《一模开放作文讲评》PPT课件.ppt

一模开放作文讲评,九十四中外语组,开放作文的评分要求： 1）逻辑是否清晰 2）语言表达是否准确,Step1：show your ideas,让学生再次思考立意,出现的积极合理的立意：,不能自私 互相帮助 承担责任 团结就是力量 面对共同问题时不要推卸责任 解决共同的问题， 清楚共同的垃圾 老鼠是世界环境的破坏者， 各国国家之间不要自私 要合作， 停止破坏环境，保护世界共同环境。,不可接受的立意,中西方文化交流 单方面帮助别人 自扫门前雪 父子关系不合，老鼠做协调人 父子对待问题和困难， 有不同方法，缺乏沟通。（老鼠在同区域）,As can be seen in the picture, two men are holding sticks ready to kill the mouse .When they drive the mouse to the common area, both of them expect the other to catch it. If they work together , they will surely kill the mouse.,Step 2：描图与立意的逻辑统一,cooperation,As can be seen in the picture, two men are holding sticks ready to kill the mouse .When they drive the mouse to the common area, both of them expect the other to catch it. If one helps the other kill the mouse , he will surely live a peaceful life without a mouse.,Step 2：描图与立意的逻辑统一,Helping others means helping ourselves,Step 4: One possible version-合作,As can be seen in the picture, two men are holding sticks ready to kill the mouse .When they drive the mouse to the common area, both of them expect the other to catch it. If they work together , they will surely kill the mouse. The picture tells us that we should cooperate to overcome the difficulties . The two men are just like we students and the mouse is just like the difficulties shared by us. In face of difficulties, each of us should take on our own responsibility and work together to achieve success. Just as an old saying goes: unity is strength. Only when we work together will success come.,Step 4: One possible version-互助,As can be seen in the picture, two men are holding sticks ready to kill the mouse .When they drive the mouse to the common area, both of them expect the other to catch it. If one helps the other kill the mouse , he will surely live a peaceful life without a mouse. The picture tells us that helping others means helping ourselves. The two men are just like we students and the mouse is just like the common difficult math problems in our studies. In face of the problems, discussion and helping each other may improve and benefit both of us. So in my opinion , those who are always ready to help others are those who improve themselves at the same time.,One possible version(范文-未修改）,From the picture we can see two men standing in two areas, each holding a stick ready to kill the mice in his area. Between them is an area where a mouse is playing freely , but neither of the two men seems to notice it. They both expect the other to catch it. People are sometimes selfish. They tend to avoid their responsibility when problem arise. We need to concern about our own gain or loss, but on the other hand, why dont we go a little further to help others? Helping others means helping ourselves.,Step 5: analyze the following compositions,We can see there is a mouse on the picture and two men with weapon around the mouse but no one hit the mouse, because the man on the left think it is the duty of the man on the right to hit mouse and the man on the right think it is the duty of the man on the left to hit the mouse ,so no one hit thouse. I think both of them are selfish they should learn how to cooperate with other. (4分）描图提及推卸责任， 立意点到自私与合作， 语言质量差，而且无论据支持立意,From the picture we can see a big mouse in the middle of two mans, how strange that both of the man have a weapon but doesnt kill the mouse. Because two man stand in their circle but mouse stand in both of the circles. How selfish the mans they are, both of them want the other one kill the mouse. In my point of view, two mans can work together to kill the mouse, they neednt to take care of the circles so much. Killing mouse is their duty. In our daily life, it is also our duty to protect our environment, all the countries can work together and make out Earth beautiful. Dont have to take care of which country you are. There is only one Earth, its human beings duty to protect it . (5-6分，描图比较清晰，但立意出现过多，selfish, work together, duty, environment, 缺少中心以及集中的论述）,As is visual depicted from the picture, there are two men taking a tool standing on two circles and a mouse is standing on center of two circles happily. I think the picture is very meaningful, and it reflects a phenomenon vividly. Some people are selfish and they dont want to help others. In their opinion, they cant stand that other people get benefits just like two men. But it will lead to a negative problem that it will damage their profit and others profit. That is a wrong view. In my opinion, its high time to do selfless. Only in this way can we build a good social environment. (7分， 立意selfish, help others ,但是描图没有在逻辑上为立意的阐述做铺垫，导致不及格, 严格批分数会更低),As is vividly shown in the picture, a big mice is standing in the middle of two mans. They are all looking at the opposit direction. Neither of them wants to drive the mice away. It conveys a common phnomenon in our society. Some of the people only see the benefits of themselves, they ignore the importance of work in a team. In this way, neither of them can get the profit. As far as i am concerned, cooperation is very necessary, Only In this way, can we get a win-win situation. (7分，语言质量扣分，句子准确性差，描图和立意逻辑统一处理不好， 立意分散）,As can be seen in the picture, the two man stand on their own side and dont want to help each other to catch the mouse. What the picture conveys is that we should be cooperative and learn to help others. The men are just like us, and the mouse is just like the difficulty, we should help each other to overcome the difficulty for cooperation can make a difference. In my opinion, only by teamwork can we get rid of trouble and gain success。