由2009年高考情景作文试卷分析看如何指导学生写情景作.ppt

,由2009年高考情景作文试卷分析看如何指导学生写 情景作文,情景作文写作要求,内容要点、上下文的连贯、词汇和句式的多样性及语言的准确性。,考试说明指出：,情景作文评分原则,看内容先定档,重点参考语言质量,注重整体语言运用能力,缺细节，进三档 （1214分）,缺要点，进四档 （611分）,假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华为响应绿化祖国的号召, 你班四月十二日去郊区植树。请根据一下四幅图的先后顺序, 介绍指数活动的全过程, 给某英文杂志的“绿色行动”专栏写一篇以“Green Action in Our Class”为题的英文稿件。 注意: 字数不少于60。 提示词: 郊区 suburbs,情景作文题,审题,1.题目：Green Action in Our Class 2.题中的信息：时间 地点 目的 3.第一人称 提示词,图1内容要点及细节,要点,出发,细节,清晨 骑车出发 风景和心情,图2内容要点及细节,要点,种树,细节,挖坑 搬树 种树 浇水,图3内容要点及细节,要点,安插提示牌,细节,安插提示牌 爱护树木,图4内容要点及细节,要点,照相留念,细节,手里拿着种树工具 站在小树林和牌子旁 心情或感受,第一幅图：,1.That was April the 12th.The sun rose far behind the hills and golden the roads and farms. My classmates and I cycled to the suburbs with great exciment in our hearts. 2.In order to make our country a more beautiful place to live in, our class decided to plant trees in the suburbs on April 12th. 3.Aiming at our destination, we began our journey by bike. There were trees and mountains on both sides of the road ,which made us feel happy and excited.,第一幅图,4.In order to do some deeds to improve our environment, our class organized an activity to plant trees in suburbs. 5. Early in the morning,April 12th, I together with my fellowmates rode to the suburbs. The sun shone upon us and the wind blew swiftly above the growing trees. Finally we arrived at our destination.,第一幅图,5. Im Li Hua, a student from Senior 3 Class One of Hong Xing Middle School. In order to beatutify our environment, we held a meaningful event-planting trees in suburbs. 6. Im Li Hua from class one senior three of Red Star Middle School.On April 12th, our class went to suburbs to plant trees in order to green our country. We got up early that day and went to suburbs by bike happily.,第一幅图,7.We rode bikes along the road leading to the suburbs. 8.Early in the morning we set out by riding bikes when all of us felt extrodinarilly delighted travelling through the beautiful countryside.,第一幅图,出现的错误： 1.审题错误：没有交代时间地点 2.语言错误：I and my classmates in/at April 12nd,图2内容要点及细节,要点,种树,细节,挖坑 搬树 种树 浇水,第二幅图,1.Upon arriving at the suburbs, we started planting trees instantly.some of us were digging holes while others were busy carrying young trees. Afterwards two boys put earth into the holes.,第二幅图,2.Upon arrival, we started to plant trees without delay.We feel satisfied with the action we took. Divided into several groups, some boys dug the holes. Some boys carried the young trees while some girls watered the trees. 3.Arriving, we wasted no time and took action at once.,图3内容要点及细节,要点,安插提示牌,细节,安插提示牌 爱护树木,第三幅图,1.Our class set up a sign reading （and wrote）“Protecting trees,please” with happy smiles on their faces, showing their satisfaction of having planted so many trees. 2.Having planted trees, we decided to make a notice board reads “Protect the trees” in front of the field.,第三幅图,3.After planting, two boys also planted a sign saying “Protect the trees” , reminding people not to do something harmful to the trees. 4.In front of the trees, a notice saying “Protect trees” was put up by two of us.,第三幅图,出现的错误： 1.Digged wholes 2.Carryed taked planed trees 用词比较简单 没有更多的表达法,图4内容要点及细节,要点,照相留念,细节,手里拿着种树工具 站在小树林和牌子旁 心情或感受,第四幅图,1.We took a photo together beside the sign, with tools in our hands. Looking at the lovely trees behind us, we felt excited for we had made our life to the fullest by doing good to our country. 2.At the end of the activity we got together to take a photo in honor of our action of protecting our environment.,夸张,第四幅图,3.With all things finished we took a photo with the trees we had planted. Each of us felt tired but all wore a sweety smile. 4.In the end, we had a group picture with our trees and the notice. Everyone seemed so happy about this unforgettable day!,感想,1.As far as Im concerned, the activity was very meaningful because it taught everyone the importance of the beauty of nature. This experience was worth memorizing forever. 