不快乐的七个基本原因.docxVIP

不快乐的七个基本原因62%的保加利亚人说他们“不是非常”快乐或者“根本一点也不”快乐。 某种程度上，我们都是保加利亚人：不管是事业或职业成功与否，我们都会有不快乐的时候。 以下是为什么会出现不愉快的原因: 1. 身在圈内神在外 和人们取得联系比以往都更加容易，不仅是通过社交媒体。加入校友组织和职业组织，穿高尔夫球场马球衫或者校园运动衫，在小车上贴上带有像“HH” 等首字母的贴纸向世人宣布你去希尔顿头岛度夏许多人努力去展示他们的归属如果只是为了自己。 这些关系再好，多半也流于形式。 配偶故去，校友组织可能来献花(我承认，不来献花也有可能)。如果你失业了，职业组织会寄给你漂亮的网络指导。（是的，也有可能不送，但是当你该更新你的会员信息时，他们会寄给你发票，因此，你会有所期待。）任何人都可以买，比如UVA（美国弗吉尼亚大学）运动衫。UVA并不希望我买，但是我仍然有一件。（在减价出售。） 加入某些组织越容易，你就越不重视。真正的归属感来自给予、牺牲和努力。 要有归属感，你必须分享共同经历越艰苦越好。 点击一个链接就让你加入成为会员；整晚和一船员呆在一块，为一个紧急发运日期不停装载拖车，就让你加入。邮寄捐赠就让你加入一个项目；在一个拥挤不堪的施粥场（我怀疑是我从来没有做过的事情）工作，使你归属于一群努力做出改变的人们。 选一个你想归属的组织，并做必要的工作去赢得他们的尊重和信任。 尤其是艰难时期，真正的归属感让你感到自信；甚至当你独自一人时，为你带来安全感和幸福感因为当你真正感到归属时，你不再孤独。 2. 自以为无所不能 我们的父母都用心良苦却是错的：我们不能成为任何我们想成为的。我们都能成就惊人事业，但是我们不能去做任何我们想做的事情。遗传、性格和运气也都有关联。 关键是首先你要了解自己，然后，基于你自己独特的优势和劣势尽量做到最好。 这有个非商业化事例。比如，你决定跑马拉松。可以通过充分的训练，几乎每个人都可以做到。但是，假如你体重有250磅（约230斤），并想在2个半小时内完成。 那是不可能的；你不可能做得到，而且，那种尝试会让你丧失信心、感到挫败和不开心。但是，通过足够的训练，你可能可以替补掉350磅级的选手，可是这是那些骨瘦的马拉松运动员永远无法做到的事情。 公众演说也是同样的道理。你也许永远成不了像比利梅斯（Billy Mays），但是你可以成为一名出色的史蒂夫赖特 （Steven Wright）. 你所完成的不一定就如成就的某些事情同等重要。选择一个适合你的目标，并为之奋斗。 做一些或做任何其他大多数人不能或不做的事情会让你感觉更自豪、更满足和更快乐。 3. 认为事业成功等于人生成功。 你可以热爱你的公司，但是，它永远不会喜欢你回来。（陈词滥调，是的，但是，这是事实。）另一个陈词滥调也是事实：没有哪个将死的人有说过，“我只希望我花了更多时间在工作上” 事业再怎么成功，还是不能持久。 满足来自完成某些事情，并且知道它将继续：抚育优秀的小孩，成为支持性大家庭中一员，知道自己帮助过别人，并改变了他们的生活，让他们过得更好 努力工作。在其他一些事情上也同样努力工作，也许有一天你会带着不同的自豪感回顾它们；然后，有了个人满足，现在和将来你就会感觉很棒。 4. 我们不敢正视自我 我们没有人真正喜欢自己。（是的，可能她会，他也可能会。）因此，我们试图用合适的化妆品和衣服以及临时宝马来掩饰真实的自己。 在合适的环境和时间里，我们是快乐的！ 但是，不是在健身房，也不是在海滩上。抑或当我们不得不跑去杂货店，却感觉不自在，因为我们穿着破旧的牛仔裤和T恤，而且，没有洗澡；我们觉得所有人都看着我们，只想马上离开那里。 因此，我们每天度过的大多时间是去避开任何会让我们感觉不舒服外表和行为的情形。那会让我们过得很糟糕。 现实中，除了我们自己，没有人真正关注我们的外表。（也许，有我们的死党，但是记住：他们已经看过我们最糟糕的一面了，因此，那个特定的Elvis确实已经离开了大楼。） 这样做：裸体站在镜子前。（不要做转臀扭肩动作，使你腰看起来更苗条，肩更宽广。） 仔细看看。那就是真实的你。可能你不喜欢你所看到的，但是，你可能会惊讶发现，你并没有你所怀疑的那么难看。 如果你不喜欢你的外表，那么下决心做点你想做的，并马上行动起来。只是不要与像他或她的某个人比较；你的唯一目标就是比现在的自己看起来要好些。 如果你不想对镜中所看到的自己，去做任何改变，那也没事。下一步，随它去。不要再担忧自己的外表。不要再浪费精力去改变你不关心的事情。 不管怎样，记住： 唯一真正关心你外表的人就是你自己，许多人关心的是你所做的事情。 外表好看是很好。做得好让你变得快乐。 5. 凌晨3点，没有打电话的对象。 数年前，我家房子建在一条河上。飓风把我的房子卷到河里了。约一小时里，我不得不尽可能移动，我打电话给我朋友Doug。我知道他会二话不说就过来。 而如今，除了家人，我不确定谁是让我觉得适合打电话的人。 我知道，你有许多的朋友，但是，很多在你需要帮助时，感觉不合适在半夜给他们打电话。有多少你可以倾诉一切的朋友，而且他们不会嘲笑你呢？又有多少你觉得适合长时间坐在一块，而你们都不说话呢？ 我们大多数人都穿着保护自己的盔甲，而且，这盔甲也会让我们感觉孤独；当你孤独时，你是不可能快乐起来的。 卸掉盔甲，交些真正的朋友。 做起来比听起来更容易，因为其他人也渴望结交真正的朋友。不要担心；他们会喜欢真实的你。你也会喜欢真实的他们。 你们都会更加快乐。 6. 我们弄错了控制结构。 我们所做的大部分事情，特别是职业上的，是基于试图维持控制上的：流程，指导方针和策略任何我们计划和实施的事情是为了控制本来不能控制的事情，同时在这个充满巧合的世界里创造一种安全感。（刚才我是不是太哲学化了？不好意思。） 最终，那些努力功亏一篑，因为结构从来不等同于控制。不论我们为自己设定多少指导方针，我们还是经常超出它们的范围。（否则，我们都会是苗条的、修长的、健康的和富足的。） 预算、节食和五年计划全都泡汤了，而且，我们甚至会更加失意，因为我们不能达到我们所计划和期望的。待办事项列表和全面的日常安排是有帮助的 但是当只意味着个人的事情时，你只会取得目标内的那点进步。 决定什么是你真正想作的事情，并去追求它。由于你真正在乎，你会有一种真正的控制感。 当你真正在乎一切事情时，你就会更加快乐些。 7. 我们停止了失败。 我们大多数人尽力去避免失败。那是一种带有反常的意外收获的自然本能：我们开始丧失质疑我们自己决定的能力。 而且，我们也失去从别人的观点角度审视自己的能力。当我们失去追问所有答案和犯错时，与人共事和领导他人的能力也会大大折扣。 因此，走出去，接受失败，但是，不是你所认为的方式。忘掉如“在商业领导，如果你没有失败，那么你就没有去尝试。”的陈词滥调。商业失败耗费时间和我们大多数人不拥有的金钱。（我的猜想是“失败”没有作为一个项目出现在你的营业预算内。） 而是去工作之外体验失败。选择不需要花费很长时间的简单事情和设定一个你知道自己不能达到的目标。如果你正常情况下能跑2英里，那么尝试下5英里。如果你做运动，就做比你优秀的人同台竞技。如果你必须选择商业任务，那么马上找出10种可能性。 不论你如何选择，都要全力以赴。不要找任何的借口。确保别人只会以你的成绩来评定你而且，你会发现自己的不足。 为什么？因为，失败不是击败，失败是激励。 失败也会提供给人们一种健康的人生态度，让我们更加隐忍和更具耐心，使我们意识到自己与身边的人没有多大区别。 当你意识到自己并没有什么不一样或“特别的”，你就更容易快乐地与身边的人相处自己也会更加快乐。 