幽默小故事-学英语词汇

上一篇下一篇返回列表转发 英语幽默小故事英语幽默小故事 2008 02 20 17 12 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked What happened A kid bit me replied Ivan Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother I d know him any where said Ivan I have his ear in my pocket 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里 他妈妈问 发生了什么事 一个男孩咬了我一口 伊 凡说 再见到他你能认出来吗 妈妈问 他走到哪里我都能认出他 伊凡说 他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 Little Robert asked his mother for two cents What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday I gave it to a poor old woman he answered You re a good boy said the mother proudly Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman She is the one who sells the candy A Good Boy 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱 昨天给你的钱干什么了 好孩子 我给了一个可怜的老太婆 他回答说 你真是个好孩子 妈妈骄傲地说 再给你 两分钱 可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢 她是个卖糖果的 Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest s plate The visitor smiled put the cheese into his mouth and then said You must have better eyes than your mother sonny Where did you find the cheese In the rat trap sir replied theboy 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时 家里没有奶酪了 于是女主人向大家表示歉意 这家的小男孩 悄悄地离开了屋子 过了一会儿 他拿着一片奶酪回到房间 把奶酪放在客人的盘子里 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说 孩子 你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好 你在哪里找到的奶 酪 在捕鼠夹上 先生 那小男孩说 好客 面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表 于是就填了这样的信息 姓名 English or Chinese 英文的还是中文的 年龄 Confidential 这是私人问题 身高 Not related to the job 这跟工作有关系么 体重 Varies all the time before lunch or after 随时改变饭前饭后都不同 居住地 At what stage of my life please be more specific 那是一个特别的地方 我生命的舞台 电话 Ericsson 爱立信手机 电子邮件 Only give to pretty and rich girls 只留给漂亮和富有的女孩 上班时间 The shorter the better 越短越好 应征职位 A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls 找一个不做什么实事 但能被美女包围的职位 学历 Graduated at the wild chicken university 毕业于一个你找不着的大学 语言能力 Fluent in bullshits 侃大山是专长 兴趣 Sleeping and sleeping 睡得天昏地暗 生日 正月初七 经历 Fooling around all the time 游戏人生 曾任职位 Decent or not decent please be more specific 高级的或者低级的都是一 种经历 已婚未婚 Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl hopefully can find in your company 我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩 希望在你们公司能找到 未来期望 Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible 只负责主席台讲 话 并且希望尽早退休 希望待遇 Lesser workload the better 比实际工作量拿得多就行 A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush She watched the cat and the cat watched the mice Mother mouse barked fiercely Woof woof woof The cat was so terrified that it ran for it s life Mother mouse turned to her babies and said Now do you understand the value of a second language 老鼠的第二语言也重要 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步 突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽 母老鼠向着猫叫道 汪 汪 汪 猫听了非常害怕 拼命跑走了 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说 现在你知道外语的重要性了吧 Tommy How is your little brother Johnny Johnny He is ill in bed He hurt himself Tommy That s too bad How did that happen Johnny We played who could lean furthest out of the window and he won 他赢了 汤姆 约翰尼 你小弟弟好吗 约翰尼 他害病卧床了 他受了伤 汤姆 真糟糕 怎 么回事儿 约翰尼 我们做游戏 看谁能把身子探出窗外最远 他赢了 There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts So the man asked the barber Is that your dog And the barber replied No he always comes every day It s not my dog I don t know whose dog it is Then the customer asked So if it s not your dog you never feed him right And the barber said No And the customer said Then why does he always come here every day And the barber answered He s waiting in case an ear comes off A Very Patient Pooch 一处简陋的乡下 一位理发师傅在路边的小棚子帮人理发 有位经常 来理发的男士 注意 到有一只狗老是喜欢坐在客人的座椅旁边 于是 他问师傅 那是你的狗吗 师傅答 不 不是我的狗 我不知 道那是谁的狗 不过 它每天都会来 那个客人又问 不是你的狗 那你从来没有喂过它吗 师傅回答 没有 客人又问 那它为什么每天都来 师傅回答 它 在等看看有没有耳朵掉下来 耐心的狗 更多我的日记更多我的日记 英语幽默故事 2008 03 23 08 27 辩论会 找些英语幽默小故事 找些英语幽默小故事 有用有用 谢啦谢啦 孤獨 8 位粉丝 1 楼 The Policeman and the Thief Once a new policeman caught a thief in a small town and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold We have no food and we must be hungry a fter a while Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us Wait here for me The thief said The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long tim e but thief didn t come out of the shop The policeman began to be worrie d and ran into the shop he couldn t see the thief but the back door of the s hop The policeman had to go back to the police station alone and he was very unhappy Luckily the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day When they walked though the same street and the same shop Wait here said the policeman Last time you ran away from the shop This time I ll go into the shop and buy the bread and you must wait here for me 警察与小偷 一次 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷 他决定把 这小偷押送到城里警察局去 在路上 他们路过了一家面包店 我 们没带吃的 呆会儿肯定会饿的 让我去给咱们买点面包 你在这等 等我啊 小偷说道 警察同意了 并在街上等了很长一段时间 但是 小偷一直没有 从商店出来 警察开始担心了 他跑进商店 除了一扇开着的后门 他什么也没看见 警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局 