Love-and-Loving-Relationships英汉双语完美版讲解学习

1、Lo v e - and - Lov i ng -Re l a t i ons hi ps 英 汉双 语 完 美 版 Unit4The following text is extracted from Marriages and Families by Nijole V Benokraitis. The book has been used as a text book for sociology courses and women studies in a number of universities in the United States. It highlights important

2、 contemporary changes in society and the family and explores the choices that are available to family members, as well as the constraints that many of us do not recognize. It examines the diversity of American families today, using cross-cultural and multicultural comparisons to encourage creative t

3、hinking about the many critical issues that confront the family of the twenty fist century.Love and Loving RelationshipsNijole V. Benokraitis1. Love-as both an emotion and a behavior-is essential for human survival- The family is usually our earliest and most important source of love and emotional s

4、upport. Babies and children deprived of love have been known to develop a wide variety of problems- for example, depression, headaches, physiological impairments, and neurotic and psychosomatic difficulties- that sometimes last a lifetime. In contrast, infants who are loved and cuddled typically gai

5、n more weight, cry less, and smile more. By five years of age, they have been found to have significantly higher IQs and to score higher on language tests.2. Much research shows that the quality of care infants receive affects how they later get along with friends, how well they do in school, how th

6、ey react to new and possibly stressful situations, and how they form and maintain loving relationships as adults. It is for these reasons that people's early intimate relationships within their family of origin are so critical. Children who are raised in impersonal environments (orphanage, some

7、foster homes, or unloving families) show emotional and social underdevelopment, language and motor skills retardation, and mental health problems.3. Love for oneself, or self-love, is also essential for our social and emotional development. Actress Mae West once said, "I never loved another per

8、son the way I loved myself." Although such a statement may seem self-centered, it's actually quite insightful Social scientists describe self-love as an important oasis for selfesteem. Among other things, people who like themselves are more open to criticism and less demanding of others. Fr

9、omm (1956) saw self-love as a necessary prerequisite for loving others. People who don't like themselves may not be able to return love but may constancy seek love relationships to bolster their own poor self-images. But just what is love? What brings people together?4. Love is an elusive concep

10、t. We have all experienced love and feel we know what it is; however, when asked what love is, people give a variety of answers.According to a nine- year-old boy, for example, "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." What we mean by love depends on whether we are ta

11、lking about love for family members, friends, or lovers. Love has been a source of inspiration, wry witticisms, and even political action for many centuries.5. Love has many dimensions. It can be romantic, exciting, obsessive, and irrational- It can also be platonic, calming, altruistic, and sensibl

12、e. Many researchers feel that love defies a single definition because it varies in degree and intensity and across social contexts. At the very least, three elements are necessary for a loving relationship: (1) a willingness to please and accommodate the other person, even if this involves compromis

13、e and sacrifice; (2) an acceptance of the other person's faults and shortcomings; and (3) as much concern about the loved one's welfare as one's own. And, people who say they are "in love" emphasize caring, intimacy, and commitment.6. In any type of love, caring about the other

14、 person is essential. Although love may, involve passionate yearning, respect is a more important quality. Respect is inherent in all love: "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me." If respect and caring are m

15、issing, the relationship is not based on love. Instead, it is an unhealthy or possessive dependency that limits the lovers' social, emotional, and intellectual growth.7. Love, especially long-term love, has nothing in common with the images of love or .frenzied sex that we get from Hollywood, te

16、levision, and romance novels. Because of these images, many people believe a variety of myths about love. These misconceptions often lead to unrealistic expectations, stereotypes, and disillusionment. In fact, "real" love is closer to what one author called "stirring- the-oatmeal love

17、" (Johnson 1985). This type of love is neither exciting nor thrilling but is relatively mundane and unromantic. It means paying bills, putting out the garbage, scrubbing toilet bowls, being up all night with a sick baby, and performing myriad other ' oatmeal" tasks that are not very se

18、xy.8. Some partners take turns stirring the oatmeal. Other people seek relationships that offer candlelit gourmet meals in a romantic setting. Whether we decide to enter a serious relationship or not, what type of love brings people together?9. What attracts individuals to each other in the first pl

19、ace? Many people believe that "there's one person out there that one is meant for" and that destiny will bring them together. Such beliefs are romantic but unrealistic. Empirical studies show that cultural norms and values, not fate, bring people together We will never meet millions of

20、 potential lovers because they are "filtered out" by formal or informal rules on partner eligibility due ton factors such as age, race, distance, Social class, religion, sexual orientation, health, or physical appearance.10. Beginning in childhood, parents encourage or limit future romanti

21、c liaisons by selecting certain neighborhoods and schools. In early adolescence, pear norms influence the adolescent's decisions about acceptable romantic involvements ("You want to date who?!"). Even during the preteen years, romantic experiences are cultured in the sense that societa

22、l and group practices and expectations shape romantic experience. Although romance may cross cultural or ethnic borders, criticism and approval teach us what is acceptable romantic behavior and with whom. One might "lust" for someone, but these yearnings will not lead most of us to "f

23、all in love" if there are strong cultural or group bans.11. Regan and Berscheid (1999) differentiate between lust, desire, and romantic love. They describe lust as primarily physical rather than emotional, a condition that maybe conscious or unconscious. Desire, in contrast, is a psychological

