双语笑话及短篇新闻

双语笑话及短篇新闻MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon!"我丈夫马上就要回来了一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友〞时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。“噢，詹姆斯，我喜爱你的胡子，但我更喜爱看到你英俊的面孔。〞詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜爱我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。〞“噢，我求你了，〞女朋友用一种低落的、性感的声音又一次说道。“可是，我不能，〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜爱这胡子。〞在女朋友一再请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。〞Whywashefired?Bill:Jonesworkssevenhoursadayandsleepssevenhours.will:Thenwhywashefired?Bill:Becausehedidbothduringthesamesevenhours.他为什么被解雇呢？比尔：琼斯天天工作7小时，睡觉7小时。威尔：那他为什么被解雇了呢？比尔：因为他在7个小时里同时做这两件事。6.求英语小故事,短的新闻,笑话等Manyyearsafterreceivingmygraduatedegree,IreturnedtotheStateUniversityofNewYorkatBinghamtonasafacultymember.Onedayinacrowdedelevator,someoneremarkedonitsinefficiency.Isaidtheelevatorshadnotchangedinthe20yearssinceIbeganthereasastudent.Whenthedoorfinallyopened,Ifeltacompassionatepatonmyback,andturnedtoseeanelderlynunsmilingatme."You'llgetthatdegree,dear,"shewhispered."Perseveranceisavirtue."眼看着安达利尔手中的毒雾马上汇成龙首的模样，已经退出半步的温德身子突然一僵，一个念头在他心底泛了出来：到底该不该将她挡住？MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon！"我丈夫马上就要回来了一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友\〞时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。“噢，詹姆斯，我喜爱你的胡子，但我更喜爱看到你英俊的面孔。\〞詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜爱我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。\〞“噢，我求你了，\〞女朋友用一种低落的、性感的声音又一次说道。“可是，我不能，\〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜爱这胡子。\〞在女朋友一再请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。\〞。HeWonTommy:Howisyourlittlebrother,Johnny?Johnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself.Tommy:That'stoobad.Howdidthathappen?Johnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindow,andhewon.他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。IHaveHisEarinMyPocketIvancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,"Whathappened?""Akidbitme,"repliedIvan."Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagain?"askedhismother."I'dknowhimanywhere,"saidIvan."Ihavehisearinmypocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？〞“一个男孩咬了我一口，〞伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？〞妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，〞伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。〞AGoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?""Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered."You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?""Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？〞“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，〞他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，〞妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？〞“她是个卖糖果的。〞DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.""But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman！"醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？〞“唔，孩子，〞父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。〞“可是，爸爸，〞孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！〞HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?""Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy。AGirlJustLikeMotherNomatterwhichgirlhebroughthome,theyoungmanfounddisapprovalfromhismother.Afriendgavehimadvice.“Findagirljustlikeyourmother—thenshe'sboundtolikeher.Sotheyoungmansearchedandsearched,andfinallyfoundthegirl.Hetoldhisfriendlyadviser:“Justlikeyousaid,Ifoundagirlwholooked,talked,dressed,andevencookedlikemother.Andjustasyousaid,motherlikedher〞“So,〞askedthefriend,“whathappened?〞“Nothing,〞saidtheyoungman.“Myfatherhatesher!〞37.和母亲一样的女孩无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：“找一个和