化学专业英语写作-第五章.ppt

1,第五章科技英语中常用修辞学,2,文章是由段落组成的，段落又是由句子组成的，句子是表达思想感情的最小语言单位，因此要把文章写好，就必须把句子造好，每个段落写好，写好段落和要造好句子就必须掌握四大要素：统一性，连贯性，强势性和简洁性。,3,1统一性(unity),句子的统一性包括每一个句话都有一个明确的中心思想，一句话只允许讲述一个中心思想，一句中若出现两个或两个以上相关连的思想时，我们要判断哪个是主要思想，哪个是从属思想？分别以主句和从句将思想表达出来。如果两个思想重要性相等，又密切关连，则用并列连接词，写出并列句，如果两个或更多的思想互不关连，则用两个或更多的句子来表达，否则将两个以上互不关联的概念放入一个句子，时而以甲为对象，时而以乙作对象，变得语无论次，就破坏了句子的统一性。,4,1.1把两个不相关连的思想放在一起,病句：(1)Thequalityofthehalf-tonereproductiondependsbothonthegradeofthepaperused(theglossierthebetter)andonthefinenessofthescreen,ingeneralthefinerscreengivingthebetterdetail,butthelimitissetbytheabsorbencyofthepaperandthequalityoftheprinting,noteveryprinterbeingequippedtoreproducehalf-toneswithmaximumcharity.这个句子语法正确，但内容过多，含意也不密切相连，使人抓不住要点，破坏了句子统一性，如换成三个句子，则层次清楚。,5,Thequalityofthehalf-tonereproductiondependsbothonthegradeofpaperusedandonthefinenessofthescreen.Ingeneral,glassypaperandfinerscreensgivebetterdetail,butthelimitissetbytheabsorbencyofthepaperandthequalityoftheprinting.Noteveryprinterisequippedtoreproducehalf-toneswithmaximumclarity.（照像铜版复制的质量取决于所用纸的区别和印刷网板的精细，一般光学的纸和较粘制的网板会产生较好的清晰度，但其限度要由纸的吸墨性和印刷质量来决定。并不是每一台印刷机的装备都能够制备高清晰度的照相铜板。）,6,(2)Thevesselmadefortheshore,andthepassengerssooncrowdedintotheboats,andthebeachwasreachedinsafety,andtheinhabitantsoftheislandreceivedthemwiththeutmostkindness.这个句子意思混乱，不好懂，因为句子的主语变化太多，造成概念上的混乱，纠正的方法是确定一个中心思想，以它作主体统率全局，现以passengers为主，改写：Thevesselhavingmadefortheshore,thepassengerssooncrowedintotheboatsandsafelyreachedthebeach,wheretheywerereceivedwiththeutmostkindnessbytheinhabitantsoftheisland.（轮船驶入港口，乘客们涌上小艇，安全到达海滩，在那里他们受到了岛上居民极其热烈地接待。）,7,1.2把应该密接的思想分开来病句：Mr.Wangwasawonderfulelectricalengineer,Hewasalsoamathematicalgenius.Atfirstheworkedinatelegraphofficeandhadtoleavebecausehebecamedeaf.FinallyheretiredtoTianjin,andlivedalone.除了给儿童或初学外文的人写作时，需要简短的句子外，一般在写作上很少都是简单句主+谓+宾一类的格式，科学论文也不例外，一联串的短句，犹如一架不停开放的机关抢，声音单调而机械，使人看了神经紧张，因而在文字上不能起到吸引读者的作用，上文可改写：,8,Mr.Wangwasnotonlyawonderfulelectricalengineerbutalsoamathematicalgenius.OwingtodeafnesshehadtoleavethetelegraphofficewherehefirstworkedandretiredtoTianjin,andlivedalone.王先生不仅是一位出色的电气工程师，还是一位数学天才，由于耳聋，他不得不离开当初他工作的电报局而退休到天津，在那里他独自生活着。,9,1.3不对等的思想用对等的连接词加以连接,病句：Ourclassmatewasillanditwasthereasonwhyhewasabsentsolong.（我们班那位同学生病了，这是他缺课这么久的原因。）这句话把重要性不同的从句并列，破坏了句子统一性，改正如下：Thereasonwhyourclassmatewasabsentsolongwasthathewasill.或Ourclassmatewasabsentforsuchalongtimebecausehewasill.,10,1.4没理由地突然改变句子结构,1.4.1突然改变主语和动词的语态病句：Herantothestationandthetrainwastakenbyhim.应改为：Herantothestationandtookthetrain.这里不是说一句中的并列谓语或并列复合句中绝对不能使用不同的语态，只是说在能够一致时，应尽量一致。,11,病句：Hestudiesveryhardandhisleisurehoursaredevotedtolessons.他学习非常努力，空闲时间全花在功课上。此句两分句主语不一致，较差，改成如下句子就好些。Hestudiesveryhard,anddevoteshisleisurehourstolessons.