英语幽默小故事.doc

英语幽默小故事2008-02-20 17:12 I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan.Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother.Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket.伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢？ 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered.Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?She is the one who sells the candy. A Good Boy小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” 好孩子“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？“她是个卖糖果的。” HospitalityThe hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese? In the rat-trap, sir, replied theboy. 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。好客面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表，于是就填了这样的信息姓名：English or Chinese英文的还是中文的？年龄：Confidential（这是私人问题）身高：Not related to the job（这跟工作有关系么）体重：Varies all the time before lunch or after（随时改变饭前饭后都不同居住地：At what stage of my life please be more specific（那是一个特别的地方，我生命的舞台）电话：Ericsson（爱立信手机）电子邮件：Only give to pretty and rich girls（只留给漂亮和富有的女孩）上班时间：The shorter the better（越短越好）应征职位：A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls（找一个不做什么实事，但能被美女包围的职位）学历：Graduated at the wild chicken university（毕业于一个你找不着的大学语言能力：Fluent in bullshits（侃大山是专长）兴趣：Sleeping and sleeping（睡得天昏地暗）生日：正月初七经历：Fooling around all the time（游戏人生）曾任职位：Decent or not decentplease be more specific（高级的或者低级的都是一种经历）已婚未婚：Still looking for a rich and beautiful girlhopefully can find in your company（我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩，希望在你们公司能找到未来期望：Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible（只负责主席台讲话，并且希望尽早退休）希望待遇：Lesser workload the better（比实际工作量拿得多就行A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life.Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language? 老鼠的第二语言也重要一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。母老鼠向着猫叫道：汪，汪，汪，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, Is that your dog? And the barber replied, No, he always comes every day. Its not my dog. I dont know whose dog it is. Then the customer asked, So if its not your dog, you never feed him, right? And the barber said, No. And the customer said, Then why does he always come here every day? And the barber answered, Hes waiting in case an ear comes off. A Very P