六级实考作文选评.ppt

六级实考作文选评 WangBoran 2009 评分原则1 大学英语考试作文题采用总体评分 GlobalScoring 方法 阅卷人员就总的印象给出奖励分 RewardScores 而不是按语言点的错误数目扣分 2 从内容和语言两个方面进行综合评判 内容和语言是一个统一体 作文应表达题目所规定的内容 而内容要通过语言来表达 要考虑作文是否切题 是否充分表达思想 也要考虑是否要英语清楚而适切地表达思想 也就是要考虑语言上的错误是否造成理解上的障碍 作文高分缘由写作部分得高分的学生不但词汇量大 遣词造句结构正确 能正确运用较为复杂的结构 如bookstellingpeoplehowto peoplelookingforajob agoodchanceofbeingemployed 等 而且能够熟练掌握英语学习习语和词语搭配关系 表达符合英美人的使用习惯 如attachgreatimportanceto leaveadeepimpressionon tothebestofmyknowledge等等 这些实例说明 这些学生不但认真学习英语 而且懂得如何学好英语 掌握了正确学习英语的方法 HowtoSolvetheProblemofHeavyTraffic Outline 问题 城市交通拥挤解决方案 1 建造更多道路优点 1 降低街道拥挤程度 2 加速车流缺点 占地过多2 开辟更多公共汽车线路优点 减少自行车与小汽车缺点 对部分人可能造成不方便结论 两者结合 Sample1Recentlymanycitiesarefacedwiththeproblemofheavytraffic Withthedevelopmentofindustry thisproblemisbecomingmoreandmoreserious Inordertosolvethisproblem manysolutionshavebeenputforward Onesuggestionistolaydownmoreroads Thissuggestionhasmanyadvantages Forexample itcanefficientlydecreasethenumberofbusesandtrucksinmanymainstreets Furthermore itcanalsoacceleratetheflowoftraffic Butitwilltakeupmoreland Peoplewhosuggestedthissaidthatonecauseoftheheavytrafficistrafficaccident Ifmoreroutesofbuseshadbeenopenedup thenumberofbicyclesandcarsinstreetswouldhavebeencontrolled Therefore itisalsogoodmeansofsolvingtheproblemofheavytraffic Butthedisadvantageofthissuggestionisthatmanypeoplewillfeelnotasconvenientastheydobefore Thesetwosuggestionshaveadvantagesanddisadvantages Inmyopinion therightsolutiontotheproblemisthecombinationofthetwo thatis tolaydownmoreroadsinspaciousareasandtoopenupmorebuslinesindowntownareas 评析优点 文章简洁明了 一气呵成 条理清楚 某些词语 如befacedwith putforward furthermore takeup thatis 用得比较贴切 修改意见 1S8 Para 2 accident accidents2S9 Para 2 hadbeenopenedup wereopenedup wouldhavebeencontrolled wouldbecontrolled3S11 Para 2 willfeelnotconvenient willnotfeelconvenient astheydo astheydid4S1 Para 3 Thesetwosuggestions Bothsuggestions5 S2 Para 3 therightsolution abettersolution Sample2Withthedevelopmentofbigcities aproblemhasarisenbeforeus trafficincitieshasbecomemoreandmoreseriousthanbefore Howtosolvetheproblemofheavytraffic Twosolutionshavebeenrecommendedsofar andeachonehasbothadvantageanddisadvantage Onesolutionistolaydownmoreroads Itcanlessenthecrowdingdegreeofstreetsandfastentheflowoftraffic Butitmyusetoomuchland Thesecondsolutionistoopenupmorebuslines Ifwedoso wecandiminishbicyclesandcars Inspiteofthisobviousadvantage italsobringsinconveniencetosomepeople whohavetotakebusesnottheircars andsoslowdowntheirspeed Inmyopinion thebestideaistocombinethetwosolutions thatis whilelayingdownmoreroads weshouldopenupmorebuslinesaswell 评析优点 本文虽有五段 但层次分明 条理清楚 结论明确 有些词语 如aproblemhasarisen sofar both and diminish obvious slowdown 用得都颇为恰当 最后一句中的while aswell句型用得不仅准确 而且妥贴 修改意见 1Para 1 serious heavy2S2 Para 2 advantageanddisadvantage advantagesanddisadvantages3S2 Para 3 thecrowdingdegree thecrowdedness fasten improve4S2 Para 4 whohavetotakebusesnottheircars whohavetotakebusesinsteadoftheircars CarAccidentsDeclininginWaltonCityDirections Forthispart youareallowed30minutestowriteacompositionbasedonthegraphbelow Outline 1 Riseandfalloftherateofcaraccidentasindicatedbythegraph 2 Possiblereason s forthedeclineofcaraccidentsinthecity 3 Yourpredictionsofwhatwillhappenthisyear Yourcompositionshouldbenolessthan120wordsandyoushouldquoteasfewfiguresaspossible Sample1Lastyear thenumberofcaraccidentswas39inAugust AfterAugusttheratewasconstantlydeclining andreachedthelowest16bytheendoftheyear FromJunetoAugust thenumberrosefrom26to39 Thefirsttwomonthsof2005showedanincreasingtrend androseto32inMarch andthenfellto26inJune Thehighestfigureof39inAugustwasduetoweatherfactors Humidityandhightemperaturemakedriversimpatient whicheasilyleadstocaraccidents Thehighestfigureinthefirsthalfof2005wasalsocausedbyweatherconditions InWaltonCity theexcessiveraincomesinearlyspring Therainmakestheroadsmuddy andoftenresultedincaraccidents Thisyearthepatternisexpectedtobealtered TheCitygovernmenthasraisedmoneytoimprovetheroadconditions Twonewroadswerefinishedattheendofthelastyear andareexpectedtoopentocarssoon