趣味英语笑话九则.doc

趣味英语笑话九则1、My little dog cant read.Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.2、The mean mans party.The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.Why use my elbow and foot?Well, gosh, was the reply, Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?3、Which woman?One evening I drove my husbands car to the shopping mall.On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.My husband looked up and said, Moms here? 4、DatingWhen the young waitress in the caf in Toms building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, Are you single?Why, yes, Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.So is my mom, she said. Would you like to meet her?5、But the teacher criedThe six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did! 6、Does the dog know the proverb,too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. Its all right, said a gentleman, dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite? Ah, yes, answered the little boy. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?7、He is really somebody.- My uncle has 1000 men under him.- He is really somebody. What does he do?- A maintenance man in a cemetery.8、The doctor lives downstairs。Doctor, she said loudly, bouncing into the room, I want you to say frankly whats wrong with me.He surveyed her from head to foot. Madam, he said at length, Ive just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, Im an artist-the doctor lives downstairs.9、Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are! Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Whe