怎样观察孩子的性取向？.doc

5怎样观察孩子的性取向？越来越多的人有了这样的认识，即原来只听说在监狱、远洋航行的轮船和军队里同性恋多见，现在在大学、甚至中学校园里，同性恋也已经不是什么新鲜事 了，所以同性恋越来越多。由此引发了家长和青少年双方面的焦虑：家长们防孩子“早恋”还来不及呢，现在更担心的是，孩子可千万别被带成同性恋了；青少年一 方面渴望了解更多的同性恋的知识，一方面会因为自己有些时候无法把握自己的性冲动(性梦里面有同性)或无法解释自己的某些性行为(被同性抚摸感觉也好)而 担心自己是同性恋，从而纠结于心。其实，家长和青少年这些担心绝大多数是因为缺乏关于同性恋的相关知识造成的。而基于知识层面的教育是最简单易行的了。现将和同性恋话题最相关的几个概念做一下澄清：第一、什么叫性取向性取向是“持久性的对一个或两个性别产生的情感、浪漫和性吸引。”由此可见，在这个定义中没有提及性行为。所以，性取向和性行为是完全不同的两个概念人们通常所说的同性恋指的是具有同性性取向的人，一般说来，有什么样的性取向就会导致什么样的性行为。个体被异性吸引一定渴望和异性发生性行为；个体被 同性吸引一定会渴望和同性发生性行为。但是，这个命题的反命题是不成立的。也就是说，个体和异性发生了性行为，不一定表明他(她)的性取向一定是异性(异 性恋)；个体和同性发生了性行为，不一定表明他(她)的性取向一定是同性(同性恋)。 第二、性取向是不可改变的性取向在个体出生的时候就已经确定下来了，不受环境影响而改变。性取向不是一种选择，也不是自己可以控制的。虽然科学界的对于性取向的共识指出，性取向 是持久性的，不可改变的。但对于人类来讲，性行为是高度可控的。所以一个人完全可以有与性取向不相符合的性行为。也就是说，一个异性取向的人，可能涉入同 性性行为，而一个同性取向的人，可能涉入异性性行为。所以，区分性取向与性行为，是很重要的。比如一个同性取向的人可能选择与异性有性关系甚至结婚，这只 说明他(她)的性行为对象是“异性”，并不意味他(她)的性取向“变为”异性取向。有些人相信所谓“假性同性恋”或“境遇性同性恋”，他们举例认为军队 里、寺庙里，有些人是同性恋，但离开之后，就不再是了，并以此来证明性取向是可以改变的。这也是典型的将性取向与性行为混淆的例子。这些人中很多只是在特 定环境里，由于缺乏接触异性的机会，所以介入同性之间的性行为。他们从未属于同性取向。 第三、如何判断自己的性取向性取向的定义是指对于某个性别(或两性)的性欲望和感情欲望。所以判断性取向，两个因素都需要具备。很多人仅仅通过机械摩擦，就能勃起甚至达到性高潮， 所以仅依靠性行为判断性取向，是完全不可靠的。性取向的出现，并不须要有性行为或感情关系经历。有些人错误地以为，如果没有尝试过，性取向就无法判断。性 取向实际上是一种直觉，即使一个人在还没有任何性经验的情况下，依然可以判断自己的性取向。有些人常用“喜欢”来表达亲密关系，但喜欢是一个非常模糊的概 念，但如果不具备性吸引，那显然也与性取向无关。同性性取向的人，完全可以喜欢异性，也能有很深层的友谊。性取向是只有本人自己，通过自己的直觉，感觉性 吸引和感情欲望，才能做出判断的。 第四、性取向什么时候才能被自己完全意识到一 般来讲，一部分青少年在12岁的时候已经清楚的意识到自己的性取向了。另一部分青少年要在12岁-16岁的阶段继续探索自己的性取向并逐步确定下来。绝大 部分人在20岁的时候都能清晰的知道自己的性取向了。但是也有一些人可能在40-50岁才突然意识到自己的性取向并深信不疑。这些情况都是正常的，一个人 意识到自己的性取向的早晚，与个人经历、所处的社会和文化环境，有很大的差异。这就是虽然科学界对于同性性取向在总人口中的分布已有共识，但具体在每个文 化中，“同志”的比例却有很大差异的原因，所谓“同性恋越来越多”的说法，实际上就是对这个问题缺乏知识造成的。实际上是随着社会的进步和开放，越来越多 的同性取向的人更早地意识到自己的性取向并且有越来越多的人敢于在自己生活中(或至少在一定范围内)以自己的真实本质生活，才给人这个所谓“同性恋越来越 多”的印象。 第五、性取向是一个轴性取向是一个轴，两端是100%的同性恋和异性恋，中间是100%的双性恋，人类的性取向可以在整个轴上的任何一个点上。现代研究 结果指向性取向确实是二元化的，也就是说大部分人是处于接近“纯粹”异性取向的位置，一小部分人处于接近“纯粹”同性取向这个位置，也有一小部分人处于中 间位置(即双性取向)。现代研究，综合心理学、社会学和人类学以及人口统计结果显示，异性取向约占总人口的95%，同性取向约35%，双性取向约 12%。第六、关于双性恋事实上，双性取向的人，是可以从两性中任何一个获得 性和感情方面满足的。所以，真正的双性取向的人，并不必须同时在生活中发生与两性的性关系，绝大多数双性取向的人，在生活中的任何阶段，是可以与异性或者 同性建立稳定的一对一关系的。否认双性取向的存在，也是没有科学根据的。这些否认的存在，一部分原因是因为有些自称是双性取向的人，确实是实际上是同性取 向而不能接受自己的人，甚至有些人以双性取向为借口，解释自己为什么在有了固定的异性情感关系甚至婚姻之后，还在关系之外有同性关系。 另外一点也应该 提到，学术界有些人曾认为，双性取向意味着对于两性的性兴趣是大约对等的，这个看法现在已不再被科学界接受。性取向从很大角度上，并不具备可量性，所以对 于两性各自的吸引程度，已不再被看作判断双性取向的标准之一。More and more people with such understanding, namely originally only heard in prison, oceangoing ships and military gay, now in university, the schools campus, even gay also already is nothing new, so there are more and more gay. Parents and teenagers two-sided anxiety: led parents to prevent children puppy love it, more worried about now is that children can never be brought into a gay; Teens eager to learn more knowledge of gay one aspect, on the one hand, because sometimes unable to grasp their own sexual impulse (sexual dream there are gay) or unable to explain their certain sex (touch feeling or the same sex) and worried that he was gay, and struggle with the heart.In fact, parents and adolescents these fears most results from lack of knowledge about homosexuality. And based on the knowledge level of education is one of the most simple and feasible. Now the most relevant concepts and gay topic do some clarification:First, what is sexual orientationSexual orientation is persistence in one or two gender emotional, romantic and sexual attraction. In this definition, therefore, made no mention of sex. So, sexual orientation and sexual behavior is totally different two conceptsPeople usually mean by gay is gay people, generally speaking, what kind of sexual orientation will result in what kind of sexual behavior. Individuals are attracting a certain desire and heterosexual sex; Individuals are attracted to will desire and same-sex sexual behavior. However, this thesiss thesis is not established. In other words, individual and heterosexual sex happens, does not necessarily indicate that he (she) sexual orientation must be heterosexual, bisexual); Individual and same-sex sexual behavior, suggested that he (she) not necessarily sexual orientation must be gay (gay).Second, sexual orientation is immutableSexual orientation were identified for the individual was born, is not affected by the environment. Sexual orientation is not a choice, also is not I can control. Although the scientific community to the consensus of sexual orientation, points out that sexual orientation is persistence, cant be changed. But