高中英语m5教学课件-学军中学2010书面表达

2010年高考书面表达评析杭州学军中学姜发兵丽水，2010年10月12日,最近，李越被评为你班的“每周之星”。请你根据她的先进事迹（上周六，不顾天气炎热，为班级选购歌咏比赛的服装），用英语为班级板报写一篇100-120词的短文。你的文章应包括以下要点：1.李越的事迹及其对同学的影响。2.你的评论。StarStudentoftheWeekLiYuehasbeenawardedthetitleofthestarforwhatshedidforourclass.,五审,审全卷：发卷之初即看作文题，了解大体要求，以便在答其他题目的同时构思文章架构，或从试卷中筛选备用词汇和短语。审话题：个人情况、人际关系、语言学习、日常活动、周围环境、文娱体育、校园生活审功能：感谢、道歉、祝愿、祝贺、劝告、建议、希望、征允、介绍、邀请、同意、喜好、意愿、反对、表扬、鼓励、评价、抱怨、情感、时空、特征、因果、比较、施惠、观点、求职、推荐审文体：新闻报道、讨论纪要、情况对比、事件记叙、通告发言、表格说明审要点：要点整合扩展、段落归属、首句续话、人称时态,1.-Howaboutcampingthisweekend,justforachange?-OK,whateveryouwant.2.Manylifestylepatternsdosuchgreatharmtohealththattheyactuallyspeeduptheweakeningofthehumanbody.3.Thesettlementishometonearly1,000people,manyofwhomlefttheirvillagehomesforabetterlifeinthecity.4.Themajorityofpeopleinthetownstronglysupporttheplantobuildaplaygroundforchildren.5.Ifyouplantwatermelonseedsinthespring,youwillbeeatingfreshwatermeloninthefall.,预审：发卷之初即看作文题，了解大体要求，以便在答其他题目的同时构思文章架构，或从试卷中筛选备用词汇和短语。,Alltheclassmates,themajorityofwhomparticipatedinthesingingcontest,werethankfultoLiYueforgoingoutofherwaytofindtherightcostumes.Wewouldbecompetinginthesingingcontestnextweekandsoweneededcostumesfortheactivity.,3.Thesettlementishometonearly1,000people,manyofwhomlefttheirvillagehomesforabetterlifeinthecity.,5.Ifyouplantwatermelonseedsinthespring,youwillbeeatingfreshwatermeloninthefall.,审话题：个人情况、人际关系、语言学习、日常活动、周围环境、文娱体育、校园生活,LastSaturdaymorningwhenLiYuewokeup,itwasadayjustlikeanyotherday.Thesunwasshining,thebirdsweresingingandtherewasstillalittlehomeworktodo.Whileherhomeworkwasveryimportant,shedidntforgetthatshewouldhavetobuycostumesforthesingingcontest.,认真；满意，感动，感谢；训练用功，更有信心，比赛成绩好，大家很开心；乐于助人，热心班级活动，工作负责，学习用功，与人为善。是大家学习的楷模。表达祝贺。名至实归。,审功能意念：感谢、道歉、祝愿、祝贺、劝告、建议、希望、征允、介绍、邀请、同意、喜好、意愿、反对、表扬、鼓励、评价、抱怨、情感、时空、特征、因果、比较、施惠、观点、求职、推荐,感谢:appreciate;gratitude祝贺:congratulate表扬:keepupthegoodwork,proud评价:awesome,sweet,trustworthy,rolemodel,akindgesture,betherefor情感:impressed;因果:as,because,thankstoTrustworthy:canbetrustedanddependedon,审文体：新闻报道、讨论议论、情况对比、事件记叙、通告发言、图表说明,Thankyouforreading.,ABCD,人称时态,审结构：要点整合扩展、段落归属、首句如何续话,StarStudentoftheWeekLiYuehasbeenawardedthetitleofthestarforwhatshedidforourclass.（第一段先进事迹50字45%，过去时态）上周六，不顾天气炎热，为班级选购歌咏比赛的服装。出于自愿，反复选择，大家满意（对同学影响20字20%，过去时态）深受感动，表达感谢，训练用功，更有信心。比赛成绩好。大家很开心。（第二段你的评论40字35%，现在时态）乐于助人，热心班级活动，工作负责，学习用功，与人为善。是大家学习的楷模。表达祝贺。名至实归。,审全卷manyofwhom,willbeeating审话题人际关系、校园生活审功能感谢、祝贺、表扬、评价、情感、因果、审文体新闻报道、事件记叙（过去时态）、短评（现在时态）审结构（第一段先进事迹50字45%）上周六，不顾天气炎热，为班级选购歌咏比赛的服装。出于自愿，反复选择，大家满意（对同学影响20字20%）深受感动，表达感谢，训练用功，更有信心。比赛成绩好。大家很开心。（第二段你的评论40字35%）乐于助人，热心班级活动，工作负责，学习用功，与人为善。是大家学习的楷模。名至实归。,阅卷数据,均分和得分分布,全省平均分12.16,自评监控（不同时间自批同一份卷分差在5分以内）三评,评卷速度：48.83秒,5A,1A.规范,字母匀称大小适宜间距合理连笔规范标点正确修改无痕字数达标段落明晰,academic,书写,书写,2A.正确,accurate,句构屈折时态单复冠词拼写,语法错误，且句首即错,拼写词性,ALLiswellthatisspeltwell.,3A.适切,appropriate,风格明显要点到位用词适度语气适当表述中立,用词不贴切,Sheisalwaysdescribedasapersonofgoodpersonality.Sheisreallyapleasantperson,possessingadmirablequalitiesoffriendlinessandhonesty.,SheshouldhavetheawardoftheStarStudent.,LiYuesetsagoodexamplewithheractofkindness.,Youneedtochangetheway:learnfrommistakes,failure,yourexperienceLiYuehasinfluencedthewholeclasspositivelyandheisreallyourrolemodel.,Shedeservestobeawardedthehonor.,用词不贴切,Togiveallyoureffortortimetosomethingyoubelievein.Hedevoteshimselftohelpingthoseinneed.,Weweredeeplymovedbyhercontributionstoourclass.,Weweregreatlyimpressedbyherkindgesture.