三十而立时,我开始明白何谓美.docx

What I Know About Beauty Now That Im in My 30sI spent more than 10 years in womens magazines, and I write a beauty blog with a critical slant. But my real qualification for sharing my thoughts on beauty is 35 years of womanhood. I spent more than 10 years in womens magazines, and I write a beauty blog with a critical slant. But my real qualification for sharing my thoughts on beauty is 35 years of womanhood. From dabbling in my grandmothers makeup kit at age 5 to trying anti-aging creams for the first time last year, navigating the messages I send with my appearance - to myself and those around me - has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. For just as long, Ive been asking what goes on behind the scenes in the ways any of us present ourselves. Heres some of what Ive learned. How you feel has little to do with how you look. At age 20 I felt near-constant panic about the circumference of my thighs. At 35, I look at photos from 15 years ago and - well, you know the punch line. My thighs looked fine. I havent released all insecurities, but I now recognize that self-image reflects mood and psyche, not actual appearance. Wincing about some flaw is a convenient funnel for stress, and its certainly easier than unpacking Jungian angst. My own psychology aside, Ive witnessed this in extensive interviews Ive conducted with dozens of women. Ive talked with a former model who couldnt look in the mirror at times; Ive talked to women with quotidian looks who have no problems proclaiming, I am beautiful. The way the world treats a woman may differ depending on how closely she matches an idealized beauty standard. But that treatment is secondary to your attitude toward your appearance. Part of the lesson here is that each of us has the power to dictate her own beauty. But the other part is that if women all over the beauty map are saying the same things, maybe beauty has less to do with how any of us look and more to do with how our culture regards women. Beauty is a shortcut to enchantment. Nearly every woman Ive interviewed about beauty will mention the same person: her friend who isnt necessarily genetically blessed but who owns any room she walks into. You know that person, right? (Maybe you are her, in which case, mazel tov!) Call it je ne sais quoi, sprezzatura, or just It - when you possess that quality and conduct yourself as though youre something to behold, you become something to behold. For all the hand-wringing over how women go to absurd lengths to look beautiful, I suspect most of us are after that luminous essence, not cookie-cutter beauty. But we use beauty as a route to that essence, and why wouldnt we? Magnetism only comes once you have a degree of comfort with yourself - far more difficult to source than a nice shade of lipstick. Allure is possibly the best-named womens magazine out there, because it slices through beauty to get to what were really after. The power of attractiveness is weaker than you think. Theres plenty of chatter about how attractive people earn more money. Thats true, but whats often overlooked is that the benefits of attractiveness are greater for men than for women - and in some fields, attractive women are penalized for their looks. But even if beautiful women were universally earning more, when managerial positions are still more likely to be occupied by men, that boils down to women pecking around for crumbs left by people with real power, who can rescind the power of beauty at whim. Im not saying life isnt easier in some ways for conventionally attractive people. But the power of pretty often boils down to little more than free drinks. Tip well. If you cant afford at least a 20% tip for your hairstylist, manicurist, or whoever is doing any sort of beauty work on you, you cant afford the service. Youre in your 30s now. Be a lady. Its okay to mourn your youth. But theres plenty to celebrate, too. We get lots of messages about looking younger - and we also get messages countering that notion. Ive only recently developed early signs of aging - under-eye bags, fine lines. Women older than me may say I dont know aging yet, but being new to it means Im new to the emotions that accompany getting older. Im thrilled theres a thriving pro-aging sentiment out there, but I sometimes feel like Im wrong for having any sense of loss for my youth. I miss staying out until 4 a.m. and showing up at work resembling a homo sapien; I miss the radiance I had that I now only get with impeccable self-care. Im making peace with those things, and age-positive sentiments are part of that. But if we dont allow permission to feel any sadness about the processes of time, were not clearing the path for joys that lie ahead. And there are plenty of