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writing浙江省萧山中学陆佳Howtomakeyourwritingvivid,creativeandattractive?Hisfaceisflushing.HisthroatistighteningHisvoiceisrising.Heisslammingafistonthetable.Heisangry.Shepullshercollarup,tightensherscarf,shovesherhandsdeepintoherpockets,turnsherfaceawayfromthebitingwind.Sheiscold.Heyawns,groans,andstretches.Hiseyeslookpuffy.Hisshouldersslump.Anothercharactermightsay,“Didn’tyousleeplastnight?Youlookshot.”Heistired.Show,don’ttellUseimagery:Imageryisalanguagethatpaintsavividpictureinthemindofthereader,oftenbyappealingtothefivesenses:sight,sound,smell,tasteandtouch.Tell:Joeymissedhisfather.Show:Joeyhadn’tseenhisfatherforalong,longtime–notsincehewasinkindergarten.Hecouldn’trememberhisfather’sfaceverywell.Butatnight,hecouldstillhearhimsay,“Goodnight,Joey.Iloveyou.”a)Fromthedescription,howdoyouknowthatJoeymisseshisfather?b)Whichofthefivesensesdoesthedescriptionappealto?Sight,sound.Tell:
Alvinhatedhisgrandfather.Show:Alvinhatedthewayhisgrandfatherwasalwayswatching.Theslack,distortedmouth,twistedtoonesideafterlastyear’sstroke.Thethinarms,bulgingveins…hecouldn’tlookathimanymore.Hethoughthecouldsmellhimthough–awaftofstalepiss.a)Fromthedescription,howdoyouknowthatAlvinhatedhisgrandfather?b)Whichofthefivesensesdoesthedescriptionappealto?Sight,smell.Tell:
OldMr.Chanwashotandtired.Show:OldMr.Chanusedatissuetowipethesweatfromhisface.Hegotreadyfortheslow,steepwalkupthestairs.‘Everyday,it’sthesame,’hethought.a)Fromthedescription,howdoyouknowthatoldMr.Chanishotandtired?b)Whichofthefivesensesdoesthedescriptionappealto?Sight,touch.AppreciationJoeywasafraid.It
wassaidthattherewouldbeastorm,andthelightswentoutatthattime.Thelightssuddenlywentout.Inthedarkness,thewindandraingrewlouderandseemed
closer…Joeysatstill,
hisheartbeatingfast.Itmadea‘thump,thump,thump’
noiseinhischest.AppreciationAlvin’smotherwasangry.ShehitAlvin.Itwasverypainful.Shehadmovedsoquickly,herhandgoingbackandacrossinonemovement,slappinghisleftcheekwithacrackthatsilencedtheroom.Thepainhunghotonhischeek.AppreciationBillwasfrightened.Hethoughtsomeonewasbehindhim.Itseemedashadowhadfallenoverhim.Buttherewasnoshadow.Hishearthadgivenagreatjumpupintohisthroatandwaschokinghim.Thenhisbloodslowlychilledandhefeltthesweatofhisshirtcoldagainsthisflesh.Reading:thegiftofthemagi1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.5.
staringatthemirror,Dellafound_____________________________6.
Whereshestopped,thesignread:"MadameSofronie.HairGoodsofAllKinds."Then,downcamethebeautifulbrownwaterfallofhair.7.
"Twentydollars,"saidMadame,liftingthehairwithanexperiencedhand.8.
Thenexttwohours,DellalookedinallthestorestochooseagiftforJim.Shefounditatlast.Itwasachain--simpleroundringsofsilver.ItwasperfectforJim'sgoldwatch.Shegavetheshopkeepertwenty-onedollarsandhurriedhome.9.
Atseveno'clockthatnightthecoffeewasmade,andthepanwashotandreadytocookthemeat.Dellaheldthesilverchaininherhandandsatnearthedoor.Thensheheardhisstepandsheturnedwhiteforjustaminute.Shewhispered:"PleaseGod,makehimthinkIamstillpretty.”Paragraph1:Thedooropened,andJimsteppedin.
