广外翻译方向硕士译文教授点评.ppt

译文比较与评析,2007.6.11.,例1）“上海人精明但不聪明。”,译文1：People of Shanghai are clever but not wise. 译文2：People of Shanghai are penny-wise but pound-foolish. （小处太计较，大处太糊涂）， 评析：译文2概念对应，褒贬有度，凸显性格，用词俏皮。,例2：Professor: You missed my class yesterday, didnt you? Student: Not in the least, sir, not in the least.,教授：我昨天的课你没去，是吗？ 学生：V1: 没去，先生，是没去。 V2: 是没趣，先生，一点儿也不。 V3: 是没趣，先生，的确是没趣。 评析： V3把握双关（Pun）特点，利用谐音技 巧，译出双关效果。,例3）Tennis players dont marry because Love meaning Nothjing to them.,V1: 网球运动员不结婚是因为爱情没有什么 意思。 V2:网球运动员不结婚是因为Love = O。 V3:网球运动员不结婚是因为他们的爱是个球。 V4:网球运动员不结婚，他们爱什么，爱个球！,例4） “We must indeed all hang together, or we shall assuredly all hang separately.”,V1: 我们不紧紧团结一致，必然一个个被人绞死。 V2: 咱们要不抱在一起，准保会吊在一起。 V3: 咱们要是不摽到一块，保准会吊到一块。 V4:我们要不同上沙场，要不分赴刑场。 评析： V4同音异义，变换概念，利用语义关联，既保留原概念的不同语义，又能等效地传达相同音韵的语音特点。,例5）“难怪有人说，现在的父母成了孝子”。（文汇报）,V1: Some people say that now the parents have become “filial son” . V2：“Its no strange that the popular saying goes that parents have turned out to be filially dutiful to their grown-up children.” 评析： V2化解语言文化障碍，适当增译，译出社会文化意义。,第十七届韩素音青年翻译奖 英译汉参考译文评析,Judging from the scientists I know, including Eva and Tuth, and those whom Ive read about, you cant pursue that laws of nature very long without bumping into beauty.,参考译文：我认识的（包括伊娃和鲁思认识的）和书中读到的科学家们都认为，只要去探索自然法则，不用多久，必有与美邂逅的一天。 改 译：从我认识的科学家，也包括伊娃和鲁思，以及我从书本中所了解到的科学家们的经历来看，只要去探索自然法则，不用多久，必有与美邂逅的一天。,You can do science without believing in a divine Legislator, but not without believing in laws.,参考译文： 从事科学研究可不信上帝立法之说，但决不可不信其法则的存在 改 译： 从事科学研究可不信上帝立法之说，但决不可忽视自然法则的存在。,But that is about all that Ive kept from the languages of numbers.,参考译文： 但就数字符号而言，就已穷尽我毕生所学了。 改 译： 时至今日，我能派上用场的全部数学功底也就这些了。,Still, I remember glimpsing patterns in mathematics that seemed as bold and beautiful as a skyful of stars.,参考译文： 至今我仍记得，一瞥之下，那些数学模式如满天繁星闪烁，曾是那样美丽耀眼。 改 译： 我至今仍心有感触，那些映入眼帘的数学模式竟如满天繁星般美丽耀眼。,I asked him what makes a theory beautifu, and he relpies, “Simplicity, symmetry, elegance and power.”,参考译文: 当问及何为理论之美，答曰：“简洁、对称、典雅、力量。” 改 译： 当问及何为理论之美，他答曰：“简洁、对称、精确、力度。” Elegance: scientific exactness and precision Power: forceful, effectiveness (e.g. a novel of unusual power),We puzzle out formulas, test them, and find, to an astonishing degree, that nature agrees.,参考译文: 人类推导出出的各种公式定理，几经验证，竟发现与自然界惊人的一致。 改 译：人类推导出出的各种公式定理，经过验证，竟然与自然界的发展规律如此惊人地相符。,第十七届韩素音青年翻译奖 汉译英“老来乐”讲评 翻译技巧与要点概括,2007.6.18.,题目的翻译： Delights in Growing Old,A Blissful Retirement Bliss in Old Age Pleasures of the Old Age Happiness of My Old Age The Joy of Old Age Old in Age but Cheerful in Spirit The Joy of Getting Old The Delights of Growing Old 建议译为：Fun for A Retired Life,Pagraph 1, S1-2 a）动词及其搭配、选择与处理：“望” 、“攀” b) 句式的选择与处理：,At the age of sixty I longed for a life span of seventy, a goal of difficulty as a summit to be reached. Whom would expect that I had reached it? 要点概括： a)汉语的模糊性与英语的精确性 b）情态语气的处理：句式变换（使用疑问句表达自我诙谐调侃的语气）,S3-5 动词及其搭配、选择与处理: “想、望、即、过” 句式的选择与处理：, dreamed of living to be righty, a target in sight but as inaccessible as Heaven. Out of my anticipation, I had hit it. 要点：a) 对原文的措词风格（诙谐与幽默） 的贴切性与词性的灵活转换; b) 增译语句间关联性语义连贯词语,S6-8 老汉今年八十二矣。这是照传统算法， 务虚不务实。,I am now an old man of eighty-two. Such longevity is a grant bestowed by Nature; though nominal and not real, yet it conforms to our tradition. 存在问题： a) 自由且无理据性增译原文没有的内容； b) 漏译“传统算法”； 实际上作者说的是“82岁是按传统的算虚岁的算法”。参考译文自由发挥增译“长寿”“自然的赐予”， 漏译“传统算法”。