幸运的是第二天 他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷 当他们路过同 一条街 同一家商店时 在这等着我 警察说道 上次 你从这 家商店溜了 这次 我去买面包 你必须在这等我 顶顶 36 2006 12 23 09 17 回复 孤獨 8 位粉丝 2 楼 Hating Girls Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous78 face and figure of Demi Moore appeared on the screen If I ever stop hating girls said one to the other I think I ll stop hating her first s 憎恨女孩 两个男孩正在看电视 见到黛咪 摩尔令人难以置信的面孔和身段 如果要我不再憎恨女孩 一个对另一个说 我想我会从她开始 2006 12 23 09 17 回复 孤獨 8 位粉丝 3 楼 Now the old man entered his room The smell of the spilt wine reminded h im of the accident When he looked up at the wall he found the fly was the re again He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength On hearing a loud cry the kind hearted waitress rushed in To her great surpri se the poor old man was there sitting on the floor his teeth clenched and h is right hand bleeding 钉子还是苍蝇 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房 他双手各拿一 瓶酒 在墙上有只苍蝇 他误以为是枚钉子 他把两只瓶子朝上一挂 瓶子掉下来摔碎了 酒洒了一地 一个女服务员发现发生的事情以 后 对他深表同情 决定帮他个忙 于是 第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时 她把一枚钉子钉在了苍 蝇停过的地方 这里 老人回到了房里 倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事 他抬头 往墙上一看 苍蝇又停在了那儿 他轻手轻脚地走近 使尽全力拍了 一掌 听到一声大叫 好心的女服务员冲进房来 让她大为吃惊的是 可怜的老头正坐在地板上 牙关紧咬 右手滴血不止 2006 12 23 09 19 回复 孤獨 8 位粉丝 4 楼 The Raise Employee I ve been here for 11 years doing three men s work for one m an s pay Now I want a raise Boss Well I can t give you a raise but if you ll tell me who the other tw o men are I ll fire them 加薪 员工 我在这里 11 年了 做三个人的工作 却只拿一个人的薪水 现在我要求加薪 老板 嗯 我不能给你加薪 但如果你能告诉我其他两个人是谁 我 会开除他们 2006 12 23 09 32 回复 123 160 51 5 楼 gfyg 2008 03 21 12 46 回复 123 160 51 6 楼 arrtrtetrger 2008 03 21 12 47 回复 218 21 191 7 楼 ha ha 2008 04 14 12 47 回复 FZY 浆果 5 位粉丝 8 楼 好玩 2009 01 28 14 31 回复 9 楼 约会 When the young waitress in the caf in Tom s building started FZY 浆果 5 位粉丝 waving hello everyday Tom was flattered for she was at least 15 ye ars younger than he One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again When Tom strolled over she asked Are you single Why yes Tom replied smiling at her broadly So is my mom she said Would you like to meet her 约会 在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋 那儿总有一位小姐每 天都和他打招呼 汤姆有些受宠若惊 因为这位小姐看上去至 少比他年轻 15 岁 一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去 于是 汤姆走了过去 她问道 您现在是单身吗 对 是单身 汤姆满脸堆笑的说 我母亲也是 她说 您愿不愿意见见 她 回复 FZY 浆果 5 位粉丝 11 楼 Which woman One evening I drove my husband s car to the shopping mall On my return I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car wa s and cleaned it up a bit When I finally entered the house I called ou t The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield My husband looked up and said Mom s here 哪一位女人 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物 回来后发现车身沾满灰尘 于是擦洗了一阵 当我终于走 进屋里时大声喊 世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡 风玻璃 我丈夫抬头看了看 说 妈妈来了 回复 FZY 浆果 5 位粉丝 12 楼 My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves Cloth of leather asked the salesperson Makes no difference replied customer What color asked the clerk Any he responded Size Give me whatever you prefer the gentleman said slightly exasperated My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange the m 反正我太太明天会来换的 一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套 您是要布的还是皮的 售货员问 没什么区别 这位顾客回答 那您要什么颜色的呢 售货员又问 什么颜色都成 他回答 号码呢 您就随便给我拿一付吧 这位顾客有点不耐烦了 反正 我太太明天都会来换的 回复 FZY 浆果 5 位粉丝 13 楼 Taken for Granted THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error the word Sex had been spelled with an o One mother filling out the form for her son wrote in the blank nex t to Sox Usually brown 理所当然 某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字 把 性别 的 性 字写成了 袜 字 一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时 在 袜别 的那栏填上了 棕色为主 回复 222 133 23 14 楼 grandson What are the birds doing in the tree grandfather They are sitting there grandson But I can t see their chairs grandfather Oh 孙子 小鸟在树上干什么呢 爷爷 它们在那儿坐着呢 孙子 但是我看不见它们的椅子啊 爷爷 回复 126459324657 15 楼 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday I gave it to a poor old woman he answered You re a good boy said the mother proudly Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman She is the one who sells the candy 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱 昨天给你的钱干什么了 我给了一个可怜的老太婆 他回答说 你真是个好孩子 妈妈骄傲地说 再给你两分钱 可你为什么对那位老太太那 么感兴趣呢 她是个卖糖果的 回复 紫依你最棒 2 位粉丝 16 楼 Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an appl e pie without any cheese The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest s plate The visitor smiled put the cheese into his mouth and then said You must have better eyes than your mother sonny Where did you find the cheese In the rat trap sir replie d the boy 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时 家里没有奶酪了 于是女主人向大 家表示歉意 这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子 过了一会儿 他拿着一片奶酪回到房间 把奶酪放在客人的盘子里 客人 微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说 孩子 你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的 好 你在哪里找到的奶酪 在捕鼠夹上 先生 那小男孩 说 回复 回复 119 