_____Paragraph2:InsideJim’spackagewerethethegiftforDella---_________ReadforcharactersDellaJimcoupleReadforsetting1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.ReadforsettingChristmasisapproachingSendgiftstoeachotherReadforplot1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.WhatwasthecurrentsituationofDellaandJim’sfamily?Readforplot1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.WhatwasthecurrentsituationofDellaandJim’sfamily?Theyliveinextremepoverty.ReadforplotChristmas:timeforgiftsFeeling?frustrated;disappointedNomoneyforgifts1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.Howdidtheauthorvividlyshowthefeeling?1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.Howdidtheauthorvividlyshowthefeeling?1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.Howdidtheauthorvividlyshowthefeeling?repetitionimagery1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.ReadforplotDidDellacomeupwithasolution?1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.ReadforplotDidDellacomeupwithasolution?1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.ReadforplotDidDellacomeupwithasolution?Shethoughtshecouldsellherhairformoney.1.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.Thatwasall.Andsixtycentsofitinthesmallestpiecesofmoney-pennies.ThreetimesDellacountedit.Onedollarandeighty-sevencents.AndthenextdaywouldbeChristmas.2.Shecriedforawhile,stoodbythewindowandlookedoutdullyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.3.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.4.Now,theyhadtwopossessionswhichtheyvalued.OnewasJim'sgoldtimepiece,thewatchthathadbeenhisfather'sandhisgrandfather's.TheotherwasDella'shair.ReadforplotDidDellacomeupwithasolution?Shethoughtshecouldsellherhairformoney.Herhairwasthevalue/wealthoftheirfamilytellSuddenlyanideaoccurredtoherthatshecouldsellherhair,thoughshewassadatthisthought.SuddenlyDellaturnedfromthewindowandstoodbeforetheglassmirrorthere.Hereyeswereshining,butherfacehadlostitscolorwithintwentyseconds.Quicklyshepulleddownherhairandletitfalltoitsfulllength.showimageryLet’spractice!beautifuldeterminedsadimageryStaringatthemirror,Dellafound____________________________________________________________________Show,don’ttell.Staringatthemirror,Dellafoundherbeautifulhairfellaboutherripplingandshininglikeacascadeofbrownwaters.Itreachedbelowherkneeandmadeitselfalmostagarmentforher.Andthenshediditupagainnervouslyandquickly.Onceshefalteredforaminuteandstoodstillwhileatearortwosplashedonthewornredcarpet.Onwentheroldbrownjacket,onwentonoldbrownhat.Withawhirlofskirtsandwiththebrilliantsparklestillinhereye,sheflutteredoutthedooranddownthestairstothestreet.ripple逐渐扩散cascade小瀑布garment衣服falter蹒跚,摇晃splash泼洒,溅
whirl急转sparkle闪耀的光,亮点flutter匆忙急赶ReadforplotChristmas:timeforgiftsFeeling?frustrated;disappointedNomoneyforgiftSellhairforgift5.
Withaquickmotionandbrightnessstillinhereyes,shedancedoutthedooranddownthestreet.6.
Whereshestopped,thesignread:"MadameSofronie.HairGoodsofAllKinds."Then,downcamethebeautifulbrownwaterfallofhair.7.
"Twentydollars,"saidMadame,liftingthehairwithanexperiencedhand.8.
Thenexttwohours,DellalookedinallthestorestochooseagiftforJim.Shefounditatlast.Itwasachain--simpleroundringsofsilver.ItwasperfectforJim'sgoldwatch.Shegavetheshopkeepertwenty-onedollarsandhurriedhome.9.
Atseveno'clockthatnightthecoffeewasmadeandthepanwashotandreadytocookthemeat.Dellaheldthesilverchaininherhandandsatnearthedoor.Thensheheardhisstepandsheturnedwhiteforjustaminute.Shewhispered:"PleaseGod,makehimthinkIamstillpretty.”ReadforplotWhatgiftdidDellabuyforJim?5.
Withaquickmotionandbrightnessstillinhereyes,shedancedoutthedooranddownthestreet.6.
Whereshestopped,thesignread:"MadameSofronie.HairGoodsofAllKinds."Then,downcamethebeautifulbrownwaterfallofhair.7.
"Twentydollars,"saidMadame,liftingthehairwithanexperiencedhand.8.
Thenexttwohours,DellalookedinallthestorestochooseagiftforJim.Shefounditatlast.Itwasachain--simpleroundringsofsilver.ItwasperfectforJim'sgoldwatch.Shegavetheshopkeepertwenty-onedollarsandhurriedhome.9.
Atseveno'clockthatnightthecoffeewasmadeandthepanwashotandreadytocookthemeat.Dellaheldthesilverchaininherhandandsatnearthedoor.Thensheheardhisstepandsheturnedwhiteforjustaminute.Shewhispered:"PleaseGod,makehimthinkIamstillpretty.”ReadforplotWhatgiftdidDellabuyforJim?ReadforconflictChristmas:timeforgiftsFeeling?frustrated;disappointedNomoneyforgiftSellhairforgiftNeedmoneyforgiftsLiveinextremepovertyContinuetheplotandconflictChristmas:timeforgiftsFeeling?frustrated;disappointedNomoneyforgiftSellhairforgiftNeedmoneyforgiftsLiveinextremepovertyHerloveforhairHerloveforJimContinuetheplotandconflictPara1:HowwouldJimreacttoDella’hair?Whatwouldhedo,say,orfeel?HowwouldDellapresentthegift?HowdidtheystarttoopenthegiftforDella?Paragraph1:Thedooropened,andJimsteppedin.
_____Paragraph2:InsideJim’spackagewerethegiftforDella---____________Jimwouldbedisappointed/shocked/upset.Dellawouldbeexcitedtosendthegiftandtrytoexplainthereason.Jimwouldbemovedverymuch.Para1imageryshockOnlearningthetruth,Itotallydumbfounded(completelyshocked).Inasplitsecond,myheartstartedtobeachingandcountlessthingsflashedthroughmymind.yelporlightscreamstiffeningposturesuddencoldnesseyeswideandwaterheaddartingleftandrighthandagainstchesthandagainstthroatshakysoftvoicegrabbingone’sarmforcomfortheavyfeelinginthestomachtinglingskinaskingwho,what,whyquestionsupsetDowncasteyesRedorwateryeyesSlowwalkFeelingsickCrying,notwantingtotalkJerkybreathingShouldersslumpedRubbingfaceRubbinghairDownturnedmouthAvoidingothers’eyes1)Uponhearingthebadnews,
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