大学英语写作课件6 Effective sentences.ppt

TheSentence,EffectiveSentences,Accordingtotheusagesofthesentences:1)Declarativesentences2)Interrogativesentences3)Imperativesentences4)Exclamatorysentences,Accordingtothestructuresofthesentences:1)simplesentences2)Compoundsentences3)Complexsentences,Typesofsentences,AccordingtoRhetoricretrik（修辞学）Loose,PeriodicandBalancedsentences,LooseSentences松散句或散体句,Aloosesentenceputsthemainideabeforeallsupplementaryinformation;Inotherwords,itputsfirstthingsfirst,Andletsthereaderknowwhatitismainlyaboutwhenhehasreadthefirstfewwords.,Ex:IamwillingtopayslightlyhighertaxesfortheprivilegeoflivinginCanada,consideringthefreehealthcare,thecheaptuitionfees,thelowcrimerate,thecomprehensivesocialprograms,andthewonderfulwinters.ThemainpointofthissentenceisthatthewriterpreferstoliveinCanada,andthewritermakesthepointattheverybeginning:everythingwhichfollowsissimplyextrainformation.,Loosesentences,LoosesentenceistheonewhichthemainideaisplacedfirstNosuspenseisattempted.Itgoesstraighttothepointsothatthereadergetsitbeforehecomestotheendofthesentence.Loosesentencesareeasier,simpler,morenaturalanddirect.,PeriodicSentences掉尾句/圆周句/整体句,Aperiodicsentence:Themainideaisexpressedatorneartheendofit,Anditisnotgrammaticallycompleteuntiltheendisreached.Thereaderdoesnotknowwhatitismainlyaboutuntilhefinishesreadingit.Itismorecomplex,emphatic,formalandliterary.,PeriodicSentences,Itisimportanttorememberthatperiodicsentences:Usedonceortwiceinapieceofwriting,theycanbeveryeffective;Usedanymorethanthat,theycanmakeyousounddullandpompous（浮夸）.,Examples,a.ShedecidedtostudyEnglishthoughshewasinterestedinmusic.b.Althoughshewasinterestedinmusic,shefinallydecidedtostudyEnglish.ThemainideaofbothsentencesisthefactthatshedecidedtostudyEnglish.Thisideaisputatthebeginningofthefirstsentenceandattheendofthesecond,thusmakingonealoosesentenceandtheotheraperiodicone.,Examples,a.ShedecidedtostudyEnglishthoughshewasinterestedinmusic.b.Althoughshewasinterestedinmusic,shefinallydecidedtostudyEnglish.Besides,thefirstpartofthefirstsentenceiscompleteinstructure;Butthatofthesecondisonlyanadverbialclauseandcannotbecalledasentencewithoutthesecondpart.,PeriodicSentence,Itisatruthuniversallyacknowledgedthatasinglemaninpossessionofagoodfortunemustbeinwantofawife.有一条举世公认的真理:那就是凡有钱的单身汉总想娶位太太.,HewasofferedaprofessionalcontractafterwinningtheOlympicgoldmedalforfigureskating,accordingtonewspaperreports.LooseSentenceAccordingtonewspaperreports,afterwinningtheOlympicgoldmedalforfigureskating,hewasofferedaprofessionalcontract.Periodicsentence,Therehavebeenmanygreatdiscoveriesmadebyscientistsinthetwentiethcentury.Loosesentence,Scientistsinthetwentiethcenturyhavemademanygreatdiscoveries.,Periodicsentence,Ienjoyedtheoperabecausethemusicisbeautiful,becausetheperformersareexcellent.LoosesentenceBecausethemusicisbeautifulandtheperformersareexcellent,Ienjoyedtheopera.Periodicsentence,Balancedsentences(平行句,对偶句）Whenasentencecontainstwopartsofthesamestructureandroughlythesamelength,andwithcontrasted(orsimilar)ideas.Itisabalancedsentence.,e.g.1Helikespopmusic;hisgirlfriendhatesit.2Theoldmanisnotlackofmoneybutlackofhappiness.3Onhearingthenews,hewasexcitedandIwasworried.,Generally,well-writtencompositionsarenotentirelymadeupoflooseorperiodicorbalancedsentences.Theyshouldbeamixtureofthethreeforthesakeofvariety.,EffectiveSentences,Correctnessalonecannotmakeagoodsentence.Ithastobeeffectiveatthesametime.Effectivesentenceshavesomeofthefollowingqualities:unity（一致性）coherence（连贯性）Conciseness（简洁性）Emphasis（强调性）Variety（多样性）,Unity（统一性）,Aunifiedsentencemeanseverythinginthesentenceshouldcontributetomakingoneclearidea.Unityreferstotwoqualities:thereisonlyonemainideainasentence,andthatideaiscomplete.,TheexplorerwhohasjustreturnedfromtheAntarcticisbusywritingreportsonhisadventuresonthatice-coveredcontinent,wherehedidnotseeanyanimalsexceptpenguins.,Unity,Thisisalongsentencewithmanyparts,includingtwoclauses.Ithasonecentralidea(theexploreriswritingreportsonhisadventuresintheAntarctic)andalltheotherideasarerelatedtothiscentralidea.,Lookattheexample:,.,Bringintoasentenceonlyrelatedthoughtsandputunrelatedthoughtsinanothersentenceorsentences.E.g.BorninSichuanProvince,helaterbecameafamouswriter.Thisisacorrectbutnotagoodsentence,becausethetwopartsmentionedinitarenotlogicallyconnected:amanborninSichuanisnotcertaintobecomeafamouswriter.Wecansaythissentencelacksunity.Tomakethemeaningclear,wehavetosaysomethingabouthiseducationandworkexperiencethathelptomakehimafamouswriter.,DreamoftheRedMansionsisthebest-knownnovel.,Unity,Whataboutthis?,（1）DreamoftheRedMansionsisoneofthebest-knownclassicalChinesenovels.（2）OfalltheChinesenovelswrittenbeforethe20thcenturyDreamoftheRedMansionsisperhapsthemostpopular.,Thisseemstobeacorrectsentence,butitsmeaningisnotcomplete.“thebest-knownnovel”shouldhavebeenmodified.,Thetwosentencesthatfollowareclearer:,Compare:1.1)BorninasmalltowninSouthChinaintheearly50s,hegrewuptobeafamousmusician.(faulty)2)HewasborninasmalltowninSouthChinaintheearly50s.Inhischildhoodhelikedtosingsongs.LaterheenteredaconservatoryInthe70shebecameafamousmusician.(revised)2.1)DuFuwasoneofthegreatestpoets.(faulty)2)DuFuwasoneofthegreatestpoetsoftheTangDynasty.(revised),Unrelated:Iwasnervous,andIcombedmyhairadozentimesandIlookedinthemirroroverandoveragaintomakesuremyfalseeyelasheshadntcomeunglued.,Related:Iwasnervousbeforemyfirstdate.IcombedmyhairadozentimesandIlookedinthemirroroverandoveragaintomakesuremyfalseeyelasheshadntcomeunglued.,Unrelated:LastFridayTomsprainedhisankle,andhecouldnotfindhisfavoriteT-shirtanywhere.Related:,ItwasanawfuldaylastFriday.Tomnotonlysprainedhisankle,butalsohecouldnotfindhisfavoriteT-shirtanywhere.,Coherence(连贯性）,Coherencemeansclearandcorrectarrangementofthepartsofasentence.Asentenceiscoherentwhenthewordsareproperlyconnectedandtheirrelationshipisclear.Acoherencesentenceiseasytounderstand,becausetheconnectionbetweenitswordsconformstogrammarrulesandusage.,a.Donotseparatewordsthatarecloselyrelatedunlessitisnecessary;b.Donotuseapronounwithambiguousreference;c.Donotuseadanglingmodifierorputamodifierfarfromtheworditmodifiers;,Coherence,Hereareafewruleswhichmayhelptopreventincoherence:,d.Donotmakeunnecessaryorconfusingshiftsinpersonornumber;e.Donotmakeunnecessarychangesinthevoice,tenseormoodofverbs;f.Donotusedifferentformstoexpressparallelideas.,1.EveryoneisstudyingEnglishinthisschool.（1）ThissentencemayimplythattheschoolmentionedistheonlyplacewherepeoplecanstudyEnglish.