,改译：I have just passed eighty-one and enjoy the nominal age of eighty-two in terms of the traditional Chinese calculation.,Pagraph 2, S1-4 An old man is said to understand the Way most probably : the Way of good administration as put forth by Confucius, the Way that can be explained as suggested by Laotzu, the Word (Way) in the very beginning as written in the Bible and the Way of pagans as denounced by the Buddhists.,要点概括： a) 为了英语语段的衔接的自然流畅，将“Way”作为2-4个语句句首成分； b) 一个冒号将下文的内容有机地贯穿在一起； c) 将语句短语化，使译文简洁明白； d) 但是整个结构出现歧义，即老人懂得的the way 是指冒号后面那些并列的Ways! ?,Pagraph 2, S1-4 As I am growing old, I cant help being given to flights of fancy and having my own Way of creating stories？. However I have come to realize the truth: my old age serves as a vast world in which I can still have my talents employed fully and developed completely？.,存在问题： a) creating stories 与整个文章的基调不符； b)对原文“老年是广阔天地，是可以大有作为的”没有准确理解：作者谈他的退休生活，就说了三件事：读书（小说）、聊天、看电视。作者以幽默诙谐的笔法描叙他如何乐度晚年，此处译文却将它理解为“充分展现和发挥才能”，译文应结合文章的主题与主题倾向去理解。,改译：However I have come to realize the truth: old man can still enjoy a vast world in which he is capable of exploring a multiplicity of ways to have funs. However I have come to realize the truth: old man can still enjoy a vast world in which a multiplicity of fun-making ways can be explored.,Pagraph 3, S1 At the age of seventy I began my retirement, in which I can rely on my old-age pension for a living, free from my burden of the boring routines I used to bear, and lead a life carefree and contended. .,问题： a) 七十岁开始诸事不做？ 还是开始退休？ b) 作者只说退休了可以诸事不做，而译者却把“free from my burden of the boring routines I used to bear,”（摆脱了过去承受的枯燥无味的日常工作的负担）这里无端增译毫无道理，反倒将作者说成是对工作感到厌烦的人。,改译：At the age of seventy I enjoy my pension， freeing from any regular job, and all day along I lead a carefree and self-amused life.,Pagraph 3, S3 There being no worry and disturbance, I need not travel far in my own world so vast. True it is that the most spIendid view may be found in old age!,问题：译文表达不清，语法结构逻辑关系有误。There being 句型表伴随情况，一般说明原因或条件，与后面的主句之间不能产生连贯的逻辑关系。 改译：There being no worry and disturbance， I enjoy my own vast world without being travelling outdoors. True it is that the most spIendid view may be found in old age!,Pagraph 4, S3 We could chat about everything in the north or in the south, in the space or at the core, related to astronomy or geography, in the Heaven or in the Hell and there were no taboos for us at all.,问题：未能把握原文虚化性描写体现的文字夸张的风格，如“天南地北， 天上地下， 天文地理， 谈天说地，百无禁忌”，译文基本上是字字对应，而且对字面意思也曲解了。这是机械式硬译。,改译： We could carry on fancy chat about eveything in the world with no taboos for us at all.,Pagraph 4, S2 Whenever I broke the ice I began to pour my words, in a flow of eloquence, as continuously as a laser disc.,增译的预设问题： 在“我的话匣子一开”之前增译 I broke the ice 产生不必要的预设， break the ice预设着冷场，邻居或朋友前来寒暄或聊天难道还有以双方面对面的冷场开始，而且总是由作者打破沉默？,Pagraph 4, S2 Unfortunately, I was jobless while they were so busy that they almost melted away until few knocks came at the door and the world became vacant again. Now I alone can occupy it and go my own way.,选词的形象性： melted away 具有电视画面的视觉效果：闲谈之人一个个离开而屋子里逐渐显得冷静。 概念内涵与选词的准确性问题： a) 此处“我闲人忙” 中的“我闲” 以及结尾处的“老年无事” 被译为 jobless (失业)，实际上应该译为 job-free (不受工作所累)。,Pagraph 5, S2-3 the changeable events in history or in current affaires, on the equator or at the poles. It might be said that while sitting in my room I can cover eighty thousand miles a day since our planet spins.,问题：翻译过程中应把握原文作者的所用文字表达的意向性和风格特点。 原文所说的“古今中外， 赤道南极， 变幻莫测。真能坐地日行八万里” 从上下文看无非说从电视中能够足不出户眼看全球，而不是因为地球自转而转了八万里。中外”漏译。,改译： for example, the changeable events in history or in current affaires, home and abroad, on the equator or at the poles. It is really amazing that without travelling around the world on my foot I can enjoy the daily scences occurring thousands miles away.,Pagraph 5, S5-10 Every host beams with vigor and energy, as a model girl shows a brand new costume, as a goal is made in a football game, as each shot scores the basket, as a distance-race runner on the team coached by Mr. Ma makes a good performance or a