2014届江门一模作文讲评.ppt

Basic writing,江门一模作文讲评 杨华新,1. Translate the key words and expressions: 1. 临近 2. 面临 3. 关注 4. 远离 5. 电子厂 6. 团聚 7. 交通拥挤 8. 取决于 9. 把考虑进去,be around the corner be faced with 3. concern/focus (n.) be concerned about / focus on 4. be far away from 5. electronic plant 6. reunite (v.) reunion (n.) get together / gather 7. busy / heavy traffic traffic jam 8. depend on 9. takeinto account/consideration,Basic writing:,模板2：引出调查、采访内容 一些人的观点及理由 另一些人的观点及理由 你的观点及理由 _ made a survey on _ among _. （或_ interviewed _ on _）(引出调查、采访内容).,_ of them think _, because they feel like doing _ while _would like to ,because they believe that_ .Besides ,_hold the belief that_ to _the rest of _ tend to _. From my point of view/ As for me, _ because _ (你的观点及理由).,百分数的表达方法。,10% one in ten / one out of ten of the 25% a quarter of the 30% about one third of the 50% half of the. 90% a majority of the/ most of the,注意时态： 涉及到“上周三”具体的时间状语，句子要用_，而调查的结果表示观点看法，必须用_。,一般过去时,一般现在时,用上各种句型和语法结构,如同位 语，定语从句，分词短语，连接词等。,范文欣赏,When Spring Festival is coming, going back home for the Spring Festival always becomes the main issue that the migrant workers are most concerned about. Last Wednesday, a survey concerning whether they would go back home to enjoy / spend the Spring Festival was conducted among over 100 migrant workers in a big electronic factory far away from the city center. According to the survey, about 70% of them choose to go back home for the reason that not only is the Spring Festival an important time for their family reunion but also they can feel the warmth from their family. However, about 20% of them choose to stay instead of going back home for the reasons that it is too difficult to buy tickets, and the traffic is crowded. Besides, the rest dont make any decision, considering the duration of the holiday and the weather.,When the Spring Festival is approaching, going back home for the festival always becomes an important problem migrant workers are concerned about. Last Wednesday we carried out a survey among over one hundred migrant workers in a big electronic factory far away from the city center about whether to go home to celebrate the Spring Festival. According to the survey, 70% of the migrant workers choose to return home for the festival, which is a vital moment when people can share the warmth of the family. However, 20% of them are against it, saying that it is difficult to buy tickets and there is heavy traffic during this time of each year. As for the others, they think the length of the holiday as well as the weather condition may have an effect on their decision.,Task-based writing,存在问题： 1. 概括抄袭严重，找漏关键词或是时态误用。 2. 详略不当（凡是记叙文，例子都相对其它段落要详写） 3. 不按照要点分段 4. 审题不慎/举例不当（不少同学举的是自己违反交通的例子） 5. 单词拼错，词不达意 6. 中式英语，逻辑混乱 7. 书写潦草，卷面不整,Questions: 1. 原文是什么体裁？ 新闻报道 2. 概括要用什么时态？ 一般将来时和现在时态的混合时态 3. 请列出原文的关键词。 GuangZhou, pedestrian, break/violate the traffic rule, fine / punishment, (some) in favor of, (others) be opposed to,summary 1:,It is reported that pedestrians who break traffic rules in Guangzhou will be fined or required to watch a video on road safety. But opinions are divided on such punishment.,summary 2:,Guangzhou will carry out a policy that pedestrians who break traffic rules will be given a fine. Some people welcome it while others are against it, listing a few reasons respectively(分别地).,body 正文部分,是否同意处罚违规行人： 要开门见山，明确地表达出自己的立场，用一两句话来补充/支撑自己的观点。褒贬不一，有理即可。 可用到的词汇/句型： agree/disagree with，be in favor of / be opposed to / be against / speak highly of I cant agree more with the action because I frown on the action for the reason that,第二段 As far as I am concerned, pedestrians who break traffic rules should be fined or punished. Although being fined is an unhappy experience, it can help them to learn a lesson that everyone should observe traffic rules in the street. 或 I think it an effective way to fine the pedestrians who break traffic rules. Given a fine, whoever used to break the rules will stop doing that again, which will surely reduce traffic accidents.,第三段用好过渡句：（留下好印象） 例1） I still remember a horrible accident I witnessed on my way to school. 例2） Breaking the traffic rules puts our lives in danger and take what I saw the other day for a typical example. Last Monday when I was making my way to school,例3） When it comes to breaking the traffic rules, I cant help thinking of a frightening accident. Last month, 例4） What is mentioned in the article reminds me of an awful accident I caught sight of not long ago. 例5） Never shall I forget the bloody accident I saw last week when I was heading for school.,请同学们思考以下的例子是否合适？ This passage reminds me of a scary experience I witnessed in person. Last summer holiday, I was crossing a road to go to the bookstore. Behind me there was a young man playing games with his mobile phone. When he caught sight of his friend, he wanted to cross the road despite the red light. I advised him not to do so. Ignoring me suggestion, he ran to the other side hurriedly. Unfortunately, a car was coming very fast. So fast did he run that he couldnt stop. Finally, he got badly hurt. All his arms and legs were injured. Whats worse, his head was bleeding. But luckily he didnt lose his life and was saved.,此例子含有太多的细节，语言也不够简练。,This passage reminds me of a scary experience I witnessed in person. Last summer holiday, I was waiting for the red light to turn green when a young man, who seemed to be in a great hurry, ran the red light regardless of his personal safety. Unfortunately, a car running at a high speed knocked him down and knocked him over. As a result, he was bleeding badly and was sent to hospital in no time. What a tragedy!,现修改如下：,请读下面的例子 (例一) I have ever witnessed a horrible scene. One day, when I was waiting for the green light at a crossing, I spotted a young man rushing into the traffic in a hurry, ignoring the red light. Although he moved very fast, he was unable to cross the road but was forced to wait in the middle of the road. He narrowly escaped being killed in the fast running vehicles. He was risking his life.,(例二) I can well remember the terrible accident resulting in a pedestrian death in our city years ago. A girl was crossing an intersection, chatting on her cell phone with disregard for the red light. A city bus made a fast, wide left turn and struck her down on the road. The girl died of her injuries on the spot(在现场) shortly afterwards.,(例三) Never shall I forget the scary accident! Last Friday, I was on my way to school when I saw a student running the red light, which posed a threat to his life and he took no notice of the passing cars. All of a sudden, he was hit and fell to the ground unconscious. What a pity! If he had paid more attention to his safety, he wouldnt have been seriously injured!,巧用高级词汇和虚拟语气来提高作文的档次,As far as my personal experience is concerned, parents company is like the lighthouse, under the guidance of which we will go forward in the right direction and reach our goals. 或： As pedestrians, we should strictly obey the traffic rules first. Whats more, we need to attach great importance to our safety when crossing the road. Sometimes its necessary for us to spend time in guaranteeing our safety. Only by joint(共同的) efforts can we protect ourselves and improve the traffic in our city.,尾段：做法 （三言两语，不必赘言）,attach great importance to= pay great attention to,基础写作巩固练习,基础写作,近日，教育部在学生中做了一个关于“中学生应该如何使用零花钱”的调查。 【写作内容】 使用方法： 32%的学生认为：存入银行，养成节约的习惯； 40%的学生认为：购买一些书籍，获取更多的知识； 18%的学生认为：捐助给边远山区的孩子读书； 10%的学生认为：其他方式； 2. 请发表你对使用零花钱的看法。 【写作要