7 Basic Reasons You Arent Happy Sixty-two percent of Bulgarians say they are “not very” happy or “not at all” happy. At some point were all Bulgarians: Were all unhappy at times, regardless of business or professional success. Heres are some reasons why: 1. We mistake joining for belonging. Making connections with other people is easier than ever, and not just through social media. Joining alumni groups and professional organizations, wearing golf course polo shirts or college sweatshirts, putting a sticker with initials like “HH” on your car to announce to the world you summer at Hilton Head Island many people try hard to show - if only to themselves - that they belong. Most of those connections are superficial at best. If your spouse passes away the alumni organization may send flowers. (Okay, probably not.) If you lose your job a professional organization may send you a nifty guide to networking. (Okay, probably not, but they will send you the invoice when its time to renew your membership, so you will have that to look forward to.) Anyone can buy, say, a UVA sweatshirt. UVA didnt want me but I still have one. (It was on sale.) The easier it is to join something the less it means to you. A true sense of belonging comes from giving, self-sacrifice, and effort. To belong you must share a common experiencethe tougher the experience, the better. Clicking a link lets you join; staying up all night with a crew loading trailers to meet an urgent ship date lets you belong. Sending a donation gets your name in a program; working in an over-crowded soup kitchen (something to my discredit Ive never done) lets you belong to a group of people striving to make a difference. Pick a group you want to belong to and do the work necessary to earn their respect and trust. A true sense of belonging gives you confidence, especially during tough times, and provides a sense of security and well-being even when youre by yourself - because when you truly belong you are never alone. 2. We think we can achieve anything. Our parents were well intentioned but wrong: We cant be whatever we want to be. We can all achieve amazing things, but we cant doanything we set our minds to. Genetics, disposition, and luck play a part too. The key is to know yourself and then work to be the best you can be based on your unique set of advantages and limitations. Heres a non-business example. Say you decide you want to run a marathon. Fine - with enough training almost anyone is capable. But say youre a guy who weighs a muscular 250 pounds and you want to finish in under 2 hours and 30 minutes. Thats just not going to happen; youre not made that way and the attempt will leave you discouraged, defeated, and unhappy. But with enough training you could probably bench 350 pounds, something the whippet-thin marathon runners will never do. The same is true with, say, public speaking. You may never be like Billy Mays but you could be an outstanding Steven Wright. What you achieve isnt nearly as important as achieving something. Pick a goal youre suited for and go after it. Doing something - doing anything - that most other people cannot or will not do will make you prouder, more fulfilled, and a lot happier. 3. We think professional success equals fulfillment. You can love your company but it will never love you back. (Clich, sure, but true.) Another clich, just as true: No person lying on their death bed ever says, I just wish I had spent more time at work. Professional success, no matter how grand, is still fleeting. Fulfillment comes from achieving something and knowing it will carry on: Raising great kids, being a part of a supportive extended family, knowing you have helped others and changed their lives for the better. Work hard on business. Work just as hard on a few other things you can someday look back on with a different sense of pride; then, where personal fulfilment is concerned, you get to feel great now and later. 