作文评析与亮点的构建.ppt

Nathan Zhang,Assessments of your composition & polish it up,“书面表达” 命题依据及原则,依据教育部课程标准、全国统一考试大纲（课程标准实验版）、浙江省高中英语新课程学科教学指导意见 2011考试说明：考生应能（1）清楚连贯地传达信息，表达意思；（2）有效运用所学语言知识。根据提示，用英语写一篇100120个词的短文。 话题（主题）：跟高中学生学习生活有关的，或是他们关心的，但热点问题的可能性仍较小。 写作任务：有意义的，或者实用的（能解决实际问题的） 语言知识：高中所学词汇、语法项目、语篇知识（写作方法）,五个步骤,1、审题,题材、人称、时态、要点,2、以词及点：用一两个单词或短语写出每句 话的细节要点。,3、联词成句：用联词成句的方法将上述要点 的词语扩展成句子。,4、联句成文：,注意：,主语和谓语,背景（适当增加时间、地点条件等）,逻辑关系,开头与结尾 语篇衔接,5、检查修改，规范抄写,高分作文29分,思维习惯较好,阅卷老师的建议： 字迹工整 检查，再检查 慎用套词 语言朴实 结构清晰 切题、有逻辑长度适中 文体标准,万人迷书写,假如你班要就“如何为高考做准备”开一个班会，请根据以下内容写一篇发言稿，谈谈你对高考备考过程中要注意的事项及建议理由： 1. 保持良好的心态有助于减轻焦虑，还能增强克服困难的勇气； 2. 目标明确、正确评价自己。太低的目标使人松懈，太高的目标使人丧失信心； 3. 与父母、老师或同学沟通帮忙走出困境； 4. 作息合理，饮食均衡，以保持旺盛的精力。 注意： 1词数100左右，开头已为你写好(不计入总词数)； 2可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。 3. 参考词汇：明确的(definite) 评价（estimation）,审 题,1、体裁：发言稿， 谈谈高考备考过程中注意事项及理由。为议论文体,2、主要时态：一般现在时，发表自己的看法-要点,3、人称：第一人称 we 较贴近学生实际,4、要点：所给的四项务必包括进去，并适当的发表自己的看法。文章的结构- 总分总-3段式较好。,字 词 文,词：, have a right attitude, a normal state of mind,句：,its very important to have a right attitude,A normal state of mind and self-confidence helps us to relax,文：,First, its very important to have a right attitude, for a normal state of mind and self-confidence not only helps us to relax but also enables us to overcome difficulties bravely.,Appreciation,Keeping a good psychology is the first and most important step to make great progress. When it comes to aims, a definite one and a proper estimation of yourself work better A small step makes a big difference. Dont forget you are not alone. Your teacher or classmates and even you parents can help you to deal with your problems. So there is a growing concern for how to make preparations for it. My suggestions are as follows. Adopting an optimistic attitude is beneficial to lightening your anxiety and encouraging you to overcome difficulties. As is often the case, too low goals make everyone less aggressive. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.,( 肖 君),(徐乐平),分芳,岳平,Appreciation,Only if we prepare properly for the examination can we succeed in the end. To speak frankly, there is a need for us to set a clear goal objectively and assess ourselves properly. First, always keep a good state of mind in life, which helps you not only reduce nervousness but also build up your courage of overcoming problems. In a word, study is a process of trial.,( 梦露),(林婷婷 1),小雨,方芳,Appreciation,As a saying goes, “ God never shuts one door but he opens another. 天无绝人之路。.” Always having wishes can make us strong-willed. Health is to our bodies what water is to fish. Having a balanced diet counts a lot. In addition, there is no denying that you can break away from trouble if your are under the loving care of your parents, teachers or classmates. It is apparent that only in this way can you have little anxiety an well as strengthen bravery to get over difficulties. As a proverb goes: “ A merry heart goes all the way.”心情愉快，事事顺心 What we need to care about is that we should establish a definite goal.,( 小芬),(丽芳),连杰,Students version - 许丹妮,However, the path to college may not be smooth. So we should try our best to do something best in order to welcome the National College Entrance Examination. There goes a saying that more haste, less speed. Therefore, wed better to keep a positive attitude. Not only can we calm down, but also we will get courage to overcome difficulties. In other words, we will believe there are many promising avenues to pursue.,Whats the most important to us is that we have a definite goal and have a correct estimation about ourselves. Too low a goal will make us slack and too high will make us lose heart. Besides, its advisable to talk more with others, like parents, teachers, classmates and so on, which will help us get through difficulties. Needless to say, we need a good rest and a balanced diet to keep us energetic. Come on! Everyone! Challenges and pressures can bring out us the best. Hope everyone will have a wonderful grade in the coming summer.,Yet what should we do in order to achieve success? Here are some suggestions. First, its very important to have a right