病句：Nomatterhowforceisproduced,wecanmeasureitinpounds.不管力是如何产生的，都可用磅来计算。Nomatterhowforceisproduced,itcanbemeasuredinpounds.,12,1.4.2没有理由地改变主语或宾语的数病句：(1)Ifonetrieshard,theycanpasstheentranceexamination.(2)Hecarefullywipedeachoftheinstrumentsandputthemaway.1.4.3没有理由地突然改变时态和语态病句：Forthetenthtimehesenthismanuscripttotheeditor,butagainitisreturnedtohim.Theywouldsavealmost$500iftheycanre-usethecontainers.,13,2.连贯性(Coherence),一篇好的论文犹如一条长链，每一节是一个环，一节很自然地带来另一节，一句带来另一句。作者的思想自始至终要相互连续，也就是要有连贯性，句与句之间要有技巧的连接，词与词之间，词组与词组之间的关系要明确，使人一目了然。修饰词、连接词、先行词、转换词序等要处理得当，否则会引起不连贯，要达到连贯性，应注意以下几点：,14,2.1平行结构一个句子里两个或两个以上的句子成分起同一种职能时，应当使用相当的词类，使它们对称。在使用并列连接词如and,but,or,bothand,notonlybutalso,eitheror,neithernor,等，应该名词连名词，动词连动词，从句连从句。如果连接的成分不对称，就会破坏句子结构的对称性，就会破坏连贯性。,15,误：Theturbinesexhaustsometimeintotheheatingsystemandsometimetheyexhaustintotheatmosphere.用and连接的成分不相同。正：Theturbinesexhaustsometimeintotheheatingsystemandsometimeintotheatmosphere.误：Wecannotonlymakeelectroniccomputer,butalsocandesignthem.正：Wenotonlycanmakeelectroniccomputer,butalsocandesignthem.或：Wecannotonlymakeelectroniccomputer,butalsodesignthem.,16,误：Hemovedsteadilyneitherlookingleftnorright,neithertoslackennorhasteninghisfootsteps.正：Hemovedsteadilylookingneitherleftnorrightneitherslackeningnorhasteninghisfootsteps.误：Geophysicsprovidesamethodoffindingoil,severalkindsofore,andtheprobablemeansofexploitingthem.Theprobablemeans和oil及severalkindsofore意思不平行，不能放在finding的宾语位置上。,17,2.2修饰词的使用分词，动名词，不定式，省略句等在使用时，要注意用主语的呼应，不可使它孤零零地无所依附，或依附在错误的词上，而成为无所属或架空的修饰词，使人费解。,18,2.2.1分词误：Differentiatingbothsideswithrespecttox,theequationbecomesx2+y2=z2.equation本身不能进行differentiating，因此differentiating成了架空的修饰词，造成不连贯。正：Differentiatingbothsideswithrespecttox,weobtaintheequationx2+y2=z2.误：Beingshortoftrucks,themachinepartshadtobecarriedtotheworks.正：Beingshortoftrucks,theyhadtocarrythemachinepartstotheworks.,19,2.2.2动名词误：Byclosingthedraft,muchfuelwassaved.Byclosingthedraft与主语fuel不呼应。正：Byclosingthedraft,theexperimentersavedmuchfuel.借助停止通风正：Becausethedrafthadbeeclosed,muchfuelwassaved.误：Afterreadingthetest,thesubjectisstillblanktohim.正：Afterreadingthetest,heisstillblankaboutthesubject.,20,2.2.3不定式误：Topreventfloodandwaterlogginghavebuiltmanysmallsluices.正：Topreventfloodandwaterlogging,theyhavebuiltmanysmallsluices.正：Topreventfloodandwaterlogging,manysmallsluiceshavebeenbuilt.误：Tocorrectthiserrormustbalancetheequation.正：Tocorrectthiserror,webalancetheequation.误：Thisworkisnecessarytofinishwithinthisweek.正：Thisworkisnecessarytobefinishedwithinthisweek.,21,2.2.4省略句误：Whilelisteningtotheradio,afirebrokeout.从字面理解从句中省略了fire和动词was，但whilethefirewaslisteningtotheradio意思是不通的。正：Whilewewerelisteningtotheradio,afirebrokeout.