2.Although the number of trees we planted is small,it made a contribution to the green homeland. And Im sure the more people take part in the activity, the greener our homeland will be.,感想,3.Exhausted as we became, we still felt content with what we had done. 4.This activity means a lot to us. It taught us not only the importance of environmental protection but also the reponsibility we should undertake.,四.发现的问题,1. Take photoes/ take photos 2.没有写结尾的感想,注意的问题,标点书写影响表达意义才考虑扣分。 字数少于60，在总分中间1分。 细节多得分多，但是原则是不出现严重的语言错误而影响理解的情况下，否则就是画蛇添足。 要有时间地点，缺少一个没有交代的或者都没有交代在总分中扣掉1分。 没有结尾的扣掉1分。 题目忽略不计。 要点中的主要词错误影响理解，等于没有要点。 要切题，时态人称写清楚。,情景作文各档范文,In order to do some deeds to improve our environment, our class organized an activity to plant trees in suburbs. Early in the morning,April 12th, I together with my fellowmates rode to the suburbs. The sun shone upon us and the wind blew swiftly above the growing trees. Finally we arrived at our destination. Soon after that, some of us dug holes on the ground and it was some of uss duty to carry the little trees and place the roots of them in the holes and cover them with earth. Girls made contributions to watering the little trees. After couples of hoursshard work, littletrees were all planted. We also put a board into the ground. On the board we wrote a notice said, “Please protect trees”, which was also our purpose of this journey. At the end of our action, photos of us were taken in order to let this meaningful action remain in our minds forever. Regardless of tiredness and tougj work, we went home with satisfaction.WE all knew a small flower may mean a lot and if everyone made a contribution to protecting the environment, our planet would became much more beautiful.,专家点评 得分：18覆盖所有要点，有细节描述，句式和词汇较丰富、准确，所写内容连贯，结构紧凑，体现了较丰富的语言运用能力。,Im Li Hua, a student from Senior 3 Class One of Hong Xing Middle School. In order to beatutify our environment, we held a meaningful event-planting trees in suburbs. On April 12nd, our class happily set out together to approach the forest.The sun was shining brightly and the flowers along the road were beautiful which made everyone smile sweetly. After the arrival, boys got down to planting quickly while girls helping water the trees. Despite our tiredness, we worked happily.Thanks to the great efforts, we finished the plan on time and made a board saying “Please protect the trees”. Finally we took some photos to memorize this unforgettable event. From this experience we not only enjoy a happy thing but also made a contribution to the environment. Therefore, we were very satisfied indeed.,专家点评 得分：17分 覆盖了所有内容要点，有细节支撑，用词准确，使用了语句间连接成分，语法错误较少。开头自我介绍并非稿件题材所要求的内容，但此次阅卷中忽略不计。,Im very eager to tell you something about the expression we had last week. Our class expected our spring outing very much and we discussed many places to go to, such as lakes, mountains and amusement park. However, we chose the mountain at last. We climbed the mountain in a sunny day and saw many trees and flowers. Then at the top of the mountain, we picked up the waste and collected them in plastic bags. Upon our arrival at the foot of the mountain, we separated the rubbish and threw them into the recycle bins and unrecycled bins separately. We very appreciated our Spring Outing experience, because we not only enjoyed ourselves but also made contribution to the protection of the environment.,专家点评 得分：15分 覆盖了内容要点，但缺少部分细节；虽然有一些语法和用词错误，但不影响理解，而且从全文看，有较好的语言运用能力。,As a student of Grade Three we are heavy burdened with lots of homework, but sometimes we also have a rest and get close to our Mother Nature. Early in the morning of April 12th, we set out to the countryside by bicycle, wearing big smiles on our face. When we got there, we hurriedly to do our work as planned. Some of us carried the trees to be planted, while some others dug holes and others watered the trees which was just planted. Looking at the beautifully planted trees, we found it was necessary to set a broad to tell other tourists to protect those trees. Then my classmates dug a hole and another place a broad there. Though we felt a little tired after planting trees, our heart was filled up with happiness.WE then took a photo beside the broad proudly. During this green action, we attach importance to protect our environment and we shall value the experience forever.,专家点评 得分：14分 覆盖了所有要点，有必要的细节支撑，句型较为丰富，但有一些语言错误。