程 图1 要点是要讨论去哪里 细节是三个选项及结果 三个地点都要说还有finaldecision 1 LastThursday wehadaclassmeetingtodiscusswheretogoforourspringouting 2 Wecameupwithseveralchoicessuchasgoingboating climbingamountain andgoingtoanamusementpark 3Finally wedecidedtogomountainclimbing 图2 要点是第二天爬山 细节是具体爬山的过程 可以写风景 写太阳 写花草树木 或是爬山时的心情 或爬山前作了充分的准备工作 还可以是一个一个地往上爬 也可以是进行爬山比赛 还可以写上Itwasasunnyday 这些情况之一都可以认为有细节 如没有 则视为细节缺失 1 Thenextday wesetoffearlyinthemorning 2 Whileclimbingthemountain weenjoyedthewarmsunshineandabeautifulview 图3 要点是捡垃圾 细节是到了山顶或山中的一平地 垃圾可以是别人留下的也可以是这些人自己留下的然后决定去捡去收拾 如 Weweresurprisedtoseelotsof allkindsof rubbish 也可以说出垃圾的名称 重点要写到 把垃圾捡起来 1 However whenwereachedthetop 2 wewereshockedtoseelitterhereandthere suchasbottlesandbananapeels 3 Thenwestartedtopickupthelitter 图4 要点是春游结束了 学生投放垃圾 细节是把垃圾分类投放 放到可回收利用的和不可回收利用的垃圾桶 如果写不出recycling non recycling也应该写出weputrubbishintodifferentbinsandsomecanbeusedagain Afterwards weputtherubbishintothenearbyrecyclingbinandnon recyclingbinrespectively 各自地 分别地 文章要有明确的结尾 此文不能只写到扔了垃圾就结束了 如果没有结尾就扣1分 最简单的结尾可以是 Finally wewentbackhome weweretiredbuthappy Weweretiredbuthappy because Howtolinkthepicturestomakeacompleteandlogicalstory Linkpicturesbylogic decideto Tooursurprise Afterthat result Contrasttoourgoodmood result Linkpicturesbytimeorder Earlythenextmorning However Later beforeweleave Ameaningfulending Weweretiredbuthappy becausewhatwedidwasquitemeaningful 假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华 为校刊英语园地写一篇题为 OurSpringOuting 的英文稿件 请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序 叙述上周你们班从准