（9 分，描图有一定的侧重性，并为下文的立意产出作必要的准备，逻辑表述清楚，并联系现实生活支持论点）,The picture shows very well that there are two people and a mouse. They also have their own space and the mouse is standing in the middle them. Neither of them are willing to kill the mouse. As for me, the picture is meaningful. There are also something in common in our daily life. The litters stand for the mouse, and that two person are just like us. We never want to pick the rubbish between us and also pay no attention on it in the end. If we think more about other person, we will be willing to pick up the rubbish and this behavior is more meaningful and correct. As far as Im concerned, although we have own space, we should get on well with others who are near. Nothing is much wiser to do that.( 9分，描图清楚， 联系实际和描图对应较好, 个别句子表意没问题,但词汇用法有误）,As the picture vividly shows, two men with sticks in their hands are looking at opposite position. They make sure that there is no unpleasant thing in their own places, but a big mouse is in the place which belongs to both of the men. In my opinion, the two men stands for two selfish men and the mice symbolize something which is unpleasant. The two selfish men only care of their own treasures but pay no attention to others. As a result, either of the men can have a good environment as the unwelcome thing is not paid enough attention. To live in a harmony society, we shall not only care about ourselves but it is our responsibility to help others. We shall be selfless and shouldnt be the person as the picture shows.(9 分，描图和立意对应，逻辑比较清楚，语言错误较少),As the picture vividly shows to us, two men standing in their own circle with big bars in their hands. A mice is sitting in the place obtained by both of their circles. In the common situation , the men should beat the mice with their bars. However, both of the two men turn their head to the opposite sides, letting the mice sitting at there safely and happily. Actually we can see many people like the two in the picture in our daily life. When these people face duty which they should take, they always push it to other people as long as they can. As a result, no problem can be solved if all the people do like this. No one can escape from their duties, so why not just take it? Do so, and benefit all the people, including ourselves.(9分，描图和立意联系紧密，描图笔墨较重， 但为描图清晰所致),As can be seen in the picture, two men hold hammers in their hands. Between them, a mouse is living happily. The reason why the mouse is still alive is that it stands beyond two two mens working area. Neither of the two men wants to deal with the mouse. This picture mirrors a common phenomenon in our daily life. Many problems can not be solved just because everyone thinks it is none of their business. It is absolutely wrong to think that way. Living in the society, we are supposed to know the importance of cooperation.Only when we face with the problems together, can we finally solve it, just like the mouse in the picture.(10分，语言质量不错，由图到立意表述自然合乎逻辑）,As can be seen from the picture, two men are standing in their own circle and dont want to look at each other.In the middle of them, there is a big mouse. Although both of them have tools, they dont bother to beat the mouse. As far as im concerned, it reflects a common phenomen in our society that many people only care about themselves. They always wait others to do things for them instead of helping each other warmly. In this way, they can never succeed just as the two men in the picture. So learn to care about others and help others actively. Only in this way can we prove our value and live in harmony.(12分，语言质量没问题，从描图到立意紧紧围绕立意）,As we can see in the picture, two men are standing respectively in two different circles while a big , smiling mouse is standing between them in an area which belongs to both circles. It seems that either man regards beating the mouse as the others responsibility. As a consequence , the mouse gets away with punishment. What the picture conveys to us is that every one of us has the responsibility to try our best to contribute to our society. If no one wants to undertake responsibility, then no imporvement can we see in the world. On the contrary, if everyone is aware of their obligation for the society, there will be less bad men and less unpleasant thing. Regardless of what others do , we should try our utmost to do what we sho