for human sexual behavior is highly controlled. So a person can be completely consistent with sexual orientation is not sex. That is to say, a heterosexual orientation, may be involved with sex, and a gay person, may be involved in heterosexual sex. So, distinguish between sexual orientation and sexual behavior, it is very important. Such as a gay person may choose a sexual relationship with the opposite sex and even get married, this only shows that he (she) sex object is straight, does not mean that he (she) into heterosexual orientation of sexual orientation. Some people believe that the so-called pseudo gay or situation gay, they think in the military, for example, in the temple, some people are gay, but left after, not anymore, and to prove that sexual orientation can be changed. This is a typical example of will confuse sexual orientation and sexual behavior. These people many just set in the environment, because of the lack of opportunity to contact with the opposite sex, so in same-sex sexual behavior. They never belong to same-sex orientation.Third, how to determine their sexual orientationSexual orientation is defined as a means for a certain gender or gender of sexual desire and emotion. So judge sexuality, two factors are need to be. A lot of people just by mechanical friction, can erect even orgasm, judgment, sexual orientation, so only rely on sexual behavior is completely unreliable. The emergence of sexual orientation, does not need to have sex or relationships. Some people mistakenly believe that, if there is no tried, sexual orientation will not be able to judge. Sexual orientation is actually a kind of intuition, even if a person does not have any sexual experience, still can determine their sexual orientation. Some people like is commonly used to express the relationship, but love is a very vague notion, but if you do not have sexual attraction, it apparently has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Gay people, can completely like the opposite sex, also can have a deep friendship. Sexual orientation is only my own, through their intuition, feeling sexual attraction and desire for affection, to make judgments.Fourth, sexual orientation when its time to be completely aware ofPart of a sort, youth at the age of 12 have been clearly aware of their sexual orientation. Another part of the youth at the age of 12-16 stage continue to explore their sexual orientation and gradually. Most people in the age of 20 can clearly know their sexual orientation. But there are also some people may be at the age of 40-50 was suddenly aware of their sexual orientation and convinced. These things are normal, a person is aware of their sexual orientation sooner or later, and personal experiences, social and cultural environment, there is a big difference. Although this is the scientific community for same-sex sexual orientation distribution of the population has been a consensus, but in every culture, there were significant differences in the proportion of comrade is the reason, the so-called gay more and more, in fact is caused by lack of knowledge on the subject. Is, in fact, along with societys progress and development, more and more gay people aware of their sexual orientation much earlier and more and more people in their own life (or at least within a certain range) to the true nature of life, to give people the impression of the so-called gay more and more.Fifth, sexual orientation is a shaftSexual orientation is a shaft, both ends is 100% of gay and straight, is among 100% of bisexual, human sexual orientation can be on any one point on the shaft. Modern research results is indeed a dualistic directional orientation, that is to say, most people are in close to the location of the pure heterosexual orientation, a small number of people to this place is close to the pure same-sex orientation, also has a small number of people in the location between (i.e., dual sexual orientation). Modern research, psychology, sociology and anthropology and population statistics shows that heterosexual orientation accounted for about 95% of the total population, same-sex orientation is about 3-5%, double sexual orientation is about 1-2%.Sixth, bisexualIn fact, the double orientation, can be obtained from both sexes in any sexual and emotional satisfaction. So, the real double sexual orientation, not must at the same time in your life happen with sexual rela