,Green Action in our Class Im Li Hua a student of Senier 3 Class 1 of Hong Xing Middle Scgool.In order to respond to the appealation of making our country greener, our class decided to go to suburbs to plant trees on April 12th. Early in the morning, we went to the destination by bike. There are many trees and rice by the side of the road. On our way to there, we enjoyed the beautiful view and talked happily. As soon as we got there we began to work. Some of us dug, some burried.Some watered and the rest took the trees to the places where need them. After planting trees, we chose an obvious place to make a sign read “Protect trees” stand to stop people from cutting trees. At last, we took photoes in front of trees.Almost worn out as we were, we extremely excitewd for we did a qualification deed.,专家点评 得分：12分 覆盖了内容要点，有一定细节支撑，试图运用丰富的词汇和句式，但导致了较多错误。,My name is Li Hua,Hongxing middle school, Grade Three, Class One. To take part in the activities of protecting environments, our class went to plant trees in suburbs in April 12th. In the morning, we went to suburbs by bike instead of by car. At the beginning, having arrived the suburbs, some classmates drug some holes on earth to plant trees in it.In addition, others brought some small trees. Further more, girls watered the trees which had been planted. Not only did we planter trees,but also set a board besided the trees which says “Protecting Trees”. At last, all of our classmates took a photo in front of the new planting trees. All in all, theres no doubt that were surprised to make every effort on protecting environment. Earth is humanbeings what mother to babies. Its the natrue that give us a place to live in. Therefore, let us insist on taking care of our earth.,专家点评 得分：12分覆盖了内容要点，细节描写不够充分，基本完成规定任务，句式和词汇基本满足任务要求，但存在语法用词错误，不影响理解。,Im Li Hua, a student in Class one,Grade Three in Hongxing middle school. In order to support Green Action in China, our class went to suburbs to plant trees on April 12th. With the sun rising, we rode bikes to the suburbs happily.After we arrived there, not wasting a minute, we began to work. Some digged holes with tools, some translated the little trees and the others planted and watered them. Then we made a sign, which says, “Protect trees actively,please.” At last all of us took a meaningful photo standing next to the trees. The Green Action leaves us a special memory, and we will continue to do something like this to protect our environments.,专家点评 得分：11分 尽管对要点进行了描述，但语法、用词方面错误较多，影响对所写内容的理解。,On April 12th, our class went to the suburbs in order to plant trees.Went there by bike.It was a nice day.And we were all happy.At first, the boys made holes, and then they made the trees into the holes. At the same time, the put the soil to the holes. Last but not least,girls watered the tres with worked when all tress were planted, we set up a signal “Protecting trees” was on the signal.At last, we had a photo before the trees. Everyone was happy.Ill never forget that day.Only in this way can we live much better.,专家点评 得分：8分 句式和词汇有限，语法和词汇错误对部分要点描述有影响。,Hongxing middle school had an activity to make the country green than before on April 12en. Class one grade three students made the action in suburbs. First of all, they met at county road in the morning and went to the suburbs by bike.After the arrived at the suburbs they began to planted the tree and watered the tree. While they finished planting, they made a sign beside the trees.The words on the sign are please protect the trees. Finally they took some photos and back to the home.What a meaningful day!,专家点评 得分：6分 要点描述不够充分，没有展开，句式和词汇有限，部分地方表述错误，影响对内容的理解。,On April 12th to respond the environmental potection call, our class went to suburbs for planting.It was a Sunny day.We went to the suburbsby bike.At the suburbs, my classmates was digging the ground to make space for the tree.Finished digging, we put the tree in the hole and water it.By everyones effort, we finished very soon. We set a board read “Protect trees”.In the end, we took a pi