误：Althoughtestedthedaybefore,hecouldnotstarttheauxiliaryenginewhenthemainpowersupplyfailed.从字面理解，从句省略了hewas,但加上后意思不通。正：Althoughtestedthedaybefore,theauxiliaryenginewouldnotstartwhenthemainpowersupplyfailed.正：Althoughithadbeentestedthedaybefore,hecouldnotstarttheauxiliaryenginewhenthemainpowersupplyfailed.,22,2.3代名词的先行词要明确一个代名词前，若有两个或两个以上的名词都可被认作为此代名词是先行词时，则破坏了连贯性，例：误：Thegagewasattachedtothetank,butitwasfoundtobedefective.正：Thegage,whichwasfoundtobedefective,wasattachedtothetank.误：HetoldWilliamtoputJohnstoolsintohiscar.正：HetoldWilliamtoputJohnstoolsintoJohnscar.,23,2.4从句中已有名词时，不宜以it作泛指代名词用it作泛指代名词时，可代表前面一句，或一个从句，从句中若有名词可能被误认为it的先行词时，则不要用it作泛指代名词，否则就破坏了连贯性。误：Ifthetankispatched,itwillreducethelosses.正：Ifthetankispatched,thelosseswillbereduced.,24,2.5没有先行词时，不要用代词误：Anewerabeganwhentheyfinallysplittheatom.正：Anewerabeganwhenscientistssplittheatom.,25,2.6关系代名词what不能带有先行词关系代词what=thatwhich，本身带有先行词，因此不能再带有先行词。误：Aprincipleofsciencetellsthethingwhatusuallyhappensundercertainconditions.本句以thing作what先行词，而what不需要先行词，因此造成不连贯。正：Aprincipleofsciencetellswhatusuallyhappensundercertainconditions.,26,2.7比较句中前后要一致误：ThePacificalonecoversanarealargerthanallthecontinentsputtogether.前半句谈面积，后半句谈大陆，无法比较。正：ThePacificalonecorersanarealargerthanthatofallthecontinentsputtogether.误：Thesandjetisasgood,ifnotbetterthanany.正：Thesandjetisasgoodasanyother,ifnotbetter.,27,3.强势性(Emphasis),强势性是修词学中的主要原则之一，它的目的在于使句子的意义加重或使语句变得更加有力，从而使读者加深印象，强势性可通过以下几点获得：3.1位置法英文句中，句首和句尾是重要的强势位置，因此较不重要的字或片语要放在句中部，这是作家常用的手法。,28,例：松Asweknowit,acompoundresultsfromthechemicalunionoftwoormoreelements.强Acompounds,asweknowit,resultsfromthechemicalunionoftwoormoreelements.一些连接词和副词如however,therefore,moreover,nevertheless等，有时就被放在句中间。Kerosene(美语，煤油)=paraffinmolecules,however,havelongercarbonchainsthangasolinemolecules.Wemust,therefore,concludethatwhenthedistancebetweenthemoleculesisverysmall,thereareforceofrepulsion.,29,3.2反序法反常字序的句子，会引起读者的注意，可加强语势，但不可用得太多。松Newdataonthissubjectarepresentedinthepaper.强Presentedinthepaperarenewdataonhissubject.松Theuseoftheelectroniccomputer,whichplaysaveryimportantpartinproductionandourdailylife,willbestillwider.强Stillwiderwillbetheuseoftheelectroniccomputer,whichplaysaveryimportantpartinproductionandourdailylife.,30,3.3渐进法将语势逐渐加强，修词学上叫“渐进法”，也就是将力量强势不等的几个同类成分按照由弱到强的顺序使用，由最弱的开始，最强的结尾，这样就构成了较强的语势，例如：松Inunaccelerated,level,straightflight,liftmustequalweightandthrustmustequaldrag.（在平直而不加速的飞行中，升力必须等于重力，而推力必须等于阻力。）强Instraight,level,unacceleratedflight,liftmustequalweightandthrustmustequaldrag.,31,3.4比较和对照将几种思想比较和对照，能使句子更有力。例如：Weshouldimpartourcourageandnotourdespair,ourhealthandnotourdisease.3.5采用主动语态主动语态一般比被动语态语气强些。例如：松Soundisproducedbyvibratingmatter.