40 143 2009 08 15 09 50 回复 19 楼 Drunk 126459324657 One day a father and his little son were going home At this age the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking que stions Now he asked What s the meaning of the word Drunk dad Well my son his father replied look there are standing two p olicemen If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk But dad the boy said there s only ONE policeman 醉酒 一天 父亲与小儿子一道回家 这个孩子正处于那种对什么事 都很感兴趣的年龄 老是有提不完的问题 他向父亲发问道 爸爸 醉 字是什么意思 唔 孩子 父亲回答说 你瞧 那儿站着两个警察 如果我把他们看成了四个 那么我就算醉 了 可是 爸爸 孩子说 那儿只有一个警察呀 2009 08 26 18 19 回复 126459324657 20 楼 一只小猫 Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small b ox with holes punched in the top What s in your box asked the friend A cat answered Mrs Brown You see I ve been dreaming a bout mice at night and I m so scared This cat is to catch them But the mice are only imaginary said the friend So is the cat whispered Mrs Brown 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友 她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿 的盒子 盒子里装的是什么 朋友问道 一只小猫 布 朗夫人回答说 你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠 我非常害怕 这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠 可老鼠都是假想的呀 朋友说 小猫也是假想的 布朗夫人小声说道 2009 08 26 18 23 回复 126459324657 21 楼 Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States she went to a city bank to deposit t he US dollars her daughter gave her At the bank counter the clerk c hecked each note carefully to see if the money was real It made the old lady out of patience At last she could not hold any more uttering Trust me Sir an d trust the money They are real US dollars They are directly from America 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久 到一家市银行 存女儿送给她的美元 在银行柜台 银行职员认真检查了每一 张钞票 看是否有假 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦 最后实在忍耐不住说 相信 我 先生 也请你相信这些钞票 这都是真正的美元 它们是 从美国直接带来的 2009 08 26 18 24 回复 126459324657 22 楼 Class and Ass Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door Professor L aurie will not meet his classes today A student after reading the notice rubbed out the c Later Professor Laurie came along and entering into the spirit of the joke rubbed out the l 班和笨驴 格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知 劳里教授今天 不见他的班级 一个学生读了通知后 擦掉了字母 c lass 姑娘 后来劳里教授来了 也想开开玩笑 他擦掉了字母 l ass 笨 驴 2009 08 26 18 25 回复 126459324657 23 楼 Plagiarism A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington Unive rsity in St Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term pa per He summoned the student to his office This isn t your work he said Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia You cann t prove that the student sputtered My friend amiled and show him the paper Circled in red was Also see article on communism 抄 袭 我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史 他说有一次 他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文 他把那个学生叫到了办公室 这不是你写的 他说 有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地打 印了下来 你没有证据 那学生气急败坏地说 我朋友笑了 他把论文拿给他看 用红笔圈出来的是 也可参 阅共产主义一文 2009 08 26 18 26 回复 126459324657 24 楼 Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree I returned to the Sta te University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member One day in a crowded elevator someone remarked on its inefficiency I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began ther e as a student When the door finally opened I felt a compassionate pat on my bac k and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me You ll get that de gree dear she whispered Perseverance is a virtue 美 德 获取研究生学位多年以后 我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学 当教员 一天 电梯里很拥挤 有人抱怨电梯效率太低 我说 自我在那里当学生起 20 年来电梯一直没有换过 最后当电梯门打开时 我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下 回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑 你会拿到学 位的 亲爱的 她低声说道 坚持不懈是一种美德 2009 08 26 18 26 回复 126459324657 25 楼 Difference I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class obs erved the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at Ca lifornia State University in Los Angeles When I say Good afterno on the undergraduates respond Good afternoon But the graduate students just write it down 区 别 研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来 在洛杉矶加利福利 亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说 我说 下 午好 本科生们回答说 下午好 研究生们则把我说的话记在 笔记本上 2009 08 26 18 32 回复 126459324657 26 楼 Difference I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class obs erved the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at Ca lifornia State University in Los Angeles When I say Good afterno on the undergraduates respond Good afternoon But the graduate students just write it down 区 别 研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来 在洛杉矶加利福利 亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说 我说 下 午好 本科生们回答说 下午好 研究生们则把我说的话记在 笔记本上 2009 08 26 18 33 回复 126459324657 27 楼 Difference I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class obs erved the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at Ca lifornia State Unive