attitude, for a normal state of mind and self-confidence not only helps us to relax but also enables us to overcome difficulties bravely. Meanwhile, we should have a definite goal and a correct estimation of ourselves. Only in this way will we not be easily pleased or disappointed with what we have known and done. Besides, wed better sometimes talk with our parents, teachers or classmates, who may help us out when were in trouble. Finally, striking a proper balance between study and rest keeps us energetic and a healthy diet is useful as well. With these done, I think we can greatly improve our performance.,achieve success keep a normal state of mind overcome difficulties have a correct estimation of ourselves- 正确的评价自己 striking a proper balance between study and rest -劳逸结合 keeps us energetic a healthy diet improve our performance-提高我们的效益,范文中的好词句,书面表达在评阅时遵循三原则,语言第一位（语言高级）,内容第二位（要点齐全）,结构第三位（文章分段）,一、高级词汇和语法,二、修辞手法,三、有效的连词,四、名人名言或谚语,语言第一位（语言高级）,龙头；猪肚；凤尾。,1、词组优先原则,2、地道原则,3、避免重复原则,4、后、高、长原则 后学到、较高级、较长词汇。,四项原则,1、词组优先原则,原文A new railway is being built in my hometown. 修正A new railway is under construction in my hometown.,2、地道原则,原文Through traveling, I learned a lot of knowledge. 修正Through traveling, I gainedobtained a lot of knowledge.,一、肯定不如双否好,二、陈述不如倒装妙,三、主动不如被动巧,四、从句不如分词傲,要强化“语法、修辞”两个概念,四个“不如”,修辞的使用在书面表达中算作很大的亮点，在高中阶段很少有学生会注重修辞的应用。双重否定也是种修辞，而且对于考生来说，只要稍加注意，可以在文章中设计双重否定的句子。就变成了亮点句，起到强调作用。,一、肯定不如双否好,The postman comes on time every day. The postman never fails to come on time.,1.He came here at 5 p.m. yesterday.(一般句式) 2.He did not come here until 5 p.m. yesterday.,I couldnt have made so much progress in English without his help.,I have made great progress in English with his help.,倒装是一种最简单易行的使句子呈现亮点的方法。在高中阶段只需掌握倒装的四种形式，足以应对书面表达，如何应用倒装，有很多方法和技巧。,1.Only when we realize the importance of environmental protection can we solve the problem of pollution. 2. So precious is time that we cant afford to waste it. 3.Diligent as he was, he failed in passing the exam. 4. By no means should teenagers get into the habit of smoking.,二、陈述不如倒装妙,Never before have I seen such a wonderful film.,I will never marry you.,Never will I marry you.,1.否定词开头：,2. Not until/till 5 pm. did he come here yesterday.,3. It was not until/till 5 pm. that he came here yesterday.,1. He didnt come here until 5 pm. yesterday.,把地点状语放在句首后面主谓倒装。这样做的好处之一是倒装本身就是高级结构，第二是倒装后把真正的主语放到了句子的末尾，后面还可以继续加从句，使整个句子再呈现更多的亮点。,In the center of our school lies our library，which is between the garden and the teaching building.,2.地点状语开头,Only in this way can we achieve our goal.,3.Only+介词短语：,Only in this way can I improve my English,Only by taking exercises can we keep healthy,4. 形容词+as+主语+be动词：,1. Young as I am, I can manage it,2. Rich as our country is, we have a lot of problems,3. Badly injured as he was, he managed to take down the cars number.,4. So glad am I to hear from you.,三、主动不如被动巧,英语是一门客观的语言，而汉语是主观的语言，具体体现在英语中经常用被动语态，汉语经常用主动语态；英语中经常用是事物或形式主语开头，强调一件事发生在什么人身上，而汉语经常用人称开头强调一个人发生了什么事。所以使用被动语态符合英语的习惯，如果能将整个文章中两个句子变成被动语态，就会呈现句型的变化，使整篇文章句型丰富。,例如在2006年的高考中，很多学生在表达我们每次可以借五本书最多借十天时：,We can borrow five books at most, and we can keep them for ten days.,At most five books can be borrowed at a time and they can be kept for ten days.,哪种表达法分数会更高？,几乎所有的状语从句都可以变成独立主格或分词结构，时间状语从句，原因状语，条件状语等。例如条件状语从句：If such is the case, you should apologize to her. 如何变成独立主格或分词结构呢？学会下面的口诀，如果你的作文中有状语从句，马上可改成独立主格或分词结构这个最大的亮点。,四、从句不如分词傲,口诀：一去，二看，三改。 一去：去连词；二看：看主语；三改：改分词。,第一步，去掉连词if；,If such is the case, you should apologize to her.,第二步，看前后两句话的主语，前后主语不一致， 所以要改成独立主格；,第三步，改分词，is 变成分词是being,最后变成 Such being the case, you should apologize to her,如果前后两句话主语一致，就变成分词结构。,原文 The young man couldnt help crying when he heard the bad news.,修正 Hearing the bad news, the young man couldnt help crying.,原文 If everything is taken into consideration, we ought to have another chance.,修正 Everything taken into consideration, we ought to have another chance.,Practice makes perfect !,一、词与词之间的转换 1. 形容词转换为名词 This painting is very valuable. 2. 