强Vibratingmatterproducessound.,32,3.6避免使用一串多于4个的定语，恰当地使用前置词，把形容词改成宾语，试比较。弱New,morediscriminatingnaturetypeapparatus.强Newapparatusofamorediscriminatingnature更具有鉴别性能的新式仪器。弱650,000electronvoltsenergylevelelectrons.强Electronswithanenergyof650,000electronvolts.,33,3.7省略不必要的字，使全句简洁有力。比如有定语从句改成定语（形容词或短语）松Thedatathatareinthereportseemvalid.强Thedatainthereportseemvalid.松Sincethecommitteehasalreadymadethreereports,onlyonereportremainstobepresented.强去掉onereport中的report松Adrycellhastwoposts,onepostisinthecenterofthedrycellandtheotherpostisattheedgeofthedrycell.强Adrycellhastwoposts,oneisinthecenterandtheotherattheedge.,34,3.8使用very,really,certainly,exactly等词1Theelectronssurroundingthenucleuscontributeverylittletotheatomicmass.（原子核周围的电子对于原子量影响极小）2Itwouldbereallydifficulttomakeathinfilmintegratedcircuitwithoutvacuumdeposition.想要制造薄膜集成电路不进行真空沉积实在困难。3Ifyoucouldmakearowofcopperatomsbyplacingonenexttotheother,youmightneedexactly100milliontocoveraninch.（假定你能够把铜原子一个按一个地排列起来，也许要整整一亿个铜原子才能排满一英寸。）,35,4.简洁(concise),写作时要求简洁，防止赘述，频冗，罗嗦，冗长。分述如下：4.1赘述(Tautology)needlessrepetition4.1.1不要重复形容词的比较级和最高级误Hereceivedamostvitalwound（受了致命伤）正Hereceivedavitalwound.误Itbecamecoldermoreandmore.正Itbecamecolderandcolder.,36,4.1.2副词gradually不能与littlebylittle,moreandmore,lessandless,daybyday等词语连用。误Thescientificresearchonmagneticfieldhasgraduallybecomelessandlessinteresting.正把上句gradually去掉。或正Thescientificresearchonmagneticfieldhasgraduallybecomeuninteresting.4.1.3timeandagain,fromtimetotime,nowandthen等会有“间或”“不时”的意思，用了之后就不要用occasionally,atintervals.误Nowandthenwesawtheelasticdeformationoccasionally.正上句去掉occasionally正weoccasionallysawtheelasticdeformation.,37,4.1.4用了asas,soas等关连词组修饰形容词或副词，就不要用very等强势字。误Thecleaningpowerofdetergentisasveryeffectiveinhardwaterasinsoft.正去掉上句very4.1.5有了具体里数，就不要再用far,distance等词。误Westandthepoletenmilesfarfromhere.正去掉上句far,38,4.1.6much,little,enough等字本身含有量的概念，所以不能再用quantity连用。误Amuchquantityofmineralwasfoundinthewater.正Muchmineralwasfoundinthewater.正Alargequantityofmineralwasfoundinthewater.误Chinahasenoughquantityofresources.正Chinahasenoughresources.,39,4.1.7many和few都指数而言，many=alargenumberof,所以不要与number连用。误Thereweremanynumbersofpeopleatthemeeting.正Thereweremanypeopleatthemeeting.正Therewasalargenumberofpeopleatthemeeting.4.1.8用了exception就不要再使用和except同义的but误Carryingtheinstrument,donottouchanypartbutafewexceptions正把上句but换成with,40,4.1.9least,most,half等字，已含有“一部分”的含意，不要再加part这个字，但forthemostpart是例外。误Mostpartoftheenergyweuseisproducedbyburningfuel.正Mostoftheenergyweuseisproducedbyburningfuel.误Thelargerhalfpartofhislifewasdevotedtoscientificresearch.正Thelargerhalfofhislifewasdevotedtoscientificresearch.4.1.10在exist后不能再用intheworld误Suchideashavelongexistedintheworld.正去掉intheworld,4