Newroadregulationsrequirethatinsummerallcarsshouldbeair conditioned Withalltheseprecautions I mconfidentthenumberofcaraccidentswillbemuchlowerthisyear 评析优点 文字通顺 条理清楚 某些词语如showedanincreasingtrend leadto excessiverain resultin tobeexpectedto raisemoney 用得都较恰当 该考生还能注意用多个不同的词汇表达同一个意思 如表示 下降 用了decline reachthelowest fall willbelower 表示 上升 用了rise increase 表示 由于 造成 引起 用了dueto leadto cause resultin 这些都使文章的文字更为活泼 多样 也反映了作者较强的语言运用能力 修改意见 1S1 Para 1 FromJunetoAugust thenumberrosefrom26to29 deleted2S1 Para 2 Thehighestfigureof39 Thehighestfigure3S5 Para 2 oftenresulted oftenresults4S1 Para 3 isexpectedtobealtered isexpectedtoalter5 S3 Para 3 opentocars opentotraffic Sample2Fromthegraph whichshowsthenumberofcaraccidentsof2005 wecanlearnthatthecaraccidentsweredeclinedinWaltoncityin2005 InJanuary therewere22caraccidentshappened ThenumberwasincreasinguntilMarch inwhich32caraccidentshappened Thenthenumberwentdown InJunetherewereonly26accidents ButinAugustthenumberreacheditshighestpoint 39accidentshappened Fortunately fromthenonthenumberkeptondecreasing andinthelastmonthof2005only16accidentshappened Thereasonforthedecreaseofcaraccidentsinthecityisthatthetrafficconditionhasbeendeveloped Moreandmorehighwayshavebeenbuilt Narrowstreetsnowcanscarcelybeseen Therewerenomoretrafficjams Thedriversofcarsarewelltrained Bytheriseandfallratethatthegraphindicated Ipredictthatin2006thenumberofcaraccidentswillstillbedeclined Therewillbelesscaraccidents ButinAugustthenumberofcaraccidentswillreachitshighestpoint becauseinAugusttherewillbealotofpeopleonholidayandtheywilldrive 评析优点 本文基本符合题意 几个方面都能点到 文字尚通顺 有些结构 如whichshowsthenumberofcaraccidentsof2005 ThenumberwasincreasinguntilMarch inwhich32caraccidentshappened Thereason isthat 都用得较为恰当 某些词语如decline fortunately scarcely riseandfall onholiday也用得正确 修改意见 1S1 Para 1 3 decline作 减少 解时是不及物动词 因而不能用被动式2S2 Para 1 therewere22caraccidentshappened therewere22caraccidents 22caraccidentshappened3Para 1 happen重复率 不妨用occur takeplace等替换 4S1 Para 2 thetrafficconditionhasbeendeveloped thetrafficconditionhasbeenimproved5S5 Para 2 welltrained bettertrained6S3 Para 3 reachitshighestpoint重复 againgoup HasteMakesWaste1 为什么说 欲速则不达 2 试举例说明 Sample1Thereisanoldsaying Hastemakeswaste It stheexperienceofourforefathers however itiscorrectinmanycaseseventoday Usually ifyouactfaster youcanreachyourgoalsearlier Butitisn talwaysthecase Ifyouemphasizeonlyonspeedbutignorethequalityofyourwork youwillgettheoppositeeffect Themorehastyyouare thesloweryou llachievesuccess Inshort hastemakeswaste Assumethatyouarepreparingforyourfinalexamination Therearealotofexercisestodoandmanynotestoremember Thefactthatyoudon thaveenoughtimemakesyouveryworried Soyoureadandwritecontinuously withoutrest withoutsleep withoutrelaxation Theresultisthatyourbrainislessandlessefficient yourprocessisslowerandslower Thesituationgoesfrombadtoworse Allyoureffortsleadtonothing Onthecontrary ifyoumakeyourpreparationswithacalculatedplanandcarryouttheplanstepbystep yourworkwillbeeffective Consequently youwilltakepartintheexamswithgreaterconfidence Whateveryoudo pleaserememberthesaying Hastemakeswaste Ifyouunderstanditandapplyittoyourstudyorwork you llcertainlybenefitalotfromit 评析优点 本文第一段点题 第二段讲出了考生自己的观点 第三段通过具体事例阐述观点 最后一段简单地作了小结 通篇逐步展开 层次分明 所举的例子颇有说服力 文字也较通顺 对一些比较复杂的句子结构 特别是带比较级的状语从句 能准确地运用 用得较好的词语有 itisn talwaysthecase theoppositeeffect inshort assumethat continuously lessandlessefficient gofrombadtoworse leadtonothing stepbystep 不少语篇水平上连接上下文的词语使用得也很恰当 如however usually but so onthecontrary consequently等 这些都显示了考生较强的语言运用能力和写作能力 修改意见 1S2 Para 1 however however However 2S3 Para 2 emphasizeonlyon emphasizeonly onlylayemphasison3S4 Para 2 thesloweryou llachievesuccess themoreslowlyyou llachievesuccess 4S5 Para 3 Theresultisthatyourbrainislessandlessefficient yourprocessisslowerandslower Theresultisthatyourbrainislessandlessefficient andyourlearningprocessisslowerandslower Sample2Hastemakeswaste Trulyitdoes becauseerrorissometimesanunavoidablefriendofhaste Fastresponseandquickperformancetendtodiffuseyourattentionsothatyouinvoluntarilyneglect trivia thatinfactdocount T