上海六年级作文精析版

六年级作文精析版A.

Write

a

passage

of

at

least

50

words

on

the

topic

"My

best

friend"(

以“我最好的友人”为题写一篇不少于50词的短文.)

(8分)(注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、校名及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。)写作思路点拨：1.本文属于记叙文，描写人物用一般时态现在时。2.注意价值观是正向和积极的，选择一件事情进行阐述即可。注意事项：1.字数选择60-80最佳。2.避免语法错误，拼写错误。3.第三人称参考范文：My

best

friendIhavemanyfriends,butJimisoneofmybestfriends.Heisnothandsome,butkind-hearted.Weknoweachotheratprimaryschool.Hewasthetallestinourclassatthattime.Heisgoodatstudyandplayingbasketball,whilebadatplayingtabletennis.Everytimehehasdeliciousfood,hewillgiveittome.Moreover,wheneverIfeelsad,hewillplaywithmeandcomfortme.However,heisnotspoiltme.Forexample,everytimeImeetdifficultiesinstudy,Iwouldliketocopyhis,butnomatterwhatIsay,henevergivehishomeworktometocopy.Instead

heteacheshowtodoit.Allinall,nomatterwhatdifficultiesImeet,hewillhelpme.Itishimmakemerealizethatafriendinneedisafriendindeed.点评：1.闪光点1：Jimisoneofmybestfriends.本句用了本学期重点句型oneof+名词复数，学以致用，很好！闪光点2：Heisgoodatstudyandplayingbasketball,whilebadatplayingtabletennis.本句用了begoodat和bebadat句型，同时结合了while时间状语从句，化简为繁，增加了文章层次感。闪光点3：本文用了moreover，instead等连词，使作文整体更加通顺，流畅。B.Writeapassageofatleast50wordsaboutthetopic“Onthewaytoschool”.（以“在上学的路上”为题写一篇不少于50词的短文.)6%Usethefollowingpointsasareference.(以下内容仅供参考)1.Doyoulivenearorfarawayfromschool?2.Howdoyougotoschool?3.Whatdoyouseeonyourwaytoschool?写作思路点拨：1.本文属于记叙文，描写事情用一般过去时态。2.注意给出的三个提示信息，必须都用上。注意事项：1.字数选择60-80最佳。2.避免语法错误，拼写错误。3.第一人称参考范文：OnthewaytoschoolThismorning,myfathertookmetoschoolbybike.Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.AfterIateitup,Ithrewtheskinontothestreetrandomly.NosoonerhadIdonethisthanIrealizedthatIhaddonesomethingbadtoourenvironment.Andmaybesomeonewouldsteponitandtumbleover.Imustpickitup.Thinkingofthese,Iaskedfathertostop.Ijumpedoffthebikeandranbacktopickupthebananaskinandthrewitintoaroadsidedustbin.Seeingthis,fatherpraisedmeandIfeltveryhappy.

InfutureIwillprotectthesurroundingsmoreconsciouslyandthinkmoreaboutothers.Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.点评：1.闪光点1：Isatatthebackofthebike,eatingabanana.和Seeingthis,fatherpraisedmeandIfeltveryhappy.这两句话用了非谓语，eating和seeing做伴随状语，增加了文章的文采性。闪光点2：NosoonerhadIdonethisthanIrealizedthatIhaddonesomethingbadtoourenvironment.这句话用了Nosoonerthan的结构让文章的结构和词汇上升到一个更高点。闪光点3：InfutureIwillprotectthesurroundingsmoreconsciouslyandthinkmoreaboutothers.本句话用了surrounding和consciously等生词，让文章内容和词汇更加精彩。C.Writeapassageofatleast50wordsaboutthetopic“Myfavouritefood”.（以“我最喜爱的食物”为题写一篇不少于50词的短文.)6%写作思路点拨：本文属于说明文，用一般过去时态。注意事项：1.字数选择60-80最佳。2.避免语法错误，拼写错误。3.第一人称MyfavouritefoodIlikemanydifferentkindsoffood,eggsaremyfavorite.Eggcontainsalotofessentialnutrientsneededbythehumanbody,andit'scommonlyfoundinalmostanypartoftheworld.Eggsareovalshapedspheres.Eggsarethebasicingredienttomanydishes,likeomeletandfrenchtoast.Youcaneasilygeteggsatanysupermarkets,andtheyaresoldforaverycheappricetoo.Aftertheeggsareacquired,itisbesttocrackitandopenintoapanorplateandstiritevenly.Ifyouwanttoeatfriedeggs,thenjustcracktheeggsintotheboilingoil,andremembertoflipsides.Eggscontainlotsofnutrientsandisaverygoodsourceofenergy.Soldiersusedtocarryeggstothefrontlineastheirfood.Eggismyfavor