或：Hisactofkindnesswasappreciated.,Tobefrank,IapplaudthedecisionthatLiwaschosenthestaroftheweek.,whenitcomesto:Youstarttotalkaboutsomething.Whenitcomestospeakingforeignlanguages,Marthabeatsmehandsdown.Shecanspeakmorethanfivelanguagesfluently!Icantthinkofeverythingrightnow,butwhenitcomestomeIlladdmorelater.,(honestevenwhenthismightbeawkwardormakeotherpeopleuncomfortable:Tobefrankwithyou,Idontthinkshedeservedthetitle.,Studentsnevercareaboutschoolactivities.,Somestudents,tendtobe,lessactivein,4A.表达地道,authentic,降低调门减少比喻间接翻译观点合理,政治正确,IwishpeoplewouldcaremoreaboutourclasslikeLiYueandgetinvolvedtomakeitabetterplace.,5A.流畅,连接副词思维严谨逻辑严密,accessible,LiYuetoldustocalmdown.Tooursurprise,wedidatlast.,_theelderlyneedourhelp.A.Withthedevelopmentofindustry,B.Beingphysicallyweakandlonely,Someofusfeltnervousatthethoughtofstandinginfrontoftheaudience,buthopefully,LiYuewasabletohelpthemhandlethestress.,LiYueisalwayswarm-heartedandcaresalotabouttheclass.Inaddition,sheoftendevoteshersparetimetohelpingothers.Shehassetagoodexampleforus.Therefore,shedeservesthehonor.,教师范文,A（教师创作1）LiYuehasbeenawardedthetitleofthestarstudentoftheweekforwhatshedidforourclass.LastSaturday,theschoolhelditsannualsingingcontest.LiYuehadvolunteeredtobuythecostumesforourclass.Inspiteofthesummerheat,shewentbackandforthbetweenthestoresandtheclassuntileveryonewassatisfiedwiththechoiceofcostumes.Thankstoherefforts,ourclassperformanceturnedouttobehugelysuccessful.Thewholeclasswasimpressedbyhersweetactandgratefulforherpatienceandenthusiasm.LiYuehasalwaysbeentherolemodelformanyofusbecausesheisresponsibleandalwaysreadytohelpothers.HavingaStarStudentlikeherreallystrengthensthecommunityofourclassroom.(110words),B（教师创作2）LiYuehasbeenawardedthetitleofthestarstudentoftheweekforwhatshedidforourclass.Shewasselectedforbeingveryhelpfulandconsiderateofothersinourpreparationfortheschoolsingingcompetition.LastSaturday,regardlessofthehotweather,LiYuetoureddifferentstoresbeforeshefoundtherightcostumesforourclass.Weallagreedthatthegorgeouscostumesmadeeveryparticipantmoreconfidentandthecompetitionwasmoreafunactivitythanastressfulcompetitionbecauseofhereffort.Shedeservesthetitleforheroutstandingbehaviorduringthepreviousweekandforbeingsuchatremendousrolemodel.SocongratulationstoLiYueonachievingthetitleofstarstudent.Keepupthegoodwork!Andwereallywanttoseemorestudentscompeteforthetitle.(115words),C（外教范文）LiYuehasbeenawardedthetitleofthestarstudentoftheweekforwhatshedidforourclass.LastSaturdaymorningLiYuethoughttoherselfabouthowimportanttheupcomingsongcompetitionwasfortheclass.Disregardingthehotweather,shedecidedtomakeherwaytotheshops.Shecarefullychosetheidealcostumefortheactivity.Andwithgreatmaturity,responsibilityandmotivationshefoundwhatshewaslookingfor.Weweredeeplyimpressedandtrulyfeltthankfultoherforgoingoutofherwaytohelpusenjoyourimportantday.LiYueisreallyourrolemodelforbeingsothoughtfulandhelpful.IwishIcouldalsohavewonderfulwaystobekindjustlikehim.(110words),D（高考范文）LiYueha