DesperateHousewives2x10ComingHome.doc

Desperate HousewivesEpisode 2x10 Coming Home-Mary Alice Voiceover:Previously on “Desperate Housewives”. Matthew:Did you leave the door open?Mike:Call the police!Mike:Is that the guy who broke into your house?Mary Alice Voiceover:Arrests were made. Gabrielle:Yeah,thats him.Susan:I just want a chance to get to know you.Addison:Well,I dont want to know you.Mary Alice Voiceover:Fathers were confronted.Gabrielle:Whos sister Mary Bernard?Gabrielle:You do not want to start a war with me.Sister Mary:Bring it on.Mary Alice Voiceover:Boundaries were drawn.Detective Barton:Mr. Williams was responsible for your husbands death.Mary Alice Voiceover:And everyone learned that sometimes justice is served.George:We need to call an ambulance.Mary Alice Voiceover:Without saying a word.-Georges House - DaytimeMary Alice Voiceover:There were many ways to tell Bree van de kamp was a lady.(Police cars and police are all around Georges home. Bree is helped out of her car by a police officer.) Bree:Thank you very much.Mary Alice Voiceover:She was courteous to those around her,she moved with elegance and grace. (Bree enters Georges house and Detective Barton approaches her.)Mary Alice Voiceover:And she was very careful to never let others know what she was thinking.Detective Barton:Mrs. Van de kamp,thank you for coming on such short notice.Bree:So whats happened?Have you had any luck finding George?Mary Alice Voiceover:You see,like most well-bred women.Detective Sloan:George is dead.He committed suicide last night at a hotel.Mary Alice Voiceover:.Bree had something to hide.Bree:Oh,um.well,um,it was very good of you to tell me in person,truly.Detective Barton:Actually,uh,theres more.Bree:More?(Detective Barton takes a package from a police officer and shows it to Bree.) Detective Barton:Do you recognize this?Bree:Those are my panties.How did you.Detective Sloan:We assume mr. Williams stole them.Bree:Where did you find them?Detective Sloan:Mr. Williams had a room filled with,um.unsavory items.It was like a shrine.Bree:Unsavory items?Well,what does that mean?Detective Sloan:You dont want to know.Detective Barton:Just so youre aware,the daily tribune is starting to sniff around this story.The editors a good friend of mine.Im pretty sure I can quash it,but you might want to tell your family whats going on,just in case.(Several officers walk in, carrying out a life-sized blow-up doll dressed like Bree.)Bree:What is that?Detective Barton:I am so sorry. You werent supposed to see that.(to the officer) Mudge,get that out of here.Bree:No,wait!Is that supposed to be me?Detective Barton:Well.its hard to say.Bree:I dont understand. I mean what would George be doing with a life-size doll?Oh,dear lord.Detective Barton (to the officers): Go ahead. Bree: Oh, hold it. What are you gonna do with that? Detective Sloan: Well, until we close the file on Mr. Williams, shes considered evidence. Well have to take her back to the station. Detective Barton: I am so sorry about this, Mrs. Van de Kamp. I know how difficult all this must be. Bree: Dont you worry about me, Detective Barton. I will be just fine.(Bree turns and walks outside. The officers carrying the life-sized doll walk out behind her as the neighbors watch.) Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes, there were many ways to tell that Bree was a lady, but the surest was to watch how she maintained her dignity in even the most undignified of situations.-Opening Credits-Wisteria Lane - DaytimeMary Alice Voiceover:Its a story as old as time itself - the return of the prodigal son.-Pauls House - Outside(Zach walks toward his home just as Paul comes outside. )Mary Alice Voiceover:And no matter how many times its repeated or how the details might vary.Paul looks up and sees Zach. They run toward each other. Mary Alice Voiceover:.or how the names might change, the story always ends the same way, in the tender embrace of a loving father.(They embrace.) Zach: Hi, dad.-Pauls House - Inside(Zach is eating a sandwich.) Paul: Susan Mayer told me she gave you some money to go to Utah. Zach: Yeah, I had no idea where to look for you, though, and the money started to run out, so I thought that maybe youd come back here. Paul: Youre a smart kid. Zach: Can I ask you something? Paul: Of course. Anything. Zach: Well, when you left town, Mrs. Tillman said that my real mother was a junkie from Utah. Paul: Thats right. Zach: So, whos my dad? Paul: I dont know. It could have been anyone.-Bettys House - Outside(Mike approaches and waves to Betty. He hands Betty a paper bag.) Betty: Thanks for the faucet. This leak is driving me crazy. What do I owe you? Mike: Oh, its no rush. Just pay me when I install it.(Edie jogs by. Matthew, clipping the hedges, overhears Edie and approaches.) Edie: Hey, there! Have you seen todays paper? Betty: No, not yet. Edie: Theres a follow-up on that guy you caught last week. (reading) Police seek help in identifying the mystery vagrant. Betty: They dont know the mans name yet? Edie: Theyre not even sure that he knows how to talk. Mike: Think theyre going to hold him in the psych ward until they figure out who he is. Betty: Well, I will certainly rest easier knowing that hes not roaming around our neighborhood. Edie: See ya!