（2）PerhapsthespeakermeansthateveryoneinthisschoolisstudyingEnglish.Thephrase“inthisschool”shouldhavebeenplacedimmediatelyafterthesubject.Itspositiondeterminesitsfunction.,2.Mrs.Greensaidtohersisterthatshehaddonetherightthing.Revised:1)Mrs.Greensaidtohersister,“youhavedonetherightthing.”2)Mrs.Greensaidtohersister,“Ihavedonetherightthing.”3)Mrs.Greenthoughtthathersisterhaddonetherightthingandsaidsotoher.4)Mrs.Greensaidtohersisterthatherselfhaddonetherightthing.,3.Lookingoutofthewindow,onlydullgreybuildingscanbeseen.Revised:Lookingoutofthewindow,Icanonlyseethedullgreybuildings.,AfterstudyingLessonTen,themid-termtestwasgiventous.Revised:AfterstudyingLessonTen,wehadthemid-termtest.,Ifamodifierisplacedinanawkwardpositionfarawayfromwhatitmodifies,itiscalledamisplacedmodifier.,Coherence,Whatisamisplacedmodifier?,Amodifiermustbeplacedasclosetotheworditmodifiesaspossiblesothatthereisnomisunderstandingaboutwhatitmodifies.,1).Thatcatbelongstomyneighborwithfivekittens.(Obviously,withfivekittensmodifiescat,notmyneighbor.itshouldbeplacedbetweencatandbelong.,MisplacedModifiers,2).Theboythrewrockatthehorseintheraincoat.(Intheraincoatdescribestheboy,notthehorse.),3).Thefunnycartoonattractsthereaderseyeonthecoverofthemagazine.Thefunnycartoononthecoverofthemagazineattractsthereaderseye.4).Thedoctorpromisedonherwaytoherhospitaltocomeandseeme.Thedoctorpromisedtocomeandseemeonherwaytoherhospital.,4.Donotmakeconfusingshiftsinpersonandnumber.,1)Thosewhowanttojoininthechorusshouldsignyournameonthissheetofpaper.Thosewhowanttojoininthechorusshouldsigntheirnameonthissheetofpaper.2)Helooksupdifficultwordsinhisdictionaries,anditisveryhelpful.Helooksupdifficultwordsinhisdictionaries,andtheyareveryhelpful.,5.Donotmakeunnecessarychangeintense,voiceandmood.,1)Theexplosiondestroyedthebuildingandanumberofpeoplewereinjured.Theexplosiondestroyedthebuildingandinjuredanumberofpeople.Intheexplosionthebuildingwasdestroyedandanumberofpeopleinjured.,2)Alotofhigherhouseswerebuiltaroundhersinthepastfewyearsandshegetsnomoresunlight.Alotofhigherbuildingshavebeenbuiltaroundhersinrecentyearsandasaresultshegetsnomoresunlight.Alotofhigherbuildingwerebuiltaroundhersandasaresultshegotnomoresunlight.,Parallelismprlelzm(对称结构）,Parallelideashadbetterbeexpressedinparallelconstruction.Faulty:Amanisjudgednotonlybywhathesaidbutalsobyhisdeeds.,Revised:Amanisjudgednotonlybywhathesaidbutalsobywhathedid.,Faulty:Wethoughtshewascharming,intelligent,andaverycapableyoungwoman.,Revised:Wethoughtshewasacharming,intelligent,andcapableyoungwoman.,Faulty:Thiscompositionisquitegoodasfarastheuseoflanguageisconcerned,butitscontentispoor.,Revised:Thiscompositionisgoodinlanguagebutpoorincontent.Thelanguageofthiscompositionisquitegoodbutitscontentisratherpoor.,1)Shetoldmysisterthatshewaswrong.2)Hewasknockeddownbyabike,butitwasnotserious.3)Ireadaninterestingstoryinamagazineaboutsportsmen.,Revisethefollowingsentencestomakethemcoherent.,2)Hewasknockeddownbyabike,butwasnotseriouslyhurt.,3)Ireadinamagazineaninterestingstoryaboutsportsmen./InamagazineIreadaninterestingstoryaboutsportsmen,1)Shesaidtomysister,“Youarewrong.”Shesaidtomysister,“Iamwrong.”Shetoldmysisterthatsheherselfwaswrong.Shethoughtmysisterwaswrongandsaidsotoher.,3.Conciseness,Conciseness:Asentenceshouldnotcontainunnecessarywords.Iftheideaisfullyexpressed,thefewerwords,thebetter.,a.Useapronouninsteadofrepeatinganoun;b.Useawordinsteadofaphrasewiththesamemeaning,anduseaphraseinsteadofaclausewiththesamemeaning;,Conciseness,Waystoachieveconciseness,c.Donotrepeatwordsorphrases,ifpossible,inasentenceorinonethatfollows;d.Donotusedifferentwordsorphraseswithsimilarmeaningsinthesamesentence;e.Donotrepeatthesameideaindifferentsentencesexceptforemphasis.,Thefollowingsentenceiswordyandcanbesimplified:InthemonthofMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsfromallcirclesinthiscitywillholdmeetingstoelectrepresentatives,andtheserepresentativeswillgotoBeijing,thecapital,inOctobertoattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersfromthewholecountry.Asimplerversionwouldbe:InMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsinthiscitywillelectrepresentatives,whowillattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersinBeijinginOctober.,Conciseness,Hereisanotherexample:Therearetreesonallsidesofthehouse,andthetreeshidethehouse.Peoplecanhardlyseethehousefromtheoutside.Asimplerversionwouldbe:Surroundedbytrees,thehousecanhardlybeseenfromtheoutside;orThehouse,hiddenbehindtrees,canhardlybeseenfromtheoutside.,Conciseness,Compare:Myfatheris65yearsold,andheisaprofessorinHunanUniversity.Hehasahealthybodyofhisage.Myfather,aprofessorof65yearsoldinHunanUniversity,enjoysthebestofhealth.（用同位语改写）,Wordy:Isawagirlwhoisverybeautiful.Inmyopinion,Ibelieveyourplanisfeasible.Themachinewasjointlydesignedbytheoldengineerandwiththehelpofsomeofhisyoungercolleagues.,Itwasblueincolor.Itwassmallinsize.Maryisaquietandcarefulwoman.Thechairmanoftheboardwillgiveuphisjobnextyearbecauseofoldage.,Revisethefollowingsentencetomakethemmoreconcise:1)MyfatherhasreturnedbackfromBeijing.2)Mr.SmithlikestodrinkallkindsofwinethatareproducedinFrance.3)ThelanguagelabisopentostudentsnotonlyfromEnglishDepartmentbutalsofromotherdepartmentoftheuniversity.,1)MyfatherhasreturnedfromBeijing./MyfatherhascomebackfromBeijing.,2)Mr.SmithpreferswinesproducedinFrance./Mr.SmithprefersFrenchwines.,3)Thelanguagelabisopentoallthestudentsintheuniversity.,Emphasis,Ifyouneedtoshowoneideaismoreimportantthantheother,theexpressionofthemshouldchangeinemphasis.,1.Placing,Gainemphasisbyplacingimportantwordsatthebeginningofthesentenceorattheendofthesentence.,Weak:1)Therewasapolicemanwhotoldmynewbabysitterthewayhome.,Emphatic:.Thepolicemantoldmynewbabysitterthewayhome,weak:2)OnlyQianWencouldhavewrittensuchaniceessay,thoughtherearefiftystudentsintheclass.Emphasis:Ofthefiftystudentsintheclass,noonecouldhavewrittensuchaniceessaybutQianWen.,2.ClimacticSequence(升序法，渐进法）,Inenumeratingthingsorideas,weshouldstartfromtheleastimportantandendwiththemostimportant,orintheclimacticsequence.E.g.1.Abiologistoncesaidtheantisasymbolofwisdom,industry,andefficiency.Revised:Abiologistoncesaidtheantisasymbolofindustry,efficiencyandwisdom.,2.Thistouristgroup,visitedtheGreatWall,theSummerPalace,thePalaceMuseum,andthezoowhiletheywereinBeijing.Revised:Thistouristgroup,whileinBeijing,visitedtheZoo,theSummerPalace,thePalaceMuseum,andtheGreatWall.,3.Hesaidhehadlostinterestinlife,fame,position,andmoneyafterthattragedy.Revised:Hesaidafterthattragedyhehadlostinterestinmoney,position,fameandevenlife.,3.TheUseofVerbsintheActiveVoice,Verbsaregenerallymoreemphaticthannounsoranyotherpartofspeech.1.A.Shemadeadecisionthatshewouldnottakethejob.B.Shedecidednottotakethejob.,2.Theactivevoiceismorenaturalandemphaticthanthepassive.A.Televisionwaswatchedbythewholefamilyintheevenings.B.Thewholefamilywatchedtelevisionintheevenings.,Butwhenthereceiverofanactionismoreimportantthanthedoer,thepassivevoiceispreferable:Alltheoldbuildingsinthisblockhavebeenpulleddownandnewhouseswillbebuiltnextyear.,4.Subordination,Subordinatingapartofsentenceisawayofgivingemphasistothemainideainthesentence.E.g.1.TheschoollibrarycontainsalargenumberofEnglishbooks.2.Fourth-yearstudentsoftenworkintheschoollibrary,wheretherearealargenumberofEnglishbooks.,5.Repetition,Gainemphasisbyrepeatingimportantwords1.HerspokenEnglishisgood;herwrittenEnglishisalsogood.2.Twodaysagohegavereasonsforsupportingtheplan,andnowheisgivingreasonsforopposingit.Healwayshasreasons.,Tobed,tobed;theresaknockingatthegate.Come,come,come,come,givemeyourhand.Whatsdonecannotbeundone.Tobed,tobed,tobed.事已定局，无可挽回。-Macbeth,byShakespeare,6.ShortSentences,Shortsentencesareoftenemphatic,especiallyafterlongones.1.Thespeakeraskedtheaudiencewhattheythoughtwerethemainproblemsthecitygovernmentwasfacing,andhowtheseproblemsshouldorcouldbesolved,andtheeagerlywaitedforanswers.Noanswercame.,2.Theplotisconfusing,thecharactersareveryqueerpeople,andthedialogueishardtounderstand.Astrangefilm.Thetwoshortsentencesintheaboveexamplesgainemphasisbecausetheyareshortandbecausethereisanabruptchangeinsentencelength.,Aseriesofshortsentencesusedtogetherexpressrapidmovementsortension,andtheyareemphatic,too.Hewettedhisclothes.Withawettoweloverhishead,hedashedintotheburninghouse.Thesmokechokedhim.Heranintoaroomonthesecondfloor.Themostimportantpaperswerethere.Hegraspedthemandjumpedoutofawindow.,7.Balancedsentences(平行句，对偶句）,Whenasentencecontainstwopartsofthesamestructureandroughlythesamelength,andwithcontrasted(orsimilar)ideas.Itisabalancedsentence.Thegentlemanvaluesharmony,notuniformityju:nf:mt;thesmallmanvaluesuniformity,notharmony.(Confucius)君子和而不同，小人同而不和,8.Negative-positivestatements,1)Henolongerwantsmoney;hewantsfame.2)Thepoordesignofthebuildingshowsthatheisnotanarchitectheisonlyabuilder.3)Heisnotanordinaryscholarinthisfield;heisanauthority.,9.RhetoricalQuestions（反问，设问）,DidntItellyounottocomelate?Whatstheuseoffeelingsorryaboutthemistake?Correctit.Isntitbeautifulweather?,Variety,Agoodwritershouldavoidmonotonyinwriting.Youmayusevarioussentencepatterns,lengthsandstructurestomakeyourwritingmorepleasingandeffective.,Varythelengthofthesentence,Choppy:Mikewroteaquicknote.ItwastoNora.Sheishisformersecretary.Effective:MikewroteaquicknotetoNora,hisformersecretary.,Choppy:Mr.Smithwokeupat7:00.Hisalarmclockrang.Hedressedquickly.Hehadtodrivetotheairporttomeetanimportantclientat8:00.Effective:AfterMr.Smithwokeupat7:00byhisalarmclock,hebegantodressquicklybecausehehadtodrivetotheairporttomeetanimportantclientat8:00.,Choppy:MywifeandIarecandidates.WebothplantoimmigratetoCanada.WeneedtopasstheIELTS（InternationalEnglishLanguageTestingSystem，简称IELTS，中文名为国际英语语言测试系统）,andthenwewillgotoCanadathisautumn.Effective:MywifeandIarecandidateswhowanttoimmigratetoCanada,planningtogotherethisautumnafterourpassingtheIELTS.,Varietyofsentencepatterns,BeginningofsentenceswithAdjectivesPrepositionalphraseAdverbAdverbialclauseInfinitivephraseAppositiveNounclause,Beginwithanadjectives.Heiscoldandhungryandhecanhardlygotosleep.,Coldandhungry,hecanhardlygotosleep.,Beginwithanadverboranadverbialclause1.Gently,hemixedthechemicalstogether.2.Eventhoughbaseballisessentiallythesame,thestrategyofplaythenandnowisdifferent.,Beginwit