4. Were afraid of what we really are. None of us really likes how we look. (Well, maybe she does. And he probably does too.) So we try to hide who we really are with the right makeup and the right clothes and the occasional BMW. In the right setting and the right light, hey, were happy. But not at the gym. Or the beach. Or when we have to run to the grocery store but feel self-conscious because were wearing ratty jeans and an old t-shirt and we havent showered and we think everyone is staring at us and jeez can we just get out of here already. So we spend considerable time each day avoiding any situation that makes us feel uncomfortable about how we look or act. And that makes us miserable. In reality no one really cares how we look. except us. (And maybe our significant others, but remember theyve already seen us at our worst, so that particular Elvis has definitely left the building.) So do this. Undress and stand in front of the mirror. (And dont do the hip-turn shoulder-twist move to make your waist look slimmer and your shoulders broader.) Take a good look. Thats who you are. Chances are you wont like what you see, but youll probably also be surprised you dont look as bad as you suspected. If you dont like how you look, decide what youre willing to do about it and start doing it. Just dont ever compare yourself to someone like her or him; your only goal is to be a better version of the current you. If you arent willing to do anything about what you see in the mirror, thats fine too. Move on. Let it go. Stop worrying about how you look. Stop wasting energy on something you dont care enough about to fix. Either way, remember that while the only person who really cares how you look is you, many people care about the things you do. Looking good is fun. Doing good makes you happy. 5. We have no one to call at 3 a.m. Years ago my house was on a river. A hurricane put my house in the river. I had about an hour to move as much as I could and I called my friend Doug. I knew he would come, no questions asked. Today, aside from family, Im not sure whom I would feel comfortable calling. I know you have lots of friends, but how many people do you feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night if you need help? How many people can you tell almost anything and you know they wont laugh? How many people can you feel comfortable sitting with for a long time without either of you speaking? Most of us wear armor that protects us from insecurity. That armor also makes us lonely, and its impossible to be happy when youre lonely. Take off your armor and make some real friends. Its easier than it sounds, because other people long to make real friends too. Dont worry; theyll like the real you. And youll like the real them. And all of you will be much happier. 6. We mistake structure for control. Most of what we do, especially professionally, is based on trying to maintain control: Processes, guidelines, strategies everything we plan and implement is designed to control the inherently uncontrollable and create a sense of security in a world filled with random occurrences. (Did I just go all philosophical? Sorry.) Eventually those efforts fall short because structure never equals control. No matter how many guidelines we establish for ourselves, we often step outside them. (Otherwise wed all be slim, trim, fit, and rich.) Budgets and diets and five-year plans fall apart and we get even more frustrated because we didnt achieve what we planned or hoped. To-do lists and comprehensive daily schedules are helpful, but you only make real progress towards a goal when it means something personal. Decide what you really want to do and go after it. Youll feel a real sense of control because you really care. And when you truly care - about anything - youre a lot happier. 7. Weve stopped failing. Most of us do everything we can to avoid failure. Thats a natural instinct with an unnatural by-product: We start to lose the ability to question our decisions. And we lose the ability to see our ourselves from another persons p