动词转换为名词 Our hometown has changed a lot these years.,二、词与从句的转换 As he was tired and hungry, the boy was unwilling to move on.,This painting is of great value.,Great changes have taken place in my hometown these years.,Tired and hungry, the boy was unwilling to move on.,三、非谓语动词与从句之间的转换 1. 动名词和从句的转换 When he arrives, please give me an e-mail. 2. 分词和从句的转换 (1) 现在分词与从句的转换 As he was lying in the grass, he thought of his parents living in the countryside. (2) 过去分词与从句的转换 Once it is seen, it will never be forgotten.,On hearing his arrival, please give me an e-mail.,Lying in the grass, he thought of his parents living in the countryside.,Once seen, it will never be forgotten.,3. 不定式与从句的转换 He spoke louder so that the audience could hear him clearly.,四、独立主格与从句的转换 （1）If weather permits, we shall go there on foot.,To make himself heard clearly, he spoke louder.,Weather permitting, we shall go there on foot.（逻辑主语+现在分词）,（2）If everything is considered, his plan seems to be more workable. When this was done, we went home. Given good luck, I will earn more money than all of you. （3）Because there was nothing to do, we played games.,Everything taken into consideration, his plan seems to be more workable. （逻辑主语+过去分词）,This done, we went home.,Good luck given, I will earn more money than all of you.,There being nothing to do, we played games.(being 不可省略),五、句与句之间的转换 1. 简单句与复合句的转换 The girl is spoken highly of. Her composition was well written. 2. 一般句式与强调句的转换 I graduated from the university last summer.,The girl whose composition was well written is spoken highly of.,It was last summer that I graduated from the university.,3. 条件句与祈使句的转换 If you go through the gate, you will find the entrance to Bear Country. 4. 宾语从句与状语从句的转换 I wont believe what he says.,Go through the gate, and you will find the entrance to Bear Country.,No matter what he says, I wont believe him.,六、“二态”之间的转换 1. 时态的转换 The bell is ringing now. 2. 主动语态变为被动语态 People suggested that the meeting be put off.,七、其他形式的转换 1. 正常语序与倒装语序的转换 Though Im weak I will make the effort. They will never give up the struggle for success,There goes the bell.,It is suggested that the meeting be put off.,Weak as I am, I will make the effort.,Never will they give up the struggle for success.,2. 陈述语气与虚拟语气的转换 The ship didnt sink with all on board because there were the efforts of the captain.,But for the efforts of the captain, the ship would have sunk with all on board.,怎样译出地道的英语简单句？,第二步：确定主干的相关词汇,第三步：翻译句子主干,第四步：添加修饰成分,第一步：找出句子主干,例句： 害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没 关水龙头就跑了。,第一步：找出句子主干,男孩 跑了,第二步：确定主干的相关词汇,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,boy, run away,第三步：翻译句子主干,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩没关水龙头就跑了。,The boy ran away.,考虑： 时态 语态,第四步：添加修饰成分,The naughty boy ran away.,The naughty boy ran away without turning off the water.,Afraid of being scolded, the naughty boy ran away without turning off the water.,害怕挨骂，那个淘气的男孩 没关水龙头就跑了。,练习一： 穿红色羊毛衫的女孩是我们班长。,One possible sentence: The girl dressed in a red sweater is our monitor.,女孩,是,班长,练习二： 北京是中国的首都，有3000多年的悠久历史。,Beijing is the capital city of China with a long history of over 3,000 years. Beijing, the capital city of China, has a long history of over 3,000 years. Beijing is the capital city of China and has a long history of over 3,000 years.,高考的书面表达重在设计，如何设计出让阅卷老师看了眼前一亮的句子，写出有分词，倒装，强调，修辞的句子，使整篇文章句型丰富，不单一，有效的使用连接成分使文章连贯，方能在高考中拿到高分。,启示:,誊写核对措辞时态 标点符号准确到位,每天练笔熟悉句型 名句谚语铭记心上,注重一词多义形式 英汉互译强化记忆,限时练笔提炼思路 平时演练实战见效,写作要领清晰明了 有形无形写作概念,细细审读要求题示 拟好提纲排列顺序,思路清晰分段陈述 草稿写作认真细心,第一步：仔细阅读写作要求，确定写作要点；,基础写作步骤：,第三步：依据句式结构要求，巧妙整合各句。,第二步：认真拟好写作顺序，先写出简单句；,Tom is an American student.,He comes from Los Angeles.,He studies at a university in China.,He is interested in the cultures of Eastern Asia.,Tom, an American student, who comes from Los Angeles, studies at a university in China because he is interested in the cultures of Eastern Asia.,实例一,通知 新光中学高三年级学生将于10月19日去体检。 1.体检地点：第一人民医院 2.体检日期：10月19日，星期三 注意： 1.7:45在医院门口集合，可以骑车或步行前往 2. 体检前空腹 3. 在医院保持安静，听从医生和护士的安排。,1. The students of Senior three in Xinguang Middle School are going to have their physical check-up.,2. The physical examination is held in the 1st Peoples Hospital on Wednesday, 19th October.,3. The students should meet at the gate of the hospital at