(She jogs off.) Betty: Thanks again for the faucet. Mike: Sure.(Mike walks away.) Matthew: What are we gonna do about Caleb? Betty: Obviously, we are going to go and get him.-Monroes Office(The newspaper with Calebs picture lies on the desk with a magazine clip filled with bullets. Mr. Monroe packs a small suitcase, picks up the clip, and puts it into the suitcase.) Monroe: Where are my cuffs? Jerry: Bottom drawer. Monroe: Ah. Jerry: So, when do I tell people youll be back? Monroe: Couple, maybe three days. What the hells this? Jerry: Its the ball gag. I thought you wanted it. Monroe: We do not recycle ball gags. Take a look at the teeth marks. Its gross. Id like to think that were better than that. Jerry: Hey, Monroe? You sure you dont want any help? The guys dangerous. Monroe: Hes a half-wit, Jerry. If I can handle you, I can handle him.-Lynettes House - Outside(The ladies are sitting around the porch, having coffee.) Lynette: So, he poisoned Rex? Gabrielle: Sweet, little George Williams. Bree: Well, it turns out he wasnt so sweet after all. Anyway, uh, theres a chance that some of this may wind up in the paper, so I wanted you to hear it from me first. Susan: Bree, Im so sorry. Lynette: Yeah, like you havent been through enough. Gabrielle: God, and hes our pharmacist. Its enough to turn you holistic. Susan: I know this sounds awful, but Im kind of glad the guys dead. Gabrielle: Oh, I hope that little creep suffered. Bree: Well, well never know.(A station wagon pulls up.) Bree: Thats Andrew back from Camp Hennessey. Ive got to go. Lynette: Does he know yet? Bree: He hasnt got a clue. Susan: How do you think hes gonna react?(Andrew gets out of the car and waves, then yells out to them.) Andrew: All right, what the hell is going on? I know you didnt take me out of kid jail for my health. Bree (to the other women): Ill get back to you, uh, later.-Brees House - Inside(Andrew and Bree are in the living room.) Andrew: So, are the police sure? Bree: Yeah. They found data in Georges personal computer and also records at his pharmacy that pretty much proves that he was poisoning your father. Andrew: They say why he killed him? Bree: Well, the detective seems to think he was trying to get your father out of the way so he could marry me. Honey, please use your coaster. Thats gonna leave a ring. Andrew: My father was murdered because of you, so as far as Im concerned, you no longer get to tell me what to do. Bree: Andrew, that is not fair. Andrew: You brought that psycho into our house! You sat him down at our table. Just how fair do you expect me to be? Bree: Andrew, George Williams fooled a lot of people. Andrew: Yeah, well, he didnt fool me. Bree: Andrew, Im not trying to minimize my part in this. Believe me, I, I hate myself for whats happened. Andrew: Good. Now we have something in common. Oh, by the way, Im gonna call my friend Justin and have him come over and spend the night tonight. Bree: Justin? Is he a friend of yours from school or church? What kind of friend is he? Andrew: The real good kind. Bree: Andrew, it is inappropriate for you to have somebody over. You just got home. Andrew: Like I said, you dont get to tell me what to do anymore.(Andrew walks upstairs.) -Susans House(Susan opens the front door to find Addison standing there.) Susan: You came! Addison: Did I have a choice? Susan: Well, sure. Addison: Because at the hospital you sounded like you were fully prepared to blackmail me into having some kind of a relationship with you. Susan: That was just the heat of the moment, and once you get to know me, youll understand that I am not the kind of person who could ever, ever resort to blackmail. Addison: Well, I wish youd made that clear in the hospital. Couldve saved me a trip. Susan: So are you coming in? Addison: Well, I got a lunch hour to kill.(Susan shows Addison photo albums in the living room.) Susan: That was my first Halloween. I was two. What do you think I am? Addison: I dont know. Susan: Oh, come on, just guess. You can tell. Addison: Uh, a homeless person? Susan: No, Addison, Im a chicken. See? Those are feathers hanging around. Addison: Oh. I thought that was supposed to be trash. Uh, look, are we done here? Susan: You havent even finished your coffee. Addison: I got to get back to work. Susan: Oh, well, we, we havent even finished the high school years. I wanted to show you this one. This was from the father-daughter dance. I had to take my mothers hairstylist. Addison: What do you want from me, Susan? Susan: Well, I, I just want to share more than our D.N.A. I, I wanted to have a relationship with you. None of this means anything to you? Addison: Ill take the hobo picture. Susan: Actually, it was.fine.-Advertising Agency(Lynette drops a copy of the company insurance policy on Eds desk.) Ed: Whats this? Lynette: Our company insurance policy. You ever bother to read it? Ed: Im gonna say no, but dont tell. Lynette: We have day care, Ed, day care. Do you realize that since we fired half the staff, you and I have barely left the building? My kids are forgetting who I am. Ed: I hear you. I have a seventeen-month-old who I havent actually seen awake in weeks. Lynette: See? All we need is a minimum participation of, uh.sixteen kids. My kids, your baby, Sally in accounting has three, that new guy in Human Resources has two and we hit the mother lode with the Mormon receptionist. She just popped out number six. There. Sixteen. Ed: Fifteen. My wife wont do it. Lynette: Well, maybe if I talked to her. Ed: No, Im telling you, this day care thing is a non-starter. Fran wont even let anyone else hold the baby. Lynette: Well, she wont just take some time off for a couple of hours? Ed: Lynette, if I hadnt cut that umbilical cord with my own two hands, I swear they would still be attached. But if you want to try, more power to you.-Church - Inside(Gabrielle storms in.) Gabrielle: You! What the hell did you do with my husband? Sister Mary: Please restrain yourself, Gabrielle. Youre in a house of God. Gabrielle: Tell me where he is! Sister Mary: Everywhere, of course. Gabrielle: Not God, my husband.(Carlos walks in.) Carlos: Gabby, what are you doing here? Gabrielle: I was just about to ask you the same thing. You were supposed to meet me at the spa. Carlos: I was just helping Sister Mary with the mailings for the fund-raiser. The church is about to send a relief team to Botswana to help with the drought. Gabrielle: Thats your excuse? We missed side-by-side water massages. I had to book them weeks in advance. Carlos: Okay, you missed a massage. Its unfortunate, but there are people dying in Botswana. Gabrielle: There are going to be people dying in this church if you dont wipe that patronizing look off your face! Carlos: What is your problem? Gabrielle: Sister Mary, will you excuse us, please? Sister Mary: Certainly.(Sister Mary leaves.) Gabrielle: We are supposed to be working on our marriage, Carlos, but we cant do that as long as our lady of perpetual stick-up-her-butt has you worrying about thirsty orphans. Carlos: Youre blaming Sister Mary for the tension in our marriage? Gabrielle: She wants us fighting. She wants you to get tired of me and walk out so she can have you all to herself. Carlos: Thats crazy. Shes a nun. Gabrielle: She may wear a habit and the beads, but at the end of the day, she is still a woman, just like me, and I know what Im capable of. Carlos: She is a woman, but she is nothing like you.(Carlos walks away.) Gabrielle: Carlos, where are you going? Carlos!(Gabrielle walks toward the door and passes Sister Mary.) Sister Mary: You look tense, Gabrielle. Perhaps you should think about getting a massage.-Police Station(Addison is on the phone.) Addison: Hi, Susan, its Addison. Are you there? Susan (on the phone): Hi. Hi, yeah, Im here. Addison: Good. Youre home. Susan: Uh-huh. Whats up? Addison: You know you were saying you wanted to be part of my life? Susan: Yeah. Addison: Im at the police station. I need you to come bail me out.(Later, Susan comes to pick up Addison.) Susan: Solicitation? You were arrested for solicitation? Addison: It was entrapment. Im the victim here. Susan: But you were with a prostitute. Addison: Apparently not. I asked her three times-are you a cop? They gotta tell you, but she didnt say boo. I thought this was America! Susan: Addison, you just got caught paying for sex. Now is not the time to wrap yourself in the flag. Addison: Dont give me that look. It wasnt my fault. Susan: Im sorry. How is trying to pick up a hooker not your fault? Addison: I was at the store, I was working on my computer and then, you know, they have these ads? They pop up on the screen and they ask if you want to have a hot date. Well, it gets a fellow worked up. Susan: Cant you just go home and have sex with your wife like a normal person? Addison: Shes a sixty-eight-year-old woman. That bell stopped ringing for me years ago. Susan: Oh, my god. Stop. Right now. Im gonna go pay this thing.-Addisons House(Susans car pulls up to the curb.) Addison: So, uh, am I off the hook now? Susan: What? Addison: This whole father-daughter thing. Were done, right? Susan: Thursday, coffee at two. Be on time. Addison: Dont take this the wrong way, but are you dim? Susan: Okay, I didnt exactly love what I found out about you today, but the goal was to learn, not to judge. Addison: I bring the coffee. That crap you made burnt a hole in my stomach.(Addison gets out and walks up the street. Carol is in a parked car across the street, watching him. She watches Susan pull away and writes down her license number.) -Church Recreation Room(Sister Mary is talking to an audience.) Sister Mary: This is Tunde. He lost both his parents to this drought. In fact, water is always scarce in Botswana. The national currency is called the Pula or raindrop.(Father Crowley walks up to Gabrielle standing in the back of the room.) Father Crowley: Hello, Gabrielle. What brings you here? Gabrielle: Im concerned about the drought in Kenya. Father Crowley: Botswana. Gabrielle: Yeah, and you? Father Crowley: Well, Im organizing this relief trip. We leave in a week. Gabrielle: Well, Bon Voyage, Father. Father Crowley: Im not going myself. We had to scale back our relief efforts this year. Even had to cut a few of the aid workers from the trip. Sister Mary, Sister Greta were so disappointed.(Sister Mary pas