those, physical and otherwise: I look conventionally better now than I did 10 years ago. In my 30s, my skin stopped freaking out; I know what hairstyles and colors suit me. Theres an undeniable beauty to youth, sure. Theres also an undeniable beauty to maturity. Self-esteem isnt found in a jar - but the jar doesnt wreck your self-esteem. Well-meaning people sometimes make the mistake of thinking makeup equals insecurity - that women wear cosmetics to conceal shame about our natural selves. That can be the case, but many of us wear makeup because it creates a division between our private and public lives. I put on my face because Im a social creature, and makeup is an internal signal that Im functioning socially. Its an on switch as much as it is a cover-up. Nobody should feel pressured to wear makeup - or be effectively fired for not doing so - but we shouldnt feel ashamed about doing so either. You cant look your best unless youre comfortable, but comfortable can mean many things. If makeup helps you feel emotionally comfortable, dab and swipe away, my friend. Beauty is work. You already know this, of course; you understand exactly how much labor it takes to get ready in the morning, recalibrating depending upon how many times you hit snooze. But we often hide our beauty labor from men, and sometimes from one another. As much as I want to maintain a certain mystique, its important to not hide behind-the-scenes dirty work. We may think we poke fun at women who go over-the-top in chasing the beauty standard because they look silly or vain, but its more that theyre exposing the work many of us do on a lesser level: We laugh at Snookis tan because it reveals our private application of graduated tanning cream; we snark at Kardashianesque eyelashes because we have the good taste to stop at one coat of Sable Brown. Maybe if we were more transparent about the preparations we took for the performance of public life, we might better be able to understand what were after with all our careful work. Most beauty tips dont matter. Here are 21 that do. A manicure always helps. Good primer is worth the money. A dab of retinoid cream does wonders. Eat vegetables, drink water, get enough calories. Find a concealer that perfectly matches your skin. Stop with the photo face. Know the lipstick corollary. Get the best haircut you can afford. If you dont feel great in it, dont wear it. Grooming your eyebrows will brighten your face, and so will letting them grow naturally if you feel shame creep over you every time you tweeze. Exercise. Find your best colors, but dont be limited by them. Shoulders back, pelvis tucked. Red wine makes for a great lip stain. Dont gawk at yourself in every reflective surface available. Quit shampooing so much. Remember that its called beauty sleep for a reason. Remember sunscreen. And remember that its impossible to look your best when youre trying to look like someone else. 三十而立时，我开始明白何谓美。十多年来我一直坚持看女性杂志，而且我还开了个批判性的博客探讨女性美的问题。但是，我发现我到了35岁的年纪时，才真正有资格对于什么是美发表意见。从5岁时，我就开始偶尔翻翻祖母的化妆包，往自己的小脸上涂涂抹抹，直到去年我第一次使用抗衰老面霜，在我的记忆里，我总是在关注自己以何种形象示人，又以何种形象面对自己。而这，已经成为我生命中的一部分了。其实，长久以来我也一直在思考，表面形象之外，也就是我们的身体和我们的肌肤，又在发生什么样的变化呢。下面我要说的就是我找到的答案。 你的真实容貌与你的心境关系不大。 20岁的时候，我似乎时刻都在为大腿太粗而烦恼。35岁的时候，我看着15年前的照片，好笑的是，如今再看，我觉得当时的腿并不粗，看上去没那么糟。现在虽然我还没办法完全摆脱焦虑不安的感觉，但是我开始意识到外观容貌并不能反应出一个人的情绪和心态，而一个人的自我印象、自我感觉才表现了此人的情绪和心态。抓住某个缺点不放，总是为此感到不安，这似乎是一个减轻压力的好办法。这总比剖析荣格所谓的焦虑，要简单很多。除了我自己的心理状态，通过与数十名女性的交谈，我还见证了她们的心理状态。其中有一名女性，模特出身，却曾经一度不敢照镜子看自己；还有的女性，长相平平，但是却可以自信满满的说“我长得很漂亮”。这个世界对待女性的容貌可能是不公的，有的人长得标致，有的人差一些。但是，与这种先天差别相比，更重要的是你自己如何看待自己。到这儿我们只得到了半个答案，那就是每个女性都可以决定自己是否美丽。而另外一半答案就是，如果关于女性的美总是陈词滥调，老一套观念，那么美不美可能与我们的容貌关系不大了，我们的文化怎养对待女性才更重要吧。 要想变的充满魅力，美丽是条捷径。 关于美这个话题， 几乎所有我访问过的女性都提到过身边有这样一个人：她的长相并不算姣好，但是无论她走到哪儿，总是散发出迷人的魅力，众人为之倾倒。你一定也认识这样一个人，不是吗？（可能，你就是这样一个人，那么恭喜你了！）把这种魅力叫做什么好呢，sprezzatura（意语，潇洒），或者干脆简称“它”好了。一旦你拥有这种气质，你的行为举止便仿佛会成为众人的焦点，那么你也变成了一个有魅力的人。很多女性用了过于极端的办法想要变得美丽迷人，但是我想大多数人还是在追求那种散发着光芒的本质的美，而并非美得雷同，美得缺乏特点。但是容貌美是我们追求本质美的手段，是呀，为什么不可以呢？一旦你认同自己，对自己的容貌感到满意，你便自然而然的有了吸引力。这种由内而外散发的吸引力可比一抹口红困难的多。“魅惑”这个词可能是女性杂志最好的名称，因为它剔除了美丽的外衣，直达我们真正追求的本质美。 拥有魅力没有你想象的那么无所不能。 总是有人说有魅力的人通常能赚到更多的钱。没错，但其实男性有魅力比女性有魅力的获得的益处更多，这点却往往被人忽视在一些领域，有魅力的女人因为其姣好的容貌还会受到惩罚。但是总的来说，即使美女赚钱更多，大多数管理职位还是由男性占据，而他们才是享有大权的人，女性只不过是“啄食”他们残留的面包屑而已，他们可以随心所欲的就将女性的美丽贬的一文不值。我并不是否认在某些方面有魅力的人更容易获得成功这个事实。但是拥有魅力并不意味着无所不能，有时候不过意味着能得到几杯免费的饮料喝而已。 多给小费。 如果做完美容之后，你都没给发型师或者美甲师20%的小费，那么说明你没有资格接受美容。如今你也三十而立了，做个大方得体的女人吧。 当然，缅怀你的青春这无可厚非。但是，不用太悲哀，到了这个年纪，其实也有很多值得庆祝的事情。 年轻的特征有很多，同样，慢慢变老时，也有很多征兆。最近我的身体才开始慢慢有衰老的症状，比如说眼袋和细纹开始出现。比我年龄大的女性或许会说这根本不算什么衰老，但是对于我来说，这是第一次体会到这样的心情，而这种心情也会一直伴随着我走向衰老。在衰老前期，我开始有了点儿积极向上的小伤感，这让我有些激动。但有时候我认为我不应该为逝去的青春而感到任何的失落。虽然我怀念年轻时熬夜到清晨4点钟，之后像个山顶洞人一般蓬头垢面的就去上班；我怀念年轻时精力充沛、容光焕发，而如今我只能依靠良好的保养才能重新获得活力。现在的我正在努力认同这些变化，对于衰老怀有积极向上的小伤感也是我的努力之一。但是若是我们不允许自己为逝去的时光而感到一丝难过，又怎么能张开双臂拥抱日后的快乐生活。那种快乐不仅是身体方面