24、in which one wants a relationship that one doesn't now have, or to engage in an activity in which one is not presently engaged. Desire may or may not lead to romantic love (which the authors equate with passionate or erotic low). Regan and Berscheid suggest that desire is an essential ingredient

25、 for initiating and maintaining romantic love. If desire disappears, a person is no longer said to be in a state of romantic love. Once desire diminishes, disappointed lovers may wonder where the "spark" in their relationship has gone and may reminisce regretfully (and longingly) about &qu

26、ot;the good old days".12. One should not conclude, however, that desire always culminates in physical intimacy or that desire is the same as romantic love. Married partners may love each other even though they rarely, or never, engage in physical intimacy. In addition, there are some notable di

27、fferences between love- especially long-term love- and romantic love. Healthy loving relationships, whether physical or not (such as love for family members), reflect a balance of caring, intimacy, and commitment.下面的文章选自奈杰尔贝诺克瑞提斯的婚姻与家庭。此书在美国的一些大 学里被用作社会学和妇女研究等课程的教材，它强调了在当代社会和家庭中所 发生的重要变化，探索了家庭成员所面临的

28、选择，以及我们很多人都还未意识 到的种种约束。该书还审视了当今美国家庭的多样性，运用跨文化和多元文化 的比较，以激发创造性思维来研究 21 世纪家庭所面临的许多严峻问题。爱和情感连系奈杰尔贝诺克瑞提斯1. 爱，对于人类的生存是不可或缺的。它既是一种情感，又是一种行为。家 庭通常是我们最早和最重要的爱和情感支持的来源。众所周知，缺乏爱的 婴幼儿会产生各种各样的问题，如抑郁症、头痛、生理残疾、神经质或身 心疾病，这些病有时会伴随他们一生。而对比之下，拥有爱和拥抱的婴儿 通常体重增加得快，哭得少，而笑得多。到了五岁时，他们的智商和语言 测试的分数明显比前一类儿童高得多。2. 很多研究发现婴儿获得关爱

29、的质量会影响到他们以后的交友，在学校的表 现，如何应对陌生的或可能充满压力的情况，以及他们成年后如何建立并 且维系情感连系。正是因为这些原因，人们与家庭成员的早期亲密关系才 如此至关重要。在人情冷漠的环境中 (如孤儿院，某些寄养家庭，或缺乏关 爱的家庭 )长大的孩子会出现情感和社会性发育不良，语言和运动技能迟 缓，以及精神健康问题。3. 对自己的爱，或者说自爱，对我们的社会性和情感发展也是至关重要的。女演员梅韦斯特曾说过，“我从没有像爱自己那样爱过别人。”虽然这样的 话听起来似乎有些以自我为中心，实际上却是相当有见地。社会学家将自 爱描述为自尊的一个重要基础。从别的方面来说，自我喜欢的人更乐于

30、接 受批评，对别人的要求也不那么苛刻。弗罗姆 (1956)认为自爱是爱别人的先 决条件。不喜欢自己的人也许不懂得回报爱，而却有可能不停地寻找爱的 关系来改变卑微的自我形象。那么到底什么是爱 ?是什么让人们走到一起 ?4. 爱是一个难以描述的概念。我们都经历过爱，觉得我们知道爱是什么，然 而当被问到什么是爱时，人们给出的答案却不尽相同，比如一个九岁的男孩说，“爱像雪崩，你必须快跑才能活命。”爱对我们来说意味着什么，这取决于我们所指的是家人之间、朋友之间还是恋人之间的爱。几百年来爱都 是灵感、俏皮的揶揄、甚至是政治活动的来源。5. 爱有很多层面，它可能是浪漫的，令人激动的，让人着迷的，或者是非理

31、性的。它也可能是柏拉图式的，令人平静的，无私的，或者理智的。许多 研究者觉得爱没有一个唯一的定义，它有程度和强度之分，并且跨越了社 会背景。拥有恋爱关系至少需要具备三个元素： 1）愿意取悦和迁就另一方， 即使需要妥协或牺牲； 2）能接受另一方的错误和缺点； 3）关心爱人的幸福像 关心自己一样。而且，说自己“处于恋爱中”的人们重视相互之间的关心、亲 密和忠诚。6. 不管是哪种类型的爱，关心另一方是非常必要的。虽然爱可能包含激情的 渴望，然而相互尊重才是更重要的品质。相互尊重是所有爱的共性：“我想 要我爱的人为他自己成长发展，并且用他自己的方式，而不是为了迎合 我。”如果没有尊重和关怀，两人的关系就不是建立在爱的基础上；反而成 为一种不健康的或者是具有占有欲的依赖，而这会限制爱的双方在社会、 情感和智力方面的发展。7. 爱，特别是长久的爱，和我们从好莱坞、电视、或爱情小说中获得的对爱 和狂热的性爱的印象完全不同。由于这些印象的缘故，许多人对爱有各种 各样的误解，这些误解常常会导致不现实的期望、固定模式或幻觉破灭。 事实上